Disclaimer: I don't own Rose or Dimitri. They belong to Richelle Mead.
A/N: Because Shadow Kiss killed me dead. July needs to come sooner!! Anyway, forgive the OOCness. It's hard for me to get into Rose's head. XD I'm guessing there could very well be another part to this. But it depends on how people like this one and whether I can actually force myself to write another part.
- I Hear Your Voice -
I must have fallen asleep because my eyes shot open when something warm and calloused brushed against my hand. My arms moved out of the way of my eyes where I'd been resting my head, and I glanced up to see him staring down at me.
Dimitri had finally gained consciousness. He was awake. He was alive. His fingers lightly brushed away the hair from my face, tucking a strand behind my ear.
"Hey…" I croaked, my voice still rough from the nap I'd apparently taken while waiting by Dimitri's hospital bed.
"Roza…" he breathed. He looked wounded as he realized where he was and what had happened. He gasped in pain.
Suddenly I remembered why I was here. I jumped out of my seat and wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed kisses everywhere on his face. I just needed to feel him. There were so many things I wanted to say to him. Things I wanted to tell him. That we'd done it. That we'd saved so many victims from the caves. That we'd saved Eddie. That we'd killed Strigoi.
That I'd almost lost him. That I had been so afraid to think of what had almost happened to him. That I'm certain that a part of me would have died if he had. All I wanted to do was hold him close to me and be certain that he was okay. But he was propped up in a hospital bed in the med center with a couple of broken ribs. He was pretty roughed up with bruises everywhere and a couple of cuts and scrapes. But then again, which of us hadn't been beaten up today? The school had been dealt some major damage. Some of my classmates had died.
Things could have been much worse I supposed. He could have been dead. He could have turned Strigoi. But he was alive, and I had to be thankful for that.
"I'm so glad you're okay," I whispered shakily into his hair, a tear leaking out of the corner of my eye. I pulled back enough to look at him, watching his dark eyes as he stared back at me. Concern laced every feature of his beautiful face. I had a feeling that even though he was the one in the hospital bed, somehow, that concern was for me. His hand came up to my face and smothered the traitorous tear on my cheek with his thumb. I placed my hand over his, closing my eyes. I took a deep breath before any amount of strength returned to me. I felt like I might break at any moment. But I felt reassured by him that I could be strong; that I could be strong for him.
When I reopened my eyes, I met his eyes once again. Silent words passed through that brief glance. I sighed as I brushed my fingers over the bandaged area of his neck where he'd been bitten by the blonde Strigoi. It felt like a physical assault on my personal being, just imagining those fangs sinking into Dimitri's neck, those chalk-white lips covering the wound, consuming him. And the blood. Oh, the blood. I would never be able to get that image out of my head. I couldn't help the shiver that rippled through me at just the thought. Dimitri was like a part of me now. A portion of my soul resided within him. My eyes narrowed on the bandage, wishing I could have had another chance with that blonde bastard that bit Dimitri and threatened to hurt Lissa.
When I see him again, his Strigoi ass is mine.
I shook it off and pressed a soft kiss to Dimitri's lips, taking his hand in mine, needing to feel him close to me as much as possible. Needing to feel the warmth of his skin that reassured me that he was alive and well. I never wanted to feel this again, this horrible fear that he might not make it through. The awful feeling that I'd never get to hold him in my arms again.
"How are you feeling?" I asked him. I know. How stupid. He'd obviously been beaten to hell. But I was desperate to hear him speak.
And his voice was gravelly like he'd been sleeping for the past few days. It certainly felt like he'd been out for at least that long, when in reality it had not even been a full night. The sun was probably getting ready to come up and remind us of just how terrible yesterday was.
"In pain… but otherwise… I'm glad you're here." His words were slow and a bit slurred. I hated how it felt to wake up after being drugged up with pain killers. I could just imagine how he felt. And I felt useless, so unable to protect him from this pain. It killed me to see him like this. Dimitri was always so strong.
Except when he was not.
He looked impossibly fragile.
I leaned over him again, hugging him around the head, pressing a kiss into his hair. "I'm here for you. If you need anything."
He nodded and I reclaimed my seat by the bed, laying my hands in my lap. I glanced down at my hands noticing that all of the gold polish on my nails was gone. My knuckles were bruised, cut. Scraped.
"And how are you Roza?"
My eyes snapped back up to meet his. How could he still be so worried about me when he was the one that was hurt? I was about to tell him that I was completely fine, that he needed to worry about himself right now. He was the one that needed to be brought into the med center. I was about to get angry with him for being so concerned about me when he really shouldn't be.
I sighed as I reined it all in. "Much better now that you're awake," I said truthfully, leaning over his bed and propping my chin up with the palm of my hand.
"How long have you been waiting here?" he asked, twirling a lock of my hair in his fingers.
