We're reaching a happy medium here…A long chapter that was updated pretty quickly! 16 pages of sinful goodness…enjoy! I hope everyone enjoyed their holiday! Your reviews and responses give me the best inspiration of getting these chapters out more quickly. I love you all :)

I own nothing, as usual.

We all carry these things around with us that no one can see. They hold us down like anchors that drown us at sea.

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

Christmas music rang through our apartment as Alice sang along, spending her afternoon decorating a extravagant tree in our living room. Rosalie and I took no part in helping her—we watched from the kitchen drinking our coffees in order to keep a safe distance from her.

Alice was lethal with tinsel and scissors, not to mention mistletoe.

"I know I should be used to it by now," Rosalie began, watching Alice from over the top of her oversized mug, "but why does she do this when none of us will actually be here this Christmas?"

Alice shot Rose a dirty look, causing her to snort and choke on her coffee.

"Why wouldn't you want to get excited about the holidays before we actually celebrate them?" she asked us, looking a little ridiculous with illuminated Christmas lights wrapped around her neck, wrapping them around the tree.

I sighed dramatically, earning a dirty look for myself from her. "Don't be the scrooge. It's not flattering on anyone, Bella."

I despised the holidays. It actually had nothing to do with the holidays themselves. It was nothing about the decorations or the cheesy music—it was what they did to people. They brought people together, which in usual circumstances is a wonderful thing; however in my family, it brought everyone together and left me standing out on my own more often than I could count.

Ever since Charlie had married Sue, the holidays in Forks have gotten a little crowded with Sue's own two children staying with them as well.

Every year, Alice always extends the offer to spend Christmas with her and her family. Apparently Christmas is the Cullen's holiday of choice, going over the top with parties with extended family and closest friends. She invited me again this year and I was tempted to take her up on the offer but seeing as how Edward would be there, I wasn't sure it was the best idea.

We hadn't spoken since that day that Jake had interrupted our fight—since his lips lingered on my cheek and against my ear outside my apartment door. A part of me was extremely grateful for it. His absence made me miss him, but it allowed me to think clearly as well.

I didn't ask Alice what he was doing for the holidays or even what he was doing. There were times where I know she wanted to tell me because she'd open her mouth to speak and then close it, slowly turning away from me. I never pushed it. I wanted to be unbiased as I thought about everything.

It had been two weeks since that day. Christmas was next week, looming around the corner as my own personal form of torture. I hadn't confirmed with Charlie that I'd be driving to Forks for a visit yet either—maybe I was unconsciously keeping my options open for the holidays.

Suddenly, Justin Bieber's Christmas album was playing on our stereo, Alice singing loudly and widely out of tune along with him. By her smile, you could tell she was doing it to annoy Rosalie and I.

Rose tossed me a what the fuck look, putting her empty mug in the sink and sauntering back to her room. Right before she walked through her door frame, she leaned over the couch, quickly pressing the power button to the stereo. She and Alice made eye contact, before she shut herself in her room with an audible locking of her door.

"Both of you. The scrooge and the Grinch. Jesus," Alice mumbled, turning the music back on.

Amused, I sat down at the bar with my coffee and my paper, listening to Alice's singing in the background.

Eventually, I gave in to calling Charlie and letting him know that I'd be coming home for Christmas. He sounded genuinely excited as did Sue in the background, although it had only been a year since they had seen me last.

I left the day before Christmas eve, the day before Alice and Rosalie were leaving for the Cullens. I was only staying four days, therefore only bringing one suitcase with me. Alice glanced at it apprehensively as I walked out of my room already bundled in my coat.

"That's all you're taking?"

"Yes," I informed her. "I'm only staying a few days. And I'm going to Forks, not like some fancy place where I need a lot of options."

She nodded slowly, still not convinced. "If you say so…" She leapt off the couch and wrapped her arms around me. "Be careful and call me when you get there."

"Yes Mom."

She pulled away, giving me a stern look. "Don't sass me."

I rolled my eyes. "You just sounded way too much like Renee for comfort."

"If you decide to come back early," she began, handing me my purse off the dining room table, "We're having that party Christmas evening. I'd love you do come."

I was itching to say yes, but I restrained myself. "If I get too bored, then count me in."

It was her turn to roll her eyes. "Yeah, that's a no," she groaned, laughing.

I said my goodbyes to her and Rose, and began my long drive to Forks. The drive wasn't actually that bad, which was surprising since it had just recently snowed. It was actually nice to be able to have my head clear and enjoy the environment around me.

I hadn't always hated the holidays. When it was just Charlie and I, I really enjoyed them. Things were simple when it was just the two of us. I would decorate the small house we shared and cook dinner for the two of us after we exchanged gifts. It wasn't what you'd expect from a traditional Christmas and I'm sure it was nothing compared to what Alice, Edward, and Emmett grew up doing, but it was us. At least then it was.

