It's Family, Stupid

Oneshot. This is what happens when Jasper accidentally kills someone. Bella explains Jasper's place in the Family. This takes place after the events in Breaking Dawn, but not too long after as Renesmee is still young.

Disclaimer: I do not, nor have I ever, owned the Twilight series or its characters. If I had there would have been more sex.

JPOV

It was twilight. Edward and I began our trek into the woods, ready to begin our hunt. Upon entering the cover of the trees we looked at each other and in my mind I asked Ready? Edward nodded back at me. We both took off at that moment. Our vampire speed and strength propelled us over the ground, around the trees, across the streams. I let my pleasure fill the air as I ran. I loved not having to hold back, to not be in such precise control all the time. I decided to run harder. I overtook Edward's lead and smiled. I enjoyed a good competition.

We ran over the mountains, letting the air move past us, waiting for the right concoction of scents to tease us before stopping. Halfway up a small mountain I stopped, my body absolutely still. I saw Edward sniff the air and a slight smile crept onto his lips. Mountain lion, I thought and Edward nodded, unwilling to speak lest our prey hear us.

We stalked it for a half of a mile. It was a male and he was relatively old, but not weak. Edward and I diverged at a small stream. I took the western approach while he came in from the east. We crept closer and closer to it. I saw Edward ready himself and then strike. I leapt just moments later, catching the back end of the cat right before Edward pierced its throat.

*****

I was still feeding, lion grasped in my hands, when I heard the noise. It was the snap of a stick as someone approached several hundred yards away. It wasn't Edward, we neither one of us made noise when we walked.

Then I heard the voice. "Stupid map, can't make head or tails. This way has to be east."

It was a man's voice. He sounded lost and he wasn't traveling the correct way, he had turned southwest instead of east.

Then I smelled it. Blood. Human Blood. I glanced at Edward, 50 yards away at a small stream, just before the lust roiled over me, ensnaring my senses. "Jasper, no!" I heard Edward cry. But it was too late. I took off, running for the smell.

*****

Blood. Blood. Blood, blood, blood, blood. It pounded in my head, my veins. Pressure, need, hunger, it spoke to me. I ran towards the smell. Hiker. Not a very good one. He had fallen and cut his hand. That's where the wonderful scent was emanating. I stopped right in front of him and let my teeth show while a growl rumbled up from the depths of my chest. I wanted his blood. I would take it, I decided. I attacked.

My hands pulled the hiker closer to me, faster than his eyes could relay to his brain. I bit into his throat and ripped. The fresh pumping of blood from his carotid artery increased my blood lust to a frenzy. It was so good, so satisfying.

This was what I was meant to be, what I was meant to do. I was better than sustaining myself on the blood of animals. I was a killer and I was good at it.

I was riding high on my strength and the first taste of human blood in decades when the man's panic washed over me. Fear, pain, fear, anger, fear. I was bombarded by his emotions even as I swallowed his blood.

At that moment Edward knocked into me, jolting my prey loose from my clasp and dragging it away from my bloodied mouth. I opened my mouth and growled at him, bloodied spittle flying from my teeth.

Edward, still pulling the man away from me, looked at me, and in that moment my sanity returned. The look on his face . . . The anger I felt directed at me. What had I done? Years of controlling my urges and I just threw it all away at the slightest hint of temptation. I turned away. Edward didn't need to hate me for it. I hated myself enough.

My back was to Edward as he laid the middle-aged hiker on the ground. He didn't need to feel for a pulse. I had ripped his throat out. He wasn't alive. I took a shuddering breath, trying to gain control over my fluctuating emotions. At that moment Carlisle came upon us.

Edward stood up as Carlisle surveyed the scene before him. The dead human with his throat ripped out, my bloodied hands and face, Edward standing guard over the body while I had my back to it, an air of guilt and disgust pervading the forest.

Carlisle stepped forward. "I received a call on my cell phone, from Alice," he said looking between the too of us. "We tried to reach you but you hadn't taken either of your cell phones."

"We didn't think to go very far. We just wanted a quick hunt." Edward said.

I stayed where I was, I did not want to turn around and see the disappointment in Carlisle's eyes. I wondered about the man I had just killed. Did he have a wife? Perhaps he had children or grandchildren who would miss him. What was his job?