I stole a glance at the clock on the far wall. So, I'd fallen asleep for a few hours. It was early morning – four am early. I'd been waiting with him since yesterday evening, after we'd pulled him out of the cave and ran for it. "A while. Dr. Olendzki tried to kick me out once, but I told her that I needed to be here when you woke up. That you'd been there for me when I'd been roughed up. I needed to be here for you. Because you're important to me." I gave him a weak smile. It was scary how honest I was being. I was so vulnerable. I'd been so scared for him last night. I just wanted him to know that I couldn't abandon him. I'd promised. And I wouldn't let anybody order me around when someone I cared about was hurt and lying in a hospital bed. "I guess she might have noticed how worked up I was because she stopped harassing me to get some rest."
"You should get some rest," he said as he rubbed his thumb gently over what I'm sure was a black circle beneath my eye.
I felt like I hadn't slept at all, and my neck ached. My body was still angry at me for kicking so much ass, and I just felt so miserable. I'm sure my eyes were red as well. Bloodshot from a lack of sleep. But I was relieved he was okay. And I didn't want to fall asleep. Not yet. What I wanted was to be with Dimitri.
"I'm not going anywhere until you are," I said firmly. "So the only sleep I get will be right here in this chair," I said, patting the arms of the chair I sat in. Even Lissa hadn't been able to influence me to leave. I'd really fought them on this. And I definitely didn't want to leave him now that he was conscious. There were still too many things I wanted to tell him. And just being near him again made some of the darkness in my heart disappear.
He patted the small space next to him as if telling me that I could join him there. I guess maybe he'd noticed me staring at the empty space beside him. I'd been imagining my arms wrapped around him nearly this whole time, feeling his warm body against me. I wished I could hold him in my arms and comfort him.
He was probably the only one that really knew me. He could practically read my thoughts. And I had considered crawling in beside him, but I restrained myself for his sake. I mean, what if someone walked in on us? I figured I should try to keep some semblance of control around him. At least until graduation. Otherwise I suppose I might have crept in beside him by now.
Either way, I threw it all the out the window and climbed into his bed, muttering an apology when I heard him give a pained grunt. I let my arms wrap around him lightly, and he pulled my head close to his chest. It almost felt like that time in the cabin in the woods. I could almost imagine we were lying in bed together somewhere that was not a medical center and not in a hospital bed. I could hear his heart beating, and it was such a beautiful sound to me.
I could feel my eyes sting as they filled with water. The last twenty four hours were possibly some of the most traumatic of my life. For more than a brief second, I'd worried that I'd lost someone I loved. Again. Someone so important to me. Someone I couldn't imagine my life without. Someone who had mistakenly, unintentionally stolen my heart from my chest. Someone who now owned more than just a piece of me. My heart would have shattered if he had not made it out of the caves last night. A part of me truly would have died. He smoothed his hand over my hair, somehow knowing what I was feeling.
"You shouldn't be so worried about me," he said.
"How can I not be?" My voice cracked a little. He squeezed me just a little bit tighter. I'm sure he could feel the tears leaking onto his gown. I tried to wipe them away. "When I saw you fall-" I suddenly couldn't speak. The lump in my throat threatened to suffocate me. That's what it felt like. I had to let it out somehow.
"Shh, Roza. I'm here," he said, brushing his fingertips over my cheek.
When I saw him fall, I thought that was it. I thought that what I'd feared the most was happening right in front of my eyes, and I was powerless to stop it.
That image of Dimitri being pulled to the ground, held down, and attacked will remain in my nightmares. And I felt like if I didn't hold onto him as tight as I could, he'd disappear.
"I thought you were dead…" I finally whispered. My throat was closing up on me, and my eyes were wet. I couldn't stop the barrage of tears once they'd started. So much for staying strong for Dimitri. He was the one comforting me. Just like he always has.
I never wanted to lose him. Even the thought of him no longer in my life was like a blow to my heart. He meant too much to me now. This accidental love of ours was the most important thing to me, and it scared me that he was my whole world. Lissa had always been my number one. My best friend. Her wellbeing had always been my primary concern.
That wasn't quite so true anymore.
Earlier we'd been discussing our relationship. How we'd continue to be together as soon as the year ended. But yesterday we had had a close encounter with death, and I was so scared that the bright future we'd imagined together was gone. And I wanted that future. More than anything, I wanted that life with Dimitri. And he had been right. Things can change so quickly. You have to hang on to the people you love and protect them with everything you have. Or else, what's the point?
It felt like a long time before I was capable of uttering comprehensible sentences again.
"I love you. I love you so much," I said to him, gripping tightly to the ugly mint colored hospital gown he was wearing.
"I know, I know," he said, slipping his hand into mine and placing it over his heart. "I love you too."