Summary: A Collection of Wedding Speeches (Best Man/Brides' Maid speeches) from our favorite HP characters!

Chapter Summary: Ron is Harry's Best Man. Like any best man, he's asked to deliver a speech. Knowing Ron Weasley, would he ever make it out of Harry's reception alive? LOL

Description: This is the first in the Wedding Speeches collection that I've thought of in the middle of the night.

Author's Notes: I'm taking a break from writing my DMHG series because I've suddenly ran out of ideas after a term of school and a hectic internship schedule so I've decided to write a different fic. I'm not abandoning "Tragedy Waiting to Happen" just taking a break, regrouping and thing happy thoughts in general…LMAO!

Who am I kidding? I made this a DMHG fic ... I don't know, I just can't help myself from writing DMHG fics...you'll know why I made this a DMHG fic as you go on, trust me!

Disclaimer: In the wise words of Whitney Houston "Crack is whack". Another wise word from her, "I have nothing…nothing…nothing…"

CHAPTER 1

Ron's Best Man Speech (Potter-Weasley Nuptials)

"Hello everyone, I'm Ron Weasley." A loud cheer came from the audience as the tall, still lankly 23 years old stood from his seat at the long table. It was a special day for the Wizarding World but more so for him, because his best friend and the magical world's hero has finally married his beloved sister, Ginny.

"This would be my first Best Man speech ever and like any first timers, I decided to test the waters and make a little research of my own." The crowd gave a mocking gasp. Ronald Weasley and research does not belong in one sentence unless Hermione Granger is in the middle of it. "Yes, believe it. Back at Hogwarts, my aversion to research and studying as a whole has led me to endless scolding from Hermione so I'm not risking the chance of being reprimanded in the middle of this speech."

"Back when we were in fifth year, Harry, Ginny, Hermione and the twins have been bossed my mum to clean up the mess that is now Harry's even messier home. I never told you this but while cleaning up the attic, I stumbled upon a muggle video tape. Of course, I didn't know what that was back then so being the procrastinator that I am, I didn't bother to look it up." The red head heard a rather unlady-like snort from the other side of the long table and it was no surprise to him that it came from his other best friend, Hermione Granger.

"When Harry asked me to be his man, I have to admit I had a panic attack. Everyone who knew me knows that it's pretty hard to get something coherent out of me. That evening, I started drafting a speech and every day after that, I would change what I've written because Merlin knows how hard it is for me to describe how much I adore Ginny as a sister and Harry as the 6th brother I never had. Well, erase the last bit. If Harry was my 6th brother that I never had, and Ginny was my sister, wouldn't that make them brother and sister too?" Harry almost choked in his water while Ginny had to cover her face to hide her trademark Weasley blush. The audience gave a hearty laugh at how the speech had suddenly become incredibly funny and ridiculously disturbing at the same time.

"Three weeks before this day, I was out of ideas. I honestly thought of just borrowing some speeches from this collection of Magical Best Man speeches that I saw at Flourish and Blotts but that would just make me an even bigger prat than Draco Malfoy who coincidentally, I also asked ideas from and was actually the one who suggested that I do a presentation of some sorts. In the middle of my research for the greatest Best Man Speech in Harry and Ginny's wedding ever, I stumbled upon the muggle video tape that I saw back in fifth year. This time, I took it as a sign that will save me from the trauma of screwing this up. So, I went to Hermione's apartment where I saw her making out with a random bloke with blonde hair, familiar black clothes scattered everywhere. Oh, sorry, I was getting off the point!" Hermione threw him a breadstick while the newlyweds looked at the bridesmaid with a mortified expression on their faces.

"You better watch your back Ron!" Hermione shouted towards her not-so-best friend-right now, who's standing with a raised eyebrow towards her.

"Moving on with my story, I went to Hermione's flat and went to her living room where she had a VCR that she taught me how to use back when I first stumbled upon her secret stash of videos where she impersonates Madonna. " Another breadstick hit Ron in the face. The speech had become more embarrassing to Hermione that anybody else in the room.

"Get a hold of yourself, woman!" Ron said, holding back his laughter. "So, I popped in the tape and lo and behold, it's Sirius' Best Man speech in Harry's parents' wedding." Harry's jaw dropped while Ginny looked at her groom lovingly as the room darkened and a wide screen appeared on the left wall of the hall.

The video started off horribly, simply because it was focused on Harry's aunt's smug face. Then, the camera went to Harry's parents who are both having the time of their lives dancing with their eyes focused on each other. When the music stopped, everyone in the dance floor went back to their seats. The camera now turned to a tall, curly black haired man whose skin was white as porcelain, a smirk evident on his face. The women in the video and in the reception halls' audience swooned. Even in family home videos, Sirius Black was and will forever be a lady killer.