I pulled up to Charlie's house, my feet crunching underneath the freshly fallen snow. It was still snowing currently, coating the trees and his cruiser in the driveway. I recognized Sue's car immediately that was next to his, and assumed the two extra vehicles belonged to Seth and Leah, Sue's children.

I wasn't even able to find the key to the front door before it was wrenched open and tanned arms drug me inside, pulling me into the warmest hug I'd experienced in months.

"Oh Bella!" Sue cooed, wrinkles evident in the corners of her eyes from her wide smile. "Charlie and I are so glad you came!"

I really did like Sue—which I know is a rare thing to say about a stepmother. But she was warm and inviting, but also tough. She was exactly the kind of woman Charlie needed. Although it was clear he still loved Renee, it was even clearer that he adored Sue.

It was weird imagining my dad falling in love, doing the things that I had been doing with Jake at the time, or experiencing the emotions that I was going through with Edward currently. My thoughts got cut short as he suddenly appeared.

"Bells," he said as he picked me off my feet, holding me close like he was scared I was going to vanish. It hit me there that maybe I needed to visit more often so that he and Sue wouldn't attack me every Christmas from now on.

"Can't—breathe—" I gasped, trying to laugh but not having the air to.

Charlie put me down and blushed slightly. "Sorry, we just missed you Bells."

I smiled, shaking off my coat and the snow that was sticking to it. "I missed you guys too." I had just then noticed the amazing smell coming from the kitchen. "Sue, what is that?"

She smiled mischievously. "Come, it's almost ready. You can help me set the table."

I entered the kitchen behind her to find Leah over the stove, stirring something. She looked over at me and nodded with a tense smile. Leah and I didn't hug; we had much more of the typical step-family relationship. We were stepsisters, nothing more.

Seth, on the other hand, was like a little brother rather than a stepbrother. He was only eighteen and about to go off to college, giving Charlie a second chance at empty nesting. He zipped in the kitchen, giving me a hug and then snooping around trying to sneak dinner before it was ready.

"Will you go away?" Leah snapped at him.

"I'm starving—"

"Five minutes," Sue told him without looking up from what she was doing. "Go back and watch the game with Charlie."

He pouted at the woman's backs before retreating into the living room to where my dad was.

"So what are your plans for tomorrow Bella?" Sue asked, placing serving bowls on the table.

"I don't particularly have plans yet…" I trailed off.

"Would you like to join Leah and I on a last minute shopping trip to Port Angeles? I haven't been able to find Seth the right present yet," she added, winking at me.

"Yes, actually that'd be lovely," I accepted, taking out the cutlery from a drawer and assisting her in setting the table.

We ate together, as a family, talking about our days and what we've been up to. I caught Sue looking at me curiously several times but brushed it off as she hadn't seen me in months. But as I went to bed that night, she reminded me to be ready to leave by eleven in the morning for our shopping trip.

I fell asleep almost instantly, but it was not restful sleep by any means.

I dreamt of Edward, and not the way I had in the past. This dream was filled with fights, things breaking, ex boyfriends, and a certain strawberry blonde who threatened to destroy everything.

My nightmare was my reality.

I woke up around nine thirty, allowing me time to shower and get dressed before Sue and Leah would want to leave to go shopping. I slipped on a pair of dark skinny jeans and brown leather boots and buttoned one of my plaid flannel shirts as I walked down the stairs to meet them.

Leah handed me my purse without looking at me. "Ready?" she asked, her voice clipped.

"Sure," I shrugged.

Sue smiled warmly. "Perfect."

It was a relatively quiet car ride for forty five minutes. Occasionally Sue would try to fill the silence by asking either of us questions, but usually we answered with one word replies. My head was filled with thoughts of Edward and what he was doing on Christmas Eve. Was he with Alice and his family? Of course he was—there wasn't a doubt in my mind. But was he alone?

I shook the thought out of my head.

We arrived and shopped around. While I wasn't really searching for anything in particular, I knew there was one specific person on my Christmas list who still did not have a gift—Edward.

I had found a cute little black dress that Sue had picked out and even Leah said it was gorgeous, so I knew I had to get it. I'd wear it for new years or something. I paired it with a set of glittered heels that I knew Alice would approve of, sending her a picture just to prove a point. I got an immediate reply of just a dozen smiley faces.

As the three of us walked outside, I spotted a music store in the distance and a light bulb went off in my mind. "I'm going to go look around in there," I informed them, nodding in that direction. "I'll be right back."

I didn't look back at their forms as I made my way to the music store, grimacing as the door jingled with Christmas bells as I entered. I smiled at the elderly lady at the register, declining her help for finding something. Truthfully I had no idea what I was searching for. Just something that looked like Edward.

