Chapter XXXI: Guardian

Josh flipped the sword to his other hand, tapping the hilt. "Where did you get the Senzu Beans? I thought that I said that I wasn't going to give you any more."

Naruto stretched and drew his own sword. "I got a drop back here in case something like this happened. Wouldn't have bothered if Nacht hadn't bothered the hell out of me."

The taller guardian shook his head, the visor falling to its closed position in the same motion. "I swear, you've got more luck then anyone else that I've ever met. Shit just always falls into your lap, doesn't it?"

Naruto shrugged. "Maybe. Practice Duel?"

Josh returned the motion. "Practice Duel."

Faster than any Non-Sharinganed eye could make out, the two guardians closed the space between them at a blistering rate, the field's shields darkening to blot out the view, as well as protect the vision of everyone else around them. For the first time, the videoboards, which had been largely ignored up until this point, became the central point of focus.

Naruto swore for what seemed like the millionth time since he started to regain his memory, and in extension, his guardian powers. Josh, despite being allegedly stuck behind a desk for a century, hadn't had his skill degrade any. In fact, despite the fact that he had spent the last seven years honing his physical skill, being the weaker part of his abilities, it still wasn't even vaguely enough to match his partner's natural adeptness with a blade. He also had to remind himself that he only had seven years to hone his skills, while compared to Josh, who had nearly two hundred to push his even further ridiculous heights, would have a major skill difference.

So far, even with the restored memories and powers, Naruto was just barely holding off a bored-looking Josh, parrying every single hit that he threw and occasionally throwing a half-hearted attack back at him. It wasn't even to the point where he could take advantage of any openings. Between the two, it had never even been close. Trained as a shinobi, and not one that was to be well-versed in swordplay, Naruto had always been at a distinctive disadvantage.

Seeing no way to push his way past Josh's guard, Naruto backed off and began to flip through seals instead. Practice Duel or not, challenging a Class-S Swordsmaster to a close-range fight with melee weapons was akin to suicide no matter how you cut the cake. It wasn't like Naruto could seal Josh away either. His sealing had always been on the messy side, and Josh had no doubt studied even more into the niceties of Seal Generation, further increasing his skill to new levels.

Outrunning and flanking Josh was also out of the question. Apart from the odd Stealth or Speed Specialized Guardian, Swordsmasters were the fastest of guardians, owing to the need to move from Place A to Place B and swing a sword to hack someone's limb off or avoid losing said limb. Even with the Hirashin, Josh could anticipate over three-quarters of his attacks. Lightning Blitz was out of the question, as the space constraint was also working against him. Any AoE attack would easily knock him out of that form. Lightning Ace was also a no-go, seeing as that technique took an ungodly amount of energy- far more than he currently had access to, thanks to the Seal of Unholy Draining.

So, he would use the one aspect in which he could even potentially match Josh. Despite the aforementioned Seal of Unholy Draining, if he could keep the ratio of Guardian to Human Energy low, there was the off chance that he could stretch the fight out long enough to wear the other Guardian out. For all of his amazing natural skill and ability to pick up techniques on the fly, his comparatively small energy reserves made him a burst fighter, not one designed to wage a battle of attrition.

"By the power granted to me… I call upon thee…"

Josh grinned and just drew his pistol, firing off half a clip at Naruto, who had just entered the power-up phase, interrupting it. "You honestly think I'm gonna let you power up and fight me that way? You're more naïve than I thought."

In response, Naruto drew a half dozen Kunai and hurled them at Josh, who deflected them into a wall without even blinking, returning fire at the same time. The blond ducked the shots, created two dozen Kage Bunshin, which promptly swarmed the swordsman, trying to get their hand on his weapons with little success.

It, however, did buy him enough time to slap both palms down and do a dual-summoning, calling in two more clones. Prior to the battle, he had recalled all of his personalities back within himself. Not the healthiest decision that he had made in his life, but it had been necessary.

"Nacht, Uzu, you're up!"

The two bunshin, which had been standing there limply, sprang to life the moment Naruto called their names. "…Meh… you know I suck for in a fight, boss. Why, oh why do you keep on calling me?"

Naruto gritted his teeth and spun up a rasengan. "Not much of a choice right now. Nacht and I really can't fight this guy by ourselves, and Ki is pretty much useless in a fight. So it's down to you."

"… but what about-"

"Nobody else is awake right now, idiot." Nacht snapped, readying his own attacks as Josh finished off the last of the kage bunshin. "Yamato would be better than both of us, but he's still snoozing away. Rui is busy checking on his seal, and Kyuubi isn't in a position to help us here. So, it's us three and dodge left."

