A/N: I AM ALIVE! And also, I'm sorry for the late chapter! Eheheh... I was sort of busy with school.

Also, this chapter is dedicated to Latios381 who reminded me that no, I haven't updated in a long long long long time. I'm sorry. A/N end

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When Edward reached home, he was exhausted. In fact, he was so exhausted and tired and completely out of it, he did not care about two very loud and unstealthy girls following him home.

Suffice to say if they ever try to apply for a job as a spy at MI6, their applications would be cruelly rejected without another thought.

"Stop pushing me!" Anne hissed, shoving the black-clad girl.

"I'm not pushing you! You stop touching me!" Nike hissed back, scowling.

"Well, hello, trying to stalk here!"

"Well then maybe you should shut up!"

"You're being noisy as crap, not me!"

"Will the both of you stuff your pie-holes?"

The two girls glared at the lanky teen between them. His face was pulled into an expression of unbelievable irritation, and he was massaging the bridge of his nose with an air of utmost annoyance.

"You... Never mind." Anne pursed her lips and looked away. Nike scoffed.

Instead the three of them focused their attention of the blond ahead of them, dragging his feet slowly. Somehow they didn't think that was a good thing.

"Nii-saaan!" Alphonse cried the minute he heard the door knob turn.

"Hey Al." Edward smiled tiredly, sagging onto the door frame.

"What took you-are you okay?" Alphonse's tone changed from admonishing to instant concern.

Edward sighed and pushed himself off the door frame and wobbled unsteadily into his room.

Alphonse sighed. He closed the door and went back into the kitchen to prepare dinner.

Then the doorbell rang.

"Coming!" Alphonse yelled, wondering who it could be. He plodded to the door and wrenched it open, only to be met with...

"ENVY!" Alphonse gasped, pointing a finger incredulously at said teen.

Envy mock bowed. "In person," he drawled.

Anne rolled her eyes and pushed him in. "Hey, Ed's little brother. Where's Edo?"

Nike popped her bubble-gum and closed the door with an ominous click.

Alphonse hesitated. "Er- My brother's not feeling so well, maybe you guys should come back next time-"

"Nonsense!" Anne yelled, throwing her arms up. "Of course we know he's not feeling well, that's why we're here!"

"To fight for injustice!" Nike yelled, throwing her arms up like Anne.

Envy facepalmed and breathed out heavily through his nose.

Alphonse considered calling the mental institution.

The entire atmosphere in the room dropped by 23 degrees.

"Er- well-" Alphonse started, until Nike tackled him to the kitchen floor and Anne raided the fridge for ice-cream.

Envy disappeared into Edward's room without anyone noticing.

After all, he was just awesome like that.

Edward lay flat on his bed, his braid coming loose and sticking out in messy strands. His jacket was off his shoulders, but bunched around his wrists. His bag was thrown at the foot of the bed, which was messily made.

Envy liked the feel. He also liked the fact that the simple scene could make his mind wander into off-limit places.

Then he remembered that he had no right to let his mind wander into off-limit places. He did it anyway.

He sat on the edge of the bed and silently stared off into space.

-break-

Ling paced around anxiously in his room. His half-sister about a thousand times removed sat on his bed, bored out of her mind.

Mei let out another loud yawn. "Ling... When ya donna sit down and man up?" she muttered sleepily.

Ling stopped pacing for a moment, then resumed. Mei was sure the floor had been eaten into about an inch deep. But then again, this wasn't her room, so too bad.

"You know, if you're not going to tell me what's up, I can't help you."

Ling sighed and bit his lip. Then he sunk slowly into the bed, eyes gazing upwards.

"Mei... What am I going to do?"

"Do about what? I'm sort of in the dark here, Ling, if you've forgotten."

"See... When you reach my age... There comes a time where you meet someone-"

"What is this bird-and-the-bee's talk, eh? Just spit it out, Ling. Have you got Ran Fan pregnant?"

Ling paled at the mention of Ran Fan. Boy was she going to cut off his family jewels.

Mei's eyes widened when she saw Ling pale. "Oh... Sweet Buddha, are you serious, Ling? You got Ran Fan pregnant? How could you!"

This time it was Ling's turn to widen his eyes. "What- no! Ew, no! That's just nasty!"

Mei let out a sigh of relief. "Then what's got you all jumpy and stuff?"

"I maybe perhaps possibly there may be a chance that I... like... someone."

Mei raised an unimpressed brow. "Ran Fan? What, we all knew that two years ago. We were waiting for the day you'll come to your senses."

"Ran Fan- two years ago? Really? And all twenty-seven of you?"

"Mmhmm, plus some of your male cousins, even though I don't think they care very much."

Ling slapped himself on the forehead and cursed his large family and the fact that he was the only male his father had. Most family gossip revolved around him. Damnation.

Mei picked at the glittery nail polish on her toe nails.

"So if it's not Ran Fan..." she started slowly, "who is it?"

Ling looked conflicted for a long minute.

