Unspoken Devotion: Requiem

Chapter Two

The slate will soon be clean,

I'll erase the memories,

To start again with somebody new,

Was it all wasted,

All that love?

I hang my head and I advertise,

A soul for sale or rent,

I have no heart, I'm cold inside,

I have no real intent.

Queen – "Save Me"

* * * * *

If anything was ever truly learned by those with a broken heart it would be that the night was made for mourning. The daytime would always provide distractions, but when the sun went down all that would be left to do would be to ponder over memories of happier times.

Perhaps that is why Omoidasu always filled up at this hour.

Kagome wearily scooted until the rest of the tables were hidden from her view. She leaned her head against the wooden paneling and stared desolately at the empty seat opposite her. As if on cue a memory began to stir and she reflexively reached for the bottle, pouring another drink.

The old me wouldn't do this.

But that optimistic young girl was gone, she reminded. That Kagome was buried beneath a suffocating pile of broken dreams and endless heartaches.

A familiar form began to manifest itself before her eyes, and every developing distinction brought with it the faint wisp of a particularly painful memory. Flinching inwardly, Kagome tipped the glass to her lips and took a quick swallow. As the hot whiskey ran down her strangely dry throat the form began to evaporate, taking the tragically memorized piece of her painful past with it.

She gazed at the liquor gratefully.

What truly mattered was that the sorrowful memories died briefly with every drink, fading into the cool recesses of her subconscious and giving her a blissful moment's peace. Yet, even through the endless haze of alcohol she always managed to wonder what she had done in her lifetime to deserve so many cruel twists of fate.

It should be enough, she thought angrily, to have to wake every morning and see what I've become. That degradation should be enough.

But it wasn't, and now, as she stared wistfully at the amber liquid resting innocently in her glass-

(this color does not remind me of his eyes)

-she wondered what incident had caused her to completely shatter. And for the first time in what seemed like forever, Kagome allowed herself to remember. She thought hard, back to a time that was simultaneously farther and closer to her heart than anything she had ever known before…

Kagome remembered the Feudal Era.

* * * * *

He had barely laid foot into the darkened room when the human woman faced him and grasped onto his shoulders, forcing him against the adjacent wall. She ran her lips along his jaw as her hands snaked inside his shirt, and he was just so empty, so tired that it didn't even matter that he was allowing himself to be dominated, and by a human female no less.

Her hands caressed his bare flesh and every touch she made left a burning, bitter path in its wake. Somewhere in the recesses of his mind the primordial side of him reared its head and whined its antipathy, just as it did every time he took a woman to bed.

It is not her!

He languidly closed his golden eyes, allowing his other senses to take control as Myra's lips moved to his bare chest. "I know," he replied, speaking so softly the woman before him didn't even hear him speak.

Displeased but compliant the beast grunted, fading back into his subconscious, and as the woman's fingers nimbly loosened his belt he wanted nothing more than to follow the primitive creature into the dark. Instead Sesshoumaru turned his face to the ceiling, away from the human's blonde hair and blue eyes, and when he felt her little puffs of breath travel lower he grasped her hair, not in passion but desperation, and imagined silky raven tresses.

She briefly paused above him before wantonly digging her fingers into his hips, and he faintly smelled his own blood. He nearly lost control over the woman's brazen antics; no whore had ever made him bleed. When Sesshoumaru felt her tongue laving the wounds he all but cringed. Sensing the change in atmosphere, Myra got to her feet and tenderly cupped his face.

The gesture seemed oddly out of place.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" she asked huskily, and there was a trace of smug satisfaction in her voice.

He wanted to laugh at her question, but he never laughed anymore.

"You cannot hurt me," he told her, and then he grabbed her wrists roughly. He briefly examined her hands before sighing resignedly and splaying her hands across his chest.

The corner of her lip lifted and she wrapped her frail arms around his neck. "Good."

She kissed him harshly, desperately, and when he opened his mouth to her probing he tasted the years of her degradations on his tongue. Myra moaned into his mouth and to his ears it didn't sound passionate but rather forced and accepted.

He knew she really didn't want this, no more than he did.

There is still time, he told himself and he placed his hands on her shoulders and pulled her away from his lips. She gazed at him in confusion and for the first time since their intimate encounter he stared into her eyes. Tell me no.

She licked her lips sensually, smiled and he could feel his stomach clench.

No, she does not want this, he told himself as she pressed her cold lips to his once again. Sesshoumaru could feel her heartbeat quicken when he didn't respond and he sighed tiredly, draping his arms around her petite waist. She smiled against his skin.

But it is all she knows.

Myra tried to deepen the kiss, but this time he did not open his mouth to her. She huffed in annoyance at his lack of response and instead brought her lips to his ear, nibbling the lobe. "Are you going to take me against the wall like an animal," she whispered sensually, "or on the bed like a civilized human being?"

