Disclaimer: If I owned Grey's, it would be PWP.

A/N: This is what happens when my person calls me at 3am.

Lexie was drunk.

Really drunk.

So drunk that she apparently thought it was an awesome idea to include Callie in on the fun. Waking her up from a dead sleep. At one o'clock in the morning. On her day off.

"Callllllie!" she giggled into the phone, "Why aren't you here getting inerb- inebriat... drunk-faced with us?"

Callie groaned and rolled over, "Lexie?"

"Yesh, silly!"

Wonderful. Just what she needed.

"Where are you?"

Lexie laughed and mumbled something to someone else on the other end before answering, "Where am, I? Where are, you?"

Really? Did this have to happen tonight?

"I'm at home," she grumbled, "sleeping."

She could practically hear Little Grey pouting.

"What're you doing sleeping when there's a party going on?"

"That's what people do when the sun's not out. They sleep." she ran and hand over her eyes and snuggled deeper into her sheets, "Just like I'm gonna go back to doing. Goodnight, Lexie."

Breathing a sigh of relief, her phone flipped shut with a satisfying clap and she tossed it back onto her nightstand. She hadn't even gotten comfortable before it started ringing again.

"Lexie, what do you want?" she snapped.

"Callie?" said a voice, very much not Lexie Grey, "it's Joe. I'm sorry to call you like this, but could you come pick her up? Dr. Sloan is working and Meredith already left..."

She frowned. "I live right across the street. Can't you just- nudge her out the door in my general direction?"

"She's three sheets to the wind, Cal. If I weren't afraid she'd fall into a snowbank and freeze to death, I would have."

"Guhhhh," she groaned, tossing the warm covers open, "why can't you walk her over?"

Joe laughed, "I run a bar. I have other drunkards to worry about."

"But it's cold out." she whined.

"The sooner you come get her," he taunted, "the faster you can go back to sleep."

Before she could respond, he hung up.

That bastard.

Heaving a heavy sigh, she rolled out of bed. Lexie was going to pay for this.

As her bare feet touched the chilly floor, she thought about what she would do first.

A pair of sweats slid up her legs, and she settled on suffocation.

Then, as she grabbed her keys and slipped out the front door, she changed it to stabbing. Via sporks. A handful of sporks.

The second she made it outside, a cold wind freezing her to the bone, she decided that keel hauling was much more appropriate. She didn't even know what a keel was, but it had to be more painful than a stabbing.

Crossing the street, her teeth began chattering and a good, old fashioned stoning started to sound even better.

Ten feet from the door. Drowning?

Five. Fire?

But what she saw once she was inside?

Maybe just a wedgie.

Lexie sat, no practically laid on top of the bar, a dopey smile covering her face once she spotted her across the room.

"Callie!" she stumbled happily off her stool. Falling in a heap of limbs like a puppy slipping a on a tile floor.

Okay, an atomic wedgie.

Glaring at Joe (who just grinned sweetly in her direction as he went about his business), she made her way over to the younger woman and helped her up, wrapping and arm around her waist.

"You okay?" she asked, shuffling them in the direction of the exit.

Lexie giggled, leaning toward her like she had a secret to tell her. "I may be a little drunk."

Great.

First rule of taking care of drunk friends. Or in this case, drunk friend's girlfriends. Agree with everything they say.

"Of course you are."

Second rule. Be as snarky as you like 'cause they probably won't remember much the next day. And even if they do? They'll most likely be too embarrassed to call you on it. So, enjoy it while it lasts.

"That's what happens when you drink too much beer and are stupid enough to get stranded at a bar after the cabs stop running."

Third rule. Keep them walking. Once you stop they'll want to sit down. And if they sit down, you have to get them back up. It's more trouble than it's worth.

Lexie slowed down, looking at her in that confused, drunken stare that universally meant she'd used far too many large words, but Callie kept her shuffling out into the cold night.

"They stop running cabs here?" she snorted, breath puffing into the frigid air, "That's... stu-stupid. God, it's really cold! Why is it so cold?"

Callie almost laughed. If Lexie weren't so endearingly adorable she'd have long since let her skinny ass get hypothermia stumbling out on the sidewalk all by herself.

"It's winter. Winter is cold."

"But why?"

"Because."

"Because, why?"

"You know what?" Callie tugged her through the front door of her building, out of the cold and into the elevator, "Let's just get upstairs and get you into bed."

"I don't think Mark would like that, too much..." Lexie chuckled and clutched her arm tightly, swaying as the lift started and then stopped at the third floor, "On second thought, he probably would."

This was a nightmare.

Cristina was snoring softly on the couch when they walked in, the TV on in the background, and for some bizarre reason Lexie thought that was hilarious.

It started with giggles. A snort and then chuckles. Louder and louder until Callie was sure that they'd both suffer the wrath of the beast. Angry Cristina wasn't something that you wanted to incur early in the morning. Or ever.

So as quickly as she could, Callie dragged Lexie into her room. Accidentally slamming her into the door once it shut, making sure that she wouldn't fall flat on her intoxicated ass.

Lexie gasped, the wind knocked out of her, hands falling onto Callie's shoulders. But all she could feel was wood beneath her fingertips and the way smaller curves melted into her own. A warm body flush against hers, breath puffing along her neck, goosebumps raising along her skin in its wake.

Rule number four. Do not under any circumstances kiss your best friend's girlfriend.

