Chapters 36-40 of Nobody Sees Me Wishing

I should've never told her my secret. I should've just kept quiet about it and, if the timing was right later, told her then. We had just reconciled over the stupid kiss (everything was my fault; why was I insistent on ruining everything?) and then I decided to make it even worse by telling her that I was a werewolf.

Trust was important in a relationship, but we didn't even have a relationship any more – not even a platonic one. I had to scare her away. I should've listened to Sirius. Even though he was usually wrong about most things, I should've known that he was only trying to protect me, but I didn't even try to listen to him.

And now here I was – fighting off rumors about the trip to the Astronomy Tower and trying to ignore everything and everyone around me. I didn't have to ignore her – she had disappeared along with the truth. It was all my fault.

To make everything worse, it was a full moon tonight. I already felt sick weeks ago – I didn't need this to ruin my day. It was already ruined the moment before I had opened my eyes this morning. I didn't want to go through this now – not when I knew this was thing that has caused Ivy Bennett to stop talking to me.

"Moony, are you okay?"

Before I could stop myself, I was glaring in Peter's direction and biting my tongue from responding sarcastically. Instead, I shrugged, turning back toward the dormitory door. Sirius was supposed to be here five minutes ago – he couldn't – no, I couldn't afford to be late.

James opened the door to take a quick look outside and then shook his head at me.

Late. Why did he have to be late today? He knew what today was. He knew that I needed to be in the Shrieking Shack in less than an hour. Instead, he was probably snogging some poor girl to death on the couch in the common room, losing track of the time while he tried to suffocate her.

Impatiently, I rapped my fingers against the bedpost. I had no patience on days of the full moon. No patience or control or anything. And that's why Ivy hated me.

"Sorry, I'm late!" My head snapped up to see Sirius rushing through the door. I frowned at him, biting back another retort. Sirius eyed me, watching my reaction. He probably knew I was frustrated with him, but it didn't matter because he couldn't do anything about it.

He looked over at me. "Moony! How are you feeling?"

I ignored the way he clapped me on the back and responded with a short, "Same as always. Terrible."

"Cheer up," Sirius exclaimed with a cheesy grin as if that was going to make everything all better. "Tomorrow will be the day after the full moon and you won't have to worry about it for a whole 'nother month."

I shook my head at him, trying to talk myself out of snapping back at him with a sarcastic remark. I was only able to take one step to the door when there was a frantic knock.

We froze – glancing back and forth at each other nervously. No one came up here – what if they knew something? What if it was a professor that found out about the Animagi transformations?

I couldn't deal with this now.

"I need to talk to Remus!"

My eyes widened as I recognized the voice. It was her. She wanted to talk to me – she was asking for me. Struggling to take a full breath, I turned around to the rest of the group. No, not right now, I couldn't deal with this now.

"I don't want to talk to her," I whispered in a low growl.

"Oh, come on, Moony," Sirius said. "You have a couple minutes."

What was he trying to do?

"No, we don't," James started whispered with an exasperated look. "We have no time to spare."

"But what if she wants to apologize?" Peter joined in.

What if she did? If she wanted to see me, I wasn't going to lose the chance. I wasn't going to let my Lycanthropy tell me what I could and what I could not do.

Sirius turned suddenly and opened the door a crack. "Ivy, now is not a good time."

I struggled to catch a glimpse of her over Sirius's massive head. Suddenly, her eyes connected with me and I waited with a baited breath to see what she would do. Did she realize what tonight was? Was she going to run away?

The way she was looking at me – I knew she had to have figured it out. She was smart; she could sense the urgency.

I winced, expecting the worst. "I don't care," was the words I heard instead.

My mouth dropped open in surprise and I could barely think straight. She didn't care – did she understand what she was saying? "What did you say?" I asked, making my way across the room quickly.

"Really, Remus, we've got to go," James decided to rudely interrupt and I shot him a glare, not even bothering to stop myself this time. Ivy was talking to me again – maybe even accepting me – and he didn't need to ruin it. Nothing did.

"I said," Ivy explained, "-that I don't care that it's the full moon."

"Um, guys, we only have a few minutes," Sirius tried to say, but I didn't even bother to acknowledge him.

"You're not-" I started to say and trailed off when Ivy began to shake her head.

"I've been stupid," she exclaimed, her eyes never wavering from mine. "I'm not afraid of you. It's not your fault. You're still Remus."

I wanted to breathe a sigh of relief, take her in my arms and just hold onto her forever because she was finally okay with everything, but I knew I had to wait. I had questions that needed to be answered and couldn't care less about the time countdown the rest were giving us.

"Why were you so afraid in the first place?" I asked, ignoring the way that my mind was telling me to "get out of there – warning, warning, transformation is going to take place; you're going to become a monster in less than a hour."

She took her time to answer and then replied, "That night in the common room – the dream, remember? These black four-legged animals with yellow eyes were going to kill me."

That nightmare. She was so afraid then – I never thought she was afraid of me. I swallowed the lump in my throat and said, "You never told me that."

An annoying hand on my shoulder brought me back to reality. "Remus, you don't want to transform in the school, do you?" I could hear James ask.

I took a deep breath and looked over at him, trying to speak rationally. "I just need two minutes."

"We don't have two minutes," Sirius added and I honestly wanted to strangle him. "Ivy, you need to leave."

"What about you three?" she asked suddenly.

What were we supposed to say? I anxiously flexed my fingers a couple times and then James finally said, "We will tell you later, Ivy, promise. We just don't have the time right now."

