Title: The Ultimate Survival Guide

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I am merely taking the characters out for a stroll.

Summary: Trying to keep a specific person alive is much more troublesome than Edward would have believed. But that's probably just because it's Bella. To what lenghts would he go to keep her out of harm's way?

The Ultimate Survival Guide

1. You may not drive when the road is

a. slippery.

b. wet

c. blocked

d. not there.

I didn't particularly care for the time you missed the detraction to my house and decided to take a 'short cut' through the bushes.

- The thinning of the forest is a wasteful process; you shouldn't be a part of it.

2. You are not to cross the street without a tool that helps you keep your balance

You have the following options:

a. cane

b. stick

c. walking frame

- Billy's wheelchair is off-limits.

3. Do not pay (secret) visits to the Quileute Tribe

- I know you think they are nothing but cute, friendly animals. It does not make for a strong point. You would find a way to turn Teddy Bears lethal.

4. Don't trip

There is no valid excuse for you to lose your footing.

- Except my dazzling you. And banana peels.

5. Do not lean out of your window

- Tumbling down in eagerness each night, does not make me arrive any faster.

6. You are not to wander off alone at dark

Two categories can be listed as prohibited:

1. searching for trouble deliberately

2. running into trouble unsuspectingly

- Neither option is forgivable. Option 1 is less forgivable.

7. Objects to be avoided are

a. rackets

b. balls

c. bats

d. electric chairs

- Most of these objects can be found in the gym. Therefore, skipping gym classes would be a wise decision.

8. Don't underestimate my self-control

You are not to open your mouth while I am kissing you.

- I mean it.

Any activity that involves taking off our clothes is out of the question as well.

* Exceptions for you would be:

a. the shower

b. the changing room

c. the beach

d. doctor's orders

9. Regarding injuries at my family's house:

a. bruises are preferable to blood

b. perfect health is preferable to anything

- Option b does not necessarily require my family's presence.

10. Things to carry with you at all times:

a. cell phone

b. pepper spray (make sure to get it out of its package, first)

c. EpiPen

d. First Aid Kit

e. my heart

TBC...