Just Drawn That Way
By: Dannell Lites
SPIFFY DISCLAIMER THINGIE!
Ah do not own any of the characters who appear in this story! DC
Comics owns Captain Carrot and His Amazing Zoo Crew! As for Jessica
Rabbit and the others... Y'all's guess is as good as moi's:):) But, in
any case, no infringement of copyright is intended so don't sue moi!
*eeeeppp*
Rated G for pure as the driven snow ... except for a bit of innuendo and
such:):)
This is in answer to a Jessica Rabbit Challenge issued on the
NC17ToonFiction List! Ah hope everyone enjoys!
"I'm not bad ... I'm just drawn that way.... "
~Jessica Rabbit, "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?"~
Rodney Roger Rabbit sharpened his # 2 drawing pencil with his sharp
front teeth and carefully examined the edge out of the corner of his
eye. Hmmmm. That should do it, he hoped. There was some intricate
background details coming up in these next few panels of the JLA - the
Justa Lotta Animals.
"I hope I get the curl of Super Squirrel's tail right this time ... " he
muttered. The life of a funny book cartoonist was not an easy one. "Not
to mention the size of BatMouse's cape! Sheesh! How *big* is that
blasted thing anyway?" Another of life's little mysteries, apparently.
"Why not try drawing *my* tail, Big Boy?" whispered a sultry female
voice from the shadows. "I garnet you it's an easier target. And much
more attractive ... "
Roger jumped from his chair at the unexpected sound, whirling to face
the owner of that delicious voice. His eyes bulged when he found
himself confronted by a lovely specimen of Toonhood with short, silky
white fur, small perky ears (just the way he liked them!), half again as
tall as he. Struck speechless, the cartoonist and part time superhero
dropped his pencil.
"W-who are *you*?" he finally managed to stammer. Frantically
attempting to retrieve his rolling pencil, Roger cried in triumph when
he again lay paws on the elusive object. Staring up once more into those
half lidded eyes, he had time to take note of the shoulder length titian
red hair with approval. His favorite color!
And she was even the right species, too! Woo!
But then his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Are you a spy from Marsupial
comics?" he demanded.
"Of course not!" cried a perturbed Jessica Rabbit. "My name is Jessica
Rabbit ... and I'm a genuine damsel in distress here! I need your
help."
Roger's long ears perked up and his eyes shone with eagerness. "Wow!"
he declared. "Really?? A real damsel in distress? We don't get many of
those around here." He stepped closer to the sniffling Jessica.
"Just give me a second to slip into someone more powerful," he soothed,
"and then Captain Carrot and His Amazing Zoo Crew are at your beck and
call!"
Jessica wiped her teary eyes and watched the harried hare step over to a
window box. Carefully he plucked an oversized, strangely glowing carrot
from the loose soil of the box and began to munch. Instantly, the Rabbit
of Righteousness made a sour face.
"Bleech!" he spat. "Have I ever mentioned to anyone to just how *awful*
those things taste? Must be all that radiation or something. Yuck!
Give me a nice spinach soufflé any day."
At that moment Rodney Roger Rabbit was consumed by a flash of blinding
light. Jessica shielded her eyes and when the spots had cleared found
that the mild mannered cartoonist had vanished. In his place stood a
veritable langomorphic Hercules, mightily thewed, virtually glowing with
power.
"OOOOOOO!" purred Jessica. "My goodness! If I weren't so attached to
my very own Honey-Bunny ..."
"Er - ah - yes... " gulped an embarrassed Captain Carrot. "-Ahem- Let
me summon the rest of the Zoo Crew and we'll soon get to the bottom of
your problem, Little Lady."
Jessica was forced to cover he ears this time as, with the touch of a
button, the Z Building was inundated with loudly blaring klaxons
shrieking, "Alert! Alert! Emergency, even!" and large rolling brightly
lit neon signs declaiming "THIS WAY TO THE EMERGENCY! OVER HERE!"
Not unexpectedly, Fastbak, Timmie Jo Terrapin, was the first to arrive.
"Tarnation!" cried the Worlds Fastest Tortoise. "Cain't y'all shut down
that gol durned racket, Captain? What's so all fired important,
anyways?"
Smiling, Captain Carrot pointed at the sultry Jessica, who was smoothing
her clinging shirt over her ample hips. "She is." he informed his
compatriot. Licking her ruby lips Jessica Rabbit smiled at the backwoods
fellow.
With a small cry of distress and a tiny sonic boom to accompany him,
Timmie Jo Terrapin retreated into his shell, cowering and shaking.
