IT IS I.

Warning: Not beta'd.

Don't own D. Gray-Man

Today, Lavi found out holding back a laugh was a very difficult task. He had to bite his knuckles painfully to stop his laughter. He really did his best from holding it in, really he did. He even struggled to not laugh. But alas, he could not take it any longer. So he did what he had to do, even it will cost him his life.

The red-head started off with a harmless giggle before collapsing in a fit of barely suppressed laughter. But thank god Kanda wasn't there or he'll be like, skewered, literally.

"Like seriously?" The red-head choked the words out from his mouth. "I know Yuu is annoyed by his foster dad and all, but dude, I find that very unbelievable."

"Mmhmm." Allen mumbled, smiling while nodding his head. "Believe it or not, I saw it with my very own eyes. Kanda was like somewhat, terrified. Like, holy-shit-it's-the-end-of-the-world terrified! But we all know that Kanda doesn't give a damn about the world, so let's just pretend he does."

"Oh. This, I must see. Does Kanda know that it was just some random happy-go-lucky old guy who wasn't his foster dad?"

"I believe he doesn't."

Lavi grinned, and a mischievous glint sparkled in his eye.

Allen held a slightly mortified expression over his features when Lavi started cackling to himself suddenly. Some random passerbys had a look that seemed to say 'Must be high on drugs or something', but did not bother to care. Pfft, Japs these days. (A/N: Not being a racist here)

"Where is Yuu anyway?" Lavi asked when he finally decided to stop embarassing himself.

"I believe he-"

"Could you stop starting with the 'I believe' crap already? Do you want to start looking like a Narutard? Because you know, you might suddenly start wearing a bright gay-coloured suit and randomly yelling 'believe it!'." The red-head exclaimed, gesticulating wildly in front of Allen. "It isn't cool, man. But if you do, I might not like you anymore, Moya-chan."

With the same mortified facial expression before, Allen replied, "O-Okay?" Even though he had no idea what was Lavi rambling about, at all.

"Awesome then." Lavi gave a nod in approval. "So, where's my darling Yuu? The ski lessons awaits!"

"I belie-I think he is in his room?"

Lavi sighed, shaking his head. "Oh, Yuu. He is totally forgetting about his responsibility about being a ski instructor. Rule #73 in the handbook: A ski instructor must always be the first to attend to his students."

The white-haired teen slowly averted his gaze from the delicious-looking pantry the woman nearby was having-Oh, he simply must have some of those later for lunch!-to Lavi. Did he just remember the 73rd rule of their handbook? Allen decided not to ask, because he knew Lavi had a smart mind, but it was just he didn't bother using it most of the time.

"Well, we've got no time to lose. C'mon, we must save your damsel in distress! Taliho!"

-

Kanda could hear a few heavy knocks on his door. Opting whether to chase them away with Mugen or continue meditating in his dark room, he had no idea why he chose the latter in the end. Maybe he just needed tranquility for a while. But the knocks grew extremely annoying at one point until he had to put aside his meditating to pulverise the dimwits outside his door.

"What?" The dark-haired man snarled, throwing the door open to behold a happy red-head with a reluctant white-haired teen.

"YUU-"

Kanda slammed the door shut without a second thought, because he knew that if he killed the red-head, he'll just come back from the dead to haunt-annoy him to the death.

"Yuu! Come on out! We have ski lessons remember?!" Lavi called out from the outside. "Don't make me get Lenalee!"

"I'm calling in sick, dumbass. Now get the hell away from here."

"Is it because your old man's here in the resort?"

Kanda could swear he can hear snickers from the outside, and he was not impressed. "Go to hell." Kanda said curtly, and loud enough for them to hear.

"Aww, come on!" Lavi's shrilly voice made Kanda want to ignore him even more. "I'll let you in a little secret if you let us come in~"

"Go. Away."

There was a moment of silence. The long-haired man suspected something was going on outside. Peeking through the door hole, he could see Lavi whipped his cell phone out from his trousers, dialling a number before holding it against his ear. Allen shook his head, smirking a little. This cannot be a good sign.

"Y'ello? Ah! Mr.T! Lavi here! Just calling to tell you that Yuu is being mean to me again! So I was wondering if you could--"

It was all in flash. Kanda was out in a millisecond, grabbed Lavi's cell phone and flung it across the hallway so hard it broke into half.

Allen stared in horror as he watched the phone flew, dropped and split into half in slow motion. Kanda exhaled, a satisfactory smirk was drawn on his lips. Ha, that'll teach that red-head punk to mess with him.

"Ah, Yuu. You are so predictable." Lavi said calmly, but Kanda could feel a smuggish tone. "I wasn't even talking to your foster D just now. The phone you just broke was my old one. That was why I used that instead of this," The red-head finished by pulling out his other phone from his back pocket, grinning. Allen nearly felt himself smack his forehead at the trick.

Kanda made a choking motion with his hands angrily, but sighed in exasperation in the end. "Okay, seriously. What the hell do you want from me?"

"Ski lessons, dude." Lavi replied.

