SMOTHER ME

DISCLAIMER - Down own, or make money. Don't ask don't tell. I'm no thief so only coincidence lives here.

A/N - I've been known to misspell Quatre's name. It's me being stupid when I type. My bad. Also unbetaed.

1x1(?) 1x2 NOT SUPERNATURAL And I know what a death fic is. Just go along with this okay?

As I stared into the open casket, all I could think was his voice saying 'it aint so bad!'

It's not so bad? I asked the voice.

Nah, it's actually kind of fun. You know, BOOM and there's all this fire and shit flying everywhere.

Fun? It sounds horrific.

You always were a tight ass.

Let me tell you something. It's not fun. Not for us it isn't.

You're a big boy. You can handle it.

And you're dead. And I have no choice but to handle it.

See? There's the tight ass I know.

You always were an idiot.

Only to you Heero.

Shut up Duo.

I threw the rose that I had been holding into the padded inside of the casket and walked away angrily. Quatre tried to grab at my hand before I walked out of the ceremony but I jerked away before we made any contact.

I was pissed.

At a voice I had made up in my head.

To sound like-

Whatever.

I was pissed. And I was tired. And I left a dirty mess in a rose bush on my way out of the cemetery.

It wasn't as if I hadn't gone a night without Duo. I had gone plenty of nights without Duo. It's just that he always wanted to 'hang out' and 'have fun' on boring days. It almost always ended with a beer on my couch and a boring movie to which I always wondered aloud why we were watching. I guess I couldn't shake the habit that had built up over the years.

I thought these movies were boring.

They are.

And you're watching them because…?

I have nothing better to do.

What about the files on your desk in the office?

I won't be seeing those people for a few days.

Not being a very diligent doctor are you?

I'm being as diligent as you were on your mission.

Fuck you.

But I thought you were enjoying death.

You've had too much to drink Yuy.

You're such an asshole Duo.

Go to bed, Heero. Here, I'll take you.

Because Duo wasn't there to take me, I never did make it to bed. I was lucky enough to wake up in time to take a piss before heading to work.

"Ha ha, no." Sally said as soon as she saw me. "Let me guess, malnutrition and a hangover. You are in no shape to be taking patients."

Sally had an obvious taste for the medical field when the Gundam pilots took their spots in Preventers. Trowa and Wufei were all for taking out the bad guys. Quatre and his company were rebuilding after the war, but he took his spare time to do special missions with the others. Duo had joined the Preventers in another form. His and Hilde's scrap yard did clean up with us. Any dangerous leftovers were brought in and taken apart by them to recycle. Quatre's company had been looking into ways to use the recycled products in their building. We were all interconnected.

Relena had been witness to my ultimate dream; to never have to kill another person again. Therefore, I went with Sally into the Preventers Medical field. Too many time's had I removed a piece of shrapnel from Duo, Wufei, Trowa and even Quatre. Obviously, I've had some die on the table, but I knew in my heart of hearts that it hadn't been me to kill them.

"In fact," Sally continued more seriously, "In light of recent events, I had you pulled for two weeks. Go home."

"Pulled?"

Yeah, dude. She thinks you can't handle it.

Since when have you hated Sally?

Never, she's just like that. What's the word?

Motherly.

Yeah!

"…Are you even listening?"

I lifted my eyes to Sally. "What?"

"My point exactly."

So home, here I am. Maybe a shower would feel nice. Or maybe the water wont heat because of some pipe problem that I thought Duo had made up.

I never made it into the cold water, having found a strand of very long hair on my sink.

Heh, so that's where that guy went.

"Guy?" I said aloud to the Duo that lived on in my thoughts. "You sure it's not a girl?"

Definitely all male.

"Long enough to be a woman's."

Geez, maybe I should have cut off my hair after the war!

"No, it's just so easy to tease you about it."

Thanks.

One laugh escaped my lungs before I really analyzed myself. I was talking to a voice in my head. Duo wasn't around anymore and I was alone in the mirror.

Setting Duo's hair on the sink again, I touched my own hair. It had grown out, some of it hitting my shoulders. I sifted through it until I found a worthy strand and pulled quickly. The root and all had come out. Duo's strand was raised to mine and I tied them together before dropping a bead of water on them to stick them to the mirror.

"Asshole."

Duo had no response.

"What do you really think of death?"

I think it's the scariest shit I've ever had the misfortune to face.

"Yeah. Me too actually."

"So Heero, Trowa and Wufei are coming back tomorrow. You think they'll have any more evidence?"

I sat across from The Quatre Winner. "More than the nothing we have now?"

Pshh! Nothing? You've got perfect evidence!

"Yeah, didn't think so either." Quatre answered me.