He nearly snorted in ironic amusement at her question as he grasped the hair at the nape of her neck and pulled her head back until they were eye to eye. He made sure to keep his stoic gaze steadfast.

Myra smiled coyly and pulled his hand from her hair without struggle, examining it for a moment before laying a kiss on the tip of one dangerous claw. The unusual length was virtually imperceptible in the dark.

The tip of her tongue touched his skin. "I don't have all night, you know."

No, he agreed silently. In fact, you may not even have tomorrow.

As he yielded to her wants and followed her to the bed he briefly wondered if he should tell her, tell her about the stench of death and decay on her breath and in the sweat of her skin. A smell so faint no human doctor would ever know of it until it was too late.

She led him to the bed and sat down and he placed her beneath him, straddling her hips with his muscular thighs more out of habit than anything else. She grabbed him and brought him down for another bruising kiss, putting all her passion and desire into that one act. He found he could do no more than follow, for he had nothing to give.

These days, he only took.

Sesshoumaru could smell salt in the air, and when she finally released him he lifted his head enough to see that she was crying. Not bothering to hide her tears, Myra bit her lip and caressed his cheek.

"Tell me you want me."

He swallowed hard. I do not want this…

His hair fell like water through her fingers. "Tell me you need me."

I need peace…

She dug her fingers desperately into his shoulders and sobbed. "I don't know what to do anymore. This has never happened. Please…"she cried while cupping his face tenderly. "Tell me. What's the matter? Did I do something wrong?"

I. Want. Redemption!

He clenched his eyes at the painfully familiar words and hoisted himself away from her. She cried out from the loss, clutching his neck like a fearful child, and he begrudgingly relented to her.

"Please don't leave me!" she begged and now harsh, inapt sobs wracked her body.

He wrapped his hands around her forearms and easily pried her off. The old him, the real him was trying to break free, and he feared if he succeeded this frail, human woman would be the victim of his once legendary wrath. When he stood and their bodies were no longer touching she became angry.

"Don't you dare leave me like this!" she cried and his ears rang from the volume of her voice. He took another step away.

"I can make your life a living hell!"

And that was the irony, for his life was already such.

He appeared in front of her so quickly he was merely a blur, and she fell back on the bed in fear. He had red eyes.

"Woman," he growled, "you are dying."

She stared at him with wide eyes. "W-what?"

He snarled and dug his elongated claws into the down mattress on either side of her, spewing goose feathers everywhere. "Your blood is tainted and your mind is ignorant. Can you not sense your body crying out?"

She was too startled by his animalistic behavior to scream, but she managed the courage to slap him hard across the face. Whether she did so in understanding or fear he didn't know.

"You're lying!" she cried.

The walls suddenly seemed too close and the air was too foul, so he turned and left her, broken and abandoned in the room. He raced down the stairs while simultaneously buttoning up his shirt, and for the first time in his life he was afraid. This disguise was eating him from the inside and when the dust settled all that would be left would be Sesshoumaru, the revolutionary, human business tycoon.

He raced past his colleagues and somewhere he heard Akira call out, "Did you make her scream?"

Sesshoumaru ignored the laughs and jeering taunts and before Akira could take another breath his hand was around the stout man's throat. Akira's eyes widened and he laughed nervously, holding his hands up in submission.

"Hey, man, I was only kidding."

Sesshoumaru lifted his lip in disdain. "Man?" he questioned angrily. "I am no man."

Akira suddenly found himself airborne and he roughly landed onto a lounge seat ten feet away. The couch made a sickening creaking sound, and as Sesshoumaru turned and hurried out the double wide doors the couch gave one last groan before the legs gave out and the seat tumbled to the floor; with a dazed Akira still perched shakily on top.

Sesshoumaru rushed out into the street, into the pouring rain and he could hear his wild heart beating. And as he stood on the sidewalk while the waves of humanity came crashing down upon him, he began to laugh darkly at the appalling human emotion now coursing through him.

He wanted a drink.

* * * * *

He had wanted to talk and she had readily agreed, so when the sun began to set she went to meet him under the cover of the God Tree. When she emerged from the copse of trees he was already there, leaning up against the base of the God Tree with his arms tucked into the sleeves of his red kimono.

She couldn't help but smile at how ethereal he looked in the fading light. But despite his still, quiet contemplation she could sense the fiery aura of victory radiating off him in suffocating waves.

As she traveled closer to him she realized there was something else in the air as well. It was deep and dark and she could actually feel the cold wisps of it entangle her body and caress her skin. But it was very faint compared to the intoxicating energy that seemed to envelop the forest so strongly that the clearing glowed, so she pushed the feeling aside.

Inuyasha continued to remain motionless, and a secluded part of her knew that this silence was not normal for the two of them. This quiet was tense and while the child she used to be longed for him to speak, the mature woman she had become dreaded the words she somehow knew would pass his lips.