"Huh?" blurted a mystified Roger Rabbit. Approaching the terrified
tortoise, he rapped loudly on the shell, listening as the echoes
reverberated from within.
"Helllllo!" he demanded. "Timmie Jo, I know you're in there! Come back
out here! Right now!"
"Ah cain't," whispered the timid terrapin. "Ah'm scairt o' purdy gals."
"What a loser!" opined the deep voice of Rubber Duck, Bryd Rentals. The
Hollywood leading duck elongated himself into the room at the head of
the remaining Zoo Crew members. Entwining his flexible neck several
times around the curvaceous body of a surprised Jessica Rabbit, the film
star leaned her precariously backwards and whispered into her ear.
"Ah chere," he crooned in his very best phony French accent (still
somehow redolent of his hometown of Teaneck, NJ), "Come away wis me to
ze Casbah!"
"Mr.Rentals!" Jessica protested in a stern voice. "I hardly know you!"
"I know!" the ductile duck admitted with a rueful, lecherous grin.
"This is the part where we get to know each other better, baby! Heh,
heh, heh ... "
She stomped his foot but it did little good. Frustrated, the lovely
Toon gritted her teeth and pushed Rubber Duck's seeking lips as far away
as possible. Like, say, *Miami*, if that were feasible.
"Give it up, Byrd, lil' buddy," advised a snickering Pig Iron. "The
lady ain't interested ... "
"Ahem!" Captain Carrot cleared his throat nosily, attracting everyone's
attention. Tapping his foot with impatience, he regarded his teammates
with a jaundiced eye. "If you don't mind, guys, could we get down to
business, here?" came his sarcastic inquiry. He turned to the flustered
Jessica. "I believe Ms. Rabbit here has something she'd like to tell
us." Jessica nodded.
"Someone is stalking me," she whispered. "I've been captured and
escaped three times in the last month! You've got to help me! He wants
me for his love slave!"
Captain Carrot slipped a sympathetic arm around Jessica's snowy
shoulders. "There, there, my dear! You're safe now, here with us. Who
is this dastardly fiend? Do you know?"
Suddenly the room was filled with a loud buzzing. In Roger's arms,
Jessica stiffened and shrieked, pointing.
"HIM!" she cried. "Magskeeto!"
The Zoo Crewer's gasped in surprise and horror.
"Magskeeto!"
"No, no! NOT Magskeeto!"
"Oh dear ... And me without my Magskeeto repellent! Darn!'
Pig Iron scratched his head in befuddlement -- not an unusual state of
affairs for him. "Magskeeto? Who's Magskeeto?"
"I am the mightiest mutant in ToonTown!" cried the wrathful, offended
Magskeeto, hovering nearby in the air. "No one may match my power!"
"You're the *only* mutant in ToonTown!" yipped Rova Barkett, Yankee
Doodle Poodle, readjusting her eye wear fastidiously. "Didn't you watch
my Gossip Insiders Special on you, for Heaven's sake??"
"Hey!" protest the high voice of the Mad Stinker. "*I* live in
ToonTown, too! What about me? I'm a mutant!" The assemblage recoiled in
horror as the The Stinker lifted his bushy, striped tail in impending
menace. At his side, The Stinker's Awesome Androgonine growled and
balled it's huge hands into fists.
"You are doomed, unfortunate ones!" continued the Mighty Mite, ignoring
the now angry poodle And his partner in crime. "Accept your fate! I am
all powerful! I am invincible! *I* carry disease!" Buzzing loudly the
malicious mutant turned his attention to the towering Pig Iron. "How
would you like a raging case of Yellow Fever?" He racked the Porcine
Powerhouse up and down with his multifaceted eyes in consideration. "
... although in this instance perhaps a case of Swine Flu would be more
appropriate... "
"Swine Flu?" blurted a discomforted Pig Iron. "Why Swine Flu? Anything
but Swine Flu! Who -what about your mutant power over magnetism?"
"Oh yes," said the Insect Master of Magnetism, raising an eyebrow.
"Those, too."
So saying, he lifted the Swine of Steel from the floor with ease,
bouncing him off the walls several times.
"Help!" shrieked the helpless Porker of Power, "HEELED!"
"Oh, dear!" murmured Alley Kate Debra, clutching her Magic Wand and
aiming her spell carefully at Magskeeto.
SWAT!
The giant fly swatter missed the annoying insect by inches and Feline
Fur stamped her booted foot in frustration. Flying to safety, Magskeeto
buzzed triumphantly.
