A short story before the story: ok, I have major writer's block at the moment so I figured the best thing I could do would be to just write and write and write. I was thinking about The Dead Poet's Society at the time so here's what came out. I'm actually quite happy with it, funnily enough. It took ages to get started but then, it kinda flowed, got stuck, flowed, got stuck etc. Anyway, first DPS fanfic and I love Neil/Todd (they're absolutely gorgeous! and in my mind, especially together!) so here it is- my take on how the movie should have been and how it should have ended. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own The Dead Poet's Society or else Neil and Todd would be together and this would be how the movie would have ended! Any resemblance to any other movie, story, novel etc. is purely coincidental... I think!

"Carpe diem… carpe diem…"

"What did you say?"

Todd started at his best friend's voice. "Uhh… I was…"

"Far away?"

Todd tried to hide the smile threatened to give away his secret. "Yeah, far, far away."

"In a land of chocolate waterfalls and fairy floss trees?"

He snorted. "Whatever floats your boat, Neil Perry."

Todd was actually as far from chocolate waterfalls and fairy floss trees as humanly possible. Instead, his mind was much more… agreeably occupied with the thoughts of another, one not so far away. Actually, the person in question was about five feet behind him, sitting on his bed, trying to write a history essay. Neil Perry- quite possibly the most popular boy in Welton (for the right reasons, instead of Charlie who was for the wrong reasons!) and Todd's best friend.

Todd had known he was gay since the tender age of fourteen when, during a conversation with his older brother, he was asked who he thought was the most gorgeous girl, he didn't have an answer. The more he thought about it, the more he realised that he had never thought of a girl as 'hot'. However, there was a guy in his grade at school who he couldn't keep his eyes off. But the other guy was most definitely straight and Todd soon got over his unrequited crush. Slightly spooked by his realisation, he buried that part of himself deep in his soul, forcing it down, pushing it out of sight. For years it worked… until he saw him. The most beautiful man he had ever seen- a tall Greek god with liquid brown eyes that seemed to sparkle with laughter- who had introduced himself as his roommate and within a matter of weeks, had included him in his circle of friends, made him a member of The Dead Poet's Society and had made Todd fall head-over-heels in love with him… without even trying! But that was Neil Perry- perfect in Todd's eyes.

"Stupid, bloody history essay!" Todd heard Neil exclaim, accompanied by a thump which proved to be his notebook on which the offending essay was written.

Todd sighed and, secretly grinning, picked up the block of paper, walked over to his friend's bed and sat down beside him. "What now?"

"What do you think?" was the frustrated, muttered response that came from somewhere behind Neil's hands, "history essay due in two days, cannot write a word, don't know anything so cannot hand in essay so will fail assignment so will fail history which will lead to-"

"Neil!" Todd cried, shaking his friend by the shoulder, "Neil! Look at me… look at me goddamit!"

Neil looked up and saw blue eyes laughing at him. "You're… laughing at me?" he asked incredulously.

"Of course I am, you big dope! Number one, you are not going to fail history. Number two, it's just an essay. Number three, you have two days so stop being such a drama queen!"

Neil didn't know whether to be insulted or laugh, but seeing the amusement in Todd's eyes made him choose the latter. "Thanks for the reality check, Mr Anderson!"

"Anytime. Now, let's have a look at this essay of yours."

"You really don't have to help-"

"I know… but I want to."

Neil did manage to hand in his essay on time and actually got an A for it. He came racing down the dormitory corridor, yelling at the top of his lungs, "Todd! Todd Anderson!!"

He flung open their door and found the person he was looking for, sprawled on his bed, staring at him wide-eyed. "Uhh… hi?"

"I got an A!" Neil laughed, jumping around their room.

"In what?"

"In history! You know, that stupid essay that was worth like forty percent of my grade that you helped me with?"

Todd's eyes were clouded with confusion for a couple of seconds before they cleared as he remembered. "Ahh, that one! Congratulations! You deserve it!"
"No, Todd, you deserve it."

