That's Mr. Crookshanks to you!

Crookshanks has to lay some rules down.

I'm by no means a cruel cat… why just ask my mistress, I can be rather affectionate when I deem it fit.

Of course to Hermione I shall always be grateful for rescuing me from that rather unpleasant prison they called a pet shop.

And besides the cat treats and sensible meals she feeds me she is the only human who has ever looked at me and declared I was beautiful despite the fact that her hair basically resembled my own fur.

So in accordance to all this you will too join in my disgust (keeping in mind disgust is an understatement) when she thought to couple with him.

Yes he was better then the other two and yes I know Harry was the saviour of wizarding world but he trod on my tail and thought only ten sorry's were enough to appease me.

Really!

And the red head; please I may be a cat but even I know there is no animal that eats like him.

But that… that interloper and yes I will class him as one till my last furball.

He thought he could charm me… charm me!

I often wonder if his parents should have thought of neutering themselves instead of breeding. He wasn't even unique, everyone cooed over how wonderful and handsome he was but compared to me he might as well be a copy.

SO imagine my disgust and horror when she began to fawn over him after he survived that little race. Because even though Hermione was smart she still fawned over him and his stupid human charms (charms that didn't even include graceful pouncing).

And though I'm far from foolish I did think that once he left the school she would forget about her crush and for a while though she was brooding over him leaving (not for long because I reminded her daily that I was still there) I was happy because once more my mistress held affection for me… and on occasion those two she called friends (I use the term loosely of course).

Then to rub the salt, which I hate, into the fresh wound once she finished school and began her own life away from those horrible and cruel people who called themselves her parents he came back into our lives.

He still thought to use that charm on me and if the dozen or so shoes that were ripped to shreds were proof they clearly didn't.

For such a smart man (I use the term loosely on both counts) he is truly dumb when it comes to more sophisticated creatures like myself.

"Hermione Crookshanks has that look again" does he not know that yelling is such an uncouth act; clearly he does not because he still thinks I'm just some animal.

I gracefully jump onto the couch and enjoy the way he flinches back, though my mistress may have some passing fancy to him I'm pretty sure it won't last and that glitzy ring he gave her will soon be outshone by my own brilliance.

'Listen to me interloper, yes that is right I called you interloper' I tell him enjoying each flinch and darting of his eyes to the exit.

'You may hold my mistresses fancy now but soon she will see the error of her human thinking and surly kick you out. I keep my tongue for now but I will soon grow weary of being so generous to you' ah success I think I'm finally getting through to his small brain because he's watching me.

Clearly that means he is listening to me.

'so let us understand each other clearly, I tolerate you… I do not like you! You make my mistress smile and laugh. Once you no longer do those things I will make sure you do not come back' it wasn't a threat it was a promise and he must have understood because now he won't even look at me.

with one last hiss I jump from the couch and pad towards the kitchen but then a thought struck me and I must of course set the records straight.

'And That's Mr. Crookshanks to you!' yes he understands now and of course will soon be making his plans to find his own home.

I best just rip his new shoes a little to remind him that I don't mess around.

"Crookshanks don't rip Cerdic's shoes" hmmm I might have to speak to her about yelling at me like some common cat.

I'm Mr. Crookshanks after all.

OK long story short my cousin has my old laptop which has this story on it (I didn't do the smart thing and transfer it over) and she's finally let me get on here to update. Sadly this might the last one for a little while because A) my cousin is really possesive over this laptop now (scary) and B) thanks to life I haven't had the time to put that much time in to my stories (it sucks and I'm glaring daily) so I hope you enjoy this.

Also some might notice how I did a similar story to this for Harry and Hermione with of course Crookshanks reminding Harry just who he was. hehehe again hope you enjoy it and I'll try to get one more up if my cousin is feeling generous (doubt it she has her own account and her own stories to write on here).