I finally turned towards Carlisle and took a step towards him when he stopped me. "No, Jasper. Alice is waiting for you at the house. I think it would be best for you to proceed there. Edward and I will deal with the body." I nodded, even as despair settled even deeper into my heart. I was disgusted by own actions, of course Carlisle would be angry.

Carlisle came towards me and put his hands upon my shoulders. "I am not angry with you Jasper," He said, "I'm disappointed, but this is not the first mistake someone in our family has made. Now go, Alice is waiting for you."

I nodded, still not trusting myself to speak. I turned away from the two of them, from the dead body, the bloody ground and the overwhelming anguish of my actions. I ran, away from the blood that still tickled my nose and the burning in my throat that seemed to never be quenched. I ran away.

*****

I stopped in the woods, next to the river to clean up. I didn't want anyone else to have the horror of seeing me with human blood on my hands and face.

I had never lost control that bad, not since Alice and I had joined the Family. The only other time that stuck out in my memory was the night I had attacked Bella. That night had been the closest I had ever come to losing control until today. Oh, I had been tempted. I was always tempted. But I always had Alice with me, and rarely, if she wasn't there, it was another Cullen who kept an eye on me.

As I stood, at the banks of the slow-moving river, I began to wonder why I was still there, in Forks, living with the Cullens. It was becoming increasingly clear I would never be able to successfully curb my craving for human blood. Decades had passed and still I had no control.

I became angry and walked past the river as I continued my way to the house. With every step I grew angrier. I should have gone when I had attacked Bella. That was my first sign that I would never be as strong or as good at controlling myself as the others. I was a danger to the Cullen's life in Forks.

I emerged from the woods next to the house to be greeted by the sight of Alice standing next to her car waiting for me. She was not surprised when I exited the woods. I saw Bella sitting on the porch playing with Renesmee. The sight only served to remind me of all that was wrong with me.

Alice met me half way across the lawn. Once we were close enough she reached out and put her hand on my arm.

"I'm sorry, Jasper. I didn't see it until it was too late. I would have stopped y--"

I cut her off. "You shouldn't have to see anything. I should be able to control myself." I took a couple of steps away from her.

I saw Bella walk down the steps of the porch, still holding Renesmee, and I backed up a few more step, wanting to remove myself from their presence.

"The night I almost attacked Bella should have showed you something, Alice. I'll never have the control I need."

"Jasper, that wasn't your fault. We all have issues with our bloodlust." Alice began.

"I shouldn't need to have the whole family watching my every move in case I screw up!" I yelled. I allowed my disgust and self-hatred to well up around me.

"I killed a man today Alice. I haven't done that in so long." I looked over at her. "I felt his pain and fear as I swallowed his blood. I felt it, and it didn't stop me." I heard, rather than saw, Edward and Carlisle come out of the forest behind me.

"If Edward hadn't stopped me at your party I would have killed you too, Bella." I turned my head to her. She looked back at me, unafraid, but concerned. "I wanted to, that night," I said. "Several times in fact, while you were human, I thought about drinking your blood, ending your life."

I looked around me at the faces of my family. "I would have killed her, and damned the consequences. I. Have. No. Control. If you all cared what was best for yourselves and the people of this town you would be rid of me," I said and stalked towards the house, my emotions seething.

*****

BPOV

I stared after Jasper as he rushed towards the house. His emotions were all over the place, and he wasn't shielding so we all felt the brunt of them. I looked over at Alice and saw her clasping her arms around her middle as if in pain. I walked over to her, Renesmee on my hip.

"Alice, are you okay?" I asked.

Alice turned towards me, pain in her eyes and said. "I let him down Bella. I should have seen what was going to happen, but I didn't. Not until it was too late."

I handed Renesmee off to Edward who had come up beside me. "No Alice. You could never let Jasper down. You can't see everything that is going to happen. Jasper knows that. In fact I think he dislikes the fact that you have to use your gift so often when it comes to him." I leaned over and brought Alice into my arms, trying to comfort her.

I felt her nod against my shoulder. "I know he does. But I would happily use it ten times more if he needed me to."

Alice raised her head off my shoulder. "The sad part is, Bella, that he doesn't even understand how strong he is to have given up drinking blood. I am so proud of him and I love him so much for giving that up to be with me. I just wish he could see that."

