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Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, or witherings, or tarnishings.
-Anais Nin
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Shadows
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"Sakura-chan?" Naruto calls out as he enters her house. Sasuke follows him silently, mindful of the ANBU eyes watching him.
"I'm here, Naruto," she calls out to him, and she walks out of the kitchen to see him. "Tsunade finished testing me and…" She frowns, looking at her nose.
Naruto doesn't reply, instead staring at her for a moment before saying to her, "Sakura-chan! You look so…cute!"
It is true, with her glasses on tip of her nose and the small frown on her face. She looks at it, cross-eyed, for a moment, concentrating on fixing the glasses properly.
Sasuke doesn't say anything, neither agreeing nor disagreeing.
"It's fixed." Sakura smiles, before looking at Naruto. "How does I look?"
"Sakura-chan, you're so pretty right now! Not that you aren't always pretty," Naruto corrects himself, remembering what happened the last time he said something like this. Sakura gives him a smile and glances at Sasuke before saying to Naruto, "Let's go eat dinner!"
She notices that Sasuke doesn't look at her during the meal and fears it is due to pity.
-x-
Sasuke is still silent and cold and Sakura remembers the flip side to their conversation in the garden.
It's true; he didn't ask to be saved. It doesn't change the fact that they would have done so anyways.
However, there is a slight arrogance to what they did.
Not everyone wants to be saved, not everyone is better after being rescued.
-x-
Her apartment is still vacant and Sakura wonders when she'll return to it, if ever. It's easy here, her mother cooking in the kitchen, her father hovering at her every step. He keeps his hand on the crook of her elbow, guiding her up the stairs, and she tries to keep the floor clean, wary of every unseeing step.
They are safe-guards and she knows if she stays here she won't have to worry. They'll give her everything she needs and for that she is grateful.
All the same, Sakura knows that eventually, this will become stifling. Their eyes are always on her and sometimes she chokes.
Sometimes she wants to yell—she isn't going to die or break, she can do some things. She isn't invalid, not yet and not fully.
(and sometimes, she thinks, if she doesn't leave soon, she never will.)
With that thought, she crumples her ad and sets about packing.
-x-
Ino has always hated being wrong, even more so when it is Shikamaru she has to admit defeat to.
Yet, when he and Chouji stand at her front door, a weary expression on his face and Chouji nervously shifting, it's all she can do to remain standing. Her arms twitch and she has the urge to just tackle them.
She doesn't though, instead gives them a small glare.
Chouji breaks the silence first. "Ino—"
"Don't finish that sentence," she cuts in, frowning. "You won't mean it." Still, she comes out and closes the door behind her. "Anyways, it's twelve, I'm hungry, and we are eating where I want to."
She almost smiles at the relieved look on Chouji's face, the relaxing of Shikamaru's shoulders. Almost, but doesn't, because she still needs to be angry, at least for a day, before she admits anything.
-x-
Her parents, as expected, react negatively.
"How are you going to survive?" her mother frets, worry etched on her face. It's almost a permanent mark and Sakura wants nothing more than to erase those lines of fear, spread her fingers and smooth the wrinkles.
"I can do some things! I still—"
"You can't cook, you can barely make out the dials, and it's too dangerous to chop when you can't differentiate between your fingers and carrots."
"I'll get Naruto to help, I'll get take-out, there are other ways to eat and survive."
"You can't survive on your own! You can barely make it up the steps!"
There are words that her father doesn't say, words that she hears anyways. You can't see, you can't do anything on your own, you need our help, why did this have to happen?
"I...I need to try to make it on my own," she starts, calmly at first before her words collide with one another. "I can do some things and you can come over to help with others and I'm not alone, I have friends. I can't always rely on you and-"
She stops. Where can she go from there? Their deaths have always hung over her head—they had her late in life and she could see the signs of age the moment she turned fourteen. Her mother can't use her left arm as much, her father has started using glasses. Bones creak and backs break and she knows that their time is marching closer and closer.
There is no more conversation after that, not for days while they let it sink in. It is tense and alien and she never thought her parents would feel like strangers to her.