"On one condition, dumb fuck. I'm guessing that old man over there," Kanda said, referring to Allen as the old man who silently jeered at him. "Told you about the whole thing already. So, I don't want to see the other old man later, so you better keep him away from me, or else."

"That's it?" Lavi raised a brow, amused. "Consider it done."

"You better keep it that way or I'll--"

"You know why?" Lavi interjected, not bothered for Kanda to answer why, because he never did anyway. "'Cos the old man ain't here at all, man!"

"You expect me to believe that?" The Japanese teen said, staring at his 'friend' blankly. "I saw Tiedoll with my own eyes, idiot."

Allen sighed, shaking his head of white hair. "He wasn't there, Kanda. It was another old guy with the same cheerful expression as your foster father."

"How would you know how the old man looked like huh?"

The white-haired teen gave him a bright innocent smile that made Kanda wonder if he was actually an imbecile for smiling like that. It should be a crime, illegal for smiling like how Allen was right then. Wait, it was in Kanda's rulebook, but he can't do anything about it, now can he?

What the hell was written all over on Kanda's face.

"You looked ever-so adorable when you were eight, Kanda. At first, I thought you really were a girl, wearing something frilly and girly and pink that might seemed like a dress." The British teen paused, tapping his chin with his index finger thoughtfully before smiling. "But according to Lavi, it really was a dress! I hate to say it, but it was lovely indeed!"

Allen turned to look at the red-head, puzzled when the red-head was no longer there anymore. He was just commenting about Kanda's family portrait that Lavi showed him the other day which included Kanda's foster father. But it was actually a terrific thinking for Lavi to go into hiding after what Allen blurt out earlier.

Why so? Because Allen heard Kanda cracking his knuckles. Seeing how Kanda was always predictable, his blood should be boiled up a hundred degrees or more by now.

"Oi, Moyashi." The dark-haired man said coldly, causing the blood of the British teen to run cold. "I'm giving you a 5-second head start before I'm coming after your British arse with my Mugen all sharpen up."

Allen nodded shakily, gulping in horror.

"One."

But Allen was already long gone by then before Kanda could even continue.

Kanda brushed a few dark strands away from his eyes, sighing out of frustration. "Fucktards." He muttered under his breath as he turned on his heels to walk back into his room. He hadn't the slight intention to kill them actually(but he will later). He just had his hair washed, and he was not going to have it ruined by the likes of them. Tsk, tsk, Kanda. Tsk, tsk.

-

"Do you think we're safe from he-who-must-not-be-named?"

Lavi shifted uncomfortably, trying to stretch his legs out as it was getting really uncomfortable in this tiny janitor closet. "Uh, who?" Lavi asked, puzzled.

"You know who."

"Uh, Voldemort?"

Allen let a low groan, and Lavi could see him rubbing his temples even though he could barely see through the darkness.

"Kanda, I mean."

Lavi mouthed an 'o', nodding as he understood it in the first place. "I knew that." But clearly, he did not.

The British teen wanted to roll his eyes, but decided not to. "Of all the places in the resort, why here? In a janitor's closet? And there's barely any space in here. Plus this hiding spot is kind of cliche, don't you think?"

"Allen, Allen. I think this is my best hiding spot like ever, because Yuu is taking so long to search for us ."

"I guess you're right." Allen started as Lavi nodded his head, glad that the younger teen understood. "Because it's been like what, ten minutes in this dreaded place? Can we go out now? My legs are killing me, literally if we continue to stay in here." He then stretched his legs out, and 'inadvertently' kicked Lavi near his crotch.

"Hey! Watch it!"

"I'm terribly sorry about that, Lavi." The red-head could hear the 'sincerity' in his tone alright. "My legs are getting pretty frustrated."

"Nah, it's okay, really." Not before long, Lavi shifted himself closer to Allen and squished him against the wall, but not taking any, ahem, advantages here of course.

"Hey."

"Why, hey to you too."

Allen narrowed his eyes, pushing Lavi away from him, but it made Lavi push him some more and harder. So, they spent another of their five minutes in the closet, battling for space, until someone opened the closet door, causing them to fall with a 'thud' on the marble floor.

"The hell were you faggots doing in there?" The tone of this certain voice was recognisable to anyone who knew the guy.

Almost instantly, both of them stood on their feet, brushing off imaginary dust off of their clothes. "Hiding from Yuu-you! Ah, please don't kill me! I wasn't banging your boyfriend or anything like that!" Lavi had his hands up in show of innocence and fear. "See? No evidence of cum or anything--"

"He's not my boyfriend!" The Asian and the British teen retorted indignantly and simultaneously. Kanda sent a glare towards Allen that made the younger teen take a few steps away from the angry Asian teen.

"Um, please don't kill me too?" Allen tried.

"I won't. Wait no, I will, eventually." Kanda said bluntly, and looking really bored now, though he was serious at that. "Speak anything of my so-called family again and be prepared to face hell."

"Sure, Kanda. Sure." Allen waved his hand in a nonchalant manner. "But you can't deny the fact that you're kind of well, not comfortable with Tiedoll."