But then fingers were tangled in her hair, and lips were pressed tightly against her own. Slipping and sliding, tongues flicking teasingly, teeth nipping. A small groan fell from the back of her throat and she could've swore she was floating.

Now she felt drunk.

Her head was spinning. Oxygen deprived. Body tingling in all the right (naughty) places.

And then it was over.

Lexie's head fell back against the door, still giggling like she had been before. Like nothing had happened.

"Always wanted to do that." she smirked.

Callie's eyes widened, "What? Kiss me?"

"No!" Lexie pushed her playfully backward, "A girl. Wanted to kiss one for a while now. See what the fuss was all about. Ya, know?"

Before she could even think of a proper response or breath a sigh of relief, the little brunette was sliding out from between her and the door and began exploring her room. Fingers tracing the books on her desk, picking up the teddy bear she'd had since she was ten, a lingering smile cutely curving her lips.

'I will not kiss my best friend's girlfriend...' Callie scolded herself sternly, 'Again. Not ever again.'

No matter how hot it may have been.

Lexie's interest seemed to pique when she finally spotted the bed. Heading toward it like a moth to a flame.

"Wait!"

When Lexie froze mid-step, she quickly headed over to her dresser, pulling out a large t-shirt and a pair of shorts.

"Go change into these first." Callie guided her back to the door, shoving the clothes securely into the girl's arms, "Bathroom's just across the hall."

"Are you trying to insinuape that I smell?"

Looking her square in the eye, her nose scrunched up in (mock) disgust, "Like an ashtray at a keg party."

Her mouth fell open, genuinely insulted, and Callie had to laugh.

"I do not smell!"

"Drunk people don't get an opinion."

"Yes, they do!" she argued, "I have good hyg- hygi... I bathe!"

Callie corralled her through one doorway and into another, "I bet you're all about bubbles and rubber duckies, too."

"What?"

"Nothing." Callie grinned, shutting the door, Lexie inside, "See you back in the bedroom."

A few minutes later, Callie managed to shut off all the lights in the apartment before slipping back into her bed with a happy sigh. Simple pleasures. Her eyes shut, letting her body relax for a moment. Enjoying the way she sank into her mattress. The blankets cocooning around her, welcoming her, embracing her.

She must have dozed off though, because the next thing she knew, the bed was dipping slightly beside her and a small, feminine arm wrapped itself around her waist. A very warm, slender body molding herself along her side to go with it.

"Nigh', Callie."

Lexie's head burrowed into her shoulder, a toned leg worming its way between her own. And before she could ask her to scoot over, push her off the bed, or even think to move, she was asleep. Deep, even, moist, breaths floating across her chest.

Great.

"I can do this." she whispered, "Straight girls cuddle all the time. It can't be too difficult, can it? Just- keep your hands where you can see them and your mind out of the gutter and you'll be fine."

Minutes later, Callie's eyes popped open in horror when Lexie shifted in her sleep. The girl sighed contently, her hand making its way up her stomach tortuously slow before coming to rest between her breasts, right over her pounding heart. And as if that wasn't enough, the thigh that had so cleverly threaded through her own? It slid higher. So high, that if either of them moved even a fraction of an inch, her knee would brush across the crotch of Callie's sweatpants.

This.

Was.

Hell.

"Seriously?"

It was going to be a long night.

Five hours later, Callie still hadn't slept a wink.

Or moved, for that matter.

She heard her front door open and shut quietly, relief flooding her system when she heard long, even strides heading in their direction.

'Finally!' A savior.

"Lexie?"

Mark's head popped into the room seconds later, his eyes widening when he realized the exact position that they were in; a small hand resting on Callie's stomach underneath her shirt, leg firmly lodged against her pelvis, cheek resting on her breast, lips dangerously close to- well, never mind.

Yup, pure, unadulterated nightmare.

"What in the hell do you think you're doing, Torres? Trying to steal my girlfriend?"

"Shhh!" Callie hissed, "I'm not doing anything! Get in here and get her off of me!"

Mark frowned.

"I swear, I'm never doing you a favor again if you don't get your hot intern and her grabby, lemur hands off of my goods..." she threatened, "Or so help me God, I will hunt you down and break every bone in your body. Slowly!"

He still didn't move, his head tilted to the side. Studying them.

"Mark!" she hissed. "Five. Hours!"

"Huh? Five hours of what?"

She glared at him. "Of not being able to touch back!"

His eyes snapped up to hers, finally fully processing what she was saying, "What? Why would you touch back? No touching!"

Mark toed off his shoes with record speed and slid under the covers on the opposite side of the bed, quickly detaching Lexie from Callie's body.

She'd never been so grateful in her entire life.

Free at last.

Sliding out of bed almost immediately, she stretched her limbs and began making a mad (slow, but steady) dash across the hall, her bladder full in ways that she never wanted to experience again.

What surprised her though, was hearing Lexie stir behind her, the second she left the room.

"Was I just molesting Callie?"

'Yes!' she wanted to yell, 'Yes, you were!'

Mark chuckled with a cocky smirk, charm practically oozing out of him, "No, but you can molest me if you like."

Ew, just... Ew.

"No sex in my bed!"

"You can join in, if you like." he called out after her, just before the bathroom door swung shut.

His heart wasn't in it, though. And judging by the way Lexie was giggling between muffled thumps, that were mostly likely pillow hits, and random mock cries for help from Mark, she'd been aware of that too.

Maybe that new leaf of his had changed him after all.

Maybe it could change her, too.

End.