tomorrow

Tomorrow.

Was it here? Tomorrow.

The day had dawned bright. Streams of sunlight slid their way through the closed shutters on the windows. Misty and Ash sat on opposite sides of the couch, silent, trying not to look at each other.

Misty shifted slightly. Nervously.

"All you have to do is listen," Ash said again, as if it was a spell.

"I know! For God's sake, I know!" Misty nearly cried out.

The air suddenly went so still that Misty imagined she could feel the tiny currents of air caused by her heartbeat. She almost imagined that she could feel his heartbeat.

"Misty..." he looked at her, straight into her eyes, holding her, fixing her into place as if she would disappear. But he was the one who might disappear, not her. He was the one who had left... for seven freaking years...

"Ash, is there something...?" she asked.

"What?"

"Tell me."

"I... God." He broke his gaze, covered his face with one hand. "I don't want to. But I can't not tell you."

"Then just say it."

"I. Don't. Want to hurt you," he forced out.

The cold tingle of fear crept slowly up her back. "What?"

"I don't want to... I don't want to make you hate me for this."

"Just..." She faltered, because she didn't know what to do. For a moment, she despaired as she watched this Ash, this stranger. Of course he was different. She hadn't just expected him to tell everything to her all in one go, had she?

But you had, her mind told her.

"Misty. I don't want you to... take this the wrong way... or anything. I just want you to listen. And afterwards you can scream at me, you can laugh in my face, you can cry, but don't stop me. I don't think I'll be able to start again if you stop me."

"Just freaking tell me, you idiot," she whispered. A small smile.

He took a deep breath, held it, let it out. She saw him swallow nervously.

"Misty, I slept with someone."

Everything came out. The fear, the hesitation, the smiles and the regret. The anger, not only at himself, but at whoever had created their stupid world. He had been stupid. Again. As usual. As always. Except that this time, it was irreversible, even if it was in the past. And he regretted it, every single moment of it, even if it had provided for him, for a short time, a source of relief. Relief from his own feelings. And his memories. But what had opened to him was a pain that clung to his soul.

Misty was silent. After the initial shock, she had listened without comment to his narrative, as he tried so desperately to make her understand what he had thought, what he had felt... and what he felt now. There wasn't any way she could forgive him anymore, could she, his eyes seemed to say. Of course. But she didn't have to forgive him, all she had to do was listen...

He finished. It wasn't that long of a story, anyways. There wasn't too much to describe. He'd kept closing his eyes as if trying to blot out the memory and the pain, trying so hard not to remember.

And then suddenly he stopped, and she glanced up.

That was it.

The room was silent. And then she realized that he was waiting for her to say something.

It... hurts me, she thought. But he's been gone for so long, I shouldn't have expected anything else. And yet it still hurts me.

Of course it does! He was the one who disappeared for seven freaking years! He was the one who came back and made you think that something was still possible!

"So."

The word hung in the air, aimless.

"I shouldn't have kissed you then. Misty."

"Damn right you shouldn't have!" She rose from the couch, trying not to cry. But she didn't feel like crying. She felt like... screaming.

"Misty--"

"Shut up! Shut up I don't want to hear your stupid excuses anymore so just shut up!" Standing there. Breathe. Just breathe. "You had the nerve to come back and make me think we still had a chance and then you tell me this? Why don't you just go and die?!"

Ash flinched.

"You bastard! You freaking bastard! I don't know why, but you just had to come here and break my heart, didn't you? Just because you still wanted me; you're so selfish and conceited and so dirty I don't know why I even loved you! Go away!" And she pulled him from the couch and flung him toward the door, pushing him outside. "Go! I don't ever want to see your face again!"

She slammed the door shut. And she stopped. And she leaned against the door, trying to catch her breath. She'd done it. She had pushed him out of her life, out of her apartment, at least. And she didn't feel... like crying. Just a cold numbness, not unwelcoming.

"He's gone," she whispered to herself.

"He's gone."

From the Authoress:
Badly written. That's what this is. I'm thinking of not continuing this story and putting it on hold for the next.... er... I dunno. It's just that it hasn't turned out the way I want it to. And the idea of Ash doing it with someone other than Misty is so cliche. Argh. Especially since he traveled through time and everything. I'm starting to cringe inside every time I look at this story.