After fifteen minutes without avail, I was about to give up and just not get him anything at all until something caught my eye. I walked over to where they kept the music books and the music sheets, running my fingers over the paper and then eyeing the sign underneath it.

Customizable in only 1 hour!

I cleared my throat, gathering the attention from the clerk. She smiled and walked towards me. "So these composition sheets," I pointed to them, "are customizable within in a hour?"

She nodded. "Yes! We have a calligraphy machine in our stock room that does it in minutes. Then it takes roughly forty five minutes to dry completely."

I bit my lower lip, whipping out my phone and a quick text to Alice, whose reply was almost immediate. I swear that girl was never without her phone at her hip.

"I'll take it," I told her.

"How many sheets would you like?" she asked sweetly.

I contemplated and decided that fifty would be a good number to start off with. I didn't even know if he used these to write down his songs or anything else that related to his piano, but I wanted to make an effort that he could see I was trying and that I was ready for less space from him.

I mused silently in my mind how our relationship had played out; in the beginning how I had wanted more, more, more and now I was the person keeping my distance. But hopefully that would change.

I mean, really, why wouldn't I believe him? He had spent the last four months making me feel like a little girl and a woman at the same time, confused, giddy, sexy, and wanted. If he said he didn't have a fiancé, then he didn't have a fiancé in my mind.

"Dear?" the lady repeated. "What did you want the customized with?"

"Oh, sorry," I apologized. "I'd like to have them monogrammed please. EAC."

She jotted it down and told me the total. I handed her my card, suddenly feeling someone's presence next to me. "EAC," Sue mused.

"You scared the shit out of me," I laughed nervously, slipping my card back into my wallet.

"So you're dating?" she asked hopefully.

I bit my lip. "It's…complicated."

She nodded, understanding what I meant. "That's usually how it is, dear."

I blushed.

"That's what I like to see," she laughed, wrapping her arm around me. "So why aren't you spending the holiday with him? Don't get me wrong, Charlie and I love seeing you, but it's obvious your mind and heart are elsewhere."

So that explains the questionable stares she had been giving me all last night.

"Well, he's Alice's brother."

"Ah. So it really is complicated."

I nodded. "Alice invited me to their house tomorrow night though for a party their family has…he would be there. I'm tempted to go but—"

"But what?"

"I shouldn't leave my family on Christmas."

She beamed at me. "I would have thought you'd know by now Bella… Your family isn't limited to who's connected to you by blood or marriage."

She escorted me out of the store, telling the clerk we'd return in an hour to pick up my purchase. For the first time in years, I may not hate the holidays as much as I normally did. We continued shopping and returned home several hours later, all three of us exhausted.

Christmas morning was a show in our house. Even when it was just Charlie and I, he would always break out the video camera to record me opening my gifts, something that Renee had started when I was only a toddler. We had been doing it so long, it was natural.

When he and Sue got married, Seth decided that we weren't just going to get videotaped. We would also wear our tackiest Christmas gear we owned—he had been barely fourteen at the time.

A jingling noise came from the stairs, and a grouchy looking Seth appeared, grumbling about stupid traditions when Sue smacked him on the arm, reminding him it was his idea. He narrowed his eyes but shut up.

We exchanged our gifts, with nothing out of the ordinary. I had gotten Sue a spa day in Seattle (which she nearly shed tears over she was so excited), Leah a gift card to a store Sue said she loved, Seth some new techy gadget that would distract him from he went to college in a year, and Charlie…well Charlie I got him one of the newest fishing rods that were high tech, so I wasn't entirely sure how to work it, but judging by his face he knew.

I did well on presents this year, apparently.

After Sue excused herself to make the feast of lunch/dinner, Charlie came next to me by the fire and handed me a small box. "Here," he said.

I raised an eyebrow. "What's this?"

"Another gift."

"But Dad—"

"Just open it, Bells."

Sighing, I pulled the box open to find the most beautiful antique sapphire ring inside. It had a silver band that was extremely worn and obviously well loved. "It's beautiful!"

"It was Grandma Swan's," he explained. "I want you to have it."

I slipped it on my finger, surprised that it fit perfectly. I wrapped my arms around Charlie's shoulders and thanked him. "It's perfect," I told him. "Best Christmas gift ever."

He coughed awkwardly, returning my smile. "So Sue tells me you're going to a party?" He checked his watch. "It's already one, you should hit the road soon so you don't get stuck in any traffic on your way back to Seattle."

I nodded, hugging him again one last time. I said goodbye to everyone, feeling terrible that I was leaving when I had only just gotten there, and promised to visit more often. And maybe this time I'd actually stick to it.

I didn't inform Alice that I was coming. It was evident by the look on her face as she opened her door a few hours later that I had managed to completely surprise her and take her off guard.