"Ay missed me, ay missed me!" Taunted the mighty mosquito. "Now ay got
kiss me ... "
"EWE!" chorused all the women in the room. Jessica Rabbit shivered.
Captain Carrot resisted a sudden, strong urge to scratch.
"Oh, who will save us?" Jessica moaned, wringing her slender hands in
dismay. "Who?"
"Here I come to save the day!" sang a high, squeaky but nevertheless
male voice. "That means that Iron Mouse is on the way!
Yes sir, when there is a wrong to right,
Iron Mouse will join the fight!
On the sea or on the land,
He's got the situation well in hand!"
"An armored mouse?" huffed Magskeeto. "Against *my*? Fool! The lovely
Jessica will yet be mine! So swears Magskeeto!"
Exerting his control of the electromagnetic spectrum the mutant mosquito
grabbed control of the gold and crimson clad mouse and aimed him
carefully at the scurrying Zoo Crew.
"Incoming!" shouted a still dazed Pig Iron, barely managing to duck in
time.
"Shiiiiittttt!" ululated a most unhappy Iron Mouse. "Look out below!"
But before the Armored Rodent could hit the ground his armor suddenly
exploded away from his body, leaving a naked, defenseless Iron Mouse
clad only in his silk boxers adorned with bright red hearts. With a
great "ooommph" of exploding air he hit the ground and lay still. Toon
birdies took form over his head and began chirping merrily.
"He's whacked!" announced Rubber Duck.
The tragic scene was interrupted by the timely arrival of a feminine
mouse wearing a jaunty polka dot skirt and matching hair bow. Her high
heels tapped rhythmically across the floor before she threw herself to
her knees before the dazed form of Iron Mouse.
"Mickey, darling!" she wailed piteously. "It's me, your beloved Minnie!
Speak to me!"
"Jess?" mumbled the rodent superhero. "Jessica, my sweet? Is that
you?"
Minnie rocketed to her feet in fulminating anger. "Jessica??!" she
exploded. "Who the hell is Jessica? Mickey, you rat!"
Rubbing his sore head, the now *un*armored hero did his best to try and
sit up. "That's *mouse*," he corrected mildly. "I'm a mouse ...not a
rat. Entirely different species, you know."
At which point the justifiably wrathful Minnie bashed him solidly over
the head with his own helmet. Then she stalked off, muttering
imprecations under her breath.
"Ba-a-aah-hoo!" the cry rang out in the large room, echoing off the
walls. Suddenly the windows exploded inward as darkly garbed, heavily
armed rams and ewes began swinging in through the now broken windows
buoyed. by retractable cables.
"How the *Hell* -- " began the ever clueless Pig Iron.
"It's Nick Furry and his Agents of S.H.E.E.P.!" gasped Fastbak, peeking
cautiously out of his protective shell.in awe at the unfolding
spectacle.
"Better believe it, HillBilly!" snarled Nick, chomping on his ever
present cigar and scratching one of his round panda-bear ears. "Dammed
mosquito!" he growled. "He nailed me!"
"HA!" crowed Magskeeto in triumph.
"Nick ol' buddy," demanded Dodo Dugan, his second in command. "Are you
all right?" He readjusted his bowler hat while his long red mustache
twitched in ire around his prominent beak.
"Never better Dodo, pal!" declared Nick. Turning to his Agents he
shouted, "Sic'em boys!"
"Would someone mind telling me what's going on here?" wondered Captain
Carrot.
The Mad Stinker, meantime, tucked his tail and cried, "Run away! Run
Away!" His Awesome Androgonine picked him up and battered its way
through the nearest wall.
"Coward!" accused a betrayed Magskeeto.
His baleful glare lanced out to peer at the others down his long
dangerous proboscis. "Later, my enemies," he sneered, riding a magnetic
wave to safety. "I shall return!" he threatened, "Never doubt it!"
Scarcely had the harassed group of do-gooders recovered from this timely
exit on the part of their powerful foe when their relief was again
rather rudely interrupted.
*TWIP* *TWIP*
From the ceiling two strands of micro-thin webbing attached themselves
solidly to the floor and a colorful red and blue clad figure web slung
his way into their midst.
"Am I too late to join the party?" Peter Porker, the Amazing Spiderham
inquired jauntily.
Captain Carrot sighed heavily. "Way late, Web Spinner," the Rabbit of
Righteousness assured him. The arachno-ham snapped his fingers in
frustration, frowning mightily. But then he thought he spied
compensation for his tardiness in the luscious form of Jessica Rabbit.
