He's looking at me for the first time in weeks. He's been seeing this girl, Amelia or something, I'm not sure. But I think he's forgotten about me. I'm wondering if I was just a conquest, one that can never be caught, to him. It hurts so much now, because now I realize just how perfect we could be together.

We're like night and day—at least our public personalities are, but really, we're not that different. Why can't he just see that? He saw it before. He saw that we could be together. Now...he only sees her.

It's Christmas time at Hogwarts and Christmas is like a fairytale; well, it looks like a fairytale anyway. It's such a horrible time, but it's so beautiful outside.

If I get up now, he'll stop looking at me; I'm sure of it. I can feel my face heating up; I just know I'm blushing so much my whole face matches my hair...great.

"Evans!" Great, Sirius Black. I turn to face him. This could be bad. Black never knows when to leave my insecurities alone. While I do love him like the brother I never had, he doesn't need to embarrass me as though he is my brother.

"I have a name, Sirius." Please say something normal, or maybe less normal for you; please, Sirius. He pulls on my arm and walks me out of the Great Hall. I'm so confused. Usually he announces what he has to say in front of the whole Great Hall, then everyone laughs and then he apologizes later.

It was quiet out here. All I could hear was Sirius' breathing and our foot steps. "Sirius," I questioned, pulling him to a stop a little past the doors. "What's going on?" He gave me a look like he had something grave to tell me.

"I know, Lily." He knows? I always knew he was off his rocker.

"You know what?" What could he possibly know? I've told him and Remus almost everything about myself anyway; there's almost nothing he doesn't know. I looked up at him. He was tall. I'm not short, but he's almost six foot five. I've always had to look up at him. His shaggy almost black hair was falling into his eyes. He reminded me of John Lennon, the way he had started to grow his hair out. They all did. The Marauders, that is; they looked like The Beatles, not that they knew who they were.

He pulled me farther down the corridor and around a corner. People were probably thinking we were off snogging. There went my reputation.

"Lily," he whispered after pulling me to a stop. "I know you like James." I looked at him. How did he know? I didn't even know. I didn't like James. I loathed him. He was arrogant and selfish and a man-whore and...he's bloody brilliant, but immature and crazy and...sweet, innocent, the greatest listener ever, loving, caring, loyal, honest. The list could go on and on. Yes, I do like James Potter.

I looked down at my feet. Sirius wasn't supposed to know. No one was supposed to know. I was keeping this all to myself because wasn't sure what it was yet.

"Lily, it's all right."

"H-How did you know?" I looked back up at him. His eyes were soft and not laughing. He was giving me that look that I've only seen a few times before this; though none of them were directed towards me, this one was.

"I knew the second you looked at him today. I've had my speculations for a while; Remus and Peter have too, but I figured it out when I saw how you looked at him. Lily, Amelia is nothing to him, she's just a girl who's before you. And really, he doesn't think about any other girls but you. I don't know how he talks with them and dates them and goes on with them, because you are amazing, Lily. I know that because you're my friend and I love you." I smiled at him. He smiled back. I loved his smile, but so many other women loved it too, but I knew who Sirius was; they only liked him for his looks.

"What do I do now, Sirius? I can't just walk up to him and say, 'Hey, James, I just want you know I think I'm ready to go on that date now.' Are you crazy? I just..." I stopped. I was so stressed. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "I just don't know if it'd be a good idea to say something right now. I feel like I'd be opening a can of worms."

"Okay, Lil. You know I'm here for you, and I won't tell Moony...I'll let him figure it out for himself." He hugged me and walked back to the Great Hall.

I stood there thinking to myself for probably twenty minutes before I even realized people were filing out. I looked over and saw Amelia and James holding hands under some mistletoe. I was seething mad with jealousy. I had to walk away before I hexed them. I couldn't take anymore of that bullshit.

I walked to the portrait of the four Founders, my Head dorms, and I paced. I wasn't ready to go in yet. I didn't really want to do anything.