It felt as if the world had stopped spinning as the silence dragged on, and before she could stop herself, she spoke. "You know, I'm not sure whether I should be laughing or crying right now."

She practically sighed in relief when the corners of Inuyasha's mouth lifted into a smirk. But it was a grim smile, more like he was finally acknowledging a hard truth than celebrating a victory he had waited far too long for.

Finally, he cracked one eye open and looked at her, and Kagome could feel the coldness embrace her more intimately, seeping bitterly into the pores of her skin and coursing sluggishly through her veins. She involuntarily shivered, unsure if it was from the sudden unearthly chill or from the way his eyes seemed to glow.

Inuyasha seemed to sense her distress and turned his head, his long bangs masking his intense eyes. The absence of his stare didn't make her feel any better, but she tried to sound confident for him.

"Are you all right, Inuyasha?" She instantly wanted to berate herself for the stupid question when he started to chuckle, but his laughter was strangely dark and hollow.

His behavior was scaring her, and she suddenly wanted him to leap from the tree, sweep her into his arms and say, "Of course I'm all right, idiot!" That would be such a likely reaction from him, and she would gladly overlook the name-calling if he would only act like his normal self again.

But the grim laughter dripping from his lips told her that the scenario she pictured would not happen, and she felt a bitter premonition worm its way into her spine, forewarning that he was about to act anything but normal. Kagome tensed when his laughter abruptly died and he inhaled deeply, preparing to speak.

"…I've dreamt of this moment ever since I can remember. Even when I was a boy I lived off revenge, you know. Except for those first few nights when I figured it'd just be easier to find some random demon who'd be more than willing take out an abomination like me, revenge has made me eat and drink and breathe."

Unconsciously, he removed his hands from his kimono and placed them at his sides. Even in the dimming light she could see the blood dripping from his compressed palm where his claws had pierced the skin.

"Whenever I did feel like giving in I'd just have to think of Sesshoumaru because I knew that I didn't want to give that bastard the satisfaction of coming across me dead. I knew he'd stand over my body and sneer and think to himself that he was right when he decided to leave me to humans."

He chuckled, a throaty sound thick with nostalgia and devoid of humor. "It was this fact, this knowledge that kept me going, because I'd be damned if I was about to prove him right about anything. I didn't ever live for myself. I existed just to piss him off.

"But then I met Kikyou, and for the first time in my life I wanted to be, not because it made anyone's life difficult, but because it made me happy." He blinked slowly. "It felt almost forbidden to know that I was doing it all for myself."

He looked at her again, but this time he kept his gaze steadfast. "When you released me, revenge was all I could think about. Even when I learned Kikyou was dead, the need for vengeance never once wavered. I thought I'd die from all the hate in my veins." He smiled grimly. "Why else do you think I agreed to slay all those stray demons during our journey?

"When Naraku first revealed himself I was happy. Not because I'd finally learned who had turned Kikyou and I against each other, but because he was the object by which I'd gain my revenge." He swallowed thickly. "The fact that he was half-demon made it all the better."

She gulped and took a small step forward. "Inuyasha," she said in a placating tone. "It's totally natural that you would want vengeance for yourself and Kikyou. Naraku got what he deserved." She reached out her hand and gently touched his shoulder. "What you're feeling, what you've felt is normal."

Without warning he turned and grabbed her hand so tightly the bones grinded together. "Not like this, it isn't," he whispered harshly. "Every time he escaped I was happy. Sometimes, I even wanted to let him go, just to drag out the satisfaction of when I'd finally defeat him. But the more time passed and the lives he destroyed. I…"

He let go of her hand and she backed away from him, not out of fright but instinct. He didn't seem to notice. "…I shouldered their retribution. Every single person he transgressed against. And as time passed and his power grew I realized that my revenge was no more important than the farmer who lost his land or the demon who had been deceived or the village that had been destroyed. It was time to end it because…" He hung his head. "…I think if I'd have come across one more being who'd been wronged by him I'd have gone insane."

She wanted to go to him, comfort him, but a small part of her was wary. "But you did it, Inuyasha," said managed weakly. "You won."

"Yeah, I won," he spat. "But at what price?"

She blinked. "I don't understand."

He glanced at her from the corner of his eye and the cold became so intense it burned. "Kagome… you need to go home."

The bottom fell out of her world. "W-what? Why?"

He sighed. "The adventure's over and everything is as it should be. Now, I need to put the last thing right."

"But…but what about me?" She lowered her voice to barely a whisper. "What about us?"

He cocked his head. "What about us?"

She felt her cheeks heat, but she refused to back down. There was too much at stake for reservation. "I thought that when it was over, we'd…I mean...that is to say…"

Suddenly the burning cold was overwhelmed by her fire and she pointed her finger accusingly at him. "I thought you loved me!"