She looked at me quickly and then stepped to the side with a small smile. James and Peter immediately rushed through the door without a word.

Sirius laughed, grabbing me by the arm to push me outside. "We appreciate you finally talking to Remus but you have the worst timing."

The corners of her mouth twitched upward and she looked almost embarrassed. I wanted to tell her so much more, but Sirius was tugging on my sleeve, practically this close to ripping the fabric. However, I still managed to wrench myself away and turn to her.

After trying to find the right words to say, I finally settled upon, "You're amazing, Ivy Bennett." I didn't even get a chance to see her expression before Sirius had pulled me out of the door. But it didn't matter: Ivy accepted me. She didn't care that I was a werewolf. I wasn't a monster to her.

I was Remus.

And that was all I wanted.

-x-

"You are smitten with her."

I groaned, turning the opposite way of the voice.

"You fancy her to death."

Didn't they know not to provoke a werewolf the morning after the full moon? With all of my cuts and bruises and -

I moved again, surprised I felt no pain.

Opening my eyes, I pulled the covers off and saw no bandages. Nothing – no bruises or cuts or bite marks. Everything was fine.

I turned the opposite way, noticing the way James, Sirius, and Peter were smirking at me. They were still trying to make fun of me and Ivy, but I was too preoccupied with the fact that there were no damages the night before.

It was actually relatively calm.

"Mr. Lupin-" Madame Pomfrey suddenly came in with a smile on her face. A smile. She always looked grim after a full moon, but this time, she actually looked happy. "I see you're awake. Did you sleep well?"

I nodded, still in shock.

She came over to do all the normal spells. She did them quick – there were no troubles this time. "It looks like you had a quiet night, Mr. Lupin. You are free to go."

I stared at her. "Really?"

She nodded and I practically wrestled my way out of the covers.

I had had my first good full moon. Not even the normal Ivy teasing was going to ruin it. I quickly made my way out of the hospital wing as the others followed.

"Yesterday was actually pretty easy," James exclaimed suddenly.

I couldn't even agree: the smile on my face wouldn't let me form words. I was still in a daze as we made our way down to the Great Hall for breakfast. I just wanted to talk to Ivy so badly – tell her everything.

A faint singing voice suddenly caught my attention and we turned the corner to see Ivy standing in the middle of the corridor.

"Hey, there you are-"

And she was completely drenched.

"What happened?" I stopped, trying to figure out why she was wringing her hair like she had just came out of the shower.

"Peeves," she answered, barely glancing up at us.

James shrugged, sharing a glance with us. "At least it wasn't us. We'd be more creative."

I stepped forward, taking out my wand to help her dry off. "Thanks," she exclaimed. The stupid smile wouldn't leave my face.

"What are you doing up this early?" Sirius asked as we started to walk with her.

She took her time to respond and then said, "Well, I was going to check up on Remus, but he wasn't there, obviously." Was she worried about me? My breath caught in my throat and then she continued, in a whispered voice, "And I want to know how you all help Remus during the full moon."

We all immediately stopped as my heart began to beat wildly.

She had just learned about me being a werewolf. How much more could she take before she left for good?

"Now?" Sirius asked.

Ivy nodded. I couldn't say no to her; she deserved the right to know. With a sigh, I opened the door to the nearest classroom and ushered everyone in. Locking the door behind me, I nervously leaned against it, trying to think of something to say.

"So..." Ivy said awkwardly.

I nodded over at Sirius and he began explaining, "Okay. What we're about to tell you is secret. You can't tell anyone."

I knew she wouldn't tell anyone. After all, I knew she didn't say a word about me being a werewolf.

With a nod from Ivy, James said, "Have you heard of the term Animagi?"

She shrugged. "Sure, it's-" I could see the realization dawn on her face. I winced, hoping that she wouldn't freak out. "But...how?"

"We found out about Moony's little problem in second year. It took us until last year to finally successfully transform," Sirius explained with a grin.

There was no turning back now.

"You're unregistered," Ivy stated, her eyes wide.

Sirius shrugged. "Doesn't matter."

She blinked, looking at each of us for a long time. I could understand what was going through her mind – she was confused, shocked, and then -

The look on her face changed and I breathed out a sigh of relief. There was amazement.

"Hello, I'm Padfoot," Sirius exclaimed, stepping forward to a grin, "and I've been described as a mangy old mutt." He quickly shook Ivy's hand as she tried to hide her smile.

"I'm Prongs," James followed, and then added, "Sirius insists on calling me a pretty deer, but I prefer stag."

Peter slowly walked up to Ivy, looking down at the floor. "I'm Wormtail. I don't really think my tail looks like a worm..."

"It really does," Sirius began whispering, "The creepiest looking rat's tail I've ever seen." I wanted to laugh at the look on Peter's face.

Ivy looked at me and I found myself shrugging under her gaze. "Uh, I'm Moony, and I'm...just a werewolf."

It felt so good to say that when she wasn't running away.

Instead, she nodded and smiled. "Oh, well, nice to meet you all." And when her eyes locked with mine again, I smiled back at her, relieved that everything was going to finally be okay.

Is the DocX thing working for anyone else? It's not working for me and Nathpollen never got to edit this chapter. I had my friend Nicoley117-LadyBlueMartini edit this chapter for me. Mucho thanks to her.

I promise I'll update this story more often. Just bug me about it.

Thanks for reading!