When she leaves the next week, she whispers the other words her father left hanging unspoken in the air:
I love you.
-x-
Her apartment is small and Kyoko doesn't like it at first. She paces and explores every nook and cranny before giving her a baleful glance.
"I'm sorry, but..." She still can't quite explain this need for independence, this desire to escape her house.
Her fingers cart the thick fur and she sighs, staring at the slightly dusty room.
"I don't want to be pitied." This is her pride speaking.
"I don't want them to worry anymore." This is her heart speaking and she presses her face onto Kyoko's back, her soft fur caressing her face.
If a tear slips out, neither mentions it.
-x-
This is something she has come to realize about their relationship:
They might have tried anything and everything to get him back. They might have succeeded.
It all means nothing, though, if Sasuke doesn't want it, doesn't thank them, doesn't give some indication.
And they will always be waiting for that sign.
-x-
The first night is quiet and almost unbearable. Her mother isn't peeking through the door every now and then, her father isn't quietly stroking her head when he thinks she's asleep.
It's just her and this apartment and she can't keep the loneliness at bay.
Then she feels a slight shift on the bed, Kyoko's weight comfortingly heavy on her legs.
-x-
As expected, Naruto doesn't quite like the fact that she's living on her own now.
"Sakura-chan, if something happens to you, how can anyone help?" he almost pleads, his tone laced with concern.
She gives a half-smile in response. "I'll manage."
And while that isn't the end of the conversation—Naruto opens his mouth once more, reusing the same arguments he's been mentioning for the past hour—it is as much as she wants to put up with in a two-day span.
"Naruto, this is my decision."
And he closes his mouth.
-x-
"Sakura, can you describe to me what that man looks like?" Tsunade asks as she sits besides the nervous girl. She looks around, trying to figure out who her mentor meant when she sees him.
"He…he looks like…" Sakura struggles to describe him. "He has a black coat and…green hair…"
Tsunade sighs, writing something up in her notepad as she tactfully changes the question. "Can you tell me what that kid, the closer one, looks like?"
"He has…brown hair and a white shirt. There is the drawing of a…tiger on it. And—"
Sakura is cut off as Tsunade stands up and sighs. That kid is nearly beside Sakura, so close that the girl could reach out and touch the boy. Reaching into her pocket, Tsunade takes out a small case and hands it to Sakura. "I had a feeling it would come to this, so I had this made. They have thicker lenses than the first set. Try it on and tell me if it's better."
She makes a curious noise before her pale fingers opened the case to find silver-rimmed glasses. "Oh," she said to herself as she placed the glasses on her eyes. Putting them on, she saw the world come into focus.
"They won't work forever, you know," Tsunade reminds her. "It's only been a week since the last one."
"I know," Sakura replies, staring at the world around her in a fascinated manner.
-x-
It's a dance, of sorts, that occurs whenever Sasuke's around. When there is Naruto, it is a tapestry weaving for he is getting better at talking to Sasuke, at hearing responses. While sentences are short and clipped and sparsely distributed, there are sentences nonetheless.
With Sakura, conversation is more halting, almost jarring, like a beginner behind the wheel. He stops and she starts and somewhere in-between the conversation dies and grows.
Yet she can't say it is all that bad. There is still something here that wasn't there before. When they shop, Sasuke puts tomatoes in the cart and he looks at her when she's talking.
And maybe, she thinks, this is the way it would have gone anyways, had he stayed. These small moments of peace where nothing feels wrong and she thinks that everything might be fitting into place.
-x-
"Sakura-chan," Naruto says while he waits impatiently for his ramen, "How are you going to eat?" They are eating out today and it was his turn to choose.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you're…you won't be able to cook any more, so how will you eat?" He can't bring himself to say the word 'blind'. It's going to happen but for just a little longer, he wants to ignore it.
"Actually…" Sakura scrunches her brows, thinking about it. "I don't know. I guess I'll have to practice using the kitchen without seeing."
"What? But…you might get burned!"
