Believe

And for all the years you borrowed
And for all the tears you cried
And for all the fears you had to keep inside

-"Believe" By Savatage

Reid slowly opened his eyes. The light was blinding, after for many hours, or days, with in the dark. At first he couldn't see anything but white, and he wondered if indeed he was dead and this was the trade off for the dark. Some how he didn't mind the pain much any more.

Then with in a few seconds shapes started to come into focus. And before long he realized that he was lying down in a white room with six people looking at him. As he started to move they all stopped moving and talking, as if sound would scare him back into the darkness. At first he couldn't tell who this people were. He knew he knew them but couldn't remember.

Finally he realized that it was Hotch, Morgan, Emily, JJ, Garcia, and Dave. He gave them all a very weak, painful smile. They took that as a sign that it was okay to breath again.

"You okay man?" Morgan was the first to talk. "You in any pain?"

It took Reid a moment to figure out how to use him voice and when he did he forgot how to lie. "A little...." Feeling how scratchy his voice was he added. "Water?"

"Yeah, sure." Emily said, and in a moment was there with a cup of water.

Reid drank it slowly, talking in every taste of it. He had missed taste, and sound, and feeling. After a few sips he couldn't take any more, though.

"How long?" He said, still unable to really make full sentences.

"How long have you been out?" Dave asked and when he nodded said, "Its been almost 24 hours since...." he stopped short.

Reid could see the pain in his eyes and knew what he was thinking. Not looking directly at any one he said, "I'm sorry." He wished he say all he wanted, but it hurt to much.

"Its fine Reid." Hotch said quickly seeing the pain in the young man's eyes. "You've had a hard day. You need to rest."

Reid nodded. Everyone in turn left the small room. Each said something as they left. By the time they were gone Reid was back in darkness. But it was different. It was filled with dream and he knew that at any time he could pull himself out of it. For the first time in two weeks Reid truly slept.

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Hotch left the room feeling slightly empty inside. he wasn't sure if by seeing that Reid was going to be okay that it would make things any better. What he did know was that now he just felt worse. Seeing him in such pain was hard.

"I think I'm going to give Will a break now." JJ said. It was just after 12:00pm.

"I think we all should get some sleep." Rossi said looking around at everyone.

They all knew that he was right. There was no more reason to be here, but Hotch couldn't help be shake the feeling that this wasn't over yet. He didn't want to leave Reid. He didn't need to sleep, even though he hadn't slept in 48 hours.

"I think I'm going to stay here." He said.

"Hotch The doctors say he's stable. His not going to crash." Rossi said.

"I know.. I just don't think he should be alone..." Hotch replied.

Rossi looked like he was going to protest, but instead said, "Okay...."

Then they all left and Hotch alone. He went back into Reid's room and took a seat in the arm chair next to his bed. For the longest time he just sat there listening to his breathing and the steady heart beat on the monitor. He seemed so at peace, and he wished he could be that way.

It wasn't long before he found himself drifting into dream. It wasn't really a nightmare, but it wasn't a dream he awoke he couldn't remember what it was about, though. He wished he could remember. Something told him that the dream mattered.

He looked at his watch to see that it had been two hours since he had fallen asleep. Reid was still asleep. Hotch sat there for the longest time, just waiting for the young agent to wake.

An hour and a half later Reid finally stirred. Hotch just watched him for a few minutes as he got his grounds. Then when he finally realized he wasn't alone he stood and went to the side of his bed.

"Hotch?" Reid asked as if unsure of who was there.

"Yeah its me." he said, even though he knew Reid knew it was him. "How are you feeling?"

"Better..." Reid said, but Hotch really doubted that.

"I... I've seen your letter..." Hotch said after a long pause.

"Has anyone else seen-" Reid stared but Hotch cut him off. Reid was sounding better, but Hotch did;t want him to hurt himself.

"No. I haven't told anyone."

"Thanks..." Reid wasn't looking straight at him.

"Why'd you do it?" Hotch asked.

"Do what?"

"Shot yourself in the stomach, not the head?"

"I...I'm not sure..." Hotch didn't believe it.

"Did you not want to die?"

"Not really..."

"But you don't want to be dead now?"

"Yeah..."

"Did you want to be tortured?"

"Maybe."

"Who killed your mother?"

"I did."

"No you didn't."

"I let it happen. I knew that she wanted to die and didn't do anything about it... I could have stopped him..."

"Him who?"

"William... William Reid. It was my father."

"But you didn't kill her."

"I did."

"No, Reid, You didn't and you know that. Thats why you shoot yourself in the stomach. Because you knew you didn't deceiver to die."

"Thats not why."

"Then why?"

Reid was silent for a very long time. Finally he said, "You have to understand something first."

"What....?" Hotch wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer.

"I was falling, falling hard. I wasn't sure what I could believe... and I was starting to... to be paranoid." He paused for a long time, maybe expecting Hotch to say something, but he was quiet. "I thought that maybe you and the others were.... were taking advantage of me. Like he didn't care about me, but what I could do. I thought you guys were the bad ones... I don't know..." He said struggling to explain it.

"Thats not true!" Hotch said softly. It was all coming together.

"I know... And I was starting to realize before I shoot myself." The words were cold.

"But you still Sh...." He couldn't finish the sentence.

"I wanted it to be up to fate if I lived or died. Sure you all weren't out to get me, but I still had watched my mother die... and... couldn't do anything to help her." He was starting to cry now.

"Its okay." Hotch slowly put a hand on his shoulder. "This is normal. Its alright to be upset about your mother's death."

"I know... I just..." Again he was at a lost for words.

"It'll be okay. When I lost my father, then my mom, it tore me apart. The pain will pass, you'll see."

"Hotch?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I need more time off."

"Take all the time you need."

THE END

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Author's Note: So thats it for now. There might be a sequel in the making. *Hint Hint* I hoped you all liked it.