Title: Monochrome

Fandom: Kyou Kara Maou

Warning/s: T for the moment. Haha. It's always like this, I'm not able to make up my mind if i'll squeeze some lemon here. and shounen ai...that might turn out to be yaoi. don't like, don't read, don't flame. i'll flame you alive if you do..LOL.^__^

Disclamer: To put it bluntly, KKM is MINE!!! (oops. just kidding. no, i don't own KKM).

A/N: Wee. I totally love my subjects, where I based this chaptered fic. I'm totally obsessed with them. Needless to say, this is dedicated to them. And also to ftb23 and buMbL3b33, who are my personal beta readers...so this story is kinda like beta'd. as always, reviews are appreciated.

Monochrome

by fate-at-work

"Like the sun and the moon, day and night, heaven and hell, good and evil, light and darkness, yin and yang, black and white...it will always, and forever, be related. Like a two-sided coin. But we will never be rowing the same boat."

I sighed in dismay as I watched him sipping his tea with His Eminence, Murata Ken. How cosy they are in the company of each other...something that I can't achieve with Yuuri. He doesn't even relax when there's only the two of us. I may not have the right (even if we're engaged--accidentally), but I always feel a pang of jealousy whenever he's with him...as well as other people, women or men alike. Was it hard for him to...love....someone like me? I mean, everyone in the kingdom is down under my knees, for Shinou's sake! But he, of all people, was not charmed...or is he only not interested in having an affair? But I can't understand.

Why is he not cancelling off the engagement if he really doesn't want to?

He's giving a reaction whenever I try to let go. But he's always distancing whenever I come back to him. Why is he doing that every time? He's making me so damn confused!

"Are you alright, Wolfram?" He asked suddenly.

I was completely absorbed in my thoughts that I barely noticed that I was having a company, "O-Of course, you wimp! How can I not be alright?"

Yuuri mock-pondered for a moment, "Well...you look dazed for someone who's claiming to be alright, you know."

I swear I'll punch all the guts out of him.

"I'm telling you. I'm alright, so stop bothering me with lame questions that you have in mind."

"Yeah, yeah...if you say so..."

Why must he be like that? He really does not care for me that much. If he does, he would have noticed it...that I'm not really alright.

It hurts that he's not reacting rightly to me.

I hurriedly stood up.

"Wolfram?" Yuuri was startled. I definitely felt my eyes water. My vision was becoming temporarily impaired.

Unable to take the humiliation any longer, I ran out of the balcony and along the hallway of the castle.

---&---

Darkness engulfed me, literally and figuratively, as I shut myself in our chamber. His chamber, to be precise. I'm just intruding in his quarters, aren't I? I drank yet another glassful of whiskey as I sat on the edge of the bed, inebriating myself.

Someone rapped at the door, "Wolfram! Are you in there?" Conrad shouted. He was probably sent by Yuuri. He's the only one capable of gaining his trust after all...sometimes I wonder if there is something going on between them.

A female voice soon followed his call, "Please, talk to us, Wolfram. Don't shut yourself in there like that..." my mother, Cecile von Spitsberg, pleaded. Sheesh, they even dragged my mother!

"Cheri-sama, I got the keys here..." another female voice said, probably Sangria's. There was a rustle of keys, the click of the door lock...and the creak of the door opening. I was too wasted to care.

I saw mother turned to Sangria, "Hurry and get Gisela! And, also tell Doria to bring towels and a basin of water here."

"Yes, Cheri-sama!"

My mother rushed towards me. Conrad soon followed.

"What happened, Wolfram?" My mother asked.

I shook my head. Good thing a little bit of my sanity is still there. I'm sober enough. "It's no big deal, mother...it's just me, that's all."

"No, it's not just you. Tell me. Were you harassed? Are you hurt somewhere? Maybe His Majesty can perform a healing majutsu—"

At the sound of that damn 4-syllable title, all rational thoughts slipped away. My defences were dropped. And all of a sudden, I broke down.

"And why would he care?! He doesn't really want me around, so why would he bother?!"

"It's not like that, Wolfram..." my mother tried to reason, but I already lost my control over my emotions. It started flowing out like my heart was full to the brim and can't take more of these stupid hurting stuffs.

"Why is he like that?! He's reacting whenever I try to let go, but, when I'm not, he's distancing himself! I'm getting so damn confused with him!"

"You know His Majesty, Wolfram...he isn't used with these kinds of things..."Conrad started to explain.

I huffed, "I don't freaking care! I'm tire of it all! Why can't he just say to me directly, 'I'm sorry, but I'm not ready yet', instead of toying with me like that?! What's hard with saying that?!" I cried. No, I can't take it any longer. Rejection is far much easier to accept than 'I'm not sure'.

Someone knocked at the door. It was Gwendal...with Yuuri.

"Wolfram, His Majesty wants to talk to you," my brother gestured for my mother and Conrad to come out and let the two of us have time to sort thing out.

The door was closed. Yuuri walked towards me, unsure of what to say. The silence was suffocating, but I'm not the one who will break it, for sure. He knew it, too, so he bothered himself with starting the conversation.

"Wolfram, are you alright?"

Oh, I wish he just hadn't spoken.

"You're going to talk to me and all you're going to say is 'are you all right?'! What the freaking hell is wrong with you?!" I shouted.

I felt satisfaction at Yuuri's stammering. "But, wolf—"

"I don't need your freaking explanation! All I need to hear from you is if you're going to break the engagement or not!"

Yuuri's face was of one who is irresolute. I knew what words would follow.

"I don't know."

Hearing it for the umpteenth time, I should not be so surprised, but why does it hurt so much more than the last times he had said it?

My eyesight was, once again, becoming blurry. I can't let him see me like this...not anymore.

"...Out," I whispered.

"What?" Yuuri wasn't able to hear it, though.

"OUT, I SAID! I don't want to see your face here!"

He was appalled. He tried to comfort me, calm me down like he used to, but my pride wasn't able to accept thing that way.

He attempted to touch me, "Wolfram, I—"

The hand was slapped away, "Don't hold me! I don't want you touching me! Out of this room, this instant!"

"But, this is my bedroom!" He snapped.

I retorted, "I don't freaking care! Get your fucking ass out of here!"

"No, I won't! Not without you calming down first!"

I felt my whole body tremble as I felt myself so adamant to burn him down. My hands balled into fist as flames started to materialize in them. He noticed the orange glow in my hands beginning to grow.

"Wolfram...you're not planning to throw it at me, aren't you..." Yuuri pleaded.

My brothers probably noticed that the situation at hand was becoming critical, so they decided to interfere, "Yuuri, we must leave..." Conrad spoke, "We're leaving, Wolfram..." I nodded curtly.

They were out of the room in minutes. I felt a wave of relief flow through me. Tears can now freely stream in my eyes, blinding me. Sadly, this is a monochrome world for me. All I see was pure negativity of my world, Yuuri...Hurt, pain, despair and sorrow in mutuality within him. Why do I even force myself to him? Was it because, even in the deepest parts of my heart, I yearn for my affections returned by him? Am I really deluded by his undefined acts? I don't know what to think anymore. But I knew I am sure of one thing.

I am deeply, unrequitedly, in love with him.

---&---

A/N: Uhm..that's it..Well, i so wanted to make this as a oneshot, but my subjects are giving me more than enough inspiration to fit in a one chapter. haha. once again, r&r.^___^