They all leapt left as two bolts of lightning streaked past where they were just standing, rebounding off of the stadium barrier and right back at its castor, who grabbed it and threw it back at the trio, who scattered like leaves, not wanting to get vaporized.

"Ready! AIM!"

All three landed in a rough triangular formation around the single guardian, who smiled in a bemused sort of factor and drew his combat knife.

"FIRE! INITIAL GUARDIAN ART: PHONENIX INFERNO!"

Three bolts of red-hot fire jetted toward Josh, who briefly adjusted his grip before sidestepping the first, slapping the second one into it, and deflecting the third into the sky, where it splattered harmlessly against the barrier.

"Come on, Phoenix Infernos? You've gotta do better than that. Jabba's been making upgrades to my armor- even if you did hit me it's not going to do jack shit."

Without saying anything, the two fragments fell back as the original charged his partner, drawing his sword in the same motion, mouthing words that were lost in the slipstream.

However, Josh wasn't born yesterday and had always been the superior swordsman. He read Naruto's attack with ease, flicking out his own blade to parry it before pulling it back and driving it down again, shattering the fused blade into a myriad of fragments, some rebounding off of the attacker's shield, but mostly straight into Naruto's torso.

Swearing, the blond retreated before giving himself the one-over to make sure that the broken sword hadn't hit any critical parts. "Damn… hadn't expected that thing to break so damn easily. Oi! Tenten! I WANT A REFUND!"

"ALL SALES ARE FINAL!" She shouted right back.

Naruto shook his head exasperatedly. "Great. Just great." Grumbling, he pulled out the hilt of his Chakra Blade and activated it. "This thing is so off-balance…"

Josh, on the other hand, was caught completely off guard. "Wait wait wait. Where did you get that? Energy Blades are restricted weapons- Wooder saw to that Twenty Thousand Years ago."

"I have my sources." Naruto said shortly, twirling the sword like a baton, threw it up into the air, jumped up, caught it, and brought it down at Josh, rolled out of the way. "Let's fight."

"Yes." Josh growled, shifting the grip on his knife. "Let's."

The two dove at each other again, swords clashing. This time, however, Naruto's weapon had a slight edge. Because the blade wasn't made of a solid material, it was capable of bending and warping to the user's will. Every time the two blades clashed, the energy sword tried to curl it self around the alloyed blade and cut it apart, but Josh would always pull it back and attack anew. Now that the two of them were much closer in height, the previous strategy of using the knife as a secondary weapon was pretty much neutralized- he couldn't get close enough without the energy sword sizzling against his shield.

Despite all of this, and the two fragments harassing the two of them with energy attacks whenever they could, Josh still held an overwhelming advantage. He was still faster, stronger, and more skilled with a sword. Naruto may have improved dramatically from his previous self, but he just couldn't keep up. There was also the fact that he was wearing Warship-Grade Armor which was designed to deflect and absorb energy blasts.

The only term for this kind of battle would be a curb-stomp.

Nagato opened his eyes. "It is time. Everybody, fan out."

Having repelled another one of Naruto's floundering attacks, Josh retreated and unslung his rifle. "Ready for some target practice, Naruto?"

"Fuck."

As the Six Paths of Pain walked from the holding room, buried underground in the forests surrounding Konoha, a figure materialized in front of the actual pain. "The Hachibi has been captured and the Raikage dealt with. He will not be bothering us any time soon."

"Good. Now, for the Kyuubi."

"Oi! Are you trying to kill me over here? That was aimed at my head!"

"Where else am I supposed to aim at?"

"Shinra Tensei!"

Both guardians looked up as the gravity attack met the barrier surrounding the field, canceling each other out. "Who the fuck invited punk rocker to the party?"

Naruto's eyes, however, narrowed and he spun up a rasenshuriken. "Careful, Josh. This guy's got the ability to manipulate gravity, and he's not alone…"

The sky darkened as Pain poofed away, presumably summoned. An orange mask dominated the area above the stadium, one sharingan exposed. "Ah… Kyuubi. Good to see you. I trust that you've been well."

Naruto's response was to throw the rasenshuriken straight up, briefly distorting the image before it solidified once again. "Aww, such a cold welcome. Did you not appreciate this touch? Bypassing all of your defenses to establish this little communiqué?"

"Orbital sensors detect nothing but an energy projection- Naruto, save your energy. There's not much you can do with your attacks right now."

Madara blinked. "Ohho? What do we have here? An honest-to-god guardian. That's rare. I haven't seen one of you around in a while. Well, apart from Kyuubi here."

Josh tightened the grip on his sword. "What do you mean lately? There's nothing on the Index about another guardian coming here. Just a couple of supply drops and the idiot."

"Don't kid yourself. You know that there are plenty of ways in and out of a dimension without triggering the Index."