His tail curled tightly as he slid closer and embraced her passionately.
"Wanna check out my web, beautiful?" he cooed.
"But what about Mary Jane Waterbuffalo?" demanded an harassed Jessica,
fending off the amorous Spider Ham with both furry paws.
"Oh that's over," Peter Porker assured her. "MJ is dating Bruce
Springchicken, now. You know .. 'Hatched In The USA'? All that
contemporary avian angst? I'm a free ham!" He rubbed his chin in
contemplation. "Or is it Billy Goat Joel she's with, now? I forget."
Grinning, the superhero snapped his fingers and began to sing softly
under his breath.
"Uptown gorilla
Going out with a naval flotilla ..."
"ALl right!" shouted a very miffed Roger Rabbit in his best Commander of
the Zoo Crew voice. "Everybody outta the pool!"
"Ohhhh," whimpered Yankee Doodle Poodle, "just when it was getting
interesting, too!"
"Go for it, kid!" Rubberduck cheered for the Spiderham.
"Out, out!" demanded the incensed Roger.
Reluctantly, grumbling under their voices, the others obeyed, including
the sobbing, heartbroken Peter Porker.
"Alone, at last!" sighed Captain Carrot, pulling Jessica in for a
fervent kiss. Gasping for breath, the beauteous Ms. Rabbit smiled and
snuggled closer.
"OOOOOOO, Roger!" Jessica purred, fondling a bicep or two. "Love Bunny
... "
Just then the silence was sundered by a deep, yet gurgly voice coming
from behind them.
"All hail, the pulchritudinous Lady Jessica!" it announced. "Future
Queen of Atlantis, the Realm Eternal! Imperious Wrecks!"
"Who the Toon are *you*?" demanded Roger, stepping in front of Jessica
to protect her from the apparition looming before them. Garbed in
ornate golden armor and a water filled helmet, his cerulean blue skin
shining in the dim light of the room, the eight armed octopus waved his
tentacles in greeting.
"I am Warlord Klang," he declared, bowing before Jessica. "Sent by my
sovereign, Prince No-More, the Sunk-Mariner to declare his love for
thee, fair maiden. My Prince bids me give you this in token of his
boundless affection!" The Atlantean Warlord extended two tentacles
clutching a small bundle wrapped in day old newspaper. Jessica gasped
and brought her fists to her mouth in despair.
"P-prince No-More?" she wailed. "Oh no! Not No-More! *Anyone* but
No-More!" In desperation she clung to Captain Carrot. "Oh save me,
Roger; save me!"
"This is getting to be a bad habit," muttered the Toon super-hero. With
a sigh he accepted the package from Klang since Jessica showed no signs
of being willing to do so. "I wonder what Super Squirrel would do in
this situation?" he pondered., unwrapping the gift.
"It's ... it's a mackerel .. " Roger murmured in bewilderment, staring
at the glassy eyed picean specimen. "A mackerel ... "
"Attracting No-More's attention is the kiss of death!" Jessica continued
to wail. "ALL his girlfriends die hideous deaths! Save me, Roger, save
me!" she entreated piteously.
"A mackerel ... " marveled The Rabbit Of Tomorrow. "Why would No-More
give you a dead fish?" the Zoo Crew leader wondered. "A dead fish ... "
"Roger! I'm going to die!!" shrieked Jessica, hands locked around the
hero's throat, now. "Forget about the damned fish will you??"
"Now, now, Fluffikens," the Captain choked, in an attempt to soothe the
distraught Jessica. "That's nonsense, dear. His current girlfriend,
Susan Stormtossed, Helpless Woman of the Fantasical Four, is very much
alive and well. Why, just yesterday The Fantastical Four saved the Earth
from GalacTortoise, the Devorer of Worlds. Fortunately, they had plenty
of time since he's such a slow eater ... "
"Wuxtry! Wuxtry! Read all about it!" came the newsboy's cry from the
street below through the open window. "Susan Stormtossed, Helpless Woman
of the Fantastical Four tragically killed on the eve of her wedding!
Read all about it!"
Jessica screamed and fainted dead away into Roger's strong arms.
Roger began fanning frantically and chafing her wrists.
"Jessica? Jessica?? Speak to me!"
"The devastated groom, Prince No-More of Atlantis, the Sunk-Mariner,
has, as yet, released no statement at this time. His Sub-Aqueous
Hunkiness could not be reached for comment ..." droned the perky
newsboy.
The Ever Lovin' Blue Eyed End!
Aedes aegypti = Yellow Fever Mosquito!