"Ha, look whose talking, Moyashi. You were shocked to see your father, and ran for your life."

"As well as you, baKanda." The white-haired teen shot back, smiling when Kanda was grounding his teeth together in disdain. "And for your information, it was a mistake. I mistook that person I saw last night for my drunkard, womanising, cruel bastard of a stepfather." Allen spat, and anger took over him as he began cursing British words that the other duo never even knew at the thought of his stepfather.

"Like wow. That kid can actually swear that much." Lavi noted.

The dark-haired man folded his arms over his chest, unamused at the foul British language that he himself cannot understand.

"Anyhow, let's get going to the ski lounge. Lenalee's alright now, and she should be already there, waiting for us." Lavi said, walking in the direction of the ski lounge. Kanda followed grudgingly, and Allen too, but he still kept the cursing going all the way to their destination.

-

"-And there was this one time, he left me in Las Vegas with all the debts which I have to pay off. So, I had to spent my entire summer there paying off-"

"Shut the fuck up. We get it already. So, shut up, dickhead." Kanda announced, clearly exasperated.

Allen huffed, glaring daggers at the back of the rudest effeminate man on earth. "Prick."

Without turning to look, Kanda held his middle finger up as he continued walking on without caring that that white-haired teen made kicking motions at his ass from behind.

"Now, now, kids. Don't try to kill each other back there, a'ight?" Lavi said in his so-called motherly tone. "Ah, I see Lenalee now! Lenalee-Wait, she's talking to someone." Lavi squinted his left eye for a better view, dilating his eye when he realized who it was.

"Uh, Yuu." Lavi said, stopping on his tracks. "I do think it is now the time for you to go back to your room."

"Che. Why the hell should I?"

The red-head brought his index finger up, and pointed to the old man talking to Lenalee now. "Is that who I think it is? Or is there something wrong with my eye?"

"Ha-ha. Very funny, Lavi." Kanda deadpanned as he brushed past Lavi and kept walking onwards to Lenalee. "Like hell am I going to fall for your inane tricks again. There is no way he would fly all the way from Europe to come here."

"Well, I did warn him." Lavi said to Allen who was feeling a little excited about the outcome of this. "This will be highly amusing, I must warn you."

The British teen grinned. "I am very well prepared."

"Let's prepare a countdown-"

"Yuu-kun!"

"Argh!"

"Okay, forget about the countdown. Now watch and be amused." Lavi advised whilst Allen nodded happily, watching their friend being bear-hugged by his overly-filled-with-rainbows-and-ponies, otherwise known as happy times a thousand, foster father.

"I'm getting a fucking restraining order against you!"

"But I haven't seen you since you last year!"

"That was a fucking month ago, you damn old man! Now fucking let me go already-Argh."

Tiedoll continued squeezing the life out of Kanda as he reminisced about the times they had during last Christmas in France. Kanda, on the other hand, tried removing himself from his foster father's iron grip.

Lenalee clapped her hands together, smiling jauntily. "I just adore a happy reunion!"

"I always did enjoy their reunion." The red-head said, hooking his arm around Allen's neck. "It can be really dramatic when Kanda gets too pissed at Tiedoll."

"You mean like now?" Allen said, his eyes still fixed at the scene where Tiedoll was in near tears when Kanda yelled and swore like he never swore before, creating a lot of attention now.

"Precisely! And now I feel like joining in the drama, so smell you guys later!" Lavi unhooked his arms from Allen, and trotted to them before glomping Kanda from behind. "Hey, Mr.T!"

"I'm going to fucking kill you when this is over, rabbit."

"Good to see you, Lavi boy! And mind your language, Yuu-kun."

"Shut up-"

"Oh, I love you guys. You guys are like the best family I never had."

"God. Kill me now."

And the drama continued on.

"This definitely made my day, or maybe my whole week." Allen remarked happily before frowning a bit. "Why can't Kanda appreciate a father like him? If Cross was his father, hell will break loose. It definitely will."

Lenalee shrugged one shoulder. "I don't know. But what I do know is that this, is highly entertaining. Totally worth watching."

"Agreed."

"And can you hear some vibrating and-Mamma mia. Allen. Here I go again. I told you to change your ring tone already! My-my how can I resist you."

"But Mamma mia is one of the best songs in the history of the best songs in...history!"

"Right, but you look well, gay with it. No offence."

"...None taken. Fine, I'll change it later." Allen said as he reached into his pocket for his cellphone. Once he pulled his cellphone out, the ringing stopped. "Hm? Strange."

He pressed a few keypads before groaning in displeasure at the screen.

"What is it?" The Chinese girl asked, peeping from behind Allen's shoulder.

The screen of the phone read:

37 missed calls from

The evil bastard stepfather of dooooom

Lenalee patted Allen's head of white hair and said:

"Oh yes. You clearly are doomed."

Weiiiird ending.

Sorry guys for this uber late update. I didn't know that I would be so busy with school. Updates will be uh, irregular from now onwards. But I am gonna finish this as fast as possible in another 2 or 3 chapters. So, yeah.

Reviews are loved!