title ; flashes

summary ; they say that before you die your life flashes before you

disclaimer ; kingdom hearts is not mine. D:

Memories swirled like multicoloured smoke just outside his unconsciousness, struggling to solidify. They seeped into the cracks of the crumbling defense he had painstakingly built around his mind over the many years -

.

- it was just another day clearing the city of heartless, another mission for the keybladers –

.

They pried open the crevices and rudely forced themselves inside -

.

- they always tried to make excuses to keep her from coming along but she wasn't having any of it this time -

.

His mind shied away from them, trying to shield itself from the pain it knew was inevitable -

.

- they worked well into the night, slashing, hacking, perusing their prey into the forest –

.

Finally his last walls were breached and the flood of raw emotion consumed him even before he regained consciousness -

.

- he'd lost sight of the others –

.

(he'd been having nightmares lately)

.

- he was peering through the trees for them when it came out of nowhere -

.

(taunting nightmares twisting him in ways he wished he wasn't capable of)

.

His eyelids fluttered nervously but he fought against the waking, yearning for the blessed dreamless sleep –

.

- the huge heartless slammed into him, sending him skidding across the dirt –

.

(he'd always known the darkness would take him yet he still fought)

.

- he lunged for it but it dodged and searing claws dragged themselves across his back -

.

(he's was falling apart at the seams and yet he still fought)

.

He just wanted to forget, to not feel anymore. So why was he still feeling? -

.

- another clawed hand knocked him upside the head but he somehow managed to stay standing despite the blood trickling down his neck -

.

(he knew why he fought – he did it for her)

.

- with one mighty swipe of his keyblade he sliced one of it's arms clean off -

.

(he knew it would never work out. yet he still fought)

.

- it thrashed about for a few seconds, stunned -

.

(he told himself he just wanted her to be happy)

.

- he knew it's momentary confusion would be brief, so he spun on his heel and ran -

.

(but sometimes he just couldn't take it)

.

- he heard them, then, calling his name, as he raced through the trees -

.

(it was those times when the darkness felt closest)

.

- he finally broke free of the forest only to find himself at the edge of a cliff, with the heartless still charging straight for him -

.

(it was always lurking, ready to consume him at the slightest weakness)

.

- he could easily move out of the way and watch the heartless tumble into darkness -

.

(but he didn't want to)

.

- he turned to face it and realized that this could be it – this could be the end -

.

(and he wasn't afraid)

.

- it could be the end to all his suffering, and it would only look like an accident -

.

(he hoped it wouldn't hurt her so much this way)

.

- so he closed his eyes and waited – waited for the end he wanted so badly -

.

(he didn't even here her scream his name)

.

He opened his eyes, blinking rapidly in the bright florescent lighting. Even before his eyes adjusted he knew he was in a hospital room – he could smell the rubber and the anti-septic over the clean smell of sanitation wipes and hear the quiet murmur of people going about their business and footsteps in the hall. He could also tell that his whole body hurt, but the pain was dulled by the overwhelming feeling of confusion that washed over him.

What happened to the end? He was supposed to be dead.

His eyes automatically searched the room, finally falling upon Sora, seated beside his bed. The brunet had his head tilted up towards the ceiling, hiding his face from Riku's view. He could've been the one dead by the way he slumped in his seat, looking more lifeless than a ragdoll.

And then his head abruptly snapped forward and stared directly at Riku with eyes completely devoid of emotion. Their emptiness caused a cold dread to sweep over Riku, spreading slowly through his limbs and numbing his already hazy mind. He gathered his scattered wits and finally asked, "What happened?"

Nothing flickered behind Sora's inanimate eyes. "She pushed you out of the way," he said, his voice mechanical.

.

(he hoped it wouldn't hurt her so much this way)

.

Though he already knew, Riku refused to accept it, instead jumping into the first stage of loss – denial. If he refused to believe it, surely that would mean it never actually happened. Right?

"The heartless ran her over the edge. They both fell," Sora continued, much to Riku's irritation. Irritation? That was an understatement. He was suddenly furious. Why did he keep talking like it actually happened?

"There's no way they could've made it-" He finally stopped. His eyes had been distant before, watching something horrible, but now they focused on Riku. And for the first time, behind the vacancy, there appeared a deep and wretched sorrow. "Why?"

Why hadn't Riku saved himself?

- he could easily move out of the way and watch the heartless tumble into darkness -

- it could be the end to all his suffering, and it would only look like an accident -

(he didn't even here her scream his name)

.

.

Why?

.

.

They say that before you die, your whole life flashes before you.

But all he saw were flashes of her.

a/n ; About the format. Yeah. I know. I s'pose I may have gotten a bit carried away… Ah well. I wrote this all in one sitting, something I frequently do but try to avoid because, as you may have noticed, it always turns out weird. Sorry.

I wish I had expanded a bit more on Riku's developing darkness and depression so his attempted suicide would seem more appropriate, but I didn't feel like fitting it in anywhere.

And also, even though I dearly love this pairing, I only ever end it tragically. But knowing how sick and twisted I am, that's probably why I love it so much. D:

Reviews are most welcome and greatly appreciated. Thanks.