I got the idea for this story from 'The Sex Talk Challenge' by Padfootsrevenger. You had to use at least 10 quotes that she provided. Read on to find out what this ficlet is about…
AN: Harry is about 12 years old, but acts younger…
_________________________________
One late summer night while Harry was visiting Ron, Mrs. Weasley felt inspired enough to give young Harry the talk. She figured that since he didn't have any parents, she should tell him before he got older and it got too late…
"Harry, come here for a second. I want to talk to you about something important" Mrs. Weasley said while she dried her hands with a spare cloth after she finished washing the dishes.
"Yes, what is it?"
"You know I love you very much, like a son, and there are some things I think you should know…"
"Can it wait? Its three in the morning and I need my beauty sleep"
"oh, boy, but you are beautiful already" she said as she patted him in the head.
"But I am le tired"
"Come Harry, sit down, the stuff I'm about to tell you is only known by big boys and girls, I think you are a big boy now…"
"ok, what is it?" Harry said bouncing up and down in his seat, excited to learn something kids didn't know.
"Once upon a time, there was a coconut tree that wasn't very happy with his place on the beach. He couldn't get any sunlight and the sand was too dry. There was nothing he could do because he didn't have any feet. One day he remembered that he had coconuts; two of them to be precise-"
"are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?"
"Umm…yes, but you are not getting the point. Let me phrase this in another way… Sometimes when a mummy and a daddy love each other very much and there is nothing good on the telly, they bake food. The mommy bakes doughnuts for dessert and the daddy bakes hot dogs for dinner," said Mrs. Weasley noticeably more uncomfortable than when she started, "do you understand where I am going with this now?"
"No, gosh, don't be such a muggle! Maybe then I would understand a word you are saying." Whined a frustrated Harry who just wanted to go to sleep.
"Ughh…let me think…I swear Ginny got it right away…I guess it takes longer for boys to understand these things….how can I explain it to you Harry…."
"Harry?"
Harry was now asleep sucking his thumb and rocking back and forth in his chair.
"HAAARRRRYYYY!!!"
"oh wah? Oh Voldemort's nipple yah heh" now Harry was mumbling incoherent things.
Mrs. Weasley hit him in the head with the fly swatter she had gotten the previous day at the muggle grocery store
"Merlin's pants! Did you really have to use that thing? Could have just called my name and I would have woken up."
"So, as I was saying, when two people care very much about each other, they have the option to do a great thing. A wonderful thing tha-
"He's dead Jim"
"what? Who is Jim" asked Mrs Weasley confused.
"oh you know, Jim, James, my father….yea, I was just saying that he is dead. Carry on…"
"BOOO!" Fred and George appeared out of nowhere.
"Did we scare you mom?"
"yea did we?"
"boys will you go upstairs, I'm giving Harry THE TALK?"
"What talk? He already TALKS, you don't need to give him the TALK" said George confused.
"Sometimes I swear that if I could forget that I'm their mother, I'd commit sins with the Weasley twins"
"eww!" Fred said getting far away from her mom.
"Geo-Fre…. I mean whichever one you are… I didn't mean the gross kinds of sins! now Go back to sleep!"
"Okay mom…Remember….the power is yours!"
"Yes, mom, make it work! This will impact Harry's life forever! Anyways Goodnight"
The boys disappeared and Mrs. Weasley shook her head "If only closed minds came with closed mouths"
Harry was asleep again, Mrs. Weasley was going to playfully touch him on the side of his stomach to see if she could wake him up…
"POKE ME and DIE!" said Harry who awoke before she could actually touch him.
"ughh I give up Harry, there is no use… you are tired, it is three in the morning and you are not getting it… maybe you should talk to Hermione…she is smart…"
"what are you talking about?"
"oh, never mind"
"You mean those weird stories that you were trying to turn into the sex talk?"
"b-but how didcha-? At this age? Wow Harry, you are a genius!"
"I prefer to be called 'evil genius, but I'll let it slide for today… Can I go to bed now?"
"S-S-sure"
"Goodnight"