Sigh. I know I'm not writing much humor anymore, but I just can't seem to write full-blown comedy if the DGM manga is in a serious mood. If Allen is unhappy, therefore I am unhappy. If Hoshino-san is sick, then I am sick as well. It's just like that. I'm sorry, does this sound selfish? Anyways, just pray for Allen and Hoshino-san's health and well-being. When they are feeling better, then so am I. That is when I will write comedy.

Oh, don't get me wrong though. This fan fiction isn't entirely serious. Well…maybe but, I will lighten the mood a bit here and there.

Ah, whatever, just read and enjoy.

--

{ONE}

Unwanted Intrusions

To Kanda, it was just another mission—a duty to complete and carry out. It was an obligation that was to be executed under all circumstances. It was one more duty commissioned to Kanda Yu—an exorcist of the prestigious organization, the Black Order.

"I'm sorry Kanda," Komui said. "I know you just came back from a mission and it's awfully early in the morning, but all the exorcists are currently unavailable at this time. I hope it's not too much stress for you."

Kanda sat on the settee in Komui's office while skimming through the mission pamphlet that the Head Chief had handed to him a while ago. A bandage soiled with blood droplets adorned the left side of his face.

"What's stressful is your messy office," Kanda dryly said, his eyes never leaving the crammed report. It seemed to have a lot more details than the usual reports he had gotten in the past, for he had to strain his eyes to make out all the teeny, ant-sized words. "The extreme filth burns my eyes."

"Kanda, you are so cruel," Komui whimpered, dabbing his eyes with a handkerchief. "This is just who I am." He gestured towards the mountains of paperwork surrounding him. "You can't blame me for being myself, now can you? And besides, I pulled another all-nighter last night trying to do my work. I am too busy to clean."

Tch. Giving him excuses, as usual. Just how the hell did Komui work in a dump like this?

"Anyways Komui, about the mission. What exactly is this delivery I'm supposed to be guarding?"

"Glad you asked," Komui said. He scrolled down a map of Europe and indicated at the tip of northern France with a long pointer—complete with a gloved hand replica attached to the end. "The higher-ups in Central have recently approved of a new weapon created by the caliber of their own Science Department. Your mission is to depart to the city port of Calais, France and bring the weapon back safely to London. Now Kanda, during this mission, you must be extremely cautious at all times. This is a very special mission that—"

"—that you must not fail at any cost," a voice interrupted. A man with slanted eyes and a brush moustache entered the office and approached the desk with a crooked smile on his face.

"I thank you, Head Chief Komui, for that superb report," the man said. "It was absolutely splendid."

"Inspector Leverrier," Komui flustered, evidently surprised of the man's sudden appearance. "What brings the Inspector to my humble office?"

"My—my, it sounds as if I am unwanted here," the Inspector chuckled, still smiling. "I just came to add additional information to this particular mission." He turned his attention towards Kanda and extended out a porcelain dish that he had brought with him. On it was a cake with white frosting—embellished with strawberries, blueberries and sliced kiwis.

"Would you like a slice, exorcist Kanda Yu? It's a new recipe of mine and it's quite delicious."

"No thank you," Kanda refused. "I dislike sweets."

"Such a shame," the Inspector said. "Sweets are quite wonderful, wouldn't you agree Head Chief?"

"Only if they're made by my wonderful sister," Komui laughed. But Kanda could tell that the sister-complex was tense. He was laughing awkwardly, not to mention even scribbling on his work at the same time—feigning the act of working hard. Komui wasn't acting like himself. No one would around that man.

Inspector—sent from the pits of hell called Central—Malcolm C. Leverrier. His goal is to defeat the Earl of Millennium and his endless army of akuma, and he would do anything to accomplish it. Because of his control of the reins of power in Central, even Komui, the Head Chief, couldn't object to him, for that man would always have the last word. Kanda glanced at the Inspector take a bite out of the cake of sugary goodness.

Gross. That thing was disgusting.