By: Dannell Lites
SPIFFY DISCLAIMER THINGIE!
Ah do not own any of the characters who appear in this story! DC
Comics owns Captain Carrot and His Amazing Zoo Crew! As for Jessica
Rabbit and the others... Y'all's guess is as good as moi's:):) But, in
any case, no infringement of copyright is intended so don't sue moi!
*eeeeppp*
Rated G for pure as the driven snow ... except for a bit of innuendo and
such:):)
This is in answer to a Jessica Rabbit Challenge issued on the
NC17ToonFiction List! Ah hope everyone enjoys!
"I'm not bad ... I'm just drawn that way.... "
~Jessica Rabbit, "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?"~
Rodney Roger Rabbit sharpened his # 2 drawing pencil with his sharp
front teeth and carefully examined the edge out of the corner of his
eye. Hmmmm. That should do it, he hoped. There was some intricate
background details coming up in these next few panels of the JLA - the
Justa Lotta Animals.
"I hope I get the curl of Super Squirrel's tail right this time ... " he
muttered. The life of a funny book cartoonist was not an easy one. "Not
to mention the size of BatMouse's cape! Sheesh! How *big* is that
blasted thing anyway?" Another of life's little mysteries, apparently.
"Why not try drawing *my* tail, Big Boy?" whispered a sultry female
voice from the shadows. "I garnet you it's an easier target. And much
more attractive ... "
Roger jumped from his chair at the unexpected sound, whirling to face
the owner of that delicious voice. His eyes bulged when he found
himself confronted by a lovely specimen of Toonhood with short, silky
white fur, small perky ears (just the way he liked them!), half again as
tall as he. Struck speechless, the cartoonist and part time superhero
dropped his pencil.
"W-who are *you*?" he finally managed to stammer. Frantically
attempting to retrieve his rolling pencil, Roger cried in triumph when
he again lay paws on the elusive object. Staring up once more into those
half lidded eyes, he had time to take note of the shoulder length titian
red hair with approval. His favorite color!
And she was even the right species, too! Woo!
But then his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Are you a spy from Marsupial
comics?" he demanded.
"Of course not!" cried a perturbed Jessica Rabbit. "My name is Jessica
Rabbit ... and I'm a genuine damsel in distress here! I need your
help."
Roger's long ears perked up and his eyes shone with eagerness. "Wow!"
he declared. "Really?? A real damsel in distress? We don't get many of
those around here." He stepped closer to the sniffling Jessica.
"Just give me a second to slip into someone more powerful," he soothed,
"and then Captain Carrot and His Amazing Zoo Crew are at your beck and
call!"
Jessica wiped her teary eyes and watched the harried hare step over to a
window box. Carefully he plucked an oversized, strangely glowing carrot
from the loose soil of the box and began to munch. Instantly, the Rabbit
of Righteousness made a sour face.
"Bleech!" he spat. "Have I ever mentioned to anyone to just how *awful*
those things taste? Must be all that radiation or something. Yuck!
Give me a nice spinach soufflé any day."
At that moment Rodney Roger Rabbit was consumed by a flash of blinding
light. Jessica shielded her eyes and when the spots had cleared found
that the mild mannered cartoonist had vanished. In his place stood a
veritable langomorphic Hercules, mightily thewed, virtually glowing with
power.
"OOOOOOO!" purred Jessica. "My goodness! If I weren't so attached to
my very own Honey-Bunny ..."
"Er - ah - yes... " gulped an embarrassed Captain Carrot. "-Ahem- Let
me summon the rest of the Zoo Crew and we'll soon get to the bottom of
your problem, Little Lady."
Jessica was forced to cover he ears this time as, with the touch of a
button, the Z Building was inundated with loudly blaring klaxons
shrieking, "Alert! Alert! Emergency, even!" and large rolling brightly
lit neon signs declaiming "THIS WAY TO THE EMERGENCY! OVER HERE!"
Not unexpectedly, Fastbak, Timmie Jo Terrapin, was the first to arrive.
"Tarnation!" cried the Worlds Fastest Tortoise. "Cain't y'all shut down
that gol durned racket, Captain? What's so all fired important,
anyways?"
Smiling, Captain Carrot pointed at the sultry Jessica, who was smoothing
her clinging shirt over her ample hips. "She is." he informed his
compatriot. Licking her ruby lips Jessica Rabbit smiled at the backwoods
fellow.
With a small cry of distress and a tiny sonic boom to accompany him,
Timmie Jo Terrapin retreated into his shell, cowering and shaking.