"Well, then. I take it you didn't interrupt our fight to chat. What the hell do you want?"

Madara closed his one exposed eye. "Indeed I did. And I have an ultimatum."

Josh whistled, twirling his blade. "You've got balls of steel, issuing one of those to me. Last person who did lost his balls."

"Yes… Well." Madara coughed. "You have until sunrise tomorrow to hand over the Kyuubi. If not, I will attack."

The swordsman laughed. "Ha! Don't get me wrong- this projection is impressive, but there's no way you could take on both of us and win. You're blowing steam out of your-"

"Did I ever say that I was alone?" Madara breathed, his one eye narrowing, all signs of brevity gone. "No, I don't believe I did so."

The projection backed off somewhat, exposing six similarly dressed people. "I have on my side, the Six Paths of Pain."

Josh yawned. "Yeah, Yeah. Not impressed…"

Madara poked a hole in his mask. "I myself have a rinnengan."

The guardian waved him off. "Good for you, good for you…"

The projection backed off one last time. "And I have an army of one hundred thousand."

"Yeah, yeah. Not impress- wait." Josh paused. "One hundred thousand?"

"Yes… One hundred thousand."

"Hmm… that might actually pose a problem. But still." The guardian shrugged again. "It's nothing that I haven't seen before. I'll see you on the battlefield." He punched skyward, launching a wide-bore beam that disrupted the image.

He looked over at Naruto, who was glaring daggers back at him. "What?" Josh asked, an eyebrow cocked. "You honestly think that I was going to give in to a prick like him?"

"No… I was just hoping that you hadn't provoked him like that. Madara is dangerous, Josh. He nearly killed me the last time we met."

"Keyword there is you, Naruto. I'm not you."

With that, the taller guardian reappeared in the competitors box. "Show's over people. Stand by for your Hokage's orders."

In the meantime, Naruto had Hiraishined into the kage's box. "Baa-chan. You need to get everyone out of here."

"For once, the idiot's right." Josh phased into view, helmet off, looking rather pissed. "I just had Bon-bon trace and analyze the energy signature from the projection. Naruto- Madara's got Guardian Powers. You know what that means."

The blonde facepalmed. "Collateral Damage through the ass." He turned to face Tsunade, a deadly serious expression on his face. "We need to evacuate the village. If you don't, there might not be a village left to rebuild after we're done."

Josh tapped a couple of buttons in midair. "Sunrise is at 0823 tomorrow. We-" he pointed at Naruto and himself. "Will be preparing to defend this position. I'll put down a marked lane to get out of this area. Don't stray from the path if you don't want to get vaporized on contact."

"Hang on. Just the two of us?"

"Yeah. We should be able to take on these upstarts."

"Umm… Just one problem." He pointed at his palms. "The Seal of Unholy Draining. Can't use the Bunshin Army."

The swordsman swore. "Goddamnit. Forgot about that. Looks like we'll need reinforcements after all." He turned to Tsunade. "Gather your council. I'll call in reinforcements. Meet me at the chambers in twenty minutes."

The two guardians shared a nod and phased out of existence, leaving behind the Hokage and her guard. "Hokage-sama?"

"Well? What are you waiting for? Go distribute the orders! Madara is not a threat to be taken lightly!"

Faster ANBU had never been seen.

The council meeting room was tense. Everybody present had heard the conversation between Madara and the two guardians, but nobody knew what was going on. Tsunade sat at the forefront, tapping one foot impatiently.

Before long, Naruto hiraishined into the room, causing everyone to tense up in anticipation of news, and perhaps, salvation. "Relax. I was just making sure that none of the enemy had sneaked up on us. Josh said that he had to go check up on something and that he would be back in a couple of minutes."

With that proclamation, he jumped to the ceiling and squatted down on it, closed one eye, and began to snore.

Twelve minutes late, the door was thrown open and Josh stalked in, helmet tucked underneath his arm, sidearm in his other hand. "All right. We don't have a second to waste. I'm going to brief you, and then you're going to clear out."

"Why should we? Konoha is the-" One particularly pompous councilor began to say.

Josh dropped him with a single shot. "Right, any other idiots want to argue with me?"

"You just killed him!"

The guardian rolled his eyes and shot the speaker as well. "Yes, I killed him. I've envoked GEC 2-47. That gives me unrestricted power to remove any obstruction I deem to be harmful by any means necessary, up to and including terminal force. I hate using it- it's a bitchload of paperwork, but I will. Anyone else want to argue?"

When nobody responded, Josh slammed his helmet down on the table. "Right. Here's the deal. I just pulled these from the GEO-SAT that I've got up in orbit." A projection came up, showing the elemental countries in relief. "Sensors indicate that there is a huge mass of energy coming from the northwest, approaching at a decent pace. At their current pace, they'll be here in about twelve hours, or sunrise tomorrow. There's not much we can do about that."

