Story. Blah. Please review, because if there's anything that makes Twain depressed, it's signing in and seeing a whole bunch of 'author watches' and 'story faves' and no reviews. XD

Edit: I should probably make it clear, since I've gotten a couple of very nice people correcting me on this; I know the difference between Akainu and Coby. The theory is that Coby is totally going to replace him in the future, because Akainu is a ruthless bastard who's willing to sacrifice marines for his own purposes and Coby is on his way up. Thank you very much for the nice reviews on the subject! You were all very kind. :D

Monkey D. Luffy, said the government report records that Vice-admiral Smoker had refused to burn, is a threat and a nuisance to the public good. His childish features, straw hat, and the scar are his main distinguishing features, and, despite his obvious lack of intelligence and puerile cunning, he and his demonic crew have wiped out my battalion…

Monkey D. Luffy, said the snail-o-phone recording of the last government broadcast, is confirmed as the most dangerous man in the world, replacing the nefarious 'Dragon' as the top priority of the World Government. Rest assured, we shall capture this villain and bring him to justice before more innocent people are wounded and killed…

Monkey D. Luffy, said the AkaInu, his pink hair ruffled by the breeze as he shifted uncomfortably in his new dress uniform, was the greatest friend and inspiration that I have ever… that I had ever known. His memory will go down through the generations as- I hope- the kindest, most trusting man that ever lived. If his crew can hear this, I hope they know that my thoughts are with them as I work to rebuild this world with my colleagues.

Monkey D. Luffy, said an old, technically retired marine, hefting a cannonball worryingly, was a crazy bastard, who wasn't nearly as respectful to old people as he should have been. Now go away. No, I'm not going to give you an interview.

Monkey D. Luffy, said the old doctor in the mountains, drinking down one of her own concoction- she insists it will cure the effects of a heart attack in one night or less- could never have lived out old age as well as I have. He was too crazy. I just hope for his sake that he doesn't take my son with me, or I'll drag him down to toast his heels next to me and skin him with a rusty butcher's knife..

Monkey D. Luffy, said a deep, commanding, dangerous voice, and faces turned in the solemn hall, draped in black, isn't dead. I should know.

Poor fool, said the people, and turned back to the front, where the world's most valuable straw hat is sitting in a place of honor. He was so powerful in his day, and you wouldn't say it to his face, but… well… what's a first mate without his captain? He's a little bit… cracked.

Monkey D. Luffy, said a woman's voice- light, high, dangerous- and a flash of movement as she stood up next to him, isn't dead. And he wants his hat back.

The woman's insane, murmured the people, but their voices weren't as condescending. She just wants some relic to keep for herself- once a thief, always a thief.

Monkey D. Luffy, said two voices, one laughing, one light and hoarse, saying the name like a statement of fact. Heads turned again- frightened murmurs… Is still livin' it super! We just gotta go and get him. - Exactly! Yohohoho!

Did anyone ever doubt the rumors of their insanity? The crowd scoffed, but they didn't smile this time. Living with fishmen- and the other shouldn't even exist!

Monkey D. Luffy, said a voice- and now it sounded angry, is still the pirate king, and still alive, and if any of you ****** jerks says otherwise, I'm gonna flatten your faces.

Deranged, said the audience- their murmurs grew more concerned as the muscular man next to the slim, deadly one nodded agreement. They can't be serious. Starting a riot with all these powerful marines here? A truce can only stretch so far!

Monkey D. Luffy, stuttered a nervous, harmless kind of voice, growing in confidence as it continued, taught me to be a brave warrior of the sea. He's not going to die on me now. He just can't come out until he can honor his promise. He doesn't have Hat.

They can't all be suffering under such a bizarre illusion. Surely not. The bravado was gone- it can't be true.

Monkey D. Luffy, said a high voice- a childish voice- is alive.

What is that thing, murmured some of the women, it can talk! Are we supposed to believe that that… that monster will tell us the truth?

Monkey D. Luffy, said a demure voice, and a silver-haired marine watched silently as, behind the backs of the enthralled audience, delicate, disembodied hands picked up the honored hat, is still alive. Believe me- I was there when Swordsman-san talked to him. But he needs the Greatest Treasure to redeem the Greatest Promise.

The swordsman indicated gave her a look- obviously he wasn't aware of her presence at the time- but his eyes searched out those of the vice-admiral standing unfazed at the back of the room, smoking a cigarette that he wasn't supposed to have. The commodore at his side looked from one to the other, then caught sight of the empty space where the Hat used to be. She smiled ruefully. The swordsman twitched.

On three, said the strongest swordsman in the world. One. Two- the audience stirred, marines jumping from their seats as the hat flew through the air over their heads- TAKE THE BLOODY HAT AND RUN!

Monkey D. Luffy, said the history books, once spent several weeks separate from his crew, his whereabouts mysterious to this day. His hat, recovered upon his presumed death, was apparently the key to his seclusion, despite it's disappearance afterwards. Shortly afterwards, Red-Haired Shanks acquired a much-similar hat, leading to some speculation on the nature of their relationship. Mere days after that, the hat disappears from our knowledge, and then appears on Mugiwara no Luffy's head once more- the symbol that spurred the second age of adventure.

Monkey D. Luffy looked down from his perch on top of the whale's head, his hair blowing freely in the sea breeze.

"Hey, guys! Did you know that everyone thinks I'm dead? They're being really really nice now!

They often are, once someone extremely powerful and fairly decent dies. Of course, he didn't, but that's inconsequential to the situation, really. And he can't come out and tell them that until he's ready to honor his promise to Shanks and give the stupid hat back. Shanks later returned his return, claiming that it got in the way.

Anyway... since I make it my business to add at least one thing to my every story that will confuse and bewilder the readers, the dialogue is alternately in italics and normal writing, switching to my tastes. If it describes something that's happening, it's something that's happening. If it doesn't sound like something that happening, it's dialogue. Ignore the kiknd of writing and focus on the content, and you should be okay. XD Updates on other things should occur eventually, once I get around to it. I just really felt like writing this one night, which got me in trouble about math homework the next morning... So. review if you liked it, crit (nicely, please) if you didn't.

-OneInTwain