by Rydia Highwind
Part Four: Cid's Secret Past
Golbez: Well, this is just great. Seems Kainazzo was as stupid and worthless as Milon.
Rubicant: C'mon, boss, what were you expecting from us?
Golbez: Good point. You are just a bunch of elemental rejects, aren't you.
Rubicant: ...Not exactly what I meant, but hey. You do have a point.
Golbez: That's what I have Kain here for!
Kain: Just a minute! I gotta kill King Bowser!
Rubicant: Oh, yeah. Kain's so much better than the rest of us.
Kain: Argh! He killed me again!
Rubicant: Kain? How long have you been playing this non-stop?
Kain: I dunno, about two weeks?
Rubicant: And what level are you on?
Kain: World 1-4!
Rubicant: ...Which means you're still on the first world?
Kain: Yeah. Why?
Rubicant: Yep, it's official now. That was a very not-nice thing to say, Golbez.
Golbez: Hey, I'm a not-nice person.
Rubicant: Does that make it okay for you to say not-nice things?
Golbez: Yes.
Rubicant: Oh.
Kain: Damn! He killed me again!
Golbez: You idiot, give me that.
Kain: ...You killed him on the first try!!
Golbez: Now, you have to go tell Cecil that if he gets us the last crystal, we'll give him Rosa.
Kain: ...We're going to give him Rosa?
Golbez: Of course not. We're bad guys, so we're going to kill her.
Kain: Then why am I telling Cecil that we'll give him her?
Golbez: Because we're bad guys!!
Kain: Ohoho! Now you're talking!
MEANWHILE
Tellah: Okay, now that that dude is dead, what shall we do?
Yang: We were going to find that guy with the flying boat.
Palom: ...Cecil, what ARE you doing?
Cecil: ....
Porom: That's just not right.
Cecil: ....Hehehe.
Palom: Ye gods, I'm going to be ill.
Tellah: Come now, good Paladin, children should not have to see that. Hell, none of us should. Let's go find the flying boat guy.
Cid: MUST KILL MUST KILL MUST KILL!
Cecil: Oh, look. There he is now.
Cid: MUST KILL MUST KI--oh! Hey, Cecil.
Cecil: We need your flying boat thing.
Cid: Follow me!
Yang: Wait a second--we have six members on our team now. We can't have that many. Someone has to die now.
Cecil: Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me!
Tellah: No, Cecil, you are the main character. You can't die, no matter how much we want you to.
Cecil: Aww, you side characters have all the fun!
Cid: Hey, look! Here's our chance to get rid of someone, the walls are moving in!
Yang: Kill the old geyser!
Tellah: Kill the flying boat guy!
Cid: Kill the karate monk!
Cecil: Kill me!
Palom: I knew it would come to this...
Porom: It's our own fault for being so incredibly cute, you know.
Palom: And my vulgarity is just so damn lovable, you know.
Porom: Ah, but we seem to be the dub characters, and in English, you weren't that vulgar.
Palom: $^@$&@$^@!!!
Porom: Okay, fine. Let's just turn ourselves to stone and get it over with.
Palom: Right!
Tellah: Hey, I have to wait till I cast Meteo to die! You can't kill me now!
Yang: Look, the kids are stone. Being stone, they can't move, so I guess they stay here and no one had to die. Yay!
Cecil: Bah. You all suck. Hey, what's this big hole in the wall here?
Cid: It's the secret passage to my flying boat that my trekkie daughter named.
Cecil: Wow! That's so secret!
Tellah: You have a daughter? You mean, someone actually married you?
Cid: Nah, back before the sex change, I just visited a sperm bank. I was Cindy back then....
Tellah: ...I didn't want to know that.
Yang: Nor did I.
Cecil: Whee! The flying boat thingy...flies!!
Tellah: Hey, look. They're on to us!
Cecil: Dude! It's Kain!
Kain: Dude! It's me!
Cid: Dude! Where's my airship?
Tellah: Dude! You're standing on it!
Yang: Dude! I like cheese!
Kain: Anyway, I'm here to tell you...
Cecil: ...Yes?
Kain: ...I forgot.
Cecil: ...Oh. Poo. You weren't thinking about giving us Rosa back, were you?
Kain: Oh YEAH! Yeah, we'll give you Rosa back.
Cecil: Really?
Kain: Wait...that wasn't it...you had to do something....
Tellah: Maybe...like a hand-job or something?
Kain: From you? Hell, no!
Cecil: Ooh! I'll take one!
Yang: Cecil, do you even know what a hand-job is?
Cecil: ...I thought it was something like a lube-job. Like...for a car?
Yang: ...
Cecil: What?
Kain: That's right, you have to get us the last crystal.
Cecil: Huh? What crystal?
Kain: ...God, I don't remember you being this dumb. You need a good fucking and soon, man.
Tellah: I think he needs more than that...
Cecil: Well, if you give me back Rosa, I'll get one! Or five! Or...
Cid: Oh hell, you're even making me sick, Cecil.
Kain: Anyway, I'm leaving now. Super Mario Bros. is calling my name. See ya!
Cecil: Okay. So where is this crystal thing-a-ma-bob?
Yang: In a place called Toroia.
Cecil: Okay, let's go! Can I sing a flying boat thing song?
Tellah, Yang, and Cid: NO!!
Cecil: Aww...come on...
Cid: Oh, LOOK. We're in Toroia now. NO TIME TO SING. Darn!!
Yang: We're not in...
Tellah: Shhh!!
Yang: Oh! Yeah, we are in Toroia! Really!
Cecil: ...I'm sad. I want to sing.
Tellah: Wait until AFTER I cast Meteo on big brother before you start.
Cecil: Well...all right.
Cid: What happens when you cast Meteo?
Tellah: I die.
Yang: Wait...we aren't supposed to know what happens, are we?
Tellah: Bah, who cares? At least I can live a fulfilling life up until my death.
Cid: And without Cecil singing, you lucky ass.
Cecil: ...What's wrong with my singing? And why haven't we landed yet, if we're in Toroia?
Ahahaha...Er...Blee. I need to write this more often, its way too fun. R&R, if you dare. God, why are you still reading this?? *LOL*