The usual disclaimer applies.

Author's note: Sort of a song fic loosely based on George Strait's "Desperately". This is a first attempt at a story based on a song so who knows how it will turn out. Every time I hear this song I think it is a perfect JIBBS song so I'm including the words and you can see what I mean. So….here goes.

DESPERATELY

NCIS Special Agent Jethro Gibbs was in the emergency room at Bethesda Naval Hospital. Again. For the fourth time in the last six months he was being treated for injuries sustained on the job. NCIS Medical Examiner Donald 'Ducky' Mallard was on his way to the hospital. Again. As he parked his car in the ER parking lot Dr. Mallard thought back over the last six months and sighed. He had been making too many trips to the hospital to either stay with or pick up Gibbs. He had begun to be concerned after last month's fiasco when Gibbs was injured during an arrest. That day Tony DiNozzo and Tim McGee, members of Gibbs' team, had confided to him that the Boss, as they referred to Gibbs, seemed to be taking too many unnecessary chances and putting himself too much in the line of fire so to speak. Ducky had tried to talk to Gibbs about what was going on but as usual he was brushed off with, 'it's nothing Duck, just a scratch'. In fact it had been a flesh wound but would have been much worse if the suspect's aim had been just a bit better. Dr. Mallard was not sure what he would find when he entered the ER today but he was prepared to confront his old friend this time and not allow Jethro to brush him off. This time was different. This time Tony had been injured too. Not seriously, thank heavens, but that was beside the point. Ducky knew Jethro took his responsibility to his team very seriously and he was certain Jethro would be more upset at Tony's injuries than his own.

When Ducky entered the emergency area he found McGee and Ziva David, the other member of the team, waiting for him. They told him Tony was getting some stitches in his arm and would be ready to go in just a little while. Gibbs on the other hand was in worse shape.

"What happened?" Ducky asked Ziva as Tim left to go find Tony.

"We approached the suspect's residence and Gibbs sent Tony and Tim to check the garage, told me to cover the back entrance and then he went in the front. Apparently the man was waiting just inside the door and hit Gibbs with a bat before he even got two feet inside the room. Gibbs dropped his gun of course and the man got in several more vicious hits before Gibbs could regain his senses and fight back. He took quite a beating, Ducky. I think they want to keep him here overnight and you can imagine how he will react to that."

"What about Tony? What happened to him?"

"I heard the commotion from inside the house and called for Tony and Tim. I broke the window in the door and then Tony rushed up and reached inside to open it and cut his arm rather badly on the glass. He will be fine. He actually shot Mr. Stuart as the man was about to take a swing at Gibbs' head. Probably saved Gibbs' life I would guess."

"Thank goodness you were able to get in there and salvage the situation."

"You know Ducky, Gibbs should not have even been in that situation anyway. I hate to say this but it was sloppy for him to go in the house alone in the first place. One of us should have been there with him. He would never have allowed one of us to go in alone."

"What are you suggesting, Ziva?"

"You know this is the fourth time we have had to bring Gibbs to the ER in the last few months. He is getting almost careless, Ducky. Something is wrong. He takes too many chances; always for himself of course, not with us. It is like he doesn't care what happens to himself. We are hoping you can talk to him and find out what is wrong."

"Of course I will talk to him. I tried last time but he refused to discuss it with me. I will be more demanding this time. Do you have a theory as to what is the matter?"

"I believe this all has to do with the Director. Ever since Jenny has been here Gibbs has been on edge and much more so in the past few months. Something is wrong there. I am right, aren't I Ducky, that they were more than just partners in Europe?"

Ducky looked around to be sure they were still alone. He trusted Ziva to be discreet and he knew she was very close to the Director. Still, he wanted to guard Jethro's privacy and the Director's as well. "Yes, Ziva you are correct. They were much more than just work partners. They were very much in love. Jennifer chose her career and left Jethro after Paris. I don't think he, or Jennifer for that matter, ever got over that. I will talk to him and see what I can do. Have you asked Jennifer about any of this?"

"No, but I know she is concerned. I can tell by the way she looks at Gibbs that she still cares for him but she won't ever admit it. Stubborn woman!" Ziva laughed and continued, "They really do deserve each other you know."