"Huh?" blurted a mystified Roger Rabbit. Approaching the terrified
tortoise, he rapped loudly on the shell, listening as the echoes
reverberated from within.
"Helllllo!" he demanded. "Timmie Jo, I know you're in there! Come back
out here! Right now!"
"Ah cain't," whispered the timid terrapin. "Ah'm scairt o' purdy gals."
"What a loser!" opined the deep voice of Rubber Duck, Bryd Rentals. The
Hollywood leading duck elongated himself into the room at the head of
the remaining Zoo Crew members. Entwining his flexible neck several
times around the curvaceous body of a surprised Jessica Rabbit, the film
star leaned her precariously backwards and whispered into her ear.
"Ah chere," he crooned in his very best phony French accent (still
somehow redolent of his hometown of Teaneck, NJ), "Come away wis me to
ze Casbah!"
"Mr.Rentals!" Jessica protested in a stern voice. "I hardly know you!"
"I know!" the ductile duck admitted with a rueful, lecherous grin.
"This is the part where we get to know each other better, baby! Heh,
heh, heh ... "
She stomped his foot but it did little good. Frustrated, the lovely
Toon gritted her teeth and pushed Rubber Duck's seeking lips as far away
as possible. Like, say, *Miami*, if that were feasible.
"Give it up, Byrd, lil' buddy," advised a snickering Pig Iron. "The
lady ain't interested ... "
"Ahem!" Captain Carrot cleared his throat nosily, attracting everyone's
attention. Tapping his foot with impatience, he regarded his teammates
with a jaundiced eye. "If you don't mind, guys, could we get down to
business, here?" came his sarcastic inquiry. He turned to the flustered
Jessica. "I believe Ms. Rabbit here has something she'd like to tell
us." Jessica nodded.
"Someone is stalking me," she whispered. "I've been captured and
escaped three times in the last month! You've got to help me! He wants
me for his love slave!"
Captain Carrot slipped a sympathetic arm around Jessica's snowy
shoulders. "There, there, my dear! You're safe now, here with us. Who
is this dastardly fiend? Do you know?"
Suddenly the room was filled with a loud buzzing. In Roger's arms,
Jessica stiffened and shrieked, pointing.
"HIM!" she cried. "Magskeeto!"
The Zoo Crewer's gasped in surprise and horror.
"Magskeeto!"
"No, no! NOT Magskeeto!"
"Oh dear ... And me without my Magskeeto repellent! Darn!'
Pig Iron scratched his head in befuddlement -- not an unusual state of
affairs for him. "Magskeeto? Who's Magskeeto?"
"I am the mightiest mutant in ToonTown!" cried the wrathful, offended
Magskeeto, hovering nearby in the air. "No one may match my power!"
"You're the *only* mutant in ToonTown!" yipped Rova Barkett, Yankee
Doodle Poodle, readjusting her eye wear fastidiously. "Didn't you watch
my Gossip Insiders Special on you, for Heaven's sake??"
"Hey!" protest the high voice of the Mad Stinker. "*I* live in
ToonTown, too! What about me? I'm a mutant!" The assemblage recoiled in
horror as the The Stinker lifted his bushy, striped tail in impending
menace. At his side, The Stinker's Awesome Androgonine growled and
balled it's huge hands into fists.
"You are doomed, unfortunate ones!" continued the Mighty Mite, ignoring
the now angry poodle And his partner in crime. "Accept your fate! I am
all powerful! I am invincible! *I* carry disease!" Buzzing loudly the
malicious mutant turned his attention to the towering Pig Iron. "How
would you like a raging case of Yellow Fever?" He racked the Porcine
Powerhouse up and down with his multifaceted eyes in consideration. "
... although in this instance perhaps a case of Swine Flu would be more
appropriate... "
"Swine Flu?" blurted a discomforted Pig Iron. "Why Swine Flu? Anything
but Swine Flu! Who -what about your mutant power over magnetism?"
"Oh yes," said the Insect Master of Magnetism, raising an eyebrow.
"Those, too."
So saying, he lifted the Swine of Steel from the floor with ease,
bouncing him off the walls several times.
"Help!" shrieked the helpless Porker of Power, "HEELED!"
"Oh, dear!" murmured Alley Kate Debra, clutching her Magic Wand and
aiming her spell carefully at Magskeeto.
SWAT!
The giant fly swatter missed the annoying insect by inches and Feline
Fur stamped her booted foot in frustration. Flying to safety, Magskeeto
buzzed triumphantly.
