Hey, I'm Tamara, one half of T and B. For those of you that are reading this story per my suggestion hidden within Waise Heill, be prepared to face a different type of story that is still so similar. The basis is the same; Tamara and Brittany end up with our favorite characters and inevitably fall in love, but, unlike Waise Heill, they don't get there by reading a book.

For those of you that just stumbled upon this story, welcome! Bear with the first few chapters. We wrote chapters one through fourteen the summer of our freshmen year. The writing and the plot gets a lot better as the story goes on. For those of you that don't like self-insertion stories, we do this for fun and most of the stuff in our stories makes no sense whatsoever. Give it a chance. Don't bother flaming. I laugh at flames, and neither Brittany nor I really care. At all.

ETA: Breaks indicates either a POV change or time passage.

Disclaimer: We don't own LOST or IHOP. And I don't think either of us has a rowboat, either.

Bad Luck Island (Tamara's chapter)

The itsy-bitsy rowboat rocked dangerously. "What's going on?" Tamara nervously asked her best friend.

"The wonders of the Pacific," Brittany laughed uncomfortably.

"It was your idea to row across the Pacific!" Tamara scowled.

"We could've take a plane, but no! Someone had to stay at a freaking five-star hotel in Paris. You, miss smarty-pants, are the reason we're flat broke!" Brittany replied.

"It was worth it, though," Tamara smiled.

Brittany glared. "There were roaches in my underwear drawer."

"No. Your underwear was in the roach drawer," Tamara replied.

"Whatever," Brittany growled.

Suddenly, a huge wave lifted their boat and sent the girls sprawling into the water. They swam to an island and collapsed on the beach. Tamara spit out a great deal of sweater before exclaiming, "Where's our boat?!"

"Here it is!" Brittany held up a plank of wood that faintly read SS Black Pearl.

"CRAP!" Tamara yelled.

"I guess we'll make camp," Brittany sighed.

"How? I'm caveman-illiterate," Tamara grumbled.

Brittany tsked. "Such a pessimist," she chided.

"Life sucks," Tamara agreed.

With that fateful statement (which shall become the theme of the story), the girls made camp. Well, they made a fire and sat by it. They soon fell asleep, wondering how they would get off this deserted island or if they would be stuck like Gilligan's Island.

Tamara woke with a start. The fire was still burning. She sat up and looked around, but Brittany was nowhere to be seen.

"Brittany?" She called out hesitantly. "Where you at?" When Brittany didn't answer, Tamara yelled hysterically, "This isn't funny you know!"

Tamara grabbed a longer piece of burning wood and headed into the jungle, calling for Brittany.

Suddenly, the voice of a Scottish man said gruffly, "Drop the torch, sista."

Tamara glanced sideways and saw a rifle pointed at her. She hastily dropped the torch (which magically didn't burn anything) and raised her hands. "I come in peace," she declared.

"Who are you and what are you doing?" The man demanded.

"My name's Tamara. My friend Brittany and I crashed here. We were camping. I woke up, and she was gone. I was just looking for her," Tamara explained.

"Were you part of the plane crash?"

"Um, no. We were rowboat wrecked," Tamara replied nervously. "I'm no threat. Would you please lower your gun?"

Surprisingly, the man complied. "I'm Desmond. If what you say is true, then it isn't safe for you here. Come with me."

"What about Brittany?" Tamara demanded.

"She was more than likely taken by the hostiles. There is nothing more you can do for her," Desmond replied.

Tamara sighed. "How can you protect me?"

"I have a boat. It'll take us from the island," Desmond answered.

Tamara nodded. "Let's go then," she said. As an afterthought, she added: "Wait. What plane crash?!"

"Oceanic 815," Desmond said after a pause.

"Ooh! I saw something about that in Italy. Of course it was in Italian, so I couldn't understand it," Tamara said.

"What were you doing in Italy?" Desmond asked.

"Going to McDonalds," Tamara replied.

"No. I mean, why were you in Italy in the first place?" Desmond said, thinking he had been unclear.

"Um, that's why we went," Tamara said uncomfortably.

