FINAL FANTASY IV IN A (very large) NUTSHELL!!!
by Rydia Highwind



Part One: Life Sucks

Cecil: Ummmm, I think its bad to steal things, isn't it, Mr. King?

King: You nerd! You can't command the Red Wings anymore!

Cecil: Well, that sucks.

Kain: I have no problem with stealing things when I'm not in my right mind.

King: But what about when you're in your right mind?

Kain: ...

King: Go with your lover-I mean friend to Mist! And don't forget to burn down the village when you're there, okay?

Cecil: Sure thing.

Kain: This sucks. What's my dad going to think?

Cecil: Boy, this Misty Cave is...

Kain: Misty?

Cecil: Yeah, that's it.

Dragon: Go away or I'll kill you!!!

Cecil: Did that sound like a threat?

Kain: I dunno.

Dragon: BOOMCRASHFWASHDIEANDSTUFF!

Kain: I'm thinking yes.

Cecil: Hey look, we killed that little girl's mommy.

Rydia: You suck. I will now proceed to summon a monster that I will not be able to summon again until much later in the plot to destroy you, you pathetic mortals!!!

Kain: Oh, damn.

Cecil: Hey, where's Kain?

Rydia: He got possessed and wants to kill you now.

Cecil: Oh. That sucks. What about my girlfriend?

Rydia: She's dying of some weird disease.

Tellah: GO AWAY!

Cecil: Why is everyone so mean to me??

Rydia: Because you suck.

Tellah: Oh, wait. You are evil and dark and stuff so you can help me kill my daughter's boyfriend, okay?

Cecil: Okay!

Rydia: Oh, look. Your friends just bombed our destination.

Cecil: I hate my life.

Tellah: Damn your friends!

Anna: Daddy!

Tellah: Hey, why are you dying?

Anna: Because I have arrows stuck in me.

Tellah: Oh.

Edward: Hi! That's my girlfriend.

Tellah: You spoony bard! Die!

Edward: AHHHH THERE'S A NINETY-YEAR-OLD GUY ATTACKING ME!

Anna: Silly boys.

Tellah: You all suck. I'm leaving.

Edward: In the meantime, let's go kill an antlion!

Antlion: Dude. That's not nice.

Cecil: EAT MY DARK SWORD!

Rydia: Well, that was quick.

Cecil: Oh, shut up.

Rydia: Hey, I thought you were gay.

Cecil: ........shhh!

Rosa: Huh?

Cecil: .............

Rydia: *hysterical laughter*

Rosa: Well, even though I just recovered from a mysterious and somewhat deadly disease and am still very weak, I won't burden you, just take me with you, damn it!

Cecil: Oh, fine. Ho.

Rosa: Yay!

Edward: I shall now proceed to go puke over here.

Rydia: Let me join you, bard boy.

Rosa: Okay, start a fire!

Rydia: No, you ho!

Rosa: START THE DAMN FIRE.

Rydia: NO.

Cecil: This sucks.

Rydia: Okay, fine. Fire.

Edward: IT BURNS! IT BURNS!

Rosa: Not on him!

Rydia: Right, sorry. Fire.

Yang: ACHOO!

Rosa: Bless you.

Yang: BOOMFWASHSMASHGRR!

Cecil: Okay, let's go steal Fabul's crystal now.

Rosa: No, Cecil. Stealing is BAD, remember. BAD.

Cecil: Stealing is bad? Oh yeah, that's why the king doesn't like me anymore.

Rydia: No, its actually because eventually you'll find out he's not actually the king and you'll kill him.

Cecil: Shut up. We're not that far in the plot yet.

Rydia: Sorry.

Kain: Hi!

Edward: Where did you come from? And how did I suddenly get so brave?

Cecil: Kain!

Kain: Cecil!

Cecil: Dude!

Kain: Dude!

Cecil: Rosa told me that stealing is BAD!

Kain: I hate you.

Cecil: *sob* Why?!

Kain: Cause your big brother gives a better hand job.

Cecil: ....

Yang: I didn't know you had a brother.

Cecil: I didn't either.

Kain: Oops! Someone fast-forwarded the plot again! I think I'll jump around randomly, trying to slaughter my former lover.

Cecil: I don't think that will help things.

Rydia: No, but it will be fun to watch.

Rosa: Who wants popcorn?


MUAHAHAHAHAHA Stay tuned for more. Oh yes, I'm nowhere NEAR finishing this. ::evil laughter dominates!!::