A voice whispered to him next to his ear. "If you look at the Inspector with degrading eyes ever again, I will personally penalize you."

Kanda rolled his eyes to side, only to see Howard Link—with his strange hair style and even stranger forehead that can be seen a mile away with those two moles. Whatever they were.

He mentally clicked his tongue. Joy. Now another nuisance came along, another unwanted memory before his mission to spoil his mood. The Inspector's Lackey, or Two-pimple—which Lavi enjoyed to call the Junior Inspector, was one of the most annoying people Kanda ever seen. This person was too obsessed with regulations. He would report anything irregular and record it in that black notebook of his and relay it to the Inspector, not to mention that he would always follow the mustached man around like some love-sick puppy. Or a stalker in Kanda's opinion.

In any case, this regulation loving Two-pimple was annoying. Definitely, a top person on Kanda Yu's They-are-a-pain-so-ignore-them-List.

And that is what Kanda did. He ignored Link and turned his eyes (not before glowering at the Junior Inspector) towards Komui, who was having a discussion with Leverrier.

"Komui. When do I leave for the mission?"

"Oh, about the mission Kanda," Komui said, the Japanese noticing the apparent stress in his eyes. "The Inspector also wishes to oversee this mission's completion. But since he isn't able to go himself, his assistant Howard Link will accompany you during the assignment and supervise the transfer of the package."

What?! Out of all the nuisances…

"If we want to make the deportation of the ferry in time," Link told Kanda, "we will have to promptly depart to the London dock as soon as possible." He quickly scribbled a note in his notebook and checked the time on his chain watch. "Or to be more exact, in three minutes and twenty-two seconds." He bowed to the Inspector. "Good day, sir. We will excuse ourselves now."

"Have a successful mission, Link," the Inspector smiled. "This new weapon will definitely help us win this war against the Earl."

"I will sir. The weapon will be returned in perfect condition."

All this was really sickening to Kanda. He disliked the idea of the Two-pimple tagging along, probably writing down every single detail in his log. But as long as the Junior Inspector stayed out of his way and the mission complete, everything would be just fine.

Kanda stood up from the settee and strapped the covered Mugen over his shoulder. But as he was about to exit the office, the mustached Inspector commented on something.

"Kanda Yu, it seems that you are injured. Perhaps you should check that injury to the Head Nurse before the mission. Exorcists should be in tip top shape at all times."

Komui didn't know what to say, as Kanda turned around, holding the bandage that used to be on his cheek with two fingers. His face was clean and smooth, with no blood crusts or skin inflammations.

Kanda slightly smirked as he dropped the dirty cotton pad in a nearby trash container.

"Injury? I have no such thing."

--

The two had arrived at the city dock and according to Link; they were fifty-six seconds late. Kanda scoffed at the unnecessary flawless time calculation. However, it was late enough that they had to use the irregular entry of an advancing steam-powered boat: by taking a running leap off the Tower Bridge and jumping on the deck of the ferry.

They had caused some panic between the passengers from their glorious entrance of the ferry, and after settling the misunderstanding with the ferryman, Kanda and Link entered their first-class cabin. Kanda, being one to never socialize, sat near the edge of the window and looked out at the scenery, his chin resting on his hand.

Link was also an unsociable person, but when it came to missions and regulations, he had many things to say.

"Kanda Yu, this package is very fragile and must be handled with care. It is very important to the future of the Black Order and it will change the way that the organization handles any incidents involving the akuma and the Millennium Earl…" The Junior Inspector droned on about the cautions and the management of the mission, while Kanda only half-listened to what the person had to say. This Two-pimple could really chatter away and that kind of person Kanda hated with a passion. The sister-complex and the stupid rabbit included.