I released Alice from the hug and said, "Why don't you let me go and talk to him? I think he needs to hear a few things from an outside observer's point of view."

I held up my hand to stop Edward's objection to my description. "I'm not claiming to be an outsider, Edward; at least not now. But if you'll remember, I was an outsider a few short years ago. I think I could offer him some insight into the Cullen family psyche," I smiled, looking at my husband of less than a year and the love of my life. He held Renesmee to his chest and her head was drooping onto his shoulder. His amber eyes looked from me to Alice before saying, "I think you should allow Bella a few moments alone with Jasper, Alice. She might be able to help him."

Alice looked over at me and nodded. "Go, Bella. You'll help him."

I gave my best friend one more hug before I followed Jasper's path inside.

*****

I found Jasper in the back den of the house, the closest room to the forest. He stood facing the glass wall at the back of the room, his back to the door. I silently walked over to stand beside him before speaking.

"Nobody is upset with you Jasper. We all understand." I explained.

"You should be," Jasper replied. "You should have been upset when I tried to attack you that night."

"I know you always felt guilty about trying to kill me at my party. Believe me Jasper it is over and done with. For what good it does, I forgave you a long time ago," I said. "I understand. I understood then too, but I think, more than anything you need to forgive yourself." I looked over at him as we stood by the window. He was staring out at the woods, not looking at me.

Slowly he turned his head to stare at me. "I almost killed you that night Bella. If the others hadn't have been there I might have succeeded. And now I have killed someone."

I dropped my head and looked at the floor before lifting my eyes back up to return his intense gaze. "I know that Jasper. But, you can't just give up now."

Jasper switched his gaze to the dense woods outside the window, his gazing skimming across the moonlit trees. Suddenly he spoke, "I always wondered why the family allowed me to stay with them after that incident."

I maintained my gaze on his profile. "What do you mean by that, Jasper?"

He shifted. It was a slight turning of his body that brought to my attention the fact that he hadn't moved at all since we had started talking, except to look at me.

"I mean, why I was allowed to stay here, with the family if I was such a huge liability."

How very like Jasper. A liability he called himself; such a military mindset. If it doesn't work get rid of it.

"Jasper, haven't there been other times when you, or even someone else in the family, slipped up?"

He once again turned his head to stare at me. "Yes. But nobody so connected to the family has ever been in such danger as you were the night of your party. How could Edward have allowed me to stay if I was capable of attacking someone who was so important to him? Someone so important to the rest of the family . . ." He turned his head away.

"You mean like Alice?"

The corner of his mouth lifted, but it never reached his eyes. " Alice would not have been happy if I had succeeded in killing you that night."

I nodded, and then paused before saying, "Jasper, have you ever thought that maybe they weren't allowing you to stay but perhaps they were keeping you?"

He didn't move, "So Alice would stay," he reasoned.

I shook my head "No Jasper, they were keeping you. You are Family." I emphasized the word, wanting it to register with him.

He said nothing for a long time. Then, "I am here only because Alice is."

I sorted through his answer before replying. "You mean you don't think you would be tolerated if you weren't with Alice." It wasn't a question and I didn't pose it as such.

Jasper didn't stir, nor did he reply. He stood there, looking out the window, arms crossed, not moving, not even breathing.

I turned around and walked over to sit on the couch before saying anything. "You know, I always wondered what Edward saw in me. I mean, I was shy, not particularly pretty, and quiet. There was nothing about myself that would distinguish me from any other girl. But Edward saw something. Who knows what," I laughed at this before continuing. "Then he brought me to his family, and I have no idea why, but they accepted me."

Jasper had not moved through my short speech, but at my pause he turned his back to the wide-open woods and faced me.

I continued, "I didn't really see how I could fit in. I mean a lone human with singing blood and the clumsiness of a puppy doesn't really work well in a vampiric household." I snorted. "And though Edward did try to leave me, it obviously didn't stick. The Cullen's keep their family." I caught Jasper's gaze and held it firm.

"Have you noticed that everyone has a role in the family?" I asked. Jasper said nothing, just waited for me to continue.

"Carlisle and Esme are the parents. They are equal parts compassion, strength and love. We wouldn't be a family if weren't for them. Then there is Rosalie. She is the beauty and Emmett, he's the humor."

Jasper slowly uncrossed his arms and brought his hands down to his sides before he walked over to the couch. He sat at the opposite end from me. I kept my eyes on his as I continued to talk.