"Ay missed me, ay missed me!" Taunted the mighty mosquito. "Now ay got
kiss me ... "
"EWE!" chorused all the women in the room. Jessica Rabbit shivered.
Captain Carrot resisted a sudden, strong urge to scratch.
"Oh, who will save us?" Jessica moaned, wringing her slender hands in
dismay. "Who?"
"Here I come to save the day!" sang a high, squeaky but nevertheless
male voice. "That means that Iron Mouse is on the way!
Yes sir, when there is a wrong to right,
Iron Mouse will join the fight!
On the sea or on the land,
He's got the situation well in hand!"
"An armored mouse?" huffed Magskeeto. "Against *my*? Fool! The lovely
Jessica will yet be mine! So swears Magskeeto!"
Exerting his control of the electromagnetic spectrum the mutant mosquito
grabbed control of the gold and crimson clad mouse and aimed him
carefully at the scurrying Zoo Crew.
"Incoming!" shouted a still dazed Pig Iron, barely managing to duck in
time.
"Shiiiiittttt!" ululated a most unhappy Iron Mouse. "Look out below!"
But before the Armored Rodent could hit the ground his armor suddenly
exploded away from his body, leaving a naked, defenseless Iron Mouse
clad only in his silk boxers adorned with bright red hearts. With a
great "ooommph" of exploding air he hit the ground and lay still. Toon
birdies took form over his head and began chirping merrily.
"He's whacked!" announced Rubber Duck.
The tragic scene was interrupted by the timely arrival of a feminine
mouse wearing a jaunty polka dot skirt and matching hair bow. Her high
heels tapped rhythmically across the floor before she threw herself to
her knees before the dazed form of Iron Mouse.
"Mickey, darling!" she wailed piteously. "It's me, your beloved Minnie!
Speak to me!"
"Jess?" mumbled the rodent superhero. "Jessica, my sweet? Is that
you?"
Minnie rocketed to her feet in fulminating anger. "Jessica??!" she
exploded. "Who the hell is Jessica? Mickey, you rat!"
Rubbing his sore head, the now *un*armored hero did his best to try and
sit up. "That's *mouse*," he corrected mildly. "I'm a mouse ...not a
rat. Entirely different species, you know."
At which point the justifiably wrathful Minnie bashed him solidly over
the head with his own helmet. Then she stalked off, muttering
imprecations under her breath.
"Ba-a-aah-hoo!" the cry rang out in the large room, echoing off the
walls. Suddenly the windows exploded inward as darkly garbed, heavily
armed rams and ewes began swinging in through the now broken windows
buoyed. by retractable cables.
"How the *Hell* -- " began the ever clueless Pig Iron.
"It's Nick Furry and his Agents of S.H.E.E.P.!" gasped Fastbak, peeking
cautiously out of his protective shell.in awe at the unfolding
spectacle.
"Better believe it, HillBilly!" snarled Nick, chomping on his ever
present cigar and scratching one of his round panda-bear ears. "Dammed
mosquito!" he growled. "He nailed me!"
"HA!" crowed Magskeeto in triumph.
"Nick ol' buddy," demanded Dodo Dugan, his second in command. "Are you
all right?" He readjusted his bowler hat while his long red mustache
twitched in ire around his prominent beak.
"Never better Dodo, pal!" declared Nick. Turning to his Agents he
shouted, "Sic'em boys!"
"Would someone mind telling me what's going on here?" wondered Captain
Carrot.
The Mad Stinker, meantime, tucked his tail and cried, "Run away! Run
Away!" His Awesome Androgonine picked him up and battered its way
through the nearest wall.
"Coward!" accused a betrayed Magskeeto.
His baleful glare lanced out to peer at the others down his long
dangerous proboscis. "Later, my enemies," he sneered, riding a magnetic
wave to safety. "I shall return!" he threatened, "Never doubt it!"
Scarcely had the harassed group of do-gooders recovered from this timely
exit on the part of their powerful foe when their relief was again
rather rudely interrupted.
*TWIP* *TWIP*
From the ceiling two strands of micro-thin webbing attached themselves
solidly to the floor and a colorful red and blue clad figure web slung
his way into their midst.
"Am I too late to join the party?" Peter Porker, the Amazing Spiderham
inquired jauntily.
Captain Carrot sighed heavily. "Way late, Web Spinner," the Rabbit of
Righteousness assured him. The arachno-ham snapped his fingers in
frustration, frowning mightily. But then he thought he spied
compensation for his tardiness in the luscious form of Jessica Rabbit.