Gee, Quatre always had me fooled as the optimistic type.

He's a little depressed. We all are Duo.

Aww. Over little ol' me? Stop it!

It's no joke Duo.

Come on! Someone has to have a little fun.

Just… stop.

"Heero? Have you been feeling okay? You look a little-"

"I'm going to vomit!" I stood quickly, noting the lightheadedness and started for the bathroom. I tried to hide my discomfort from the other patrons in the restaurant. On passing a table full of seafood, my stomach retched. Somehow I managed to hold it down.

It was only bile when it finally came up.

If I didn't know any better, I'd say signs of pregnancy.

Know any better?

You know, that you're a guy?

Tender breasts and food cravings go with pregnancy too Duo.

Well, your chest hurts-

It's because of you!

And you haven't eaten anything.

Because I've felt sick.

Morning sickness…

Shut! Up!

Moodiness.

My stomach retched again but there was nothing left. A hand on my shoulder caused me to jump. I had almost forgotten it couldn't be Duo.

"I've already paid. Why don't you stay with me tonight."

Get away from the house? The house that Duo had so frequented. To leave the only piece of him I had left?

"Okay. Yeah, I think I'm… done."

My room at Quatre's was exactly as it always was. Each of us had a room only for us in this sanctuary that Quatre had created, and we had all used them more than once.

"Sit." Quatre commanded me.

The bed barely sank under my weight. I remember crying once, when a training mission had gone horribly wrong. But for some reason, I couldn't cry now. Quatre cried. Trowa had let silent tears fall. Hell, Wufei had howled in pain so tangible that I could only stare agape as the senses smothered me.

As if reliving the moment again, my chest tightened. Quatre was crying now, but my guess was that it was more for me than the fall of a comrade. Trowa's silent tears haunted my sight and Wufei's howls echoed in my ears.

"Heero! Breathe!" A voice called at me.

The eyes that I didn't notice had closed opened to Quatre's wet face. It ducked out of my sight and I felt a loosening around ankles then a cool rush of air against my feet. The face flashed in front of my narrowed sight again and I complied as each arm was lifted and tugged free of the shirt that bound me.

The cool air against my emotion heated skin was such a relief I had never felt before. I held tight to Quatre when he embraced me. In his arms, a calm had found me and I rested my cheek on his shoulder.

I'm happy for you man.

Me too Duo.

"You sure are being quiet."

Not much to say.

"Liar."

Me?

"Don't play innocent. Yes you!"

Noooo. I don't lie.

"Liar!"

Tight ass.

"You wish."

Yeah right!

KNOCK, KNOCK. "Heero? Who're you talking to?" Quatre's finely dressed form fell into the space behind me in the mirror.

I smiled at him. "Myself."

"Well the others will be arriving soon. Are you ready?"

"Yeah. I'll be down in a few." And with that his form left me to Duo.

Bow chika wow wow.

"HA!"

What?

"You crack me up Duo."

Someone got some last night.

"You'd be surprised about what happened after you…"

…The bathroom door slammed shut behind me.

I nodded at Trowa's question. "Speaking of which, thank you Quatre." I said.

"Of course. Those rooms are there to be used."

"Quatre said you shared a bed?" One of Trowa's eyebrows rose towards me. Quatre's cheeks flushed pink.

"Come on Trowa! It wasn't like that and you know it!" The blond grasped at Trowa's hands.

I nodded in agreement but Trowa winked. He was just giving his new boyfriend a hard time.

Who would've thought?

They make a good couple.

No not that! I already knew about that!

But you teased me about getting some!

Yanking your chain. And you played along.

Well then what?

Who would've thought Trowa would take over the joking?

The quiet ones are the ones you have to worry about.

So what does that make you?

"Absolutely heartbroken." I gasped when I realized I had spoken aloud.

Three pairs of eyes fell into my line of sight. "What?"

"Never mind. Talking to myself."

"Duo?"

Yes'm?

"Was your hair coarse or soft?"

You tell me.

My heart leapt in my chest. His braid was in my mind, swinging hopelessly back and forth.

"Both."

Okay. What about yours.

"You tell me."

I ran a hand through my hair taking in the texture and length. It was a little greasy from lack of cleansing.

Surprisingly soft.

"Surprisingly?"

It's so unruly, I always imagined it coarse.

I let my hand fall away from my hair.

"Don't stop."

Feels good huh?

I nodded and ran my fingers through my hair again.

And you guys always thought it was weird when I played with my hair.

Our fingertips grazed my neck where my blood pulsed in excitement.

"Duo."

What?

"Don't stop."

Our hand smoothed over a peck and teased a nipple along the way. My cock pulsed in my boxers.