She expected him to flatten his ears, blush, and either leap away in embarrassment or stay behind and vehemently deny her accusation. However, he did neither of these things and she didn't know what to make of it. When he turned his head and really looked at her it nearly broke her heart all over again.

"I can't love you like you want me to, Kagome."

She could feel the tears run down her cheeks. "Is it because of Kikyou?"

Inuyasha frowned. "This has nothing to do with Kikyou. Time changes everything, Kagome, and as much as you'd like to deny, time has changed you. In the past you loved me, but I was too blinded by my own needs to see it. Now, now I want you so badly it hurts. But…" He looked up into the night sky. "…You don't love me anymore."

"That's not true!" she cried. "I love you just the same as I did five years ago! Nothing's changed between us!"

"Things have changed, Kagome. Tell me, in all honesty, am I the person you want to be with for eternity? Is this the face you want to see every morning when you wake and every night when you lie down to sleep?"

"For the rest of my life, yes!"

He punched the God Tree so hard the bark splintered. "Stop lying to yourself! Stop lying to me! And stop trying to be the fifteen year old girl you were before! You don't love me as a lover anymore, Kagome. You love me as a friend and it's my entire fault."

Inuyasha drew in a shuddering breath and looked away. "I don't know. Maybe…maybe if I'd seen it earlier, acknowledged it sooner, things wouldn't have to be this way. But I was selfish, and I chose to ignore the signs and overlook your loyalty." He glanced at her briefly and his eyes were shimmering. "You'll never know how deeply I resent myself for that.

"And the temptation to be selfish again is very, very strong. But, what kind of person would I be if I allowed you to give yourself to me when that's really not what you want, despite what you try to tell yourself?" He swallowed hard. "It's so blindingly clear now. I made you wait too long…and you've moved on."

He pushed himself away from the God Tree and turned to face her completely. "So, yeah, I've won," he said sadly. "But I've also lost."

She cried then, harsh, ragged sobs that wracked her body, and when he comforted her she hoped to feel some sort of spark, some kind of fire within her that would prove him wrong. But there was nothing exceptional from his embrace, and the only warmth she felt was from his body.

Inuyasha brought them to their knees and stroked her hair soothingly. "It'll be all right. It's so much better this way, you'll see."

His tenderness was so regrettably unbefitting and it hurt her to know that she had changed him so drastically. Slowly, she lifted her head from his kimono and gently cupped his face.

"What have I done to you?" she whispered sadly.

Inuyasha smiled down at her. "Idiot," he fondly breathed. "The more you sit here and cry over what can't be changed, the longer you're denying someone else the same privilege you gave me."

She laughed, and it was soft and sad. "I don't deserve you."

"No," Inuyasha agreed quietly as he helped her to her feet. "You deserve better."

She gazed into his eyes and saw a fierce love there she had never seen before. The loss made her want to cry all over again. He suddenly reached for her face and she closed her eyes in what she willed to be anticipation of the caress. But when she didn't feel his touch she opened her eyes questioningly and saw that his hand had frozen in place and his fingers were a breath away from her skin.

"What's wrong, Inuyasha?" she whispered, noticing that his hand had started to tremble.

He pulled his pained expression from his hand to her face and smiled sheepishly. "I want to touch you so bad," he admitted quietly. "But…it's not right."

She slowly wrapped her hand around his wrist and brought it to her face, unable to keep the smile from showing at his shocked expression. Yet, despite Inuyasha's surprise at her brazenness, he put up no resistance.

"Yes, it is," she assured him as he tenderly caressed her cheek with a calloused thumb, wiping away a stray tear. "It's all right."

They stood there in the dark staring at each other for a few moments more before she gently removed Inuyasha's hand from her face and placed it at his side. Shyly, she moved closer to him until she could feel the heat radiating off of his body, all the while keeping their fingers entwined. As she leaned toward him, she imagined an unbecoming blush staining the usually brash half-demon's cheeks.

"I want you to kiss me, Inuyasha," she said softly.

He tensed and began to pull away, but it was a weak attempt and she held on strong. "No," he said hoarsely. "I can't."

She trembled slightly; feeling dazed by her request for him if that were even possible, and leaned closer until she felt his quick puffs of breath on her lips. "You can," she told him as she gently placed her hand on the back of his neck, preventing him from pulling away. She was gratified to feel him begin to tremble beneath her hands and it felt good to know that he was just as nervous as she.

"I don't want any promises," she told him quietly. "I'm not asking for your eternal devotion and I don't want to be remembered with tears." She swallowed thickly. "I just want the now. Please kiss me, Inuyasha. Not as a lover. As the best friend I've ever had."

His muscles relaxed then and she easily pulled him forward until their lips lightly touched. It was the most honest kiss she had ever given or received; never mind she didn't have much experience. When he gently moved his lips against hers she sighed contentedly, silently pleased with his response.

