I was bored and I lurve crossovers…and bored and love of crossovers had a baby, and it became the story you are reading now. YAY! Hilarity is…as always...insured.

Post Breaking Dawn- 'cept no Reneesme, because I thought she just ruined everything :) and Post 4 Harry Pothead book (sorry, I just don't like Hairy Nutsack)

EDPOV

"What the hell is that?" I said as I saw a huge castle suddenly appearing as we stepped out the forest. My family and I were hunting delicious mountain lions in London, as they have a richer flavor in London than they do in Forks, and suddenly, this god awful castle just pops up.

"Ew, Castles, are so, like, 3 centuries ago!" exclaimed Alice. We walked out into the large fields the castle was on, staring at things that looked like goal posts, except they were about 100 feet in the air.

"What the hale?" exclaimed Rose, as she saw some kids, who looked about 11 or 12 appear on the field, holding…WTF? Were they actually holding broomsticks? Suddenly my mind was filled with the thoughts of excited 11 year olds.

I can't wait to learn to fly!

Maybe I'll be so good they'll ask me to join the Quidditch team!

Man, look at the sexy badonkadonk.

"I'd prefer, Emmett, if you'd stop thinking about Rose's behind," I glared at Emmett. Rose was my sister for crying out loud! Well not really, but you get the point.

"What are those poor children wearing?" Alice said with disgust.

Suddenly, a short woman with a manish walk came over to use.

"Excuse me, who are you?" she demanded.

"Who the hell are you?" retorted Rosalie.

"I am Madame Hooch(ie mama, muwahaha)! Who are you?" she demanded once again.

"I'm Edward Cullen," I said, and I did Bella's favorite half smile, and that dazzling thing she accuses me of. "These other people are my wife Bella, and my brothers Emmett, and Jasper, and my sisters, Rosalie, and Alice."

"Edward Cullen, hmm, I could've sworn you were…" he voice trailed off. However with my awesome mind reading skills, I knew what she was about to say. That hunkalicious Cedric Diggory.

"Could you please tell us where we are?" asked Alice politely, even though her thoughts were quite violent, as they sometimes do when Alice sees a fashion disaster.

"Well you're at Hogwarts of course!"

"What the hale is a Hogswart?" demanded Emmett.

"The school of witchcraft of wizardry," she said matter-of-factly. Even though they are very attractive, they obviously have mental problems.

"I resent that!" I shouted accidentally answered her thought.

"Are you performing Occu-whats-it on me Mr. Cullen? Five points from…from…whatever house you belong to!" she yelled.

Everyone raised an eyebrow at the deranged woman. What was all this talk of points and houses? The woman was clearly insane. Suddenly, Alice's face went blank as she had a vision.

"We need to speak to some guy named Dubledwarf, or something," she said coming out of her trance.

"Indeed you do!" Madame Hooch huffed. "Twinkle Toes! Verwonka! Watch the class while I escort these visitors to the headmaster!" she commanded. As we walked by, us vampires did something incredibly sexy and everyone fainted because they suddenly forgot how to breathe.

Rate! Review! Or I'll send Verwonka to come and eat you! She knows where you currently reside! Probably.