"Good evening." Sirius's commanding presence ultimately hushed up the noisy crowd of mixed muggle and wizard heritage. "I would like to thank everyone for taking time off from doing laundry and staring blankly into space just so you could come see my best mate, James, finally get the girl of his dreams." Both the audience in the video and Harry's reception gave a hearty laugh at Sirius' humor; something that magical world has truly missed since he was mistakenly jailed in Azkaban and until his death.

"I have to say Lily; I know that the reason behind accepting Prong's proposal is because his hounding on you since our Hogwarts' years had finally taken its toll on you. Don't worry; you're still the smartest girl in our year. Don't think that we'll think less of you for your poor choice in men." Harry had tears welling up in his eyes that Ginny had to smile and wipe it for him.

"When I first met James, I was a stuck up heir to one of the most ancient and grotesque lines of Slytherin wizards. It was on a party, a ball, if you will. We were both seven years old and the first thing that he asked me is if I wanted to a play a prank on a lady with a funny fur hat, who looked like she had a stick up her arse. By then, I knew that we would become best friends, brothers separated only by blood." Sirius had choked back his emotions and decided to pause to take a breather while the crowd was dead silent. "Well, for your information, the woman who had a stick up her arse, was my mother." George Weasley laughed uncontrollably; his girlfriend had to hold him back after he accidentally pushed Neville off his chair.

"I've always had a theory that if I have not met James, I would not be the same handsome, smooth talking Sirius Black that you all know and love. I would have been a Slytherin and could have ended filthy rich. Well, I'm quite rich now but still, my parents wouldn't have blasted my name off the tapestry. I could also have ended up joining You-know-who's ranks which would have been a waste of a perfectly good education from Dumbledore right there." Sirius raised his glasses towards the audience; the camera man turned and focused a dapper looking Dumbledore, raising back his glass. "James saved me from a future that has been written out by centuries of Dark Magic ancestry and now I'm happy that he has Lily to save him from living a miserable life of a bachelor with soiled underpants." James Potter bowed his head, a blush very much evident on his cheeks.

"Lily, you've grown so much. I've always thought of you as an annoying stuck up prefect who always botches off our plans. Now, you're Mrs. Potter, and you actually have legitimate rights to botch of our plans so kudos to you!" Lily smiled at Sirius and pecked her husband on the cheeks.

"Finally, I hope that you two could make a family of your own and please, a word of advice from someone with a cool name. If you'll ever have a son and want him to get laid, please don't give him a boring name like 'Harry' or something." Harry's jaw dropped while Ginny was in feats of giggles. Their guests were in hysterics. Sirius Black managed to roast a whole family in one speech.

"A happy future for you both, Cheers!"

The video ended with everyone still laughing at the last bit. Ron was looking suggestively at his best mate. "Well, now we know why Harry had been a screaming git back in Hogwarts, don't we Hermione." The brown haired witch who's sitting beside the bride nodded her head in between laughs. "At least we know one thing; someone's finally getting laid tonight and for the rest of his life, if he's lucky!" Harry pushed his best mate who's standing beside him. Ron could see his mother's face that's ready to accost him for his crude remark.

"Watching that video, we saw how in love Harry's parents were and I'm happy that Harry and Ginny looked exactly the same as them, figuratively and literally, odd as it may seem. Face it Harry, Ginny looks a bit like your mum, and you resemble your dad so don't be surprised to see your clone when the two of you have a son in the future." His former classmates at the back of the hall were having a laughing feat, who knew that Ron could pull of humor in his brother's caliber.

"Now, seriously, I'm so happy for the two of you. Ginny, I've always tried to protect you from raising the white flag at an early age. It really surprised me when I allowed myself to see you and Harry snogging your brains out back in the common room, but then I realized that at that point in your life. You two have realized your love for each other. Harry, take care of my little sister. I know that you love her but for some precautions, if you ever hurt her in any way or form, all her brothers would come after you." Ron stared at his best mate straight in the eye. Suddenly, Harry realized that it was actually a serious threat coming from Ron who had risked his life protecting him all those years.

"Now, I'd like to propose a toast. To Harry and Ginny, may they continue their love until they're old and Harry's balls wrinkles." The couple scolded at the best man but it was too late. The crowd replied, "To Harry and Ginny" and drank their champagnes.

After that, a standing ovation was held in honor of Ron's surprising speaking skills. Ron kissed his sister in her cheeks and shook hands with his best mate who hit him in the head afterwards.

The night ended with dancing and before the end of the party, Harry and his wife rode Harry's firebolt and went off to their honeymoon but not after giving Ron one of the twin's tickling tarts for payback.

Author's Note: THREE GUESSES WHO HERMIONE'S MAKE OUT BUDDY!!! LOL!!!

Up Next: Hermione's Bridesmaid speech