"Bezoar," I said, somewhat snippy. I didn't care, really. I was in a bad mood. I walked to my dorm and grabbed my cloak, scarf and hat and threw them on quickly. I was going outside. It was snowing and beautiful and silent. I needed it. I stormed through my door and to the portrait, where I ran right into the two people I was trying to avoid.

"Geez, Lily..." James helped Amelia up. "Can you get out any faster?" I was embarrassed and turning as red as a tomato.

"Sorry, Potter, Amelia. I'm in a hurry. I...never mind." And with that, I stormed off. I heard her say something along the lines of me becoming a lunatic since becoming Head Girl, and James agreeing with her. Git.

I walked, ran rather, right out onto the grounds and near the tree by the lake. What was wrong with me? That girl was right. I have been a lunatic lately. Merlin, what was I to do?

I was out there for a good ten minutes thinking peacefully on the snowy ground when I stood up to move and couldn't. I didn't even have to look up; I already knew what was there, but I did anyway, just to be safe. There it was, mistletoe. The Devil's plant, it was. What was I to do? I was here relatively alone. I couldn't scream because no one would hear me, but I figured I'd try it anyway. Someone had to come kiss me and get me out of this bullshit. Damn.

"Hello?" I said, somewhat louder than I normally speak. "Hello? Someone? The mistletoe found me and I need, well, help." This was worse than anything. It was like I was begging to get kissed or something. Really, I was; I HAD to get out of this. It was cold and dark and with the way times were I didn't want to be out here by myself. Voldemort's regime was about and I wasn't going to be the first murder on school grounds.

I sighed and tried again. "Please, someone! Anyone, really...I'm not picky." I was freezing. It had to be at least seven-thirty by now. I'd been out here for quite a while. I couldn't feel my toes and I didn't dare sit down; I rightly enjoyed my ass attached. I wasn't about to let Madame Pomfrey have a go at unfreezing it.

"Oh...geez! Come on someone!" I was crying; tears were streaming down my face. I was scared. Who wouldn't be? All I could think about was how the Death Eaters were going to come up over that hill and Avada me all because of some stupid jinxed mistletoe. And then...

"Lily?" I turned, and there was James. My teeth were chattering; tears and make-up were running down my face. "Lily, what's wrong? Why are you out here all alone?" He lightly grabbed my wrist and tried to pull me.

"I-I'm stuck." We both looked up. I then immediately looked down at my feet. I knew someone had to kiss me to get me out of this; I just didn't think it would be him.

"Lily, why did you come out here alone? You're freezing." He grabbed my hand and quickly let go of it. I was so scared, but I felt better now that he was here. If anything happened, I was happy we were together.

"James." He looked at me. "If you're not going to get me out of here, could you at least find someone who will? Sirius could, or Remus would be fine to do it. I'm afraid and I just want to go in and read a book by the fire and drink a cup of hot chocolate and—and..." I was crying again. James touched my face and wiped away some of my tears. I looked up at him. "James, I just want everything to be okay."

"I know, Lily. I know." He stepped closer to me; more tears fell, and he wiped them away, too. I was looking into his eyes when he leaned in and put his forehead on mine. His eyes were closed and he took a breath. I could hear my heart beating, and I was sure he could hear it too. He straightened himself up a bit and kissed me on the forehead. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and he opened his eyes to look at me. His eyes were full of emotion. They were beautiful. He pulled on my wrist and I took a step...I was free.

We walked silently to the Head's tower and he opened the portrait and waited for me to walk inside. He followed me in and the portrait closed. I stood there, knowing he was behind me, waiting for me to move, but I was so ready to take a stand. This had to be the moment. I turned to face him.

"James." He looked at me in that quiet way he would sometimes. I closed the three steps between us and my hand instantly went to his hair and I kissed him. I, Lily Evans, was kissing James Potter. It was delicious and sweet and kinky and hot...I could go on and on. He pressed me up against the wall, hungrily. I wasn't stupid. I could tell what he wanted and I wasn't sure yet what I wanted to give to him.

