Ok, this plot bunny just attacked me the other night. I was reading BleachxDN fanfics and I was like, "hey Ulquiorra looks like Harry Potter and L," so then I started planning this crack. I do not own bleach Harry potter, or any other crossovers there may be in this. So enjoy!

Most Arrancar don't know what their lives were like. Few arrancar have flashes of their past lives. But Ulquiorra remembers every minute of his life, all 14 years he spent as Harry James Potter. He was killed right after Voldemort came back to life, but Cedric made it out. As a soul he overheard Dumbledore, Hermione, Percy and Ron celebrating his death. They are still trying to defeat MoldyWart.

And you know the rest; he became a hollow, and later, an espada. Our true story begins on a day like many others in Hueco Mundo, at a meeting with all the espada. But this meeting would have an unusual occurrence…

"Hello my dear espada," Aizen said, walking into the meeting room. As usual the tea was given to all in the room. Aizen took a sip of his tea. *POOF* a fig cloud of yellow engulfed him and when it cleared… there was a canary. Grimmjow and the giant spo- I mean Nnoitra broke out into full blown laughter. The more normal espada chuckled, while the silent ones did not appear to be affected. Well, we all know they were laughing on the inside. Let's take a look into the yellow birdie's mind (A/N: My new name for aizen, Bird Brain)

'GAH WTF IS GOING ON I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE OVERLOARD OF THE UNIVERSE, NOT A CANARY!!!' he squawked, making some of the more dignified espada break out into mild laughter. Grimmjow fell to the floor holding his stomach, or rather where it would have been. The bird poofed back into a rather unhappy Aizen.

"I would appreciate it if whoever did this reveal themselves," he said in a voice that said 'I will kill this person,' very clearly. The espada, having recovered from their laughter, went into deep thought.

'Next time I go to the shop, I have to tell the twins that when a canary cream is mixed with tea it lasts slightly longer. I wonder if Honeydukes has any new chocolate…' Ulqui Potter thought. (Ok, I'm going to combine the two names every time I want to!)

Aizen seemed frustrated that nobody admitted to performing the prank. "You are all dismissed," he said, the same voice as before. The espada rushed out of the room. All heading back to their quarters.

Everyone's favorite emospada entered the room and stood facing a wall. He reached his hand up and pushed in on a spot on the wall. It opened a passage to what might have been a hidden room. The espada took a few steps in, pressed into the wall to close the door, and continued walking.

Just after the door was closed, Stark entered the room. "Hmm? Where's Ulquiorra?" he pondered out loud. He put his hand on the wall next to it and it pushed in. A few seconds later the door was open. He stared at the passageway for a few seconds, and then walked out the door. "Umm… guys? You might want to see this..."

Europe, Diagon Alley…

Fred and George were very successful in their shop. They stepped into the apartment above, leaving their assistant to take care of the shop. "So Fred, do you think he'll manage to come?" "Definitely, but I'm more curious on what he did to those guys this time…" just as that sentence was finished, a giant rectangular shaped glowing thing appeared in the middle of the room and faded away leaving Ulquiorra. He kept his stoic face on. "Trick or Treat," he said and grinned. The twins grinned back. "So what do you have for us today Harry?"

Back at good ol' HM…

The espada as well as the 3 shinigami looked at the door. "Ok, Szayel, is it dangerous?" Gin asked, frowning. "This area is safe, we could go through," and with that a few of the espada were ordered to see what it was. They walked through the passageway until they reached a door. Nnoitra reached out and opened it; they all gazed at the glowing entrance to a world unknown. Slowly, one by one they walked through the portal.

Far away…

Ulquiorra sneezed. "I get the feeling something bad is going to happen," he said. "Why would you think that?" Fred asked their business partner. "There's just this feeling that impending doom is coming," he said scratching his head in confusion. "So, what should we test next? The crazy shoelace monkeys? Or the potato salad that turns you into a blob?" George said, going back to the normal topic. "I really think we can manage both, maybe a whole line of food that turns you into something… what about a cheesecake that not only tastes good, but turns you into a kitten?" Harry said, already thinking of what spells to use. The twins agreed.