He swiped, moving aside the map. "Konoha will be a battleground tomorrow. I can't do anything to stop that." He pulled up a schematic of the newly-built stadium. "But here's what I can do." He highlighted the building. "I'm calling in reinforcements. Everyone that wants to be evacuated needs to report here by 2300 today. They've got dropships and other methods to move you out of the danger zone." He pulled the map up again. "The fallback zone is here. Sixty miles to the southeast. All of your people need to report there as well, unless they want to fight alongside us. I should warn you though, if they will, there's a good chance that they might die. I've got three other combat-certified guardians coming in, and the energy us five will put out will be in the range to kill any non-conditioned combatants around us."

Josh picked up the helmet, slotting it on again. "Reinforcements should be here in six hours. Expect some booms." He turned to leave, gesturing for his teammate. "I've told you everything that you need to know. If you want to live, I highly suggest that you start moving. Now."

The two guardians headed outside of the village walls, talking quickly all the while. "Who did you get to come and help?"

His partner grunted and pulled out a weird cylindrical object, extending a spike before thrusting it into the ground. "There we go. Beacon's up. Now they'll have a place to land… just need to contact them now."

Back in Naruto's still mostly-destroyed home, Josh had used the remains of Naruto's antenna, rigged it into a high-gain broadcaster, and opened a transdimensional channel. So far, the line he had tried to contact had been busy, but he kept on pinging them, hoping to get a response.

"This is Fleet Admiral Terrence Hood, Commander of the- Ah. Field Colonel. Good to see you again. I trust you have a reason to place this very tricky call?"

Josh snapped off a quick salute. "Yes. I need some reinforcements. I'm on an unofficial mission, and the enemy has just declared war on us with an estimated Hundred Thousand enemy solders inbound. I need SA-Spartans, and I need a lot of them."

Hood was thoughtful, pulling out a pipe. "I do have some SA-Spartans on hand." He puffed a couple of times, releasing small clouds of smoke. "How many were you thinking of?"

"Three hundred SA-Spartans should do it. They don't have to defeat the enemy, just hold them for an hour or two. I'm calling in a couple of my students to help our in our fight against the ringleaders."

The admiral nodded. "I'll send the Spartans. I trust you've set up a beacon for them to lock on to?"

"Yeah, I set one of those up. Tell them to bring plenty of ammo and vehicles. A couple of dropships wouldn't go amiss either. Could you get them here in six hours?"

"Roger that. Hood out. You owe me one, Field Colonel."

Josh snapped off the communiqué and took down his end of the transmitter. "There we go. We've got Spartans. Let's see who decided to stay behind."

The two phased out of the gate and to the top of the Hokage monument, overlooking the entire village as the sun set. "Time is running out. There might not be time to move all of the villagers. Do you think you can sink a hole and reinforce the top? Even if the Spartans bring a couple of Albatroi, it probably wont be enough."

Naruto rolled his eyes and made a couple of Kage Bunshin. "I think I'm well-versed enough in Doton to sink a couple of holes in cement, Josh."

"Right. Wow. Are you all willing to die?"

The two guardians turned around to see the majority of Konoha's Shinobi standing behind them.

"We are Shinobi. We are prepared to die to defend this village."

Josh shrugged. "It's your heads on the line. I'm not going to stop you." He said as he unlatched both gauntlets. "Now, back up a bit, will you? I'm getting ready to call in the rest of the help." He bit his fingers and began tracing a series of intricate seals straight onto the rock, not bothering with paper. "Right…" he muttered, still tracing. "That… should do it."

He relatched his gauntlets and stomped three times on the seal, drawing his sword in the same instant.

Three pops and some swearing later, three figures lay flattened right on top of one another. The first to splutter something out was wearing a set of black robes and had bright orange hair. "The hell? Oi! You could have made three seals!"

A teenager shoved the other two out of the way. "Geez, Josh. There's no need for that. I was about to get it on as well…"

The third figure, this one wearing a flapping brown cloak, stood up and dusted himself off as well. "Josh-san, I hope there's a reason why we're here."

The aforementioned guardian sheathed his sword. "I called you here to help me repel an invasion. Also, there's someone you might want to see."

At this, Naruto stepped out, smiling evilly. "Heyo! Remember me?"

The effects were immediate. The first two immediately took up defensive positions, one drawing the huge meat cleaver on his back, the other pulling two strips of wood from his sleeves. "WOAH! WHAT THE FUCK! JOSH! ARE YOU INSANE!"

"Weapons down, you two. Weapons down. Don't worry, he's got the Seal of Unholy Draining, and I might have found a counter to it."