Ducky chuckled and agreed. "If only we could help them see that. I better go see how he's doing." With that Ducky walked off in search of Jethro's doctor and the patient himself.

He found Gibbs still in a trauma room in the emergency department. His left arm was already in a splint and from the waist up he was covered with bruises and cuts. The doctor was standing at the x-ray viewer when Ducky entered the room.

"Ah, Dr. Ryan, we meet again." Ducky greeted the man who always seemed to be on duty when Jethro was admitted.

"Hello, Dr. Mallard. Yes, here we all are again. This time quite a bit more serious than last month but not as bad as it has been. Agent Gibbs took quite a beating today. I'm afraid we need to keep him overnight for observation and you know how much he likes to be here."

"Hey, I'm right here you know. I can hear you talking about me." Jethro growled as best he could but with the condition he was in and all the pain meds he had been given it didn't come out sounding very threatening.

"Of course, I'm sorry Jethro. How are you feeling?"

"I feel like I want to go home Duck. But these guys are saying I need to stay. Can you tell them I'll be fine at home."

"Well, let's see what Dr. Ryan has to say Jethro."

"He has a rather serious fracture of his left arm which I can't cast yet. Looks like two cracked ribs and lots of bruising and contusions to the chest and abdomen. The facial bruising isn't too serious; bad enough but no permanent damage. He did take a blow to the kidney area which could be trouble. That is the main reason I want to keep him here. We need to monitor his kidney function overnight and get his arm in a cast tomorrow. I don't see any internal injuries or bleeding which is surprising considering he was beaten with a baseball bat. All in all, Jethro, you are lucky. Again. You really do need to try and stay out of here for a while."

Ducky turned from listening to Dr. Ryan to look at Jethro for his response but Jethro was asleep. Just as well Ducky thought. He definitely needed to stay in the hospital and it would be easier on everyone if Gibbs slept through most of his stay. Especially the first few hours.

Dr. Ryan smiled at Ducky and said, "Lucky for me he fell asleep. We gave him some pretty strong pain meds so he should sleep for a few hours at least. You know, Ducky, I like Jethro but I seem to be seeing him way too often these last few months. I hope his run of bad luck is about over."

"Me too, Frank. I'll tell his team what his condition is and then I will be staying for a while. I'll see you later I'm sure."

"Alright. Don't worry, Ducky, he'll be fine."

Ducky returned to the waiting area and told Tony, Ziva and Tim that Gibbs would be staying overnight. He explained what all Gibbs' injuries were and suggested they go back to NCIS and finish up what they needed to do and then go home. He told them he would call Director Shepard and inform her of the situation. Reluctantly the three agents left the hospital and went back to work. Returning to work with their boss still at the hospital was becoming an all to familiar occurrence for them.

Ducky found an office he could borrow and phoned the Director. "Jennifer, I wanted to let you know Jethro's condition. Do you have time to talk now?"

"Yes, of course, Ducky. How is he? What happened this time?"

"He will be fine. He has a broken arm, two cracked ribs and numerous bruises and contusions. He took quite a beating, Jennifer. They are keeping him overnight to monitor his kidney function because he took at least one blow in that area with a baseball bat." Ducky heard Jen gasp at that and knew she was probably having a hard time hearing all this. "I think it's really just a precaution. Dr. Ryan won't be able to cast his arm until tomorrow which is just another reason to keep Jethro here. He will be fine, my dear."

"Do you think I should come down there Ducky? I'm worried about him. He seems to spend more time at the hospital lately than he does at home."

"Jennifer has anything happened between the two of you lately?"

Jen felt her caution flags come out at that question. "What do you mean?"

"Jethro's team is concerned that he seems to be taking too many chances with his own safety lately. I tend to agree. I just wondered if you had any insight into what could be the cause of this rather cavalier attitude."

"Nothing has happened between Jethro and myself. I don't expect anything will be happening. He argues with me just as he always has. He is difficult to deal with most of the time but that's nothing new." Jen paused for a moment before resuming, "you know Ducky, in the last couple of months he has been somewhat distant. He hasn't been barging in nearly as much as he used to. I just chalked that up to his team being so busy lately. Honestly, Ducky, we don't talk much anymore so I don't know what's going on with Jethro. You would be the one to find out. You are the only person he seems to trust anymore."

