You have to be very careful what you wish for....

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, just love 'em. Wish tah ell I worked for Kripke

.... Because you just might get it. That's how the saying goes. That is why dealing in Majik, working a spell is so damned difficult especially if it's something personal.

Because unless you have training in this shit, YEARS of training to clear your mind and focus on just the wish desired, all those random thoughts that are constantly shooting through our brains all the time will color the intended wish, warp it, change it until the end result bears no more resemblance to the wishes original desire than a Bill being passed in congress before all the addendums and pork belly riders get tacked on. It's too easy to unintentionaly fuck up and the kicker is you often wind up with a result that is closer to the truth of your real desire than you were aware of consciously.

But Sam was desperate, he could not take another night of watching Dean drink himself into a stupor and then moan his way through the nightmares. Sam just wanted Dean to be unburdened by his memories of Hell, to be free of his constant vigilance for HIS safety. Dean had spent his childhood looking after him! He just wanted Dean's mind to be relieved of it all to be like it was before the demons entered their lives and pitched them on this path they call a life. He wanted Dean to be able to wake each morning happy or as happy as they ever got to be, and to have some innocent fun in his life for a change; instead of having to worry all the time about him, and getting money and pushing himself to drive when he was too tired or going out and taking chances with some random chick just to grab a cheap thrill.

He wanted his brother to have a chance at enjoying this 'second time around' at life and not have the same old weight on his shoulders as when he left plus the damage Hell had done to him.

So after Dean passed out on the motel bed... again.... fully clothed, (passing out being what passed for sleep now to Dean), Sam proceeded with what had become his nightly ritual of going over to his inert form, gently removing his boots and repositioning his brother to be more comfortable with out waking him. Only this time after Dean was out he set about placing ritual candles around the room and burning the herbs he'd gotten to purify the make shift alter-Dean's bed. Sam walked over to their window and angled the blinds just right so that the moon would line up with it and it's light would fall upon the sleeping form of the spell's intended-Dean. Once all was prepared he picked up the book of ancient spells and from it began to softly chant the ritual as he moved about the room lighting each invoking candle in it's turn.

Dean stirred on the bed. His brow pinched together; a look of distaste fleetingly passed over his face from the smell of burnt herbs and candle wax and that made Sam stop and hold his breath. Then just as quickly as it had appeared it was gone. Sam exhaled softly and picked up the chant from where he left off. He knew Dean would be pissed at him if he woke up and saw what he was trying to do. Fooling around with Majik? Witches spells? Dean hated witches with a blind passion and that was the very reason Sam did not hire one to perform this rite. He'd done the research and he figured being a hunter trained your mind to focus more than the average surgeon so it was up to him to give his stubborn assed brother the relief he so desperately needed but would never ask for.

As Sam moved about the room lighting candles and chanting the spell's invocation he watched as Dean began to go into the now all too familiar cycle of Hell nightmares. His brother's breathing hitched and stopped then came out as a soft moan. Dean's arm suddenly thrashed like he was trying to bat something away and the moan became louder.

Sam picked up the pace of his chanting, wishing Dean could be made innocent of these memories, to no longer have the burden of responsibility for the both of them, he wished Dean could have laughter in his life and open eyed wonder at the world instead of constant care, more than anything Sam wished that he could take care of Dean for a change to pay him back for all the lost years of his own childhood. B4B4B4...

At the very moment Sam pictured himself smiling down at his brother and taking care of him for a change and Dean smiling up at him with a look of innocent happiness, the moonlight's beams burst through the louvers of the window blinds and onto the sleeping face of his brother. The second it did Dean's face changed from being the grimace he wore in the grip of his nightmares to slack peacefulness.

Sam sighed. It WORKED! It worked. Dean was resting quietly now. He watched as his arm moved once more and to Sam's surprise Dean slowly put his thumb into his mouth and fell into a deep sleep.

"Oh, oh."

Sam stood still by the bed his eyes wide at the sight. Was this some response from the nightmare or the result of the spell? Dean never did that before...at least I don't think he did...did he?

With a cautionary glance back at his sleeping brother Sam quietly removed all traces of the spells equipment and snuck the stuff out to the motels trash. When he came back the first thing he did was check back on Dean who hadn't budged. But Sam noted that the relaxed slope of the shoulders and occasional soft contented noises from Deans lips around his thumb were the very picture of untroubled sleep so Sam took the bedspread covered him up and whispered, "I hope you're in a better dream now bro" see you in the morning.

B4B4B4...

Sam woke up to the sound of loud retching coming from the bed beside him. He blinked his bleary eyes and fuzzily made out his brother spewing his guts between the two beds.

"Dude!" You couldn't make it to the bathroom?" He said in disgust as the wave of smell wafted over to him.

"Can't.... stop.... hurts" And another volley of retching followed.

Sam threw his bedding off himself and began to storm into the bathroom to get towels and a trash bin when a weak, scared voice assailed his ears.

"I ...want my...mommy!"

THAT stopped him in his tracks.

He slowly turned around and saw his big brother clinging to the side of the bed looking small and frightened up at him.

"Dean?" Sam asked.

"I want my mommy!!!" "It hurts!" And Dean pulled away from the edge of the bed and curled in on himself clutching his stomach.

Ignoring the smell and the towels for the moment Sam went around the foot of his bed and over to Dean and asked, "What hurts?"

"Mommyeeeee! OW! ow oweeee oweee!" Dean was now clutching his head and had begun to rock back and forth but stopped suddenly curled up frozen in pain.

'Easy man, what hurts...where?" Sam reached out to touch his brother's shoulder but Dean shrank away from the touch even though he could see it cost him in pain.