They relaxed a fraction, loosening the grip on their weapons, but still within easy reach to launch an attack. The third, however, looked close to tears. "Sensei?"

Naruto punched his shoulder. "Good to see you, Negi. Unlocked that PI yet?"

He shook his head. "No, sensei. I'm getting closer every day, though."

Grinning even wider, he turned to the remaining pair. "Ah. Perhaps an introduction is in order, Josh?"

He chuckled and shook off his helmet. "Yeah. Everybody, up!"

As one, the five guardians lifted smoothly off of the wall, floating in midair, glowing gently in the setting sun. "Well, you know who we two are, so I'll introduce these three first." He pointed at the young kid, who gave a genial wave. "This is Lieutenant Negi "Stripper Sneezer" Springfield. Codename: Lightning Streaker. He's Naruto's only coherent student." he paused at this. "Erm, what's your power level again?"

He huffed his chest proudly. "Eight and a half."

Josh actually looked impressed. "Not bad for someone your age."

He pointed at the next person in line. "This is one of my students. Everyone, Meet Lieutenant Ichigo "Strawberry Shortcake" Kurosaki." Josh dodged a huge energy wave, not missing a beat in his speech. "Codename: Black Crescent. He's also one of our Resident Shinigami. His power level, if my memory hasn't failed me, is about a Seven and two thirds."

Ichigo scowled something fierce at his sensei. "Goddamnit, Josh. I told you never to call me that again. Rukia won't stop calling me that now."

The armor-clad guardian cocked an eyebrow. "You should be thanking your lucky stars that I didn't push for that for you to be your Official Codename. You should consider changing your name. Strawberry isn't exactly masculine."

"Wait, wait. Did you just say that he was a Shinigami?" Neji interjected, settling back into a defensive stance."

"Yeah, so?" Josh said, at the same time giving his student a fistbump, which he reluctantly returned.

"Did you just fistbump a shinigami?"

"Yeah, so?"

"That's against the rules, isn't it?"

Josh barked out a laugh. "Screw the rules, I have immortality!"

He turned to the last Guardian, who was toying around with a small golden sphere. "Quit fucking around with that, will you? You know how much that thing pisses me off when you start showing off with that." The raven-haired guardian smirked and ignored the other guardian, or at least, he did until Josh flicked out his sidearm and shot it out of the air. "Right. The idiot playing with his balls over there is a bit of a special case. We took turns training him, so he's not all there in the head."

Josh shook his head and took a long draught from his hip flask. "Introducing Lieutenant Harry "Man who won't fucking die" Potter. Codename: Dual Pulsar. Last time I checked, you were a what, Five and Three-Quarters?"

"Yeah- but I'm almost-"

"Shut up, shut up. I don't care who you almost boned to get more power." He sighed and took a drink. "Next up is the idiot. Everyone, before he went completely insane and tried to destroy all of creation, meet Ex-Captain Naruto "Jailbird" Uzumaki. Codename: Orange Lightning. At his peak... what, three-hundred and eighty-two?"

Naruto shrugged and opened up another pack of instant ramen. By this point, everyone had given up on asking where they had come from. "I don't remember. But I do remember some things."

Pouring on some more water before channeling energy to set it to boil, he waved at the armored guardian. "Everyone, this is Major-"

"Field Colonel, thank you very much." Josh interrupted with a scowl on his face.

Naruto waved him off. "Field Colonel Josh "Looselips". His last name is classified, so nobody really knows what it is." Codename: Silver Swordsman. Power level..."

Now it was Josh's turn to smile. "Three hundred and ninety-six, at last count, thank you. You may now bend over and kiss my ass."

"That means you're-"

"Yep. Almost at the barrier. I can hold the transformation for fifteen seconds. Which means, even if you got back at full power now, I would still beat you there."

"Goddamnit Josh-"

At this, the last of the light faded. A couple of seconds later, a huge crack resonated through the air, indicating a massive displacement of air. "Now, unless Santa decided to visit early," Josh mused, ignoring a still-fuming Naruto. "That would be the SA-Spartans- oh… sweet. They brought along a carrier. I didn't know that they still made those…"

Even as he spoke, hundreds of streaks of light flew right toward them at an alarming speed. Some of the shinobi drew weapons and were prepared to use them, but Josh waved them off. "Don't bother. They're using NewDawn Armor. They're Mark XV's, but it's about the same as attacking me with them. Save it for tomorrow."

As the streaks got closer and closer, it was easier for the keener-eyed shinobi to discern humanoid figures inside of them all. Humanoid was right- most of the figures were absolutely massive- some looked close to seven feet tall!

Josh got down from his post and gestured for everyone to follow them. While some did, others hung back, still wary of the way that they had arrived.