Ducky thought he noted a tone of sadness in the Director's voice as she finished talking. He knew her well enough to know she was more than just a little worried about Jethro. In fact, if he had to bet he would say she was itching to come to the hospital and see for herself that her lead agent was alright.

"I intend to talk to him but he is sleeping right now. They knocked him out with some pretty strong pain medication. I will call you later and let you know how he's doing. Good bye Jennifer."

Ducky phoned his assistant, Jimmy Palmer, and told him to do the preliminary work on Mr. Stuart when the body arrived. He told him he would not be back in the office today and then went to Jethro's room to wait for him to wake up. Two hours later, as Ducky was finishing a quick lunch, Jethro began to come around. Ducky walked to the side of the bed and looked down on his friend's battered body.

"Good afternoon, Jethro. I hope you are feeling a little better after your sleep."

"What time is it Ducky? And why am I still here?"

"It's just after 1:00 Jethro and you are here because Dr. Ryan is concerned about the beating you took particularly the blow to your kidneys. He wants to make sure you don't have any problems there. And you will need a cast on your arm in the morning. Just try and relax although I know that's hard for you to do in a hospital."

Gibbs managed to raise the bed up just a little so he could sit up a little bit. Moving around proved to be a painful exercise so he didn't do too much of it. "Was anyone else hurt?" he finally managed to ask when he caught his breath.

"Tony cut his arm rather badly on some glass when they broke in the back of the house. He had some stitches but will be fine in no time." Ducky noted that Jethro seemed to be just barely listening to his answer. His eyes closed and although he wasn't asleep, Jethro seemed to be someplace else.

"What's going on with you Jethro? And don't say nothing. You have been here four times now in the past six months. Frankly, I'm getting tired of having to come here to see you. I hesitate to say this Jethro because I don't want to believe it but you seem to be getting careless with your own safety. What's happened?"

Ducky expected a fight from Jethro after his last statement but none was forthcoming. Jethro just sighed and looked out the window refusing to look at his friend for a long time. Finally he turned and looked at Ducky and said, "I just can't do this anymore Duck. You're right. I have been getting careless. And today Tony got hurt because of it. You know, I don't really care what happens to me but I can't believe I let my own carelessness get one of my people hurt. That is the last thing I should ever let happen. I just can't do it anymore."

To say Ducky was stunned would be the understatement of the year. He had expected Jethro to deny his accusations vehemently and to demand to be left alone and sent home. Instead, Ducky was hearing defeat and surrender from his friend, two things he never expected to come from the mouth of Jethro Gibbs.

"What are you talking about Jethro? You can't do what anymore?"

"I can't keep on working like this Duck."

"Jethro, back up and tell me what you mean. Are you saying you want to quit NCIS?"

"Yes." Jethro gave that one word response quietly and without much conviction.

Now Ducky was really confused and worried. NCIS and his team was all Jethro really cared about as far as Ducky could tell. Something very serious was going on here and he didn't have a clue what it was. He couldn't imagine that this was all because of something that might have happened between Jethro and Jennifer. Sure they argued frequently and Jethro had slammed in and out of her office since the day she arrived but that was just the way they communicated. It had always been a volatile, loud, passionate relationship but they had always managed to find a way to focus and get the job done. There had to be something else going on here and Ducky was determined to find out what it was.

"Jethro, you can't be serious. Your career and your team is everything to you. You can't honestly tell me you want to walk away from all that. What in the world has happened to make you talk like this."

Jethro shifted in the bed and tried to put his thoughts in order so he could explain himself to Ducky. He had been thinking along these lines for months now and today just confirmed for him that he needed to get away from this job. It wasn't that he wanted to quit; he felt like if he didn't leave he was going to make a really big mistake and someone besides himself was going to get seriously hurt or even killed. He didn't want that on his conscience. The answer to Ducky's questions was really very simple. Jenny Shepard. Jethro wasn't sure how to explain that to Ducky but he knew he owed his oldest and most trusted friend at least an attempted at an explanation.