"BELLA," she yelled, wrapping her arms around me! "Why are you here? Oh never mind that! We have a party to get you ready for!"

She insisted on me trying the outfit I had bought with Sue and Leah in Port Angeles, holding the glittery shoes in her lap like they were Dorothy's ruby slippers. Rosalie and she were already dressed of course, and there were people already arriving for the party.

"Shoes!" I cracked her bathroom door and extended my hand for her to give them to me.

"Just come out here," Rose drawled, blowing on her top coat of nail polish.

"No, I want the full effect," I argued.

Suddenly shoes were forced into my hand.

I smiled, slipping on the gold suckers and evaluating myself in the mirror. It was something I was weary about picking out on my own, especially the shoes; they were probably four inch heels, but they made my ass look great in this dress.

The dress was really nice, being the perfect little black dress. It was tight fitting in the right places, like around my ass and breasts, but the one shoulder draped beautifully across me, giving me a little bit of appeasement that if I had drank too much I wouldn't look bloated.

The one shoulder strap had silver and gold beading on it, the delicate detail simple but giving the dress exactly what it needed. The glitter on my shoes danced off the light from the bathroom, making me feel like I was in fact six years old again wearing my Dorothy slippers.

I heard male voices from Alice's room, instantly knowing that Emmett and Jasper had joined them, and most likely Edward had too. My heart began to race in my chest, beating an erratic rhythm that I wasn't accustom to. I took my eyes from my dress and focused it on my hair and makeup that Alice and Rose had just finished before I had put my dress on.

Rose had done a dark smokey eye, which at first I was tempted to say wouldn't look right on my fair complexion, however it looked marvelous. My cheeks were stained a pink that looked similar to my natural flush, and my eyelashes were a mile long and thick. Rose had finished my face with simple lip gloss, glowering at me that I would end up wiping all the lipstick off anyway if she put any on me.

Alice had made my hair hang in loose waves made by her straightening iron. I watched in awe as she took my normally plain straight brown hair and transformed it into this shiny playful mane that I secretly wanted Edward to put his hands in.

Slowly, I placed my hand on the bathroom door handle and turned it. All the conversation stopped and four sets of eyes were placed on me, my dress, and my killer shoes.

"Damn," Emmett breathed.

"Wow," Rosalie agreed, her eyes traveling my body.

Jasper coughed uncomfortably.

"Oh my God, Bella!" Alice bounced to me, which I wasn't sure how because her heels were taller than mine were. "You look radiant! I cannot believe you picked this outfit out. We've taught you so well," she added to Rose, who was still blowing on her nails but smiling at me.

I didn't escape my notice that the one person I wanted a reaction out of wasn't in the room.

Rose noticed my nervous expression and my eyes scanning around the room to make sure he wasn't standing behind me or something. She walked to me, pretending to fluff up my hair and leaned in closely. "He's already downstairs."

Alice hooked her arm through Jaspers. "Come on, love," she cooed. She shot a look back at me. "I'm so stealing those," she added right as they left the room.

I laughed as Rosalie linked her arm through mine and Emmetts, silently using us both as her escorts. I didn't mind as much as I thought I would have, but as we left Alice's room I suddenly noticed there were tons of people in the foyer below.

"All of these people are your family?" I hissed at Emmett.

He shrugged. "Most of them, yeah. Dad is the youngest of like five kids, and Mom is in the middle somewhere of four. They all have kids. We have a lot of cousins," he added dryly.

As we turned to descend the stairs, I let Rosalie and Emmett walk down alone, hearing Emmett yell out to someone in his family. I stayed partially hidden behind a column, trying to work up the nerve. Why was I here again?

Just do it.

I came out from behind the column, lightly placing my hand on the iron railing to brace myself in case I fell flat on my ass. I noticed that this was a more formal event, suddenly thankful that I had bought this dress while I was shopping. Most of the guys were in suits or something similar, the women in little cocktail dresses that matched my own.

I scanned my eyes across the room in search for another pair—which I found staring back at me, wide and so green, at the bottom of the staircase.

We held each other's gaze for what felt like a lifetime. Jasper was trying to talk to him but found it was futile after following his gaze to me. He just shook his head and clapped Edward on the back.

Edward wouldn't stop staring.

His lips parted slightly and he shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants, not knowing what to do with them. I began my descent down the stairs, the voices in the room becoming a dull murmur in relation to the excessive beating of my heart.

My foolish, foolish heart.

We didn't break eye contact as I descended. He didn't make any movement, even blink, until I was within his grasp and he slowly extended a warm, slightly sweaty, hand to me.