His tail curled tightly as he slid closer and embraced her passionately.
"Wanna check out my web, beautiful?" he cooed.
"But what about Mary Jane Waterbuffalo?" demanded an harassed Jessica,
fending off the amorous Spider Ham with both furry paws.
"Oh that's over," Peter Porker assured her. "MJ is dating Bruce
Springchicken, now. You know .. 'Hatched In The USA'? All that
contemporary avian angst? I'm a free ham!" He rubbed his chin in
contemplation. "Or is it Billy Goat Joel she's with, now? I forget."
Grinning, the superhero snapped his fingers and began to sing softly
under his breath.
"Uptown gorilla
Going out with a naval flotilla ..."
"ALl right!" shouted a very miffed Roger Rabbit in his best Commander of
the Zoo Crew voice. "Everybody outta the pool!"
"Ohhhh," whimpered Yankee Doodle Poodle, "just when it was getting
interesting, too!"
"Go for it, kid!" Rubberduck cheered for the Spiderham.
"Out, out!" demanded the incensed Roger.
Reluctantly, grumbling under their voices, the others obeyed, including
the sobbing, heartbroken Peter Porker.
"Alone, at last!" sighed Captain Carrot, pulling Jessica in for a
fervent kiss. Gasping for breath, the beauteous Ms. Rabbit smiled and
snuggled closer.
"OOOOOOO, Roger!" Jessica purred, fondling a bicep or two. "Love Bunny
... "
Just then the silence was sundered by a deep, yet gurgly voice coming
from behind them.
"All hail, the pulchritudinous Lady Jessica!" it announced. "Future
Queen of Atlantis, the Realm Eternal! Imperious Wrecks!"
"Who the Toon are *you*?" demanded Roger, stepping in front of Jessica
to protect her from the apparition looming before them. Garbed in
ornate golden armor and a water filled helmet, his cerulean blue skin
shining in the dim light of the room, the eight armed octopus waved his
tentacles in greeting.
"I am Warlord Klang," he declared, bowing before Jessica. "Sent by my
sovereign, Prince No-More, the Sunk-Mariner to declare his love for
thee, fair maiden. My Prince bids me give you this in token of his
boundless affection!" The Atlantean Warlord extended two tentacles
clutching a small bundle wrapped in day old newspaper. Jessica gasped
and brought her fists to her mouth in despair.
"P-prince No-More?" she wailed. "Oh no! Not No-More! *Anyone* but
No-More!" In desperation she clung to Captain Carrot. "Oh save me,
Roger; save me!"
"This is getting to be a bad habit," muttered the Toon super-hero. With
a sigh he accepted the package from Klang since Jessica showed no signs
of being willing to do so. "I wonder what Super Squirrel would do in
this situation?" he pondered., unwrapping the gift.
"It's ... it's a mackerel .. " Roger murmured in bewilderment, staring
at the glassy eyed picean specimen. "A mackerel ... "
"Attracting No-More's attention is the kiss of death!" Jessica continued
to wail. "ALL his girlfriends die hideous deaths! Save me, Roger, save
me!" she entreated piteously.
"A mackerel ... " marveled The Rabbit Of Tomorrow. "Why would No-More
give you a dead fish?" the Zoo Crew leader wondered. "A dead fish ... "
"Roger! I'm going to die!!" shrieked Jessica, hands locked around the
hero's throat, now. "Forget about the damned fish will you??"
"Now, now, Fluffikens," the Captain choked, in an attempt to soothe the
distraught Jessica. "That's nonsense, dear. His current girlfriend,
Susan Stormtossed, Helpless Woman of the Fantasical Four, is very much
alive and well. Why, just yesterday The Fantastical Four saved the Earth
from GalacTortoise, the Devorer of Worlds. Fortunately, they had plenty
of time since he's such a slow eater ... "
"Wuxtry! Wuxtry! Read all about it!" came the newsboy's cry from the
street below through the open window. "Susan Stormtossed, Helpless Woman
of the Fantastical Four tragically killed on the eve of her wedding!
Read all about it!"
Jessica screamed and fainted dead away into Roger's strong arms.
Roger began fanning frantically and chafing her wrists.
"Jessica? Jessica?? Speak to me!"
"The devastated groom, Prince No-More of Atlantis, the Sunk-Mariner,
has, as yet, released no statement at this time. His Sub-Aqueous
Hunkiness could not be reached for comment ..." droned the perky
newsboy.
The Ever Lovin' Blue Eyed End!
Aedes aegypti = Yellow Fever Mosquito!