"The simple answer is that I can't continue to work for our esteemed Director, Ducky."

Ducky wasn't really surprised by that answer. He looked directly at Jethro and said, "Can you tell me why?"

Jethro smiled and said, "I can try. When Jen first became the Director I thought I could handle her being back and us just having a working relationship. Over time I started to realize that was going to be harder than I thought but I still felt like I could manage. I remember exactly when I knew it wasn't going to work because it was when my truck was in the shop for a new starter. The day it was ready to be picked up Jen and I had a real knock down drag out fight about a case. There was a lot of yelling and some pretty harsh words were exchanged by both of us. I went storming out of her office and left. I just walked for a long time and tried to calm down. You know how she can get me so fired up that I can't even think straight. I thought if I just got some air I would be okay and I could go back and talk to her calmly. I caught a cab and went to get my truck. I guess the guys in the garage had left the radio on and I just let it play on the way back to the office. There was some country song on that for some reason just stuck in my head. I didn't think about it at the time but later I heard it again. Anyway, when I got back to the office I was much calmer and I decided I would go talk to Jen and try and work out what was wrong. Well, when I got off the elevator she was coming down the stairs all dressed up with Senator somebody holding her arm. She didn't say a word to me, she just smiled and walked right past me like I was invisible.

Needless to say I was furious. Honestly I was hurt but you know I tend to turn that into furious. Anyway I just went home and drank and sat in the basement. I didn't even work on the boat that night. The radio was on and it was on some country station from when DiNozzo had been over there. Before I got too drunk I heard that song again. I managed to catch the words this time and it just seemed to have been written about me and Jen. I know that sounds crazy coming from me but there it is. It was about some guy who was desperately in love but the woman had left him and now he was all alone and still in love with her. I just couldn't get that song out of my head. I realized I still love Jen and I can never have her. In the song the guy is just sort of going through the motions of life and I realized that was exactly what I was doing.

Before Jen came back I thought I was happy or at least as happy as I ever expected to be. I had my work and my team and my boat. I didn't think I needed anything else. But when I saw Jen that first day in MTAC I was blown away by how I felt about her. Seeing her brought back all the good memories and very few of the bad ones. But she told me right up front that we were finished and there wasn't going to be anything but business between us. I thought I could handle that but I can't Ducky. I love Jenny and I can't have her and it's tearing me up. I don't intentionally put myself in danger but I guess I just don't have as much survival instinct as I used to have. I can't put my team at risk so I need to get away; I need to quit before I get somebody killed."

When he finally stopped talking Jethro sank back on the pillow and closed his eyes. He hadn't talked that much or that honestly to anyone in a very long time. He wondered what Ducky was thinking and he knew it wouldn't be too long before he knew the answer to that question.

Ducky was amazed at what he had just heard. Jethro had certainly never been that open and honest with him about his personal life before. He marveled at Jethro's insight and willingness to tell him the truth. 'Now' he thought, 'I just have to figure out how to get him to repeat all that for Jennifer'.

"Jethro, have you talked to Jennifer about all this? Never mind. I know you haven't. The better question is why haven't you talked to Jennifer about all this?"

"You're right, I haven't talked to her about any of this. I guess because I know what she'll say and I just don't want to hear her say no again. It would be like her leaving me all over again and I don't want to go through that. Maybe it's the coward's way out but I would rather be the one to leave this time."

"I understand you think you know what she would say but what if you are wrong. Isn't it worth the risk? What if she has changed her mind? What if she still loves you Jethro? Are you sure you want to throw away even the smallest chance to have what you so desperately desire?"

"Do you know something I don't Ducky? What makes you think there is even a chance that Jen still loves me?"

"I don't know anything for sure Jethro. I know that Jennifer cares about you and I believe she still loves you. Call it my gut instinct if you will. I also know that you are not the kind of man to walk away from a challenge. We both know Jennifer can be very challenging but so can you my friend. You two have too much history together for you to just walk away without giving it your best shot if you truly still love her. Don't sell yourself short, Jethro, you can be very persuasive when you want to be."

