Strengths and Weaknesses
Pain.
That's the first thought that comes to my mind, clouded and numb as it is, as I slowly drift back from the blackness. I don't want to wake up. I wish I were dead. I've never felt so much *pain* in my life...
I squint one eye partially open, and the sudden glare of light causes a paralyzing headache to race through my brain.
I want to cry, but I won't let myself do that. My aunt Tia's words echo in my head [a princess never cries...lead by example...] Even though no one is here to see me, I still won't let *myself* let her down.
I sit up, my body crying out in protest, and do a cursory examination of my wounds. My stomach is swollen and distended, my left leg numb. Looking closer, I can see needle tracks, raised and red, peppering my thigh. I run my fingers gently over them, tears clouding my eyes.
I don't want to be here, I don't want to be like *this*...I want to be at home, safe on Alderaan, laughing and joking with my friends like a normal teenager. Even as I think this, my mind protests. *I* was the one who chose this path, no one made me...I wanted to help my people, and I still do. It's just that... It seems as if I've grown up overnight, faster than anyone should be allowed to. They did things to me, while trying to extract information, that no one my age should have to think about. It was humiliating, and it was degrading, and it was painful.
I run my fingers over my face, and am amazed to find it completely unmarked. I laugh -a bitter, harsh laugh that I have never heard before- at the irony of this. I am beaten, black and blue...but they have strategically worked it so that, once I put my dress on, none of it will be visible. How *kind* of them, how considerate. I want to scream, to punch something, but I'm too scared that they will hear -and return- to do so.
I hate this weakness, it sickens me...but I can't do anything about it. At this moment, I am helpless. I am beaten, and broken...and helpless. My one remaining consolation is that I did not tell them what they wanted to hear. I kept my secret, and will continue to do so. *Yavin Four* My mouth silently forms the words, but no sound comes out. Relieved, I lock the name away in my mind.
I will not break.
My body may break -that will happen first, as this interrogation has shown- and my spirit may, as well, but they will never break my resolve. Never. I clench my fists, stronger already, if only from my thoughts. Let them come back, let them try again. Nothing could be more humiliating or more degrading than what they have already done. And that is exactly where these monsters have made their mistake: they have used their most potent tactics and their most painful devices FIRST.
After what I have been through, I am sure that I can withstand anything else that they choose to throw at me. And that will be MY weapon: my silence, my resistance. I have already seen them frustrated, aggravated by my lack of co-operation, and that will continue as long as I hold out.
And I will.
I swear that I will.
This decided, I am weary again, and so I lie down on the bench. Closing my eyes, I fight to fall asleep, resting my mind and regaining my strength for the battles that are to come.
They will never break me.
Never.
Pain.
That's the first thought that comes to my mind, clouded and numb as it is, as I slowly drift back from the blackness. I don't want to wake up. I wish I were dead. I've never felt so much *pain* in my life...
I squint one eye partially open, and the sudden glare of light causes a paralyzing headache to race through my brain.
I want to cry, but I won't let myself do that. My aunt Tia's words echo in my head [a princess never cries...lead by example...] Even though no one is here to see me, I still won't let *myself* let her down.
I sit up, my body crying out in protest, and do a cursory examination of my wounds. My stomach is swollen and distended, my left leg numb. Looking closer, I can see needle tracks, raised and red, peppering my thigh. I run my fingers gently over them, tears clouding my eyes.
I don't want to be here, I don't want to be like *this*...I want to be at home, safe on Alderaan, laughing and joking with my friends like a normal teenager. Even as I think this, my mind protests. *I* was the one who chose this path, no one made me...I wanted to help my people, and I still do. It's just that... It seems as if I've grown up overnight, faster than anyone should be allowed to. They did things to me, while trying to extract information, that no one my age should have to think about. It was humiliating, and it was degrading, and it was painful.
I run my fingers over my face, and am amazed to find it completely unmarked. I laugh -a bitter, harsh laugh that I have never heard before- at the irony of this. I am beaten, black and blue...but they have strategically worked it so that, once I put my dress on, none of it will be visible. How *kind* of them, how considerate. I want to scream, to punch something, but I'm too scared that they will hear -and return- to do so.
I hate this weakness, it sickens me...but I can't do anything about it. At this moment, I am helpless. I am beaten, and broken...and helpless. My one remaining consolation is that I did not tell them what they wanted to hear. I kept my secret, and will continue to do so. *Yavin Four* My mouth silently forms the words, but no sound comes out. Relieved, I lock the name away in my mind.
I will not break.
My body may break -that will happen first, as this interrogation has shown- and my spirit may, as well, but they will never break my resolve. Never. I clench my fists, stronger already, if only from my thoughts. Let them come back, let them try again. Nothing could be more humiliating or more degrading than what they have already done. And that is exactly where these monsters have made their mistake: they have used their most potent tactics and their most painful devices FIRST.
After what I have been through, I am sure that I can withstand anything else that they choose to throw at me. And that will be MY weapon: my silence, my resistance. I have already seen them frustrated, aggravated by my lack of co-operation, and that will continue as long as I hold out.
And I will.
I swear that I will.
This decided, I am weary again, and so I lie down on the bench. Closing my eyes, I fight to fall asleep, resting my mind and regaining my strength for the battles that are to come.
They will never break me.
Never.