"I'll learn to cook for you, my beloved Sakura-chan! And if I don't, I'll do fifty laps on my hands and practice it until I can do it!" Lee pops into the ramen stand, hearing the discussion.
"Lee…That isn't really necessary…" Sakura smiles, nervously, as Lee continues to makes his proclamation. "Still, it's nice to see you again." Her eyes soften and Lee quiets for a moment.
"There's nothing that can be done, right?" Tenten appears beside Lee, along with Neji. Teammates in the truest sense of the word, they always appear together.
Sakura nods. "Back from your mission?"
"Two days ago. We found out about your mission…" Tenten grabs Sakura's left hand, squeezes it, and then drops it.
"I…"
Neji gently rests his hand on her shoulder. He doesn't say anything because words don't help at all. The action itself is more than enough and Sakura nods to him.
"I'll be fine."
Tenten looks doubtful but then gives her a cheeky grin. "Hey, get your teammates to cook for you. They owe you one and what better chance will you get to make them your slaves?"
"Tenten!" Sakura tries to sound angry but she ends up giggling. "Thanks."
Naruto pouts. "What? Sakura-chan, you wouldn't make me your slave, right?"
"No, you'd burn the house down. I mean, you can cook ok, but only when someone is watching you. And making sure you don't leave the stove on."
Lee gives his good-guy pose and declares, "I will learn to cook for you, Sakura-chan! You can count on it!"
"Lee," Tenten slings her arm around his neck and starts to pull him back to the street, "maybe you should go back to practice now." With a nod, Neji follows her.
("Thanks, I needed to check on her." Tenten gives him a smile.
Neji looks away. "It's nothing." She's back to normal now.)
-x-
There are a few things Naruto keeps to himself:
He notices Sakura' s missteps and her discrete gropes for items and her attempts to not appear any worse. She is proud and would never admit it, so instead he shifts her glass closer to her hand, moves the table slightly to the right, and waits for her to come to him.
There is a growing shadow on Sasuke's shoulder, one that he sees only when Sakura nearly bumps into a chair or tries to attach the leash to Kyonko. He spends more time with Sasuke than Sakura does—spends those hours before walking him to her house, those times when Sakura disappears into the other room, and he sees a bond that is slowly rebuilding between them.
Only, it is far more fragile and prone to breaking and he is careful not to breathe too hard else it shatters completely.
Naruto almost regrets fighting Sasuke that day because there were other chances and other times that might not have lead to this end. Then Sakura grips his hand and smiles, and Sasuke gives him a small smirk, and he thinks that it isn't that bad after all.
-x-
Sasuke is changing and adjusting and transforming and he doesn't know into what, how, or why. Only that it isn't all that different and it's more like a reawakening and that it'd be easier if he could just shut down once more.
-x-
There are a few things that Sakura has not mentioned to anyone:
Her world is quickly starting to lose colour. The blurring has stopped and instead she's unable to tell the differences between shades of red, variances of blue, schemes of yellow.
She is terrified because she still can't walk Kyoko with her eyes closed, still can't stop the panic attacks that threaten to take over every time she closes her eyes, still can't stop waking up afraid yesterday was her last.
There is still something cold and dark in her, something that is still waiting to be acknowledged. It's a lingering hate, a doubt, envy that slowly eats her from the inside out. She still can't touch this part of her because she has to be strong. She has to show everyone what she did, she did for a reason, and given the choice she'd do it again.
(And there is Sasuke, still and silent Sasuke who isn't quite so still anymore. He isn't the same as he was when she sat on that hospital bed and not at all like he used to be when they are 12, but there is something different about him. His edges are smoother, not so ragged, and she doesn't know what to do with this.)
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A/N: Um. So, this was rather bad and hard to write and absolutely terrible pace-wise and story-wise. I mean, why is Sakura moving out, I didn't want that, and Sasuke is so hard to show changes to because either it's too fast or too slow and I think I ended up with the too fast section.
Also, my style is changing a bit through this piece as some of this was written last year, when I last update this fic (a year? Has it really been a year? I'm such a loser!) and some of it was written now.
So either way, this chapter is a monster and I would like input on how to improve.