He flicked on his helmet's high beams, cutting twin swathes of light through the dust of the landing. "OI! Chief! You in there?"

An enormous figure unfolded itself, brushing some nonexistent dust off of its shoulder before snapping off a salute. The figure was easily a head and a half taller then Josh, who in turn was considerably taller then almost every single shinobi in the village. "Spartans! Attention!"

Josh waved him off. "You don't have to be so formal. This isn't an official mission. How's the new armor?"

The giant relaxed slightly, tucking his hands behind the small of his back. "Like a dream. The internal gravity adjuster and the new integrated defense systems are a huge leap ahead of what MJOLNIR VII could deliver."

"Good, good. Glad to hear it. I assume Halsey and her team adjusted the suits for you guys? No offense, but Guardians don't really get that tall that often- it makes CQB awkward for us."

"Yes sir. I also brought as much weaponry as we could fit onto a carrier. We have enough ammo for two weeks of continuous fire."

Josh glanced up at the carrier, now dropping larger blobs into the atmosphere. "I assume that you brought along some pelicans and albatri?"

"Yes, sir. Seven Albatross and two wings of Pelicans. Lord Hood gave us orders to evac the civilians."

The guardian took a deep breath. "Did you bring along three hundred Spartans? You're going to be doing a holding action against one hundred thousand hostiles."

John motioned to the solders behind him, who were already beginning to set up a couple of bunkers and automated defenses. "We tried sir, but there were only so many of us that were around. We had to bring along-"

"LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL I R TEH BEEEEESST! NOBODI CAN STOP ME NAO!"

Josh facefaulted. "Please don't tell me you brought along LOLChief." He moaned, getting back on his feet."

The Spartan shuffled his feet uncomfortably. "There was nobody else available, and he insisted on coming."

Josh palmed his face and slowly walked away. "I ask for three hundred Spartans and what do I get? Two hundred ninety-nine Spartans and a team-killing fucktard."

Everyone who wasn't a guardian stared in awe as the majority of SA-Spartans set up their defenses. Instant Concrete was poured into metallic molds, leaving behind large blocks of cement which were then set in place with a quick-drying epoxy. Teams of Spartans also went out and buried huge satchels of something. When asked what they were, one of the armored solders shrugged, threw one into the air, and shot it before it could come down. The Antlion Anti-Personnel mine exploded, sending fragments of shrapnel flying everwhere.

After that, no shinobi dared asked what kind of strange weaponary that the newcomers were packing. Well, almost nobody.

"Oooh! Can I see? Can I see?"

Even though he stood head and shoulder above the bunned girl, Fred-107 was caught in an awkward place. Technically, UNSC Spartans were never supposed to surrender their weapon without the command of a superior officer. However, this being a non-standard mission, he relented.

Tenten immediately went over every single aspect of the MA5B, pushing buttons at random, ejecting the clip and reinserting it, and accidentally firing the chambered round into a unsuspecting Kage Bunshin, who dispelled immediately. A couple of the other bunshin shot her dirty looks, but returned to their tasks after a couple of seconds.

In addition to the defenses provided by the spartans, Tsunade had also directed the volunteers to attach exploding tags and other seals to the wall proper, as a secondary defense to when the initial defensive line would be breached. The two rarely interacted, except for when the spartans asked for some of the shinobi to excavate a hole so that they could park a tank inside.

Within two hours, the front gates of Konoha were completely unrecognizable. A reinforced and multi-tiered defense labyrinth/fort hybrid stood in front of the gates. Fifty Dual-Barreled UNSC Grizzlies were parked in a defensive formation in front of it all, turrets now mounted at ground level. Two packs of ten hull-reinforced and doored warthogs stood ready to charge head-first into the melee to provide the vehicular homicide, as well as a series of mounted chainguns and railguns repurposed from other warthogs.

As for the labyrinth itself, motion sensitive turrets, mines, as well as thirty spartans armed with close-combat weapons reinforced their positions before sealing themselves in- punching out would be easy enough, provided they could call for backup. As for the top, to prevent any creative units from coming over the top, Josh had been kind enough to put up a heat trap and everyone had been spitting water and fire into said zone until it was a contained steam bath hot enough to melt steel on contact.

That's not to say that the shinobi were resting on their laurels. Tsunade had ordered that all of their siege equipment be brought out and laid up on the top of the wall. Smaller weapons were also distributed to all of the holdouts. Every single contracted summon creature was brought out. Lots of them were grumbling about this, until the news was spread of what was approaching. This caused lots of them to clam up, with the odd exception of a set of clams, who went back, saying that they would be more harm then help in the upcoming battle.

