Irreplaceable (Short Song Fic)

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Hermione stood by the living room window, looking up at the sky. Presently, she saw the Ford Focus materialize, zooming downward and landing, rolling forward and parking in the driveway. Ron got out, fixed his robes and smoothed his hair, then strode to the front door, letting himself in. He had no idea Hermione had left work early to meet him.

He entered and stopped as the witch met him, silent, her arms folded.

"Hermione?" he said in surprise. "What are you doing home?"

Hermione's expression was cold and stony.

"To the left, Ron," she said coldly.

Ron looked confused.

"To the left? What are you talking about?"

"Everything you own is in that box on the left," she said, pointing.

Ron saw a box. He walked over to it and pulled up a flap. It seemed everything he did own was in there, miniaturized. He looked at Hermione, frowning.

"What? You want me to leave? Fine," he said sullenly, heading for the bedroom. Hermione followed him. He opened the closet.

"That's my stuff," she said to him.

"But my clothes," he said, turning toward her.

"If I bought them, they're mine, so don't touch them."

"Fine," Ron snarled.

Hermione had a better job than he did and had been quite generous to him during their time together.

"I don't need those clothes. In fact, I don't need anything from you!"

Hermione didn't care.

"You can talk all the bullshit you want, Ron, as long as you walk and talk at the same time. Oh, by the way, the Ford's in my name so just drop the keys on the table by the front door. I'll summon the Knight Bus for you. "

Ron sullenly walked to the front door, dropped the keys to the Focus and picked up his box and walked outside, followed by Hermione. He turned to her.

"You're being stupid, Hermione. No other man's going to put up with you. You're a fool to let me go," he told her.

Hermione smirked at him.

"You've got it twisted, Ron. You must not know me. I can have another you in a minute. In fact, he's on his way now. Even if he wasn't, I could still have another you by tomorrow. Don't think you're irreplaceable. I suggest you call Lavender Brown and see if she's home."

Ron went pale as Hermione walked to the edge of the yard and stuck out her wand. The Knight Bus appeared almost instantly, the door opening. Hermione walked back toward Ron, her face stoic.

"Oops. Thought I didn't know about her, eh, Ron? Why do you think I'm putting you out? You were unfaithful, driving her around in the car I bought you. That's why I made you leave the keys. Now, you'd better hurry before the bus leaves."

At that moment, there was the sound of Apparation, and Potions master Severus Snape appeared, a suitcase in one pale hand. His dark eyes rested on Ron for a moment, before they shifted toward Hermione. A smirk appeared on his face as he strode into the yard as if he owned it. The wizard lifted Hermione's hand and kissed it tenderly before turning and silently facing Ron, his eyes glittering.

Hermione met Ron's disbelieving gaze.

"Like I said, Ron, you've got it twisted. You don't know me. Since I'm not your everything, I've decided to be nothing to you. And I won't shed a tear or lose a wink of sleep over you, because replacing you is so easy."

Ron was speechless as he looked at Snape, who moved closer to Hermione standing over her solicitously.

"We're finished, Ron. You made your bed, now lay in it. The mistake you made is you thought you were irreplaceable."

Ron stared at Hermione, then slowly entered the Knight Bus. He paid his fare to the Burrow and sat down, his box of things in his lap, staring at the couple as the bus zipped out of sight.

Snape looked at the witch.

"I won't make the same mistake of taking you for granted as Mr. Weasley did," he said softly.

"You're a smart wizard, Severus. No man is irreplaceable. Now, come on. I've saved you some closet space."

THE END

Irreplaceable Lyrics

Mmmm to the left, to the left

Everything you own in the box to the left

In my closet, that's my stuff

Yes, if I bought it, please don't touch (don't touch)

And keep talking that mess, thats fine

Could you walk and talk, at the same time?

And it's my name thats on that jag

So go move your bags, let me call you a cab

Standing in the front yard, telling me

How I'm such a fool, talking 'bout

How I'll never ever find a man like you

You got me twisted

You must not know 'bout me

You must not know 'bout me

I could have another you in a minute

Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby)

You must not know 'bout me

You must not know 'bout me

I can have another you by tomorrow

So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'

You're irreplaceable

So go ahead and get gone

Call up that chick, and see if shes home

Oops I bet you thought, that I didn't know

What did you think

I was putting you out for?

Because you were untrue

Rolling her around in the car that I bought you

Baby, drop them keys

Hurry up, before your taxi leaves

Standing in the front yard, telling me

How I'm such a fool, talking 'bout

How I'll never ever find a man like you

You got me twisted

You must not know 'bout me

You must not know 'bout me

I could have another you in a minute

Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby)

You must not know 'bout me

You must not know 'bout me

I can have another you by tomorrow

So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'

You're irreplaceable (irreplaceable)

So since I'm not your everything (irreplaceable)

How about I'll be nothing (nothing)? Nothing at all to you (nothing, nothing)

Baby I won't shed a tear for you (I won't shed a tear for you)

I won't lose a wink of sleep (a wink of sleep)

'Cause the truth of the matter is (truth is)

Replacing you is so easy

To the left, to the left.

To the left, to the left.

Mmmmm

To the left, to the left.

Everything you own in the box to the left

To the left, to the left.

Don't you ever for a second get to thinking

You're irreplaceable

You must not know 'bout me

You must not know 'bout me

I can have another you in a minute

Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby)

You must not know 'bout me

You must not know 'bout me

I can have another you by tomorrow

So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'

You must not know 'bout me (baby)

You must not know 'bout me

I could have another you in a minute

Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute

You can pack all your bags we're finished (you must not know 'bout me)

'Cause you made your bed now lay in it (you must not know 'bout me)

I could have another you by tomorrow

Don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'

You're irreplaceable