Feeling oddly confident at his acceptance, she put a little more pressure on the kiss, and when he didn't protest she wanted to pull back, smile timidly and ask him how he could possibly think that she didn't love him anymore. The idea that the love she had harbored toward Inuyasha since this journey began could suddenly vanish without her knowledge seemed incredible.

…Then why don't I feel anything?

It was true. This moment, the moment she had been waiting for since forever felt no more exceptional than when she kissed Souta on the cheek, and she couldn't understand why. The idea that all that she knew, everything she had based her future on was falling apart frightened her, and she instinctively moved closer to Inuyasha, seeking reassurance from the only steadfast thing in this life.

The knowledge that one of them was right about her true feelings was strangely humbling, but the nagging doubt that insisted it was she who was wrong terrified her more than any of Naraku's evils ever did.

At that moment Kagome didn't need to look at Inuyasha to know that he would have a serene look on his face, his features completely devoid of any passionate bliss. It hurt her to know that he thought of this kiss as a confirmation of his beliefs rather than a special moment between them.

She furrowed her brow thoughtfully. He was holding back for her, because he believed that if he took control he'd be taking advantage of her. It was a gracious gesture, and had this been their first kiss, a promise of a new life together, she would have been touched. But the path of her destiny was riding on this kiss, and she could only mentally huff and wonder how he expected her to sort out her actual feelings when he wasn't even participating in the kiss!

Resignedly, she steadied the grip she had on the back of his neck.

I know I want more than this…

She could feel her heart pounding as she gathered her courage.

I am ready for more…

She tried to still her nervous shaking at the thought of what she was about to do and pressed her body against Inuyasha's, clumsily trying to deepen the kiss.

I'll show him that this is love.

She thought she had succeeded when she felt Inuyasha stir, but before her human reflexes could comprehend what was happening he jerked away, his lips leaving a searing impression on hers. His reaction was so unexpected that she stumbled forward from the loss, barely catching herself at the last minute. When she regained her balance he was supporting himself against the God Tree, panting and looking just about as dazed as she felt.

She felt a strange sort of pride at the image before her. It excited her to know that innocent she had the ability to affect someone like that. A more cynical part of her wanted to ask him how it was, but his angry expression easily crushed that notion.

"What the hell were you thinking?" he cried in a guttural voice.

Feeling suddenly ashamed, she lowered her eyes. "I…I don't know. I just thought that-"

"You thought what?"

She flinched at his tone. "I thought that if I took things a little further you'd…you know."

"You thought I'd rut with you?"

Her cheeks heated in embarrassment and she glared at him angrily. "No, you pervert! I thought that if I moved things along you'd finally understand that I still love you!"

His eyes softened a little, but his tone was still harsh. "Kagome, I'm not wrong. You don't understand how much I wish I was." He pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. "God, Kagome, doesn't that kiss prove anything? There was nothing there!" He looked at her dejectedly. "You didn't feel anything."

"Of course I didn't feel anything!" she exclaimed angrily. "How can you expect me to when you're not doing anything? For God's sake Inuyasha, it was like kissing my brother!"

He raised an eyebrow and she blushed in mortification. "On the cheek!" she sputtered indignantly.

Inuyasha smiled and folded his arms inside his sleeves, sitting on the ground in his signature fashion. He was behaving like he always did every time they had an argument, and it was hard to believe by the way he was acting that this time was any different. She almost expected him to utter a barely audible 'feh' before leaping away in order to cool off, leaving her to do the same.

But this is different, she reminded herself bitterly. This is the argument of arguments, and right now, everything is at stake.

Inuyasha's soft voice disrupted her thoughts. "I don't know why you think this isn't hurting me."

She crossed her arms and sneered. "You don't seem to be hurting very much."

He looked at her with a pained expression. "I can't remember the last time I cried." He smiled sadly and patted his chest. "It's in there, you know. The urge to express how badly this is killing me is there, but it doesn't know how to come out.

"When you leave I'll probably go and claw down a forest, maybe go on a hunting spree and kill any demon that challenges me. Afterward, when the shock of what I've done finally sinks in I'll most likely go and sit in a tree and sulk." He chuckled lightly. "I always was very good at that."

She bit her lip and looked out over the dimming horizon. "I just don't understand. If you want this as badly as you say, then…why?"

She heard his clothing rustle and knew that he had stood. "Because I love you too much to destroy you."

She let out a un-lady like snort. "And how would you destroy me?"

Inuyasha placed his hands lightly on her shoulders and she absently marveled at how soundlessly he moved. "You've lived for me for five years," he breathed before gently turning her to face him. "Now, I want you to live for yourself."