Acting on instinct and spur-of-the-moment momentum, Neil jumped on to Todd's bed, sat down beside him and pulled him into a hug. Todd stiffened in shock, then relaxed into the warmth, burying his face into the older boy's shoulder. "Thank you," Neil whispered in Todd's ear, making him shiver, "thank you so much. You really are my best friend."

Todd stared and looked up. "Am I really? Your best friend I mean?"

"How could you even ask that? Of course you are!" Neil tried to look outraged but his grin kind-of ruined the effect, "do you think the stuff I tell you I would tell to just anyone? The stuff about my father and his expectations, my dreams, the acting stuff? Jeez Todd!" and he made to get up and leave but Todd pulled him back.

"No no, I'm sorry. Its just… it takes a little while for me to process great news, that's all."

Neil smiled softly and settled back down, putting his arm back around the other boy's shoulders. "All of this over a history essay…"

Weeks passed and Todd Anderson and Neil Perry became inseparable. You hardly saw one without the other, laughing over some joke, heads bent over study and work, reading poetry, going over Neil's lines for the upcoming play. Over the space of those few short weeks, the other members of The Dead Poet's Society could see the changes happening within the shy Todd Anderson. They saw him become more carefree, faster to laugh and tease, less likely to shy away from others, more willing to share his thoughts and feelings… Todd was coming out of his self-created shell. They saw Todd become Neil Perry's number one priority. They could almost see the strong bond forged between the two. They could almost feel the bubble that surrounded them. There were pangs of jealousy but nothing could be done. So they let them be, wrapped up in their own world, enjoying the energy that emanated from the two.

The night of the play. Todd sat transfixed as he saw his second self work his magic, casting spells with his words that held the audience begging for more. Once or twice their eyes met across the crowded auditorium and Todd felt that Neil was saying those words just for him.

Then, he saw the change in Neil when his father entered the room, saw the fear behind his eyes and current of defiance that lurked just below the surface, threatening to bubble over and flood the normally serene face. He saw his best friend being dragged away by the older man and the look on his face as the car drove away. He didn't want to see it… but there it was. Neil Perry was breaking.

Todd began to walk back to Welton, declining a ride home, saying that he wanted to enjoy the snowy night. He fell into a deep snowdrift and just lay there, thinking. He thought about all their times together, just him and Neil, sometimes with the other Dead Poets but mostly when they were alone- their first hug on the bed, Neil declaring that he, Todd Anderson was his best friend, working on essays together, their heads almost touching, thighs pressed together as they worked on particularly hard maths equations, rehearsing for the play down by the lake, their friendly wrestling matches where Todd always let Neil win just so he could feel the older boy above him, flushed, panting and laughing. He remembered listening to Mr. Keating's old record player, listening to Bach, Mozart, Chopin and the rest.

As if he was an outsider looking in, he saw himself grow under Neil Perry's sunlight. He saw himself become who he wanted to be just because Neil Perry believed in him. He saw just how much his best friend had helped him. Then he saw again Neil's broken eyes and knew that Neil Perry needed his help this time.

With a gasp, he jumped up and began to sprint towards town, slipping and sliding on the icy pavement, teeth chattering from the cold but he did not stop, not for anything.

A tall, dark-haired boy stood by an open window, his chest bared to the chill of winter. His pale white skin almost glowed in the moonlight and, on top of his head, sat a crown of branches. A god of beauty and strength. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He knew what he had to do.

Neil slowly walked down the stairs, taking his time. Opening the study door and walking towards the large desk beside the window, he ran his fingers over the smooth wood, admiring its silkiness. Finding the small key, he unlocked one of the small drawers and lifted out a small parcel. He laid it out on the desk and almost caressed it lovingly. He was not afraid.

Todd rounded the corner of the quiet street and flew down the grey pavement, searching for the right number. He was nearly there, nearly there… A coldness crept over him that had nothing to do with the outside weather but he pressed onwards. He was not too late… he could not be too late…

Neil picked up the small handgun and ran his fingers over it's length, feeling the cold metal contrasting with the warmth of his hands. He began to lift it and…

BANG!

