A/N - Hi, this is my first fanfic ever so i apologize if this is really crap, and if there are any spelling and grammar errors.

My notepad is filled with half written letters; no not even half, most of them only have a few words written on them. But all of these letters are to him.

All to the guy that my breath away. To the guy that when I see him with that smirk on his face, my heart beats so fast I think my chest might break. To the guy that when I hear his name it brings a smile to my face, or I actually start paying attention to what there saying, most of what they say isn't very nice but then again he isn't nice to anyone. But me.

But all that didn't matter because I had Dean. Perfect. Sweet. Boring. Predicable. Jealous. Dean.

Why have I stayed with Dean for so long? Why didn't I stop things with him when I started to like Jess? Did I ever really love Dean? I care about him sure but love I don't think so, I think I just told him that because I wasn't ready to give him up yet. Then I met Jess. He saw right through my relationship with Dean, he knew right away that we didn't match, why couldn't anyone else see that? Why didn't I see that? I just don't get it. Every time I talked to Jess he would get mad, and jealous.

OK I get the reason why Dean kept getting mad when I spent time with Jess. At first we were just friends then it grow into something more, and Dean could see that. But I couldn't even have a friend that was a guy, because he would get jealous. Take Tristan, we weren't even friends at first he was just a guy that would annoy me; we did become friendly before he left for military school. But none of that mattered to Dean.

Dean has done some great things for me like he took me to the school dance when we first started dating, or when he came with me for that stupid coming out ball. But Dean doesn't get me. My love of books, music, school, or movies that I love to mock. But he does because he shares my passion and love for books, music, and movies, he doesn't love school, but he gets why I love it. Dean never did.

I saw him at Sookie's wedding, and I kissed him then ran away. I had to spend the day being happy for my friend, while I was with my boyfriend who I had fallen out of love with.

That was hard.

The next day I left for DC for school for 6 weeks (2 weeks down 4 to go) and I never spoke to him. This is why I'm writing a letter- well trying to write a letter.

I'm pathetic I have been writing this letter for two weeks and all I have is two words.

Dear Jess.

Don't think just write.

Dear Jess

That took two weeks to write, I didn't know if it should be To Jess, Jess, Dear Jess, or Dodger.

Well if it took two weeks to write two words this letter might take a month to write. Then I haveto come up with the courage to send it, so you might not receive this letter until I'm already back in Stars Hollow(I hope I do send it because you deserve to know the truth). I should just call and explain everything but I'm too much of a chicken for that.

I'm sorry that I ran away. I'm sorry for leaving for DC for 6 weeks without telling you. I'm sorry for the way Dean's been treating you. I'm sorry for the way my mom has been acting towards you. Hell I'm sorry for the way the towns been acting. I'm sorry for a lot of things but what I'm not sorry for kissing you I've wanted to kiss you for a long time. I think the first time was when you jumped into my sleigh when we all stayed at the Inn. When an over done snowman was mysteriously destroyed so that mine and mom's snow woman could win (I know it was you, thank you for that). No I think it was before that. I remember the first time I wanted to kiss you it was when I gave you the nick name Dodger. Wow that seems like a long time ago doesn't it, but like it was yesterday all at the same time. Do you know what I mean?

When we kissed I have never felt like that before not with Dean (I don't think I really loved him). Not with Tristan (I cried when I kissed him, don't ask).

Do you remember when I came to New York to see you? You asked me why I came. I said because you didn't say goodbye.

I lied.

You asked me and I paused and I thought to my self why did I ditch school to come to New York just to spend time with a guy that wasn't even my guy? Then it hit me I was falling in love with you. But I said, because you didn't say goodbye.

Then a week later at Sookie's wedding there you were staying their wearing that stupid smirk, (which I love BTW) and all those feelings hit me (love, joy, hope, happiness, shock) I couldn't hide them any longer. So that's why I kissed you. But then of course I freaked I remembered that I was a bridesmaid at a wedding that was about to start- and oh yeah Dean.

What I want to know is why did you come back? You hate Stars Hollow. Why do you want to live in a place that you hate?

Now I know that you might not have any feeling for me, and I completely understand if you don't, but I just needed you to know.

Don't think that I'm going to forget about you.

I don't think I could or would want to.

All my love

Rory.

P.S I broke up with Dean the day I left.

I hope it's not all over town and you found out by over hearing Miss Patty gossiping.

I can't believe I wrote a letter telling "Stars Hollow's Bad Boy" Jess Mariano my feelings. Oh My God what I'm I thinking I can't send this. Maybe I should just call him tell him I'm sorry then hang up and not see him until I get home. Yeah that could work-NO you are sending this letter.

I fold the letter and put it in an envelope with his name and address on it.

"I'm going to post this letter I'll be back shortly" I tell Paris as I'm walking out the door, she yells some kind of response but I can't make it out.

Now all I have to do is put it in the box, I don't know how long I've been standing here holding the letter telling myself to just post it. After about 5 more minutes I tell myself don't think just do.

The hard parts over, now all I have to do is wait.

Wait.

Maybe the hard part isn't over.