After all of the tanks and heavy weaponary had been set down, the flyers had been redirected up to the stadium, where they began moving out people at a prodigious rate. Each pelican could only carry twenty people or so, civilians being much smaller then the usual bulky fare of UNSC Marines, but with twenty-four running pretty much nonstop, as well as the Albatross carrying huge loads of people back and forth, it took a little over five hours to move all of the civilians to the fallback point.

Just as the spartans had finished checking the anchor points on all of the mounted weapons and the last of the defensive barriers had been established by the shinobi, Josh jacked up the volume on his external microphones. "All right! Good job, people! It's 0400 right now! Two hours of sleep! 0600 is breakfast and final orders! Chop Chop!"

Most of the shinobi grumbled and shunshined away, returning to their homes for the brief respite before the battle. The spartans just sat down where they were and leaned back, readying themselves, mostly through their own rituals.

The five guardians, on the other hand, popped open barrels of booze, lit a huge bonfire, and proceeded to down the whole lot while dancing around said bonfire. Naruto begged off when Josh busted out the Everclear and started imitating a dragon by spitting fire at him.

Hiraishining when mildly buzzed, despite being nearly impossible for a guardian to become inebriated, was not recommended. While he didn't break any bones by slightly misjudging the energy needed to make the jump, he did manage to crash head-first into the only intact vase left in the house, trigger one of his traps, which threw him headfirst down the stairs.

After swearing up a storm and getting some painkillers out of the remains of his kitchen cabinet, Naruto trudged downstairs and got what was left of his weapon stash that he had brought back with him from his exile. Aside from a backup sword that had seen better days, he had a small pouch of Energy Kunai and Shuriken. That, along with the meager supply of remaining Senzu Beans were all he had to fight the roughly hundred thousand that Madara had boasted of, and even with the twenty thousand or so Konoha Shinobi who had decided to stand with them, he didn't like the piss-poor odds stacked against him.

Sighing again, and getting a nasty electrical shock after trying to turn the lights off, he padded upstairs and slipped into bed, stripping down to his undergarments. Without having to worry about the armor that he would have to change into if he had been issued any, Naruto drifted off into an uneasy sleep. Something about this entire setup smelled fishy, and it wasn't his ramen gone bad.

Wiggle.

Wiggle.

Naruto was instantly alert. Centuries of sleeping on alert with a rabid fangirl problem had hypertuned his senses to this sort of motion. Somebody was in his bed and trying to spoon him.

No way, no how.

Bracing himself, he built up a huge burst of energy in his third energy point and let fly, spinning him out of bed, knocking the interloper flying. He may not be a morning person, but an unknown person in his bed was more then enough to get his full attention and to de-ass the area.

But how that he was picking himself up and drawing a double handful of energy shuriken, he thought it was rather silly. Despite the house being mostly in ruins, the seal foundations on which the security seals were still largely intact. Josh could get in, seeing as how he had everything that he needed on file. But even if it was just to fuck with his mind, the constant NewDawn armor that he wore was extremely unyielding, so that ruled him out.

Natalie, the bane of his existence back during his tenure as a guardian, was officially missing in action, so it wasn't very likely to have been her. Besides, she was good enough to get into his bed without waking him with some wiggling.

That just left one possibility.

"Erm, Hinata-chan, why were you in my bed?"

The figure emerged from the shadows that permeated one side of the room. It sure looked like Hinata, lacy lingerie and all. That is, until he caught one glimpse of her eyes. It was a sight that still frightened him to this day. "Wait a second. I know those eyes anywhere. There's no way. There's no way that-"

Before he could say anything else, 'Hinata' shot across the room, captured his lips in a passionate kiss, pushed him to the ground, and straddled him. "Not tonight, you delicious thing. I'll do to you what my last host couldn't-"

Without warning, Naruto tightened his stomach muscles, twisted, and deployed an emergency Hiraishin to get the hell out of the area, reappearing somewhere near the training grounds before using the Hiraishin to get to one of his clothes stashes that he kept nearby for just such a purpose.

"Damnit... So close..."

"You know, the last time you tried that, he damn near blew your host's head off. Will you ever learn your lesson?"

Hinata spun around to see Josh leaning against the doorframe, which was groaning and threatening to give way under the weight of his armor. His left hand held a bottle of liquor. His right hand had his sidearm drawn. "I mean, it's not like there aren't other fish in the sea. I never understood your reason to go after the idiot."

He took another swig and burped. "Give it up. If things are going to happen, its going to happen naturally, not by jumping into bed with him."

She growled and tried hitting at his heart, but the guardian was having none of it. Josh caught her attack mid-blow in his iron-like grip, dropping the empty liquor bottle, stopping it cold before it even had a chance to connect. "Forget it." he said, flipping her back onto the bed. "You might have been able to pull that off if you were controlling Nat, but in an untrained body like this? You've got no chance."