"…I want to believe you," she finally murmured. "It would be so much easier to know that you're doing this for me, that you don't have some ulterior motive for sending me away." She drew in a shuddering breath. "It's just so hard to accept that it's meant to end like this."

Inuyasha tipped her chin so that she was looking at him. "I don't know what you want me to do, Kagome."

She grasped onto his kimono desperately, a wild look in her eyes. "Just love me."

"I already do," he replied before lightly placing a kiss to her forehead. "That's why I'm letting you go."

She went to protest but he placed a finger to her lips, silencing her. "Kagome," he said, and his voice was thick with finality. "You need to go home."

She pulled away and gazed at him, begging him as a last resort to reconsider with her eyes and hoping that emotions could change what words couldn't. But he stared down at her impassively and under his gaze she felt a soothing numbness take hold of her, freezing her insides and deadening her senses.

As a last resort she glared back at him with all the resistance she could muster, thinking that if only she could waste a few moments more he would realize what an awful mistake he was making and take it all back. But Inuyasha's stare was unyielding, and at last she relented; not because it was what she wanted, but because she wanted to make him happy.

"I…I guess I better go pack my things."

He nodded and it was then they realized that they were still holding hands. She pulled her hand from his grasp and the sensation of skin on skin now felt nothing but awkward to her. Deep down she despised the unsettling nothingness that now accompanied his touch.

But it didn't really matter, she reminded herself, because after tonight she'd never touch him again.

When she left toward the village he did not follow, but rather remained behind. And when she bid all her friends a hasty farewell he was not there. At first she thought he might not have been able to cope if he actually saw her go in person, but as she perched on the lip of the well she wondered if it was her own fickle resolve that caused him to stay away.

She waited a few moments before leaping, looking expectedly at the surrounding trees and silently hoping he'd burst through just in time and tell her that he had been wrong.

But he never came, and when she finally jumped and the well's magic enveloped her, the reality of what she had just done hit her full force.

He had let her go, and dear God, she had let him do it.

It seemed like she was suspended in time forever, and she nearly breathed a sigh of relief when she felt her feet hit solid ground. But the respite was brief, for when she heard her mother's melodic voice and felt the magic caress her skin for what she knew was the last time, she collapsed on the cold, hard ground and grieved over her lost life and love.

* * * * *

Kagome remained motionless as the last wisps of the tragic memory faded from her mind. Absently, she began to run her forefinger along the rim of her glass before slamming her fist painfully against the table.

That should be it, she thought angrily. But…it isn't.

While her sudden parting with Inuyasha did cause the last remains of her moral barrier to crumble, the innocence that had been dwelling for so long behind those walls was not lost; it was merely buried beneath the rubble. Whether it had lacked the drive or motivation for escape Kagome hadn't known, and at the time she didn't care to think on the reasons behind her invisible, emotional stopper.

Instead, she opted to lay awake at night and stare into the darkness, silently hating herself for treating Inuyasha so cruelly and for blatantly questioning his good intentions. And when the pain became too much she'd bury her face in her pillow and try to justify concentrating her self-loathing on him, hopelessly blaming him and his believed-to-be misguided theories for her unhappiness.

So there was no doubt that her spirit had been somewhat broken after that last tragic encounter, but Kagome knew that this sorrowful parting and her premature departure was not the moment that had shattered her spirit and driven her to seek solace from the bottle.

It was him, she acknowledged finally, and the power of those words was so intense her entire body trembled. Oh, dear God, it was him.

Kagome suddenly wondered if Inuyasha, whether he was in some corner of a faraway city or in some corner of heaven, was cringing with the knowledge that she had deemed her little fling with one of his most hated rivals more important than the time spent with him. Would he be angry? Disappointed maybe? She really couldn't blame him if he was, for Inuyasha had loved her with a deep, fiery abandon, but he had lacked the courage to follow through with his hidden heart until it was too late.

Now he, oh he had loved her, had taken her to heights she never knew existed. And while she gave him everything and asked only for his devotion in return, she later learned that she had never truly possessed his heart.

But then, she reasoned as she took a small sip, who was I to try and tame the great Dog Demon Prince of the West?

It had completely destroyed her to accept that she had been just some momentary addiction; a fleeting pleasure meant to merely pass the time. To know that she had given her heart so eagerly, only to have it tactlessly returned with fragile pieces missing was sickening.

And yet, after all that he had done to her she couldn't bring herself to denounce his name, to declare her regret for all the sinful times they spent together in passionate bliss.

Kagome could feel a new batch of tears run down her cheeks as she poured herself another drink, sullenly hoping that wherever Inuyasha was he was angry and disgusted by her atrocious behavior. After all the years, she just didn't have the energy to hate herself anymore.

As the hot whiskey began to run down her throat she suddenly wondered if Inuyasha had ever cried for her. She hoped not, because she wasn't worth it.

* * * * *

For the first time in centuries Sesshoumaru wandered.