The wooden door burst open and in fell… "Todd? What are you doing here?"

Todd looked up and saw Neil seated in his father's leather chair and knew that he had never seen anything so beautiful. Then he saw the gun.

"Neil!" he cried, racing over, pulling the gun out of his hand and throwing it across the room. Then, he threw his arms around Neil's bare shoulders and neck and held him close. "Don't do it," he sobbed, "please don't do it! I love you, Neil, I've always loved you. Please, don't leave me."

At first Neil just sat there, too shocked to move or do anything. His passion raged through him alongside the coldness of his near-death, the anger at his father and his despair directed at the world in general. Then, these destructive emotions subsided and all he felt was the warmth radiating out of the one person he cared about most in the world. He felt the softness of his blond hair under his chin, the wetness of his tears on his chest and, below the surface, the deep throbbing love and admiration that the younger boy felt for him.

He sighed and wrapped his arms around Todd's waist, pulling him on to his lap and holding him tight. He buried his face in his best friend's sweet smelling hair and just breathed. Todd could feel that all Neil needed that moment was to be held and feel his life return so he remained quiet, waiting.

It could have been seconds, minutes or even hours before the two pulled away. Todd kept his arms around Neil's neck and Neil kept his hands on Todd's waist, holding him in place on his lap. Neil was the first to speak. "Tell me again."

"Tell you what?"

"What you said earlier. I want to hear it again."

"Don't leave me?"

"No, before that."

Todd thought for a second and then smiled. Lifting a hand and running it through the older boy's auburn locks, he whispered, "I love you, Neil Perry. I have always loved you."

Neil sighed and Todd could see one small tear leak out from under a closed eyelid and trickle down his cheek. He wiped it away with the pad of his thumb and felt the other boy lean into his touch. He gently traced the fine cheek bones and down the jaw line. Then, daringly, he ran his thumb over Neil's full lips, admiring their softness. He felt them part and a whisper of soft air escape.

When Neil felt Todd's hand leave his face, he opened his eyes, only for them to flutter closed again when he felt his best friend's soft lips against his. A chaste kiss at first, a tempting brush of sparks that threatened to burst into flames. Todd then pulled back and waited.

Neil sat there, his eyes closed. He could feel Todd's breath against his cheek. He could still feel his velvety kiss that lingered and set his mind whirling. Then, his eyes snapped open and met with pools of blue that were gazing at him with wonder and hope, hope for more.

Then, the older boy gasped and pulled the blond-haired boy down, crashing their lips together in a fit of passion, need and desire. When Neil felt a tongue prod his lips, asking for permission, he granted it with a groan, allowing Todd to explore his moist cavity before gently nudging his own, asking it to come out and play. Soon, each were battling for dominance, creating an endless dance of pleasure.

All too soon oxygen became a problem and they had to break apart. Neil rested his forehead against Todd's and just enjoyed their closeness, their new understanding. He looked up and met Todd's blue eyes. "So, what now?"

"You're asking me?"

"Yeah, you seem to know exactly what to do!"

"That was fluke…"

"Pretty amazing fluke," Neil muttered before pulling him into another kiss.

Ten minutes later, Neil pulled away laughing. "Ok, ok! Stop! I'm serious, what now?"

"Well, what do you want to do?"

Neil could see the real question behind Todd's eyes. "You mean, who do I want to be with?"

Todd looked down in shame. "I could never expect you to choose me over your father…"

Neil placed his hand under the smaller boy's chin and raised his face until their eyes met. "Todd, I already have."

"But why?"

"Because… because I love you."

Seeing Todd's face light up in pure happiness was worth everything to Neil. He smiled. "I love you Todd Anderson, I love you so much."

Totally cliche no? Oh well... these boys need a little happiness! More so, I need a happy ending! PLEASE REVIEW! I love getting feedback!