Our fingernails gently scratched at the skin of my stomach and played with the hairs below my belly button. My ceiling was suddenly boring and the image behind my eyelids was much more invigorating.

The elastic of my boxers gave way to our hand that rubbed my member furiously.

Come for me Heero.

A whisper was all it took to send us over the edge.

"No." I breathed.

What?

"Not us."

Just-

"Me."

"Why is the lamp broken?"

"I broke it."

"Why?"

"Because I'm loosing my mind."

"Wufei, why are you still here?"

"I'm guarding your breakables." He spoke calmly.

"It was only the once."

"And you have yet to tell me why you think you're loosing your mind."

"That was two days ago!"

"Quatre and Trowa will be here soon."

"Why are they coming?" I yelled.

Why aren't you coming?

"Shut up!"

"I didn't say anything." Wufei's look was scared.

He's scared of me.

So?

"Heero!" His footsteps were rushed as I fell to the ground and pounded the floor with my fists. "Heero, what's happening to you?"

"He's hearing Duo in his head?" Quatre spoke quietly.

"As opposed to in his toe."

"Trowa! He collapsed! He's breaking things!" Wufei's voice was louder.

"Take this seriously love."

"I know what's wrong."

"You do?"

"What?"

"I can hear you." I finally spoke. My eyes opened to their faces. "I fucked Duo."

Quatre's eyes blinked in sympathy. "Heero. His death was an accident. You didn't have anything to do with it!!"

"How was it?" Trowa always understood things like no one else.

"So good." I answered.

"Before or after?" Trowa inquired further.

"After." I closed my eyes again. "I can't tell where I stop and he begins. I can't control it anymore."

"Then stop trying to." Wufei piped in. "Duo barely had control of himself. None of us could help it when he chose to speak."

Hey! I wasn't that bad was I?

"I can't approve of the way you're handling his death Heero but do as Wufei says. Let it be. Maybe it'll run its course."

I nodded at them. "No Duo. You weren't that bad."

The others smiled.

I didn't feel as guilty as I 'fucked' Duo continuously for the following days. And he would join in conversation whenever he wanted.

The others tried to get used to me answering him out loud. They had stuck pretty close after my breakdown.

Quatre had force fed me and I found I actually felt a lot better.

Trowa sat with me in his spare time and gave me some real conversation.

Wufei had me coming along with his daily work out routine. I had all but lost mine since Duo's… death.

Am I going crazy?

No.

How do you know?

Because I can't know anything you don't. I'm a figment of your imagination. Nothing more, nothing less.

But you speak so clearly to me.

Tight ass.

How is that being a tight ass?

It's not. I just wanted to say it.

There's the Duo I know.

You're such a geek.

I miss you Duo.

"Three more days and I can return to work."

Why are you excited about that?

"I can bring back my old routine."

And I can… 'run my course?'

"Yes, maybe. It'll be good for me to get back into something."

You want me to run my course.

"I want my life back."

I thought you missed me.

"I do. I miss the real you."

I'm not real?

"If you are, then I'm insane. No one wants to be insane Duo."

…

"Duo?"

…

You ran your course. You don't answer anymore, or chime in when I expect you too. No more jokes and my orgasms are lonely.

You were right.

You were me talking to myself the whole time. I missed you so much that I made you up in my mind to say and sound like Duo.

I start work tomorrow.

I miss you.

Does that mean I miss myself?

I love you.

Does that mean I love myself?

I think I loved Duo.

And still do.

"Yuy, you've gotten slow in your recuperation." Sally teased. "Your next is in fifteen. Take a break."

"In case you've forgotten, I've been taking a two week break."

"That I managed to get for you. Good thing too! All the things I heard from Wufei."

"How'd you manage to rank ahead of me Sally?"

"I'm a woman. I used my womanly charm."

This is when Duo would say something like 'and womanly curves.'

"And womanly curves." I spoke for him. I received a sharp pinch on the shoulder for that one. Sally darted off before I could get her back. I sat on the couch in the lounge rubbing my arm where she pinched me.

"That hurt." I spoke to no one in particular.

Tight ass.

I stopped dead.

"Duo?"

What?

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"I thought you had run your course?"

What are you talking about?

My eye's stung. "You were right."

About what?

"About me missing you."

Huh?

"I missed you."

Uh Heero…

"Don't leave me again."

Okay?...

"I don't care if I'm insane. Don't leave me!" I clenched my eyes tighter.

Insane!?

"I love you."

…

"Duo?"

…

"Duo?! Don't go!"

I'm right here Heero. His arms embraced me. "I'm right here."

My eyes flew open when I realized the arms were real. Duo's face looked back at me. I pushed him away quickly and stood.