Hogwarts…

Stark and Halibel landed in what looked like an office. There was a golden chair behind the desk and many silver trinkets lined the walls. "I think something went wrong," Stark commented, yawning as usual. "And who might you two be?" an old man entered the office. "I assume we are in your office?" Halibel asked, though it was more of a statement, the old man nodded his head and the two launched into a summarized explanation, leaving out a few things of course.

Near the burrow…

Szayel and Nnoitra landed in a field. The noted a lopsided home near them. "Great, what the hell is up with Ulquiorra?" Nnoitra asked his companion, who took out a strange device. The octava espada pressed a few buttons. "The Burrow, Europe?" he said and stood up. "We should go talk to the inhabitants of that place," he said pointing to the building and off they went.

Grimmauld Place…

Grimmjow was very unlucky; he landed face first into a room filled with people. Said people pulled out some useless looking sticks that they pointed at his face. "What the hell?" he said, glaring at them. "State your name!" a man with amber eyes and sandy hair commanded. "Grimmjow Jeagerjaques," he growled. At that moment, the nearby fireplace came to life. Out stepped an old man, Stark and Halibel. "Stark! Halibel! Where the hell are we?" he asked the two. Halibel wasted no time whacking him in the head. "Don't be so reckless, we don't know why Ulquiorra had a portal to this place either," Stark said. "We also don't know where Nnoitra, and Szayel are," he continued. Halibel nodded in agreement. Dumbledore took a few minutes to explain to the order who their 'guests' were. The fireplace flared to life once more, this time revealing a rather plump red haired woman. "Albus! There are two strange men near our home!" The espada were intrigued. "Well Molly, what did they look like?" Dumbledore asked kindly. "One of them had pink hair and the other reminded me of a spoon!" Grimmjow broke into laughter. Stark sighed. "Well that's Nnoitra and Szayel, nobody else could look like that," he stated. The red haired woman looked at them. "Albus, who are these people?" she asked. And thus the old man explained everything for the 2nd time and Grimmjow recovered from his laughter. In the end Stark was sent to retrieve the other two and he left with Molly.

Near the burrow…

Stark had no trouble dragging both of the other espada to the fireplace and flooing them back to the Grimmauld place where Dumbledore had to explain everything to them, again. "Well now that we all are on the same page, we have to find Ulquiorra," Szayel said, sighing. "What does this Ulquiorra look like?" Sirius asked. (He is still alive because Harry died in book 4 lets say this is during the summer after 5th year)

"Ulquiorra has messy black hair, green eyes, and remnants of a white helmet on his head, he's usually pretty recognizable," Halibel said. Most of the inhabitants of the room were looking a little bit less cheerful after the 'messy black hair, green eyes' description. A few were lightly sobbing. "Was it something I said?" she asked confused. Molly wiped away a few tears. "It's just, he sounds like Harry," this served to confuse them even more. "Who?" Nnoitra voiced all of their thoughts. "I-it doesn't matter, lets just find this guy," Ron said, appearing to stutter. "Hmm… wherever we all landed must have some connection, so what is a similar place to where we were?" Stark asked thoughtfully. Ginny seemed to get an idea and spoke for the first time. "We could check Fred and Georges shop…" she murmured. "I think that we need a trip to Diagon alley then," Dumbledore seemed to agree. So the espada were given some 'normal' clothes (well by wizarding standards) and they flooed to WWWs with Ginny, Ron, Hermione, (they needed school supplies anyways) and Molly. Of course they flooed into the twins meeting room where they saw a very unique sight. Fred, George and Ulquiorra laughing and smiling. The later making most of the espada get dizzy, ULQUIORRA DOES NOT LAUGH! "I see starzzz…" Grimmjow mumbled before fainting. The three snapped out of their conversation (if you must know they were talking about what would happen if Malfoy ate a chocolate that made him sing). "U-U-Ul-Ulquiorra?" Nnoitra was for once, speechless, and joined Grimmjow out cold on the floor. Stark needed to hold onto a doorpost to prevent himself from falling. Szayel was… well his jaw was dropped and his left eye was violently twitching. Halibel was just plain confused.

"Crud,"

Well, originally this was going to be a long one-shot, but I'll just make it a twoshot. I've had fun writing this part anyways! Find out tomorrow what happens! Will he obliviate them? Are the wizards going to beg him to help them with ol' Voldy? Only time will tell. And I just realized, Ulqui's hair covers the same spot Harry's scar would be! PROOF!!!