I accepted his offer, allowing him to assist me down the last three steps before I stood on the solid wooden floors with him, noticing that these heels had made my nose reach his mouth, something that I couldn't reach normally. He smiled warmly, flashing me his perfect pearly white teeth, bringing our joined hands down to our sides, refusing to release me. His thumb lightly danced on the back of my hand in a soothing effort that I allowed myself to melt into.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, his green eyes still wide and searching mine. Normally, that question is asked out of haste, out of anger. But his voice was so deep, confused, but happy that I couldn't help the smile on my own face.

"Surprise," I responded weakly.

His grin grew by a tenfold. "Yes, this is a surprise. A good surprise though," he added quickly.

Our hands were still together.

I flexed my fingers as if to remind him, but he didn't remove himself. Instead, he wrapped his fingers more securely around mind, intertwining them together in a proper hand hold.

I could tell by his sweaty palms and his laughter that he was nervous as I felt, but other than that he kept the cool façade. Only I knew the real him—he was faking it.

"Let's get you a drink," he insisted, still holding my hand and pulling me through a crowd of people to take me to the small bar. He waved at it with his free hand, indicating the vast collection of champagne and different assortments of alcohol that Esme and Carlise had prepared for. It made me laugh internally—there would always be drinking around family.

I informed him champagne would be perfect and he momentarily broke our physical connection of hand holding to get me a glass. I frowned, my hand now feeling cold and lifeless, and I had to flex my fingers in order to make sure they could still move.

Edward returned a moment later, gingerly placing the glass in my hand, swirling his own drink or what was probably scotch. He studied me for a minute before saying, "I'm so glad to see you."

Such a simple phrase, but it warmed my heart and made me blush. I hoped that it wasn't as evident as it normally was with the makeup that Rose had put on me, but his soft laughter told me differently. His hand reached out to lift up my chin, brushing his fingers lightly across my skin. My skin burst into flames at his touch, this intimate moment telling me everything I needed to know about the past few weeks.

Suddenly I was pulled away from him, my hand slipping from his. He looked frustrated, as Alice's hand replaced his and ushered me to where her and Rose were sitting. I shot him an apologetic look and he finally broke a smile, shrugging.

I sipped champagne the rest of the night, not seeing Edward again until most of the guests had already left. He approached the three of us with Jasper, eyeing us like he was testing the waters. Jasper squeezed himself between Alice and I on the couch, wrapping his arms around her and placing his other hand on her knee as she threw her legs over his lap.

I saw Edward loosen his collar, a sign he was a still a little uncomfortable about their relationship. He cleared his throat, staring at me intently. "Could I have a moment?"

I nodded, accepting his outstretched hand for the second time tonight. He led me through the last bit of guests who were still here, some who I believed were probably going to be staying the night because of how drunk they were. Even Edward seemed a little tipsy with his face red and his urgency to get me alone.

I let my mind wander in what could possibly happen. I wanted that—no, I needed that; his touch, his fingers, his mouth…it had been too long since I had experienced them.

My heart fluttered ridiculously as he pulled me up the stairs, towards the direction that most of the bedrooms were off of until we stopped in front of a closed oak door.

I raised an eyebrow at him as a silent question. "My room," he explained, running his hands through his hair. I nodded in response, not entirely sure of what was going to happen next. He opened the door, pulling me inside and shutting it behind me.

I walked into this room, taking in everything that was in front of me. It was a typical boys room, which surprised me, because there was nothing typical about Edward. Posters of bands and girls were on the walls, along with old records that I'm sure Esme had put up in the design they were in. There was an old school desk with a desktop computer, a full sized bed with a nightstand and a lamp, a television in the corner, and baseball memorabilia everywhere.

I ran my hand over one of the wooden bats he had stashed in the corner. "I used to play," he admitted, watching me.

I noticed a pair of French doors on the opposite wall. I didn't even ask him where they led; instead I walked over and pushed them open, feeling December's cold air wrap around me. They led me out on to an extremely small terrace or balcony that had a fire escape ladder that could be dropped to the ground. I wrapped my hands on the railing and took a deep breath.

"Beautiful," he said behind me.

I nodded, looking down at Esme's decorated garden. "It is."

He laughed without humor. "No, you, Bell."

I blushed, thankful that it was so dark outside so there was no way he could see me now. He was staring at me, and I wanted to change the subject. "So how did you get this room?" I asked.

He shrugged, putting his own hands on the railing so his shoulder was purpousley brushing against mine. "Well Dad said there was no way in hell Alice was having this room, with the fire escape and all," he chuckled to himself. "Her room has the biggest closet, so she didn't care. And Emmett didn't give a shit whatsoever, so I took this one. It made sense anyway, as in high school I used to smoke."

I nodded, closing my eyes. When I opened them, he was facing me and staring intently at me. "I have something to give you," he began. "A Christmas present."

I smiled. "I have one for you too."