"Edward," I smiled here, "Edward is the protector. Even before I arrived he had claimed this role, always listening for people's thoughts to see if there were suspicions about his family. I think since I arrived and since Renesmee was born he has gotten worse, but that is his role. Then there is Alice; she is the heart of the family, the kind one, always ready with open arms to accept. Whether that is you or me, or some other person, it makes no matter."

At that moment I heard Renesmee's laugh from the upstairs hallway and smiled as I turned my head to catch more of the sound, love filling my heart. "Even Renesmee has a role. She is our future, and she's my joy. She is the child Rosalie never got to have and the one that Esme almost did." I turned my head back to Jasper's face, which was showing a conflict of emotions. I smiled at him.

"Then there is you, Jasper. You have probably the most important role, but you don't even realize it." I said to him. "Don't you know how important you are?" Jasper's blond head moved slightly to the left then back to the right, as if denying what I was about to say.

"Jasper, you are the Humanity. You struggle; we all know this, with your control. But nobody beats themselves up about it the way that you do. Because you feel human emotions you are our strongest link to the Human world." I stopped talking here and scooted closer to Jasper, placing my hand on his shoulder.

"Jasper, you consider yourself a monster, worse than anyone else in the family, because of your past and because of your daily struggles to avoid drinking human blood. But you don't realize how very strong you are. You gave up human blood after drinking it for so long. Nobody had . . . indulged as long as you. Of course your control is the weakest, you're the most recent at denying yourself. But your compassion is what gives you the strength to fight your hunger. What is more human than struggling against your basest instinct to become a better person?" I stopped talking, but my hand remained on his shoulder with his head turned to look at me.

"Mama, are you here?" I heard Renesmee's voice call out to me from the doorway.

"Yes, baby, I'm here." I said, but I didn't move, and I didn't look away from Jasper's gaze. I hear Renesmee's feet walking around the couch until she stood in front of Jasper and me.

"What are you doing with Uncle Jasper, Mama?" She said. I took my hand off Jasper's shoulder and looked at my daughter. I smiled at her and then lifted her onto my lap, settling her into the crook of my elbow between Jasper and me. "We're just talking, Baby. I was explaining to Jasper how much our family needs him." I divulged to her.

She turned her face from mine to Jasper's, eyes curious and bewildered, and said, "Of course we need him. He's my uncle. We wouldn't be a whole family without him." Renesmee reached up and touched Jasper's face. As he looked down at Renesmee his face changed. His eyes filled with emotion and peace settled in the room. Renesmee looked at Jasper for a second after she took her hand off his face and then turned to me.

"Come on, Mama. Daddy wants us upstairs." She struggled off my lap and then waited for me to take her hand. I stood up and with one more glance towards Jasper we proceeded out of the room. Jasper didn't move the whole time. As we left I saw Alice walking towards us and I stopped and hugged her before saying "Jasper's waiting for you in there."

Alice smiled at Renesmee and me before saying, "I know."

*****

JPOV

I stayed on the couch when they left the room. I didn't feel like moving. There was too much to think about. I wondered at my luck at finding Alice and the Cullens. I knew that for all I had said earlier, I would never willingly leave. I felt awed that anyone, least of all Bella, could look at me as a source of humanity. I thought of Renesmee and the image she had shown me, a picture of the Family with an empty space where I should have been. She had accompanied it with a feeling of sadness.

Just then I heard the light sounds of Alice coming towards me. My heart lifted and I let my love for her infuse the air. She lightly stepped onto the couch and settled down beside me cross-legged. She stared at me for a moment before running her hand through my hair. I looked at her.

"Did you have a nice talk?" She asked me.

I continued to look at her as I memorized her features for the millionth time. Her small, pert nose, cupid's bow lips, playful eyes and her kicky hair. "Yes," I answered. And that was all. I didn't say anything more.

"Good," she replied with a smile as she nestled into my side on the couch, bring my arm up and over her shoulders. We settled in, both of us looking out the window across the room which showed the moon glancing off the treetops. We didn't say anything else. We didn't need to.

A/N

Well, I hope everyone enjoyed this. I had fun writing it. I tried to keep the characters as in-character as possible. If you have any questions about it message me and I will try to explain my reasoning. Thanks!