Author: Proton Star

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, their situation or the worlds they are travelling in, CLAMP do. No money is being made from this piece of fiction.

Characters: Kurogane and Fai, with mention of Sayoran and Sakura as well as several others.

Spoilers: Up to volume 10, more specifically up to chapitre 68.

Rating and content: PG - PG12, nothing worse than in the manga. Fai/Kurogane slash fic.

Summary: Talking was something they found easy, communicating was more difficult.

Kurogane was no fool. Fai was attracted to him. At least he had the decency to make it obvious. Kurogane couldn't stand people who pussy-footed around things.

It also meant he had something to offer Fai as thanks. Tomoyo's curse had left him in a terrible position on this world. He needed to kill people to prove to Yasha-ô's army that he belonged here, and not dead in a ditch, but he couldn't do it without weakening himself severely. He knew full well what Fai's views on killing people were, and before this, he'd only ever seen him use non-lethal methods, even on the Oni. It was a sentimentality that Kurogane could not abide. In Fai's defence, the moment that he'd known that those weren't enough, he'd started to shoot like a born archer. Fai was exceedingly good at his chosen weapon. This was probably just as well, as the army they camped with didn't seem to be the king to take to strangers who didn't speak their language and couldn't fight. Kurogane had tried to cover up the language issue by saying that Fai was his simple cousin, which also helped to explain why they kept each other so close at all times. Their group had already been divided once; it would have been disastrous for it to happen again, especially as, without the white pork pun, they had no escape from this world.

So Fai killed for him and each night Kurogane offered Fai his body to do with as he wished. Each night Fai refused. His reasons varied, to judge by his expression, if you could. Sometimes it seemed to be against his desires and the offer was laughed off. Those were the nights that followed the good days, when there'd only been brief skirmishes, and few losses to either side. Other days, Fai shook his head for 'no' without any particular expression. Mostly though, there was a look of wounded pride, as though Kurogane only made the offers out of pity. As if he would. Pity wasn't an emotion Kurogane accepted as motivation for anything. It was a grateful thanks that was being offered. Kurogane understood that Fai didn't enjoy fighting and thought that killing was wrong, never mind the fact that the man you'd just killed would have killed you if he could have. It wasn't as though Kurogane could comfort him even if they couldn't talk to each other, they'd just argue as usual. Right now though, he had no way of making himself understood which, for a man who prided himself on his actions speaking louder than his words, was intolerable. Fai, who used words to distract people, was so clear in what he meant, even without them.

Like today. Today had been one of the bad days. A massive battle, lots of fighting, glory to be had on both sides, with none for Kurogane and too much for Fai. Fai had kindly awarded Kurogane half his kills, so that he could eat in the company of the other soldiers without feeling ashamed. Not that they managed that exactly, with Kurogane feeling like a fraud because it was dishonourable to weaken a man and then let someone else kill him, and Fai, because, despite having had almost six months to get used to it, still didn't grasp that killing was necessary here. They looked so miserable that the others kept away from them, leaving them to eat their broth alone before they went to their tent.

These horrible nights had become more frequent recently, for reasons unclear to Kurogane, as nothing had changed in the camp, no preparations for the end were being made, and Yasha-ô had always been a withdrawn commander, or had been since they arrived. When some of the longer serving soldiers spoke of Yasha-ô, they might as well have been talking about a different man.

Normally, while Fai wouldn't take what he was being offered, he'd take something else instead. He'd rest against Kurogane's chest, and as he lay there, with Kurogane's right arm wrapped around him, his breathing would even out, deepen and slow. Kurogane would normally fall asleep shortly afterwards. It was amazing how quickly he had adapted to that. The first night he'd barely slept, terribly aware of someone else being there. It wasn't as though he wasn't used to close quarters, with twenty of you, elbow to elbow, in one room, but even then your space was your own, and no one lay on top of you. Every part of him had been straining to leap up and sound the alarm, there was an intruder, someone close in his bed space. He'd managed not to, but it was a close thing.

Tonight was different though, different even to the other bad nights. Fai seemed angry, like wanted to argue with Kurogane, and lacking that, to rant at him, so that Kurogane would understand that he was angry, even if he didn't know why. Fai had kept his vocal cords in working order by talking away at Kurogane, about whatever nonsense he was thinking of at the time, same as he had done before. But now, sounds came, and Kurogane understood nothing but anger.

"And it's just so pointless." Except that Kurogane suddenly could.

"Say that again."

"And it's just so pointless." Fai repeated, astounded and slowly, like this wouldn't last. Mokona must be close by. If it was with the others and they came near, they would be able to find them, and the group would be reunited.

Fai carried on. "Do you think the others are nearby?"

"I don't know. I hope so."

"I hope Sakura will be all right."

"I hope that Sayoran has been keeping up with his training."

"Kuro-pin, you're such a Dad."

"Don't start that again." The nonsense speak had been better than that. "Whatever has happened, we will find out tomorrow. We will go to sleep." Kurogane moved to go to sleep, this was exciting news, yes, but it had been a hard day and there would undoubtedly be a similar day tomorrow. They needed all the rest they could get. Kurogane moved to go to sleep, wrapping an arm around Fai.

Fai shrugged his arm off. "You don't have to do that, not now. We can talk now." Fai moved further away. Kurogane had been right; Fai did think that what Kurogane had been doing was entirely to humour him.

"I've never done anything in this tent that I didn't want to do." It was specific enough that Fai would know that he was telling the truth. He often had to do things outside that he really didn't want to do, mostly not killing their opponents and having to leave them to Fai, but in here, everything was his choice.

He kissed Fai on the forehead and went to sleep. He hoped Fai would also go to sleep, but he held out no hopes. Hopefully it wouldn't disturb him too much, because one of them ought to be rested for tomorrow, given what it could bring.