"Don't...where's mommy? Where's daddy?"

Dean's body posture, the look in his eyes like he's lost or doesn't recognize me...OH MY GOD!

Sam got it.

Dean wasn't Dean anymore. Not the adult he's grownup with all his life. The frightened man pulling himself into a tight ball away from him was just a kid inside; in his head he was just a kid, a child of (how old was he when mom was alive?) FOUR. Dean was four again. And he had a hangover. And he doesn't know me from spit. And he's hurt and he's sick and....geez what have I done?

Sam ran a hand through his straggled hair and looked dumbstruck at his brother glare back at him. Say a guy, a little guy wakes up in a strange room with a tall stranger looming over him and he's sick and scared.. Sam nearly got sick himself at the thought of how much fear and pain a kid that age would be in, DEAN WAS IN! Its Dean, this is Dean and he's hurtin!

"Easy there...Dean." Sam took another step but Dean's lip quivered and he stopped. "My name's Sam. And I...I'm yer...I'm here to help you."

Dean glared back then winced in pain then glared again pouting, "I don't know you."

"No, I don't suspect you do...now" Sam spoke softly as he crouched down to Dean's level on the bed. "But I knew your mom, and she knew me a long time ago."

"She did?" Dean said as he squinted doubtfully at the tall man beside his bed.

"Yes, she did and your daddy too." Sam replied.

"I never saw you." Dean pouted back.

"OH, but you did, it's just that I was much smaller then." Sam smiled with a flash of dimples.

With wide eyed honestly Dean blurted, "You were small?"

Sam laughed. "Hard to believe huh?"

Dean just looked up at him with pain in his eyes and said, "I don't feel so good."

Sam stood up and said, "Let me get you something for that upset tummy of yours and then I'll clean up the mess." As he walked back to the bathroom he heard Dean say softly, "I'm sorry I got sick." And his heart pinched at the apology.

"Don't worry about that... it happens to the best of us," then muttered, " in fact it usually happens to me."

Dean just groaned and hugged his tummy tighter. "Even M'eyes hurt!"

"I got something for that too," Sam said from the bathroom as he frantically read the child dose directions on the motels aspirin bottle. Wait Dean's an adult, his body can take the adult dose it's just his mind that's a child. And he came out with two capsules and a glass of water. He gently sat on the foot of Dean's bed and said, "Com'er, take these you'll feel better after."

Dean just looked at the pills on Sam's open palm and said, "Mom crushes them up in jelly."

Sam cast his eyes around the room for something sweet to disguise the taste when he spied Dean's half eaten jelly donut from the morning before.

"Gotcha," and he crushed the pills between two teaspoons and scooped the remaining jelly from the donut into the pill powder and offered the spoonful to Dean.

Dean winced as he brought his head over to meet the offered spoon then carefully opened his mouth. Sam stood transfixed as his brother looked up at him, open mouthed before the offered spoon and paused. He saw in Deans' eyes a silent decision made to trust him and nearly gasped when he clamped his lips over the jelly concoction and swallowed bravely.

Dean immediately made a face and Sam was quick to put the glass of water to his lips. One sip, then two and finally three was all he could manage. Sam sighed and realized he'd been holding his breath the whole time. Did Dean do this kind of stuff for me all the time when we were kids?

"My eyes still hurt." Dean said as he lay back down on his side.

"I think you need a cool cloth over them for now ok?" Sam said soothingly.

"Kay" Dean signed.

Sam brought a moistened face cloth from the bathroom and placed it carefully over his brother's eyes. "Now, you just lay quiet and let the medicine do its work. I'm gonna clean the place up a bit and then I'll check back on you ok?"

"Kay, thanks mister," was the soft reply.

"Uh, you can call me Sam...uh, I mean Sammy.... ok Dean?"

"Kay" said Dean weakly beneath the cloth.

While Sam busied himself with the cleaning he frantically thought, how long was this child like state going to last for Dean? Was it permanent? Could he reverse it and then what? Would Dean be back to where they started? Haunted by memories of Hell and drinking himself to death? Should I call Bobby now? Or wait to get my ass kicked later? Maybe I should wait awhile and see if it wears off on it's own? Ether way I'm getting my ass kicked for this...and I deserve it. Oh Maaaan! I never shoulda fooled around with witch's stuff myself I shoulda let a professional do it!

The hardwood floor between the beds got cleaned, the used towels were rinsed off and hanging in the tub and the trash bin was in place by Dean's bed should he wake up sick again. When an unexpected caller appeared.

Sam jumped when he turned around to see Castiel standing by Dean's bed and by the look on the angel's face he was not in a good mood.

"God you scared...I mean, sorry... I just didn't see you..." Sam stammered.

"What...did...you do...to...him?" Caz demanded gesturing at the sleeping Dean.

"I couldn't take seeing him in pain any more" Sam whispered straightening to his full height.

"So you broke him?" Seethed the angel.

Sam huffed a sigh as his shoulders slumped and said quietly, "He's not broken...just innocent...for now."

"Well, we can't use him like... like this. In the state he's in, he's not a warrior anymore Sam." Caz said slowly for emphasis. "And we need him in three days time or we'll..."

The implied threat triggered Sam's protective response and he took a bold step toward the angel, "Or you'll... what... throw a.... a... child back into Hell?" Sam hissed through gritted teeth.

"Fix THIS." The angel said and from the tone Sam knew the words came from a higher authority.

Sam looked down humbled, then over to Dean's completely relaxed form, he was sucking his thumb again and Sam sighed deeply, "Alright." He muttered softly.

When he looked up Caz was gone.

To be continued

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