During Naraku's reign there had been no time to drift, and he had rarely found the time to do so after the evil half demon's demise. Following the final battle his lands had been in turmoil, and he had spent much of his free time converging with the other rulers of the four lands on how to counter the many renegade demons that had arisen throughout the territories.

Of course, their victories had been assured long before they had ever laid foot outside their domains, for what lowly demon could ever hope to prevail against a demon lord? But Sesshoumaru soon realized that there would be no time to patrol his lands in leisure.

It was around the time the last of the disorderly demons were destroyed that the foreigners appeared, bringing with them strange weapons and even stranger customs.

Sesshoumaru had praised Japan's human monarchy for initially dismissing the hopeful traders, but he prepared himself for the worst when the Nanban trade was established. Once the land's ports were opened the humans came in droves, and with them a new hunger for dominance was revitalized.

The foreigners brought with them a new view, and through their eyes demons were seen as animals of mere sport, and not the feared beings they had once so proudly been. With the outsiders' technology on their side, the humans became cockier and even less predictable, and as the years passed Sesshoumaru found he could do no more than watch as the weaker species of his kind dwindled to near extinction.

By the time Japan adopted Western culture and began to industrialize there had been few demons left. Only the demon lords of the past dared to masquerade in the human world, but with this choice came drastic sacrifices.

Reluctant as he was to admit, there was no denying that his senses had dulled over the years thanks to various human inventions that spouted both noise and pollution. As a result, Sesshoumaru found himself relying more heavily on the skill he had almost completely ignored in the past: instinct.

He had long ago abandoned any regard he might have had toward his domestic intuition, deeming the ingrained skill useless. For too long he had relied on his instincts, and each time he had been disappointed. Instinct had told him that his father would bestow his greatest weapon upon his eldest son. Instinct had assured him that it was impossible to lose a direct battle with his mutt of a half-brother. Instinct had promised that no demon, no matter how power hungry, would ever dare transgress against him.

But now, standing aimlessly on the sidewalk with his senses all but deadened, his instinct began to rouse, sending the blood rushing to his temples and setting all his nerves afire.

Sesshoumaru grit his teeth in anger and turned to leave the wretched part of whatever town he had happened upon, refusing to believe that anything but his own two feet had led him there. However, a familiar scent briefly wafted through the air, lightly teasing his senses and effectively stopping him from his hasty retreat.

Stiffly, Sesshoumaru turned around and cast a leery eye on the block before him, and for just a moment denied what his body already knew to be true. When the last wisps of the scent seemed to practically encompass him in a nostalgic caress he was trembling with such a momentous force it left him breathless.

He could feel an eternity of regrets and masked sufferings fill his empty soul to the point of bursting, causing his once impassive character to crumble, only to rebuild and crumble again. With a deep sigh that yielded nothing more than the smell of exhaust and the evening's rain, he relented, and the raging fire he seemed to have immersed himself in slowly flickered out until his whole body tingled with a long forgotten perception.

It is the building, he acknowledged. The structure had a strange aura about it, as if the pasts of whoever dwelled within its walls clung to the dilapidated bricks outside, giving it an unearthly, misty glow.

…She is in there.

For a long second he contemplated slipping inside, a reasoning surfacing from the deepest recesses of his mind insisting that if he could only see her face, maybe, just maybe, he would feel like his old self before everything had fallen apart.

He almost took a step forward before the humbling thought triggered something inside him; a personal self-respect long thought dead and buried beneath piles of endless facades. This pride rushed hotly through his domesticated veins and for a moment the demon lord of old emerged from his subconscious prison, sneering in disgust at his traitorous thoughts.

How can a mere human wench return pride? How will her visage restore former glory?

There was a brief pause and then his demon spoke only once more, sounding strangely tame and forlorn.

…How can she make an eternity not seem so very long?

It was true. Life had become nothing but tedious ever since the future had become so boring and predictable.

She was unexpected though, he admitted quietly; a shadow of what could have been fondness passing over his face. She was unexpected and refreshing and new.

But like all things to a demon lord, she was never meant to last.

Becoming annoyed with his sentimental musings, Sesshoumaru snorted and turned his back on the dwelling which held the only piece of his past that he had tried, in vain, to forget. He was giving her far too much credit, he reasoned as he began to walk away. Neither her touch nor her words had ever erased the memories of his painful past.

Still…

His golden gaze rested back on the gloomy, brick building, and he suddenly wondered if he'd be able to look back on this moment five, fifty or even five hundred years from now and not feel some semblance of regret for a missed opportunity to try and make peace with the one remaining part of his past that still survived. Could he really turn away and go on living as if the heated affair never happened?

Yes, Sesshoumaru reasoned after a brief consideration. I could.

After all, he had continued after the death of his adopted daughter and brother, and he had carried on when his species was faced with extinction. One sultry affair certainly would not bring the great demon king to his knees.

