thanks for all the reviews! This story probably won't be that long...maybe just 3 or 4 chapters...

Okay. So the first thing you probably caught onto was the whole break up with Roy.

Yes. I finally did it.

Roy really seems like a nice guy when you are on the outside looking in…and he really is, but you get tired of people when you know them too well, I guess. I knew him way too well.

I knew exactly when he'd be home and that he would conger some excuse to explain why he was coming in late. Roy would forget my birthday but throw an entire bash for Darryl, which my invitation to had apparently been misplaced. So I sat at home that night alone, wondering why I was so upset over the circumstances. I definitely wasn't surprised in the very slightest. I mean he always did things like this to me…he didn't ever consider my feelings! And then he has the nerve to forget the moment we first laid eyes on each other! ….never mind. It's not important right now.

I just get so angry. Nobody seems to expect it from me though…they assume that shy timid Pam couldn't hurt a fly. But they're wrong! I've got a fly swatter for a reason! I've even smashed a spider or two with the heel of my shoe…on purpose! I'm not that innocent…wow Britney moment. At least it was good Britney though, you know, before she went insane.

But I stray…the point that I guess I'm probably failing to get across here is that I'm happy. I ended things with Roy. And I'm happy. Just thinking it brings a smile to my face, and it shouldn't. Some of my greatest times were with Roy, but now I just feel like I'm free to start anew.

The only thing I regret is the way we ended things. To say that it was a clean break would probably the farthest thing from the truth in the world. Like…like China and the USA….no like China and…and Pluto! Simply….it was bad. I won't go into details right now though…

I'm just walking into the office and I see Jim and I smile and give a small wave with my left hand. Mistake? Yes. I see the pleasant greeting smile melt off his firmly structured jaw as he discovers the lack of 'bling-age', as Kelly would so gracefully describe it, on my left ring finger.

His eyes seem to almost perk up a bit…? No, it's my imagination, or does he…I am not privileged enough to finish this thought, as Kelly finally realizes.

"Ohemigawd," she spews, somehow into one word, "Please tell me, your rock is at the cleaner's or something."

The entire office looks at me expectantly. I'm overwhelmed with cold needles throughout my entire body. I glanced at Jim, the only one still sitting down, and feel myself warm a bit, but tense more.

"Uh…Sorry I-" I started only to be cut off again.

"He broke up with you." Kelly's tone had a ring as if to say 'I-told-you-so'. Nice.

"Hey!" I politely snapped, "Actually, I broke u with him." I stressed the pronouns. Murmurs filed the office. They officially knew. Though, strangely, Jim sat back at his desk, the only one with a somewhat pleasant expression.

Kelly's eyes resembled a power-puff girl (surprisingly better show than it seems), "You broke up with him!?!?" I nodded. She burst out of the office obviously headed in a beeline to the warehouse.

Kevin spoke up, "Kelly! Wait! I thought you and the temp were-"

He was silenced by Ryan's palm firmly gripping his mouth, "Let. Her. Go."

I still stood just barely into the office for the door way, over to the right slightly though, because of Kelly's rush for the door. It was silent as everyone stared at me. Well, everyone but Jim. What was with him today? Oh wait, Dwight wasn't looking either. He was….trying to untangle a plethora of balloons reading: "Happy Birthday!", "Another Year Younger!", "Happy 50th!" etc. blocking access to his desk. Obviously Jim.

It was too awkward in here to even force myself to chuckle. It shouldn't be this awkward. These are my co-workers, hopefully not for not too much longer, but still, it's my personal life. I shouldn't have to deal with this.

Silence.

More silence.

The phone rings! Saved by the Bell! Ignoring the pop culture references that automatically fill my head, I leap at it almost instantaneously, "Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam."

They disperse. Not automatically, few stay to stare my down while I stall with the caller on the line who dialed a wrong number. Even after they hang up, I leave the phone by my ear, because I know the second I put it down…the inquisition will begin.

Gently and as delayed as possible, I place the phone down and look up slowly. Nothing. At all. Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. Wow…weird reaction and weird reference…

I sighed with content and leaned back in my chair in relief. I doodled in my notebook and started with my daily work.

Jim approached my desk and I couldn't keep the goofy grin from exploding onto my face. Ugh…could I be any more obvious. Oh did I mention that I have feelings for my best friend?

Jim.

Jim Halpert.

Yea…I kind of love him.

A lot.

I probably should have been a bit clearer before…but I was in a bit of a tizzy this morning.

Yesterday, I was having a pretty amazing fifteen minutes. I don't think I've ever been happier, just thinking about him, even though our relationship is mostly strained now. Ever since casino night we've been really distant, but somehow, we managed to nurse it back to almost full health again. We make it work because, truthfully, I think we need each other. I thought of how we used to be before all the drama. You know…his absolutely romantic confession, and my cowardly stuttering. Anyway, he made me smile. Jim made me literately break out an extremely embarrassing toothy grin that grabbed everyone's attention. Well, I guess it grabbed Kelly's attention…and she forced everyone else to mentally note it for later. She's just…great…isn't she?

So now that you're up to speed, you should probably know that my heart is beating so hard and fast that I think it may have just stopped completely. Does that make sense? It doesn't, does it? It doesn't have to! Nothing makes sense anymore. Why is it so hard for me and Jim to make this work? It shouldn't be this hard…

Maybe he's too good to be true. That's how Roy started out, and he couldn't even tell me how we met!

For the record, he parked in my spot on Wednesday, December 15th, 2004. I asked to move his van. He did. He asked me out. I agreed.

Not the most romantic story…but I remember every detail. I guess some things are more important to some than others.

Anyway…the reason my heart may or may not beat out of my chest is because the man I have truly loved for the past few years is strolling casually toward my desk. I'm screaming on the inside, trying to come up with something witty and worthy of his time…but all I get is panic expressed in one continuous scream inside my head.

He leans his elbows and forearms down on my desk next to the receptionist tag that reminded me of my failure every second of every day.

"Hey Pam."

I die a million deaths, reveling in the tone of his voice.

"Hey you…you big guy…you!"

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

thanks for reading!

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