His eyes lit up as if he were a child. "Really?"

I nodded, biting my lip hesitantly. "It's in Alice's room….I'll be right back with it?" I meant to say it, however it came out much more like a question than a statement.

I opened his bedroom door, shivering from the cool air that still lingered on my skin and ventured into Alice's room. I found my suitcase near her dresser and rummaged through it, finding the wrapped gift easily at the bottom of my bag. I clutched it to my chest like I did with my binders and books when I was growing up, feeling insecure and suddenly shy as I returned to his room.

He was sitting on his bed, a small gift packaged, wrapped in shiny paper that I'm sure Alice had done for him. He looked nervous as he patted the spot next to him, indicating me to sit down. I noticed a new watch on his wrist as he extended his arm. It was large and shiny and new, and as I began to sit, I noticed a very distinct ROLEX written on the face.

I know only a few people could have been able to afford giving him such an extravagant gift.

I sat next to him slowly, his eyes trained on mine. I decided to take the plunge first and handed him his gift without elaborating much. "For you," I told him, although that was already obvious.

He set what I assumed was my gift in his lap as he started ripping the packaging off of it. He made one last final tear and was finally able to identify the contents of the package.

"I don't know if you use these or not," I began, rushing to get the words out. "But I thought…maybe if you used them…I don't know." I trailed off, not knowing what to say or how to say it.

He stared at the papers, his thumb tracing lightly over where EAC was monogrammed on the sheets. He fingers ran down the length of the paper, almost like he could feel the music coming as he paused at each new line.

Edward looked at me, his expression wild and unexpected. I wasn't sure if he liked the gift or if he hated it. It had me in a daze. He smiled genuinely, skin wrinkling at his eyes. "It's perfect," he told me. "The best gift I've gotten this year; hell maybe even longer." He took a deep breath, composing himself and his emotions. "Thank you."

He handed me the small thin package awkwardly, laughing nervously and sending a hand into his hair. "For you," he explained like I did, probably feeling a silly as I had.

I unwrapped the present to find a home made CD, where all that was written on it was: I hope you get everything you wanted this year. –E

I peeked at him through my lashes. "What's on this?"

He grinned mischievously. "I can't tell you that. You'll have to listen to it and find out."

I sat, staring at my new CD for a few minutes, fighting an internal battle with myself of how to thank him, whether to touch him. A hug would be harmless, right? Before I could comprehend my own actions, I was throwing myself at him, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck and holding myself there. His arms wrapped immediately around me, keeping me against him. "I love it—"

"You haven't even heard it yet," he chuckled.

"It's from you," I mumbled softly into his neck. "I'll love it regardless." It was a slip on my part, something that was supposed to come out inaudible but I know he heard me.

He pulled away from me to stare into my eyes. It was green versus brown, in a battle that had been dragged on for months and months, and months too long. I didn't want to be his enemy anymore—I wanted to be his equal, his partner. I wanted it to be the way it was supposed to be.

His gaze dipped down to my mouth and I knew he was going to kiss me. I involuntarily licked my lips, causing his eyes to hood slightly as he began to move his face closer to mine.

His nose brushed against mine as a warning, as a 'Hey, I'm really about to kiss you right now' warning, but I didn't care. I moved closer to him, placing my hand on top of his warm one as he closed the distance between us.

Going a few weeks without kissing Edward had been torture now that his lips were on mine again. I had forgotten how soft and plump his lips were. I had forgotten how well they moved against mine and how wonderful he tasted. I could taste scotch on him, but something else as well—something else that was distinctively Edward.

His tongue swept across my bottom lip and I granted him access, meeting him halfway with my own tongue. He tensed and suddenly we were moving, him pushing me up his bed and putting me below him so he could have more control over the situation.

Edward held himself on top of me, one hand holding his body weight so he wouldn't crush me, and the other grazing my hip and waist, trying to get closer to me.

I wrapped my legs around his waist, feeling him press against my lace covered center, and was extremely surprised when he pulled away, placing his forehead against mine, staring me in the eyes. I admit it, I hadn't expected us to be in this position, but hell, I missed this. More than I was comfortable admitting.

"Bella," he groaned, sounding terribly whiney yet the corners of his mouth were turning up into a smile.

"Yeah," I breathed, both of our chests rising and falling dramatically, crashing into one another.

He opened his mouth to speak, however nothing came out. Instead he just shook his head and lowered himself back to me, catching my lips with his and moving deliberately slow.

We didn't do anything other than kiss. Neither of us tried, surprisingly. Our hands did wander, but they were teasing touches, neither of us quite ready to take that next plunge that we've already taken. We were skimming around just beneath the surface and neither of us were comfortable yet with going deeper. I was okay with that—because we had all the time in the world to get deeper.