Eventually we made it to his room. He flicked the light on and kicked his shoes off, still kissing me. I did the same, but I pulled my wand out and flicked the lights back off.

"Lily," his voice was husky and it turned me on. "What are we doing?"

"I don't know." Really, I didn't. "But I want to continue this." I pulled him back to me. My lips felt oddly cold with his pressed against mine. He kissed me with so much passion, I thought I would explode from all the feeling. Seventeen-year-old girls shouldn't feel like this. It probably wasn't healthy.

"I just want you to know I broke up with Amelia tonight. That's what I was doing when you ran into us."

"Okay. James...shut up." I kissed him again, pulling him over to his bed and pulling him on top of me. I tugged on his tie and unbuttoned his shirt, pulled his tie over his head, and he threw his shirt to the floor. He kissed my neck as he undid my shirt; my hands were busy fumbling with his belt buckle. I'd never gotten this far with anyone before. I was a bit nervous. He could tell.

"Lily. Do you want to stop?" No, please don't, my head was saying. I got his belt undone and unbuttoned his pants.

"Does that answer your question?" I could feel him smiling. My shirt came off, and then my pants; we touched the whole time. It was so sensual, feeling this way.

"Lily, if we go any farther, I won't be able to stop myself." Our skin was touching. It was hot. The two of us were kneeling on his bed panting. His arms were around me. I slid my hands up his back and slid them straight into his hair.

"James, I don't want to stop. I...well...I feel like this is right. I feel like we should be doing this, because this is right. You've known all along, and I'm only just realizing it, I'm sorry it took me so long to see it." He took a deep breath and moved his soft hands up my back. My bra became loose from him unsnapping it. My heart was racing again. My hands were touching the top of his boxer shorts and shaking. I couldn't be more nervous. This was James Potter! He'd probably done this a million times before, I had no clue what I was doing.

His hands and mouth were doing wonders on my breasts; I let out a soft moan and was surprised that it came from me. All these new experiences were great. James pulled on my panties—my hands were still shaking on his boxers—and took them off. I was nude in front of James Potter. I felt so vulnerable and he must've known because pushed my hair back behind my ears and kissed me softly.

"You're beautiful, Lily Evans. Just beautiful." I blushed. He took my hands into his and pushed me back onto the pillows. My breathing was jagged andI was wondering what to do next. "Lily?"

"Yes?"

"Have you ever done this before?" He took his boxers off and lay down next to me.

"No. I'm sorry if I'm horrible."

"It's okay, Lil. I've never done this either. I'm just as scared."

"I'm not scared per se. I'm just...well...I don't know what I am." He was kissing my neck and rubbing my sides and he pushed himself on top of me. I grabbed his face and kissed him. This was going to be a perfect moment. It had to be.

"Lily..." James moaned softy. I bit my lip and we kissed more, his tongue making its way into my mouth as he situated himself for this big moment. He pulled up for a moment.

"It's fine, James."

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes. And I'm not scared." I smiled.

Slowly, he entered me. There was a very sharp pain at first, but it slowly faded to something completely different as we met each other's thrusts. It was exhilarating. The passion was beautiful and better than finding out I was a witch. Then something happened, and it was the BEST feeling I'd ever had. We had climaxed, and coming down from a high like that would be equally as amazing as coming up to it, I was sure.

We lay in bed for what seemed like hours, naked and covered up by James' comforter. I was so comfortable in his arms and I fit just perfectly. We didn't talk. We just looked at each other and touched each other and kissed each other.

James kissed me deeply and I closed my eyes. I loved him. I had to tell him.

"Lily...Happy Christmas." I smiled and snuggled into his chest.

"James, I love you." I heard him chuckle.

"I've always loved you, Lily. And I always will."

"Happy Christmas, James." I could tell things were looking up. And it all started with me being outside, needing a kiss.