(A/N: This is my first fanfiction ever! Well, the first one I've published, anyways. I'm a long-time Seddie shipper, and have probably read all the Seddie stories here on fanfiction. I hope y'all like it- please drop a review. Btw, I'm not sure the carly quote is totally right, I searched and searched on the internet for the correct version, if I need to edit it- please tell me!)

Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly. If I did, yeah, that'd be great, but... I don't. I don't own the dictionary either! Sheesh.

How to Behave Badly

Bad∙ly [bad-lee] adv: In a wicked, evil, or morally or legally wrong way; in a disobedient, naughty, or ethically or socially wrong way.

I've gotten too many detentions to count. Probably around an average of 3 a week. Maybe more. You can do the math- I hate math.

I pushed Frankie off a tree in the 5th grade and broke his leg.

I would choose my mother over ham.

I give wedgies and regularly induce pain in other people.

I shove the blame of my actions on other people. (Usually Carly, Gibby, or Freddie)And if I didn't- I would be expelled.

I called Freddie's mom a "mess of a women" to her face.

I take Carly's food all the time.

I have borrowed money and never paid it back.

I hit that stupid dinosaur when they tried to make our web show a television sitcom. Oh, well. He did deserve it.

I can lock-pick pretty much anyone's house/business/school.

I stole a sandwich from Carly. But that did make us friends, right?

I hurled an apple at Freddie.

I traded my best friend's present to me she made for scalped tickets.

I've stolen hand-cuffs from cops.

At that, I've ran away from cops.

I can flip security guards- a.k.a: pretty much anyone.

I attached Jonah to a wedgie bounce for more than two hours on a live feed. Well, he did cheat on me- doesn't that count for "comeuppance" or whatever?

I pantsed Freddie in front of the entire school.

I put bleu cheese dressing in his shampoo.

I've sent is phone to Cambodia. Illegally, I might add.

I've spat on a bus. (It's apparently some weirdo law in Seattle, and your truly just had to be like the only person ever to be ticketed by a obese cop for it.)

And much, much more.

It's simple and plain: Sam Puckett behaves badly. It's like all these laws I break- everybody knows them. They all know I behave badly.

But despite all my law-breaking and rude antics, all of which totally fit the definition of badly-

What all those people don't know is my worst offenses. Plural because they happen on a daily basis.

Carly said, "Sam may be annoying and obnoxious, but she doesn't lie."

Ha, she didn't even begin to have a clue how wrong she was.

When I say dork, I mean my dork. It's in a good way, but you can't get it through your thick brain that I'm not insulting you!

When I tell you you smell, look weird, are too geeky for anyone- I'm lying.

I always lie to you, and it hurts, hurts so bad.

And then now! When I told everyone how you hadn't had your first kiss yet… I feel terrible. The most just plain miserable I've ever felt. More than when Jonah cheated on me, more than when I realize my mom doesn't love me like she should, more than when every guy who looks at Carly and not ever me.

I'm so, so, sorry. I meant EVERYTHING when I said sorry for everything. Even the things you don't know about.

And then! Then, when we kissed…

Oh, when we …kissed?

I finished your sentence, saying it was…nice?

Nice? It was much, much more than that. It was magnificent, crazy, brilliant, sweet, just plain indescribable. It made me feel the best I've ever felt.

You're as exceptional a kisser as I thought you would be. And it's not just because I'm biased.

And then, then when I left.

You said, "Hey."

My heart skipped a beat when I turned around.

"I hate you" Why were you smiling like that? What was that glint in your eyes?

I was probably just lying to myself. I do it all the time anyway.

And then, then, I delivered my best lie yet:

"I hate you too."

Bad∙ly [bad-lee] adv: Very much; to a great extent or degree, severely; direly.

The truth?

I love you- badly.