"I'll think about it Ducky. Now, why don't you go on home and I'll see you tomorrow. All this talking has worn me out."

"Yes, I think I will go home. I will see you in the morning and give you a ride home. Try and behave yourself until then. And think about what I said Jethro. It's never too late until you give up."

Ducky arrived at the hospital at 8:00 the next morning knowing Jethro would be anxious to leave. Dr. Ryan had just finished casting Jethro's arm when Ducky walked into the room.

"Good morning Jethro, Dr. Ryan. How is our patient this morning?"

"Hello, Dr. Mallard. Gibbs is very well this morning considering he was used for batting practice yesterday. The kidneys seem to be fine and the arm will be healed up in a few weeks. The break was clean and not too severe so I'd say four to six weeks should do it. Of course the ribs and the bruising will just take time to heal. I suggest limited activity through the weekend at least, Jethro. You can go back to work on Monday but try not to get into any close combat for a while. Okay?"

"That is my intention, Doc. I appreciate everything. Hopefully, I won't be seeing you anytime soon, at least not professionally."

"Good. I'll sign all your paperwork and the nurse will be in to finish up. Take care of yourself and I'll see you in four weeks to look at the arm."

A nurse came in shortly and had Jethro sign his paperwork. She gave him a prescription for pain meds in case he needed them and a reminder card for his appointment to have his arm checked in four weeks. Then, because she knew him, she let Jethro leave with Ducky without the normally required ride in a wheelchair. That made her life easier and Jethro happier so it was a win-win situation.

When they got to the car Ducky asked, "Have you given any thought to talking to Jennifer?"

Jethro gave his friend a sideways glance and said, "Yes, I've given it some thought but I'm not sure how to proceed. You know I'm not very good with words and feelings and all that. Jen would probably throw me out on my butt anyway. She was pretty mad the last time I saw her."

"You were very eloquent yesterday, Jethro. I happen to know Jennifer is not angry now and I don't think she would throw you out; you are injured remember. Why not use that to gain some measure of sympathy and at least get your foot in the door so to speak."

"I don't know Duck. I'm not sure what to say to her. We used to communicate without even talking to each other but now all we seem to do is yell and threaten each other. I better go home first."

Ducky was expecting this line of conversation and he was prepared. "Jethro, just tell her what you told me yesterday. You do remember that don't you?"

"Yeah, of course I remember. I don't think I want to base my argument on some country song I heard on the radio while I was getting drunk in the my basement. I mean come on Ducky, I could have made the whole thing up."

"Well my friend as a matter of fact I can help you with that. I very discreetly spoke to Abby about the song and she found it for me. The song is Desperately sung by George Strait." Ducky reached for something on the seat and handed it to Jethro. "It's on this CD. I listened to the song Jethro and you're right it seems to fit your situation perfectly. I suggest you talk to Jennifer and when the conversation comes around to the song you play it for her. I think it is a beautiful song that says just what you want Jennifer to know. If you don't feel like you can tell her how you feel, let Mr. Strait tell her for you."

Jethro looked at Ducky and rolled his eyes. "You won't let this go will you? I should have known better than to tell you what I was thinking. It must have been the pain pills they gave me. Some things can't be fixed Ducky. Can I just go home, please?"

Exasperated, Ducky pulled the car into a parking lot and stopped. "Answer me one question Jethro. Do you love Jennifer?"

Jethro sat looking straight ahead. He didn't answer for a long time but finally he sighed deeply and said, "Yes, I love her. But…"

"No buts Jethro. You have lost too many people you loved when you had no control over the outcome. I can't let you just walk away from Jennifer without at least helping you try to win her back. Isn't she worth fighting for? Isn't the possibility of a future with her worth any amount of effort no matter how hard it may be for you?"

Ducky pulled back onto the road and continued driving. Jethro did not answer. In a few blocks he would have to turn left to take Jethro home or right to take him to Jennifer's house. He knew she was at home today because he had called her there and told her Jethro was being discharged this morning. She had told him to call her at home if there were any problems or he needed anything. As they approached the decisive intersection Ducky asked, "Which way Jethro?"

"Right." Jethro didn't need to look at his friend to know there was a smile on his face.

TBC