I hope you like my story …

Italics=flashback

I am sitting there next to the table, just waiting for Carly to come by to tell me why I shouldn't be eating so many French fries, or to tell me that there's perfectly fine salad on her plate, but Carly doesn't come to my table.

She is sitting somewhere else. Carly always sits with me-my mother says that without her, she'd have put me up for adoption years ago.

I look through the cafeteria to find Carly, looking for her favorite headband that I gave her-it was a present I found in a trash can. She won't take it off since I gave it to her.

I scan the cafeteria three times, and finally the headband comes into view.

Her headband, and she is sitting next to a boy with brown hair. He is short, and I think his name is Freddie.

Wow. He's amazing.

I remember how I liked Freddie the moment I saw him sitting with Carly. She had left me—for him?

How could I not hate him the moment I saw him? He kept me from Carly ... the one person who cared about me.

I moved through the cafeteria easily and without one misstep to his table. He was wearing a sweater vest that I thought looked cute on him.

I had enough sense at age eight and a half to know that I couldn't express myself to someone like that.

I had enough sense two weeks ago to say nothing—and now my chance is gone.

Is it good to have sense, or does it just ruin all of your Freddie-chances?

"Hi, Carls," I said, quickly sitting down next to Freddie. He had to like me. "Hi ... I'm Sam."

"Oh hi, I'm—" began Freddie, and that huge part of my mind that is self-conscious and evil said,

"A dork." Freddie looked at me, surprised ... and I couldn't stop. It was an did I say it?

My bed is so soft, and I can hear my mom outside, shuffling drinks and TV channels, looking for something stupid to watch. She loves to watch stupid things at night.

Maybe if I'm silent, I can leave.

I hit my window, and it quickly opens onto the fire escape. I have been through a window to a fire escape before—the first time (and last time) I kissed Freddie.

I must go now, before my chance is gone.

"No, Sam!" said my mother. "I can't have you here. Do you want to be put up?" When she says that, I know she means adoption. "Go-stop being an idiot."

I am afraid of my mother, so I answer,

"No, I'll go see Freddie." I forgot what a bad answer this was to use for my mother.

"I don't trust you," said my mother. "You're my little ten-year-old—"

"Becky!" says a man I do not know. He is better than the rest of the random men in my house. "Just leave the child alone." I hope he comes back again. She snorts and opens the door.

I walked out, but after she closeed the door I leaned against the wall to hear what she was saying to this random man who helped me.

"God, Peter, I can't keep her," yelled my mother.

"Oh," said Peter. "Why not? She's a nice girl, Becky." I laughed at the fact he thinks I'm a nice girl.

My mother heard me. She opened the door.

I do not want to say what happened next.

The city of Seattle is still alive and well. I am walking on the sidewalk, looking for the closest bus stop.

It seems like everyone here is in a hurry to get to a different party, a different place, a different happy ending.

Have any of them thought that life is one huge circle, like the rides at the carnival?

Trust me, at the end you'll throw up. And sometimes you just have to throw up because you can't bear it anymore.

I stayed at Carly's house one night, waiting for her. I didn't want to go home, it was only a couple of weeks after Peter.

Cut to the quick—Carly never came home. It was I, alone, the whole time. Even a pretty, smart girl like Carly has her secrets.

"Hey," says the bus driver. "Are you coming, or not?"

"I'm on," I say, and pay him my five bucks. "To Sesame Road."

"That's outside my zone," said the driver. I smile at him, and he says, "I'll drop you off. You owe me five bucks." I pull five bucks—of Carly's money—out of my pocket and hand it to him.

"Just get me there."

"Can do."

We were going faster and faster, until I even I got scared. Carly was pretending to be normal, but she was holding on to one of the poles for dear life.

We were in a subway train, heading North back to Carly's apartment, since no one ever wanted to visit mine (me included). The train was out of control, and the only other person in our car was an old lady who was asleep.

Freddie had gotten in the car ahead of us. He had said, "I love you, Carly. I catch you later." Carly had rolled her eyes, and now she probably thought it was fate-she probably thought she deserved this after all she'd done to him.

I got off the bus and headed to the hill on Sesame Road. I was ready.

I wasn't afraid. All of my feelings died on that train.

"Sam," said Carly. "I've never gone this fast before."

"Don't worry," I said. "It's a speed test—weren't you listening when the officer told us that when we were giving us our tickets?" Carly was so afraid she believed me. Her teeth chattered.

Crash. The other parts of the train were gone. Him.

I took off my coat and began to walk through the grass to the particular spot. I wasn't afraid.

"Is there anything I can do?" I asked as soon as I woke up. I didn't open my eyes.

"No," said a woman's voice. "The ambulance is coming. Just go to sleep."

I opened my eyes to see people lying all around me. There were people touching me, and people touching Freddie. Everyone was wearing red jackets that said "Medical". I heard sirens.

I leaned over to look at Freddie. "Is he going to be okay?" I asked the woman.

"Of course," she said, but I knew she was lying for my own good. I didn't want too much.

I leaned over and kissed him. His last words had been to Carly ... but I still loved him, or so I thought.

And then Carly woke up.

I took out my knife I had taken from the kitchen days before (why do they trust my mother with knives?), and cut my wrists. I couldn't bear it anymore-Carly, who pretended she was happy, and Freddie ....

Fredward (Freddie) Benson

Died May 14, 2010

Here he lies.

I died next to people I loved.

THE END!! Do you think I should write a sequel?