"Oh shit! I am insane." I paced the floor between us.

"What are you spouting about being insane?" I stopped to watch Duo's arms cross in confusion.

"Just stop! I… I need to think." I tore my eyes away from the lifelike Duo apparition in front of me. "Trowa. I have to tell Trowa. He'll know what to do."

"What about me? I just got back and you're-"

Duo cut off his sentence when the door to the lounge burst open, spilling Wufei, Trowa, Quatre and Sally into the tiny room. I immediately went to Trowa.

"Trowa. He's back. I'm not just hearing him this time. I saw him!" Trowa's smile threw me off. "I'm insane aren't I?"

He shook his head. "If Duo's standing behind you with crossed arms and a very confused look, then my guess is no."

We all seemed to settle our gaze on Duo at the same time. He raised an eyebrow at us.

"Une said something about you guys being excited to see me but did someone spill some funny gas cause you guys are really freaking me out! Especially the insane one!" He joked.

Our mouths hung open. All except Trowa.

"Duo. Let me explain what happened while you were away."

"What!? So I'm freaking dead? Great! Just great! You know what a hassle it is to come back to life?!" We laughed at Duo's seriousness.

Trowa had left out my adventures in nutty land but explained the mission. Duo was supposed to have been in the factory that exploded, taking the lives of every Preventer inside its walls.

I continued to stare openly at him.

"So how were you not in the building? It's been two weeks!" Quatre asked frantically.

Duo ducked his head a little then to which I was disappointed. I hadn't finished taking in his face.

"Got lost." Our sounds of confusion had him elaborating. "Well, I was sent later than the rest because of the follow up of the damn clean up I had before that! I was all by myself and managed to wind up going in circles! It took me the first week to find someone who could speak English and another couple days to find someone who spoke English and knew the way back! It was a mess! Anyway, I just got back like an hour and a half ago!" He laughed. "No wonder everyone looked like they had seen a ghost! Well after admitting my defeat to Une, she told me to see," he looked directly at me, "you, Heero. I get here and you're spouting nonsense!"

The others laughed but Duo wouldn't tell them exactly what I said. I was grateful.

"May I touch your hair?" I asked Duo. He had come home with me that night. I had told him about hearing his voice in my head.

"Uhh. Okay. But only if I can touch yours."

I smiled. "You already have."

We wove our hands through each others tresses, our hands pressing our heads closer until our foreheads touched. Duo's hands slipped down to my neck.

"Did you mean what you said?"

"When?"

"When you said you loved me?"

I hesitated. Did I love this Duo or the one I had made up? Was there a difference? Did he think it was creepy that I talked to him after 'death?'

"Surprisingly soft. It's so unruly, I always imagined it coarse." He spoke quietly, rubbing at my hair again. My heart jumped in my chest. "So I hear you slept with Quatre?" I ripped our heads apart.

"Yeah, I did. And you were happy for me!" I said in defense. "But it wasn't like that!" I added quickly.

"Yanking your chain! And you played along like you always do."

"You always said the weirdest stuff!"

"Hey! I wasn't that bad was I?"

"No I guess not. I mean, it was me making it all up."

"You're such a geek." He laughed, and with each passing phrase my answer became more clear.

"I was this close to convincing the guys I was insane."

"Who would've thought? Heero? Insane?"

"Trowa said he didn't approve of how I handled your death. He should see how I'm handling your life!"

"I can picture you insane."

"Liar."

"Noooo. I don't lie. You'll be insane in bed!" I stared agape at his bluntness. "Come on! Someone has to have a little fun!"

"Speaking of…" I pulled him close again. "Trowa and Quatre-"

"Are fucking like bunnies. I knew that! They've been ogling each other for weeks now!" His hands settled on my cheeks. "Heero I have to tell you. Nothing made me happier than when you said you loved me. So I hope you meant it. I hope I'm enough like the me you made up in your mind for you to love me too."

I pulled his face into mine then. Our lips touched timidly, our tongues danced nervously and when we pulled apart my hand was so far tangled into his hair that we had to sit to get it out.

"Geez, maybe I should have cut off my hair after the war!"

"No. If I have to untangle myself from it thousand times a day, it's fine. It just means we've been having enough fun to let it get so rowdy. And it means we'll be buying a lot of conditioner to prevent breakage." He laughed at my joke and I pretended my hand was tangled a little longer. Only my yawn broke us of our tranquility.

"Go to bed, Heero." He stood and took my previously tangled hand. "Here, I'll take you."

"Tight ass." I said to the languid and naked Duo beside me.

"Only to you Heero."

"Duo?"

"Yes'm?"

"I love you such much more than the you anyone could ever make up."