by Rydia Highwind
Part One: Life Sucks
Cecil: Ummmm, I think its bad to steal things, isn't it, Mr. King?
King: You nerd! You can't command the Red Wings anymore!
Cecil: Well, that sucks.
Kain: I have no problem with stealing things when I'm not in my right mind.
King: But what about when you're in your right mind?
Kain: ...
King: Go with your lover-I mean friend to Mist! And don't forget to burn down the village when you're there, okay?
Cecil: Sure thing.
Kain: This sucks. What's my dad going to think?
Cecil: Boy, this Misty Cave is...
Kain: Misty?
Cecil: Yeah, that's it.
Dragon: Go away or I'll kill you!!!
Cecil: Did that sound like a threat?
Kain: I dunno.
Dragon: BOOMCRASHFWASHDIEANDSTUFF!
Kain: I'm thinking yes.
Cecil: Hey look, we killed that little girl's mommy.
Rydia: You suck. I will now proceed to summon a monster that I will not be able to summon again until much later in the plot to destroy you, you pathetic mortals!!!
Kain: Oh, damn.
Cecil: Hey, where's Kain?
Rydia: He got possessed and wants to kill you now.
Cecil: Oh. That sucks. What about my girlfriend?
Rydia: She's dying of some weird disease.
Tellah: GO AWAY!
Cecil: Why is everyone so mean to me??
Rydia: Because you suck.
Tellah: Oh, wait. You are evil and dark and stuff so you can help me kill my daughter's boyfriend, okay?
Cecil: Okay!
Rydia: Oh, look. Your friends just bombed our destination.
Cecil: I hate my life.
Tellah: Damn your friends!
Anna: Daddy!
Tellah: Hey, why are you dying?
Anna: Because I have arrows stuck in me.
Tellah: Oh.
Edward: Hi! That's my girlfriend.
Tellah: You spoony bard! Die!
Edward: AHHHH THERE'S A NINETY-YEAR-OLD GUY ATTACKING ME!
Anna: Silly boys.
Tellah: You all suck. I'm leaving.
Edward: In the meantime, let's go kill an antlion!
Antlion: Dude. That's not nice.
Cecil: EAT MY DARK SWORD!
Rydia: Well, that was quick.
Cecil: Oh, shut up.
Rydia: Hey, I thought you were gay.
Cecil: ........shhh!
Rosa: Huh?
Cecil: .............
Rydia: *hysterical laughter*
Rosa: Well, even though I just recovered from a mysterious and somewhat deadly disease and am still very weak, I won't burden you, just take me with you, damn it!
Cecil: Oh, fine. Ho.
Rosa: Yay!
Edward: I shall now proceed to go puke over here.
Rydia: Let me join you, bard boy.
Rosa: Okay, start a fire!
Rydia: No, you ho!
Rosa: START THE DAMN FIRE.
Rydia: NO.
Cecil: This sucks.
Rydia: Okay, fine. Fire.
Edward: IT BURNS! IT BURNS!
Rosa: Not on him!
Rydia: Right, sorry. Fire.
Yang: ACHOO!
Rosa: Bless you.
Yang: BOOMFWASHSMASHGRR!
Cecil: Okay, let's go steal Fabul's crystal now.
Rosa: No, Cecil. Stealing is BAD, remember. BAD.
Cecil: Stealing is bad? Oh yeah, that's why the king doesn't like me anymore.
Rydia: No, its actually because eventually you'll find out he's not actually the king and you'll kill him.
Cecil: Shut up. We're not that far in the plot yet.
Rydia: Sorry.
Kain: Hi!
Edward: Where did you come from? And how did I suddenly get so brave?
Cecil: Kain!
Kain: Cecil!
Cecil: Dude!
Kain: Dude!
Cecil: Rosa told me that stealing is BAD!
Kain: I hate you.
Cecil: *sob* Why?!
Kain: Cause your big brother gives a better hand job.
Cecil: ....
Yang: I didn't know you had a brother.
Cecil: I didn't either.
Kain: Oops! Someone fast-forwarded the plot again! I think I'll jump around randomly, trying to slaughter my former lover.
Cecil: I don't think that will help things.
Rydia: No, but it will be fun to watch.
Rosa: Who wants popcorn?
MUAHAHAHAHAHA Stay tuned for more. Oh yes, I'm nowhere NEAR finishing this. ::evil laughter dominates!!::