We kissed on his bed for what felt like hours, making me feel like I was seventeen again in Charlie's house, when I had snuck boys over when he was at work. Eventually we both grew tired; he lay next to me, running his finger tips over my arms, neck, and shoulders.

We talked about things that were in his room. He went into greater depth about not only baseball—but his life. He mentioned the anger problem Alice had told me about earlier and I did my best to look surprised as he relinquished the information to me.

But after what must have been hours, I felt myself doze off and I felt him doze off as well. His arm wrapped around my waist and he placed a kiss into my hair, whispering, "Goodnight Bell."

When I woke up the next morning, Edward was in the shower. I could hear him humming to himself, obviously in a chipper mood, however I had a little bit of a hangover from too many glasses of champagne. I threw my legs off his bed, pulling my dress down, and rubbed my temples.

I grabbed my CD gift off of his nightstand and slowly exited his room, being extra careful to close the door behind me without any noise until I heard a voice clear behind me.

I turned, banding my head against his door in the process, to see Esme standing in front of me with her hands on her hips. She looked at me expectantly.

"Hi Esme," I spoke awkwardly.

"Good morning, dear." She glanced at my attire and then the closed door. I felt my face redden.

"It's not like that—"

"Not like what?" she smiled knowingly, stepping past me and descending down the stairs. I closed my eyes and cursed silently in my mind. Fucking mothers and their knowing-ness.

Alice was in her room packing, oblivious to the fact I had slept in her brothers room. The Cullen's house had several extra bedrooms and I'm sure she had imagined I slept in one of them. She barely looked at me as I entered her room.

I changed into a pair of jeans and a long sleeved Henley top, throwing on my leather boots and a coat as I pulled my luggage out and down the stairs.

Carlise offered to put my suitcase in the car while I joined everyone for breakfast. I agreed, mainly because Carlise did that Cullen thing where you can't say no to them, joining the group as I slid next to Rosalie. Everyone at the table looked a little hung over and a little less perky than they normally did.

Except two people—Esme and Edward.

Esme sat at the head of the table that was closest to me, smiling and chattering on about the party last night. I wasn't sure how she did that because I know I saw her drink a serious amount of champagne. Even Alice, who normally was on speed or crack or something, was drinking black coffee and had a pair of sunglasses over her eyes.

Edward strolled in, whistling a tune I couldn't make out. Alice cringed. "Cut that shit out," she groaned at him.

He tossed her an amused look. "Why look at this! It's the pot calling the kettle black, little sis."

She flicked him off and put her forehead on the table. "I'm never drinking again…until new years," she added, making Carlise shoot her an un-approving look from over the top of his BlackBerry.

After the awkward breakfast, I bid everyone goodbye, knowing Alice and Rosalie were going to leave probably twenty minutes after I did. Edward slipped his arm around my shoulders and walked me out to my car. He opened my door for me to hop inside, leaning against the frame slightly shivering.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Where's your coat?"

He just grinned. "I'll see you soon, Bell." He ran a hand through his bronze locks. "Be safe," he added, kissing my cheek and shutting my car door.

Sometime along the way home, I slipped in his CD he made me. Beautiful notes and tones filled my car as I felt tears sting behind my eyes. I recognized the song immediately. I pushed the next button on the CD player, not recognizing the next one, but it was just a lovely as the first. I continued to do that until the end of the CD, skipping back to the first familiar track.

"I wrote this for you."

New Years Eve was most everyone's favorite holiday. It was one of mine, mostly because it condoned drinking. New Years, St. Patrick's Day, Cinco de Mayo—the list could go on and on.

I had cooked Rose, Alice, and I a girl's dinner while we were getting ready to go celebrate. I decided to wear my glittery Dorothy slippers again, slipping on a dress of Rosalie's.

The guys were coming here to pick us up before we joined the rest of our friends, including the newlyweds Angela and Ben, at some bar. Christmas was five days earlier—five days of thinking about the kisses, the gift, and Edward.

Tonight was the night—the night that would change everything. That we could move on—put this shit past us—something. I just knew that tonight would be monumental in our relationship, or whatever it was that we had together.

I was wearing a fitted black dress that had mesh around the chest and arms, allowing the sweetheart neckline to be visible, without actually showing skin. Emmett opened our apartment door, having already unlocked it for them. All three of them looked dashing in their own ways; however Edward looked to die for.

He was shrugging off his coat and wearing a thermal long sleeved top underneath that showed off his lean form and his muscles underneath. His dark washed jeans hugged him in the right places, making me think inappropriate thoughts of what was underneath his jeans.

I shook my head, trying to get rid of the thought.

Tonight started like any other night, as if the incident a month ago hadn't happened. The six of us were laughing, enjoying each other's company, and Edward was paying extra attention to me, almost like I knew he would.