In a single smooth motion, he leveled the pistol at Hinata and fired six shots, all of which connected, dropping her in her tracks. "That should put you out until the fighting's over... Just need to make sure..." He unclasped one gauntlet, gently bit his thumb, and traced out a pattern on the ground. "And... Presto..." he mumbled, reestablishing his armor's integrity with a click and stamping on the pattern that he had just traced.

At once, the bed, along with Hinata, disappeared from view, as if they had never been there. "Ah... Vic... you never did learn your lesson, did you? And come out, Naruto. There's no point hiding from me."

A fully-dressed Naruto slid smoothly out of the shadows, scowling heavily. "Nacht tried warning me, but it didn't turn out too well. Josh, you don't think-"

"Naruto, we've got a hundred thousand baddies knocking at your front door, hell-bent on leveling this place. Is now really the time to be discussing this?" Josh said tightly, turning to leave, but finding the door blocked by the owner of the house.

"Yeah, I know it's not ideal, but what did you do to her?"

Instead of trying to push past the blonde, Josh opted instead for the window, which Naruto followed, still pestering. Finally, after three blocks, he broke down. "Jesus, you really have gotten worse over the years. I thought you would have known me well enough by now- six PET rounds and a Dome of Obfuscation- being trapped in a pocket dimension should keep her out of our hair for a few hours."

"Six? Six PET rounds'll kill her!"

Josh shook his head. "Not so fast. This is Vic we're talking about here. You know, the one that tormented you for so long? The one that everyone is obsessed about? One of the few beings besides your idiotic ass that can break a Million Moonbeam Seal? I frankly think that six was a bit on the light side, considering she broke one of my Class S Mind Seals."

In a sudden move, he twisted and punched something down onto the ground, his sidearm in it's face in an instant. "And what have I told you about attacking me, LOLChief?"

"THATYOUWOULDKILLMELOL-"

"Damn straight."

Leaving behind the growing dust cloud, a swearing Josh, and a life-sized animated toy screaming for mercy, Naruto approached the staging grounds, where his kage bunshin, along with some of the SA-Spartans and shinobi were cooking breakfast on an industrial scale.

Approaching the Guardians, who had burned through most of the liquor supply, he grabbed one of the few bottles of sake left and downed the whole thing in one go. "Umm, Sensei? Are you all right?"

The blonde shook his head and flopped down next to his former student. "Don't worry about it. It's just something that I'm going to have to deal with later."

"Yep. It's a mess, alright." Josh sat down across the fire, looking none the worse for wear. "But enough about that for now- you guys might want to go get some breakfast before I issue final orders, some of the early risers are already getting here."

After a breakfast in which the five guardians thoroughly traumatized the shinobi who were serving the food of just how much five guardians could eat before a battle, especially when two of them got into a competition about who could eat the most, in which more then one person lost their breakfast while watching in morbid fascination, they left the staging grounds, still bickering.

"Alright, alright! Shut up, you two! You can tear strips out of each other later. We've got a battle to win. Here's the sit-rep."

He gestured vaguely out at the hastily-erected battlements. "We've got to clear out that forest before we can start. The Grizzlies' shells wont be able to penetrate that biomass without detonation, Warthogs don't like trees, and our snipers won't be able to get clean shots. Crescent and Streaker, get that done, but keep on heads. I've got final orders coming out."

The two guardans nodded and stepped into thin air, vanishing from sight, but leaving a clear trail of destruction through the forest, mostly in the form of fire. "Pulsar, you're on fail-safe duty. Get down to the fallback zone and protect those civilians from any interlopers that might make it past us. Also, if shit goes to hell somehow and one of us is killed, get your ass back to central and bring some backup to finish the fight."

He nodded, drew two thin strips of wood from inside of his sleeves, turned on the spot, and disappeared with a resounding crack. "Idiot, you're with me. We're going to organize your friends into a formation in which they hopefully won't get slaughtered like so many sheep."

After calming an irate Tsunade, who had not been pleased that they had leveled the forest around the village, the two guardians had organized the shinobi into general battle units, seeing as how specialized units would just get clobbered in standard battle if they ran into something that they couldn't handle.

Just as the last of the units were in placed in position, the inky blackness of night faded to the pre-dawn royal blue, indicating that sunrise was incredibly close. "Half an hour." Josh remarked as he disassembled and cleaned his rifle, making minute tweaks here and there. "Half an hour until the mayhem starts."

Author's Notes:

Yes, yes, Crucify me if you will.

Updates are going to be like this for quite a while- i'm busy, unmovtivated, and have to start a job next friday.

This story should be finished by early July, in time for Part II to start.

Until then, a great thanks to my newcomers and faithful readers,

Xingster.