Sesshoumaru blinked in a rare display of mild surprise when he found himself face to face with the wooden door of the bar. Somehow, while he had been deep in thought, he had wandered over to the entrance. His golden gaze flickered between the grains of the wood to the spotty doorknob.

Suddenly a picture of the noble ruler he had once been flashed before his eyes, and out in the desolate rain on a porch that barely supported his formidable frame, Sesshoumaru realized that he would never again possess that aristocratic stature. Instead of protecting his people and governing his lands he'd been reduced to out-bidding on property and destroying businesses.

But she knew him, and in her loneliness she had given herself to him while fully aware of what he was and what he was capable of. And in his selfishness and self-loathing he had freely taken what she had offered.

At one time it would have pleased him to know that he had been the one to deflower his brother's loyal wench. Now…it only made him feel worthless.

As the sound of thunder rumbled in the distance Sesshoumaru grit his teeth, grasped the doorknob and turned.

* * * * *

The glass was halfway to Kagome's lips when all the bar's noises abruptly ceased. The silence was so unexpected that her arm froze in midair, and the sudden stop caused some whiskey to slosh over the side of her glass. Without knowing why, she drew in a shuddering breath.

Although Omoidasu was absent of the boisterous noise that usually accompanied a bar, there was always a steady hum in the background that signified subtle chatter. It was this common fact that compelled Kagome to lean away from the corner and peek at what had caused the bar to fall so deathly silent.

She had never thought it would be possible to become sober in the span of a single breath, but all side effects of the whiskey vanished as soon as she saw the familiar form standing in the dim doorway. His inhuman beauty took her breath away, and Kagome could hear the appreciative hush fall over the other patrons as his features were illuminated.

As if in a trance, she watched him as he stepped further into the bar until she could just make out the golden glow of his eyes and the faint shadow under his cheekbones, where he concealed his regal markings with makeup. A wistful peacefulness seemed to envelop her and Kagome rested her chin on her hand, feeling better by only the mere sight of him.

That was something months of whiskey had never accomplished.

She might've been content to simply sit there forever and admire him, but the spell he held over her immediately vanished when Hito appeared in her field of vision. The absurd contrast of the stout bartender next to him snapped her out of her reverie, and she remembered all that he had done to her and how much she should hate him.

It was at that moment that he stepped directly under the light. Every pale feature was now visible for her scrutiny, and Kagome watched intently as his nose began to twitch. With growing horror, she realized that he was absorbing the scents, sifting through them until he could isolate the one he was searching for. And then…

He suddenly looked at her, and his gaze was so intense that Kagome slunk back to the dark corner with fresh tears streaming down her face, gasping for air that suddenly seemed much to thin.

When she felt a presence hovering over her there was no doubt of who it could be. Even without looking up she could feel him, and goose bumps began to break out on her arms from the little energy he was exuding. It was amazing to think that he had had to restrain that vast power for centuries, and still it was no less potent or deadly.

Kagome inhaled shakily and realized that she could now smell him; a deep, masculine scent of pine and rain that had always lingered in his pillow. How many times had she buried her face in that pillow, inhaling to the point of pain just to have one last breath of him?

She trembled at the sudden memory. His very presence was clouding her mind; intoxicating her more thoroughly than any liquor ever had and evoking memories better left forgotten. In her desperation she bit down on her tongue and the intense pain briefly cleared her head of him. She tasted blood, and that was when she heard him shift.

It was a small movement, and if it had been anyone else Kagome may not have noticed. But she knew him as the resolute warrior he had been in the past, and not even during all of Naraku's terrible displays of power had he ever moved until the first attack was made.

Never before had he behaved this way around her. His aura, usually no more than a gentle weight on her skin was suddenly electrifying; charged with a tension reserved only for battle and making her hair stand on end.

He was acting as if he were a disobedient child waiting anxiously for his impending punishment. It seemed silly, comparing him to an unruly child, but maybe that was how he simply viewed his unfaithfulness to her. And perhaps he expected her to direct her resentment at him and make him completely aware of exactly how miserable she had been ever since he had broken her heart.

Or perhaps he was offering her one last chance at some type of closure.

Of course it would be a hopeless attempt, because without him there would never be that old steadfastness she used to possess. The only resolve she held anymore was to think of him as little as possible. But his life certainly hadn't ended without her, so maybe he was the one that really needed this closure.

Kagome would still do anything for him, and if her memory was holding him back and causing him guilt, then she could find the strength to look into his eyes long enough to lie and tell him she didn't hurt anymore.

Before she could rethink her decision, Kagome lifted her head and stared right into his golden eyes; eyes that she still saw whenever she closed her own. And his name, which she had once vowed never to speak again, dripped like honey from her lips.

"Sesshoumaru."