It was like the situation had honestly gone away—she had literally disappeared from our lives, the thought of her vanished, not completely, but momentarily. She wasn't brought up again, almost as if both of us were too scared to talk about it.

Which just proved to me that we still had a problem communicating. But instead of trying to resolve it, I went along with my heart instead of my head, putting off what should have been done weeks ago until tomorrow.

We went to the bar and met up with our friends, Angela giving the three of us girls the scoop of married life and the crazy sex she and Ben had on their honeymoon. I found Edward staring at me while he was at the bar, shaking his head slightly, and laughing to himself.

That's how most of the night went. There were several glasses of champagne handed to me and I drank every one of them. I danced with Alice and Rosalie, I talked to Angela and Ben. I argued with Jasper and Emmett about something that I had no backing on, but I found it fun to argue. All while Edward just watched me, grinning.

But at 11:55, something changed.

It was a slight change in the atmosphere that I couldn't detect right away, because if I had, I would have left the bar then. It was something so miniscule that I couldn't see it until 11:59, when someone was yelling into my ear.

Alice was bouncing with excitement she couldn't contain as she grabbed my hand for the thousandth time that night. "It's almost time!" she exclaimed. "The countdown is at one minute until midnight! New years kiss time! Jasper, where are you?"

I laughed, but my eyes were already scanning the room for a particular mess of bronze hair. I found him at the other side of the room with less than thirty seconds left on the large screens in the bar. Our eyes met and we both smiled shyly, slowly making steps towards each other.

This was it. This would seal the fate of Edward's drawer and the contents that were inside. If he was my new years kiss, then this would really be starting over for us—a chance to start on a completely fresh slate. I had known tonight would be a huge pivotal point in our relationship.

Fifteen…

It was a little more difficult to reach him than I thought it would be due to the number of bodies crammed into the small space. It seemed he was having the same amount of difficulty because he flashed me a frustrated smile.

Ten…

He was ten feet away from me now. I could probably touch him if I reached out my hand towards him.

Nine…Eight…Seven…

Suddenly, he stopped moving, less than six feet away. His attention was diverted from me and he was staring at someone who was standing at his side…a particular strawberry blonde had her manicured hands wrapped around his forearm and was searching his eyes for something.

Tanya.

I froze in my spot, unable to look away. I wasn't sure if they were speaking or not; neither of them moved towards each other but they didn't move apart either.

Six…Five…Four…

As the entire room chanted "Three!" in unison, I turned on my heel to take myself out of the situation, part of emotional survival 101. I pushed past people as quickly as I could, my ears ringing with the shouts and yells of the rest of the countdown.

I finally found an exit just as screams of "Happy New Years!" rang throughout the building. I pushed it open, the cold crisp air enveloping me like a cold glove. My lungs filled with the cold air as I took necessary gulps of the rest of my champagne in my hand.

What the fuck just happened. I replayed the image in my mind, not sure that I saw correctly. People in Seattle could have strawberry blonde hair, right? I hadn't seen her face clearly, but I saw Edward's—his face had been torn with confusion and anger as he stared at her. There was no way that wasn't her.

I groaned in frustration, wanting so badly to just march back in there and claim him as mind but my heels were firmly planted to the ground.

Why was she here? Had he invited her? Were they still speaking? He must have told her he was here—she wasn't from here after all. There was no way she'd just randomly bump into him in this hole in a wall bar.

All the questions I should have asked came bubbling up to the surface, like the champagne I had just chugged. I should have asked. I should have asked. I was naïve. I was young. I was stupid. And I was infatuated. I had been blind to the things that I hadn't wanted to see and now it was biting me in the ass.

I clenched my eyes shut, part of me surprised that he hadn't rushed out to chase me, but the other part of me knew that was completely expected.

Even if it was over between them, she still had more of him than I did. He had made that declaration of love to her once before—he had asked her to marry him, to share a life with him. All that he has asked me to share with him has been his bed.

Tanya had love and devotion from him, even if they were both no longer present in his mind. I had stolen kisses, touches when no one was looking, and caring eyes from behind closed doors. I put my hands over my eyes, my resolve weakening for a moment.

Only a moment though.

I opened my eyes, finding strength from a place within me I didn't know existed until now.

I let the plastic champagne flute fall from my hand to the ground with a clunk, and glanced back at the door to the bar. No one had seen me exit the room in such a rush—why should they? It was new years; it was a time for celebration, not running.

I hailed a cab outside of the parking lot, sending Rose a quick text saying I caught a cab and not to worry. I tossed my phone back into my clutch and sunk into the leather backseat of the taxi.

"Happy new years," the driver greeted me, smiling at me through the rearview mirror.

Yeah, happy fucking new years.

Sometimes the only thing that people see is what you did, when in fact, they should be looking at why you did it.