"Where the bloody hell are you from?" Desmond asked.

"Michigan. Brittany and I came up with this trip around the world list. We were on our way to a Russian IHOP when we crashed."

Desmond laughed. "I don't think Russia has an IHOP."

Tamara glared at Desmond's profile. "I don't think I like you."

"Isn't that a shame," Desmond replied, obviously not caring.

"Are you good looking?" Tamara asked suddenly.

Desmond frowned. "Are you blind or something?"

Tamara laughed. "No, but it's sort of, you know, dark out here."

"True. Let's go, before they find us," Desmond answered.

Tamara followed Desmond as best as she could in the dark. Finally, Desmond threw out his arm to halt her. "We're here," he said.

They carefully boarded the boat. "We should be in Fiji in less than a week," Desmond said.

"Can we go to Russia instead?" Tamara asked.

"No."

"How about Singapore?" Tamara asked.

"Maybe," Desmond shrugged. "Do you know how to sail?"

Tamara stared at him. "I sailed across the Pacific in a rowboat. What do you think?"

"Right. Stupid question," Desmond muttered.

Tamara helped Desmond set sail before crashing below deck.

When Tamara woke up, the first thing she did was rehash events in her mind. "Oh, hell," she sighed before rising and coming up on deck. Desmond was staring out at the ocean wistfully. "Wow, you are good looking," Tamara declared.

"You're awake," Desmond slurred.

Tamara raised an eyebrow. "Thank you, Captain Obvious," Gently she plucked the empty beer bottle from Desmond's hand. She read the label, and then she double checked to make sure she'd read it correctly. "Dharma booze," she read aloud. "You've got to be kidding me." Tamara tossed the bottle into the ocean.

Desmond pulled out another bottle. He offered it to Tamara. "Nope. I only drink Captain Morgan."

"Why?" Desmond asked.

Tamara laughed. "It sounds silly, but I've always wanted to be a pirate. Even through college."

"What did you do for a living?" Desmond asked.

"I was an actress," Tamara answered.

"Were you in anything I might have seen?"

"Maybe. I was in Telulalah Lake. Smutty romance. Um, I play fairies a lot," Tamara answered.

"I can see why," Desmond said before he could stop himself.

Tamara smiled. "It's just going to be you and me for a week. Man, woman, hot, sexy, tropical atmosphere." Her grin turned seductive. "Accidents happen."

"Sorry, sista, but I've got a girlfriend," Desmond interrupted.

Tamara sighed dramatically. "The world is against me."

"Let me make it up to you," Desmond pulled a black bandana out of his pocket.

Tamara took it gleefully, then she frowned. "Dare I ask why you're running around with a pirate bandana in your pocket?"

"I found it in the station," Desmond answered.

"Care to elaborate?"

"On that bloody island. There's a station with this button that needs to be pushed every 108 minutes," Desmond explained.

"Or what?"

Desmond shrugged. "I don't know. The survivors of Flight 815 are taking care of it now."

"That island must be christened Bad Luck Island," Tamara said as she put on her bandana. "I feel like a pirate!" Tamara was wearing a bikini under her clothes, so she stripped and lay on the deck. The gentle rock of the boat and the warm air lulled her to sleep.

Tamara awoke and watched Desmond polish his gun. "Hey," she murmured, "do you think you can teach me how to shoot?"

Desmond raised his eyebrows. "Sure. Come here," Tamara rose but Desmond halted her. "I can't talk to you unless you're wearing pants."

"But it's hot," Tamara whined. "Do you have a knife?"Desmond nodded and handed her a knife, but Tamara pulled it away, sticking her tongue out. "Pirate," she grinned.

"Do you want to learn how to shoot or not?"

Ew. Please bear with us these first few chapters. Things get a lot better. Trust me. Also, I forgot, but typing this chapter reminded me. For those of you that read Waise Heill, you'll get rewarded for reading this with multiple allusions to that story. Telulalah Lake, anyone?

To clear up any future confusion, this story starts after the season two episode, Orientation, and goes until after season four.

Review!