The tedious prattling of Link soon disappeared from Kanda's mind as he mentally readied himself for the mission. He examined his mission log to see the details of the assignment. In it was written:

"Considering the diminutive amount of the accommodators of innocence, the Central Administration Council has made a unanimous vote to pass the permit of a new weapon to be used in this war against the Earl of Millennium. This tool of war will revolutionize the methods of the Black Order organization in the akuma infested battlefield. Once sent to the Black Order Headquarters to be tested in fields of quality and stability, and if the possibility of completion occurs, Central will authorize the manufacturing for more and if improved forms of the new weapon.

This new weapon will be dubbed…"

Kanda stopped reading as he felt the ferry stop to a halt. He tucked the pamphlet back into his pocket and fastened all of his buttons of his overcoat-like uniform. When he went out on the deck, it was chilly and as he exhaled, his breath materialized like the slight fog that surrounded the ferry. So what people said about the English Channel was true, the weather in these waters could be quite strange and very unpredictable. From what Kanda remembered, it was summer back in London. (Not that it made any difference since London's weather was always mild and cool with the occasional rainfall).

He heard Link nearby, talking to the ferryman about their next departing back to London. Immersed with the thought of his mission, Kanda was oblivious to the ladies, gents, and children shying away from the scary-looking man carrying around a sharp sword.

"At what time is this ferry going to depart? We must know that exact time, for our schedule is very precise."

"I reckon around forty past four," said the ferryman. "The waters at this time can be quite treacherous. She can sink any vessel, if you stir her wrath. Besides, it's still morn, and we mariners need our breakfast. We never get a bite to eat because of the busy shipping days. Oh, the traffic is horrible I tell you. Horrible."

Link thanked the man and then the two entered the docking port of Calais. Even though the sun hadn't risen yet, the laborers were already busy at work, lifting crates and getting ready for the first big shipment of the day to Dover. Kanda and Link looked around, trying to see past the groups of busy workers. Kanda felt a shifting movement in one of his pockets and a black golem flew out of his uniform. The speaker crackled, and muffled voices started to vibrate out of it.

"Have you arrived to Calais, exorcist?" the golem said.

"Yes. We've just arrived now. Where is the package?" Kanda said.

"…Yes, we see you exorcist. Turn to your left and pass by the huge crates next to the small fishing boat. We will meet you there."

They followed the directions as the person on the other line had said, and when Kanda and Link turned to the huge crates, there they saw a group of men in tan-colored uniform surrounding a crate as big as the settee in Komui's office—bound with thick ropes and bindings. Kanda had barely missed it, but he distinguished a rectangular strip of paper hidden under the nailed lid—marked with various symbols and scores that he barely recognized.

"This is the package, exorcist. Deliver it to Headquarters with the upmost care and caution."

--

[Ari-chan Commentary]

Okay, first, I wanted to comment on Hitler-man's name. A very unpleasant topic, I know. However, I was pretty peeved whenever I saw many variations of the name, so I decided to find the correct spelling for it. And guess what? I finally found it, IN THE DICTIONARY. This is the correct spelling of Hitler-man's name.

Malcolm C. Leverrier (pronounced lu-vair-ee-ay')

It seems that Mr. Malcolm aka Hitler-man is named after a French Astronomer named Urbain Jean Joseph Leverrier, who is best remembered for his work eventually leading to the discovery of the planet Neptune. (Hoshino-san sure likes to borrow names…) Which is what I don't get; I mean, in the -man Fan Book, it said that Leverrier was British (No! Allen is a better Brit!) But his last name is French. I guess this is one of those "What's up with that?" questions. (Oh, by the way, did you guys know that Link was German? Talk about irony. I thought Hitler-man was German. I guess not.)

So…I hope this cleared up any misunderstanding with Mr. Malcolm's confusing last name. Heck. I even misspell his first name sometimes.

(But in my heart, he will always be known as Hitler-man)

And how was the first chapter? It was very Kanda-centric I understand. Did I keep him In Character? Oh, I hope I did. And to make the story interesting, I kind of tweaked with my writing style but, I'm not sure how it went. Comments, please, I hope? They really encourage me to write more, they really do.