"It's just... a boy." he said sadly, then left his room, leaving Mei sitting alone on his bed.

Edward opened his eyes lethargically, heavy with sleep. The first thing he noticed was that his room was darkening rapidly. Which meant it was evening. Which meant dinner. The second thing he noticed was that his blanket was being unusually warm and stiff. Which meant Al had used too much softener, again. (Ironically if you overdose on the softener you get stiff sheets.)

He sat up.

Anne and Nike heard the screaming in the middle of Al's glorious home-cooked dinner. Nike dropped her spoon and briskly walked in the direction of his scream, while Anne shrugged and continued eating. Eating is good. She'd put eating above anything at the moment, including a chance to laugh at Edward.

Besides, she didn't want to face a pissed-off Envy. Normal Envy was fun, but pissed-off Envy made her wanna go murder babies. She tried once, but then she learned that mothers who see their kids in danger tend to become superhuman. It was not an easy job, strangling babies.

The screaming stopped for a while, and then she saw Nike dragging Edward by the collar of his shirt. He was sobbing hysterically. Envy followed, looking pleased.

"Envy had his hands on a very suggestive place." Nike explained at seeing Anne's upturned eyebrow. Alphonse, who had been shocked into silence all this while, started brandishing his spatula at Envy.

Envy rolled his eyes, planted a big, wet kiss on Edward's lips and floated out of the Elric apartment.

Edward dropped onto the floor heavily.

Anne finished off the last of her japanese curry and turned to Alphonse saying, "Got more?"

"Brother, you must go to school."

"I AM GOING TO GET ASS RAPED, AL! WHY DO YOU NOT CARE THAT I AM GOING TO GET ASS RAPED?"

"I don't think Envy's the sort of person to do that, brother..."

"You don't think- Envy- HE DEFINES THE TYPE- what- complete rapage- ENVY!"

"I don't understand, brother. But in the meantime, while you regain your ability to speak coherently, put on some clothes, will you?"

"You- what- AL!"

He will ignore Envy. Ignore. Ignore.

"Hey, Edo!"

Ignore.

"You feeling better?"

Ignore.

"Ooh, doing the whole ignoring thing now, eh?"

...Twitch.

"EDO-KUN! YOUR BED WAS SO SOFT AND YOUR BODY SO WARM! WHEN CAN WE DO IT AGAI-"

KILL.

Envy touched the top of his head gingerly. Okay, so he conveniently forgot Edward had a metal arm.

The good thing was, now everybody knew the blonde shrimp was his. No one touched his stuff. Even Mustang.

Especially Mustang.

Who was, by the way, hitting on Edward.

Envy stood up suddenly, causing him chair to fall back with a loud crash and marched up to the playboy.

"YOU!" he yelled, pointing an accusing finger at Roy's arm which was curled around Edward's shoulders.

Roy smiled pleasantly. "Yes, me."

Edward tugged uselessly at the hand which gripped his shoulder quite painfully. "Roy, get off me." he grumbled, not at all pleased.

Envy nearly laughed when Roy's face fell dramatically.

"Get your hands off my boyfriend!"

Gasps. Cheh, like they didn't know it was coming. Honestly.

Edward stared, then erupted into a fit of denial. "What in the world- ENVY! I AM NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND!"

Roy snickered and tightened his hold, causing Edward to wince. "See, faggot? He says he's not yours."

"I'm no one's! I belong to myself!" Edward was promptly ignored.

Envy roared angrily and leapt onto Roy, who released his hold on Edward to defend himself. Edward slipped quickly out of his seat and ran to Ling for shelter.

"Ling! Oh my god, man, they're crazy!"

Ling nodded solemnly. "Really? What gave you that idea?"

"Haha. Sarcasm doesn't work well with you, Ling."

Ling shrugged. The commotion behind them told them that Envy and Roy were still fighting, so they probably had another half hour of uninterrupted time.

Edward poked Ling. "Hey, you okay, man?"

Ling thought about this question. Honestly, he wasn't really. But if Edward asked...

"Yeah. Just slightly tired, that's all."

Edward grinned. "Okay, man."

Edward, even though he was sure something was bugging Ling, decided to let it go. Instead, he tried to take control of his situation now. He made a list.

1. Envy is trying to get into my pants.

2. He hates me.

3. Roy is trying to get into my pants.

4. He's a playboy.

5. Roy and Envy hate each other.

6. Envy hates Ling.

7. Envy hates just about everybody, except perhaps Al.

8. Al is going out with Wrath, Envy's kid brother.

9. Ling is acting weird.

10. I should stop writing this list, it's making me depressed.

Edward sighed and crumpled up his list. He tossed it into the trash and did a victory wave when it did get in.

Ling ignored him, because he was sleeping face-down on his textbook.

Edward could still hear Envy and Roy yelling at each other, but he suddenly didn't care anymore. He'll care tomorrow. Today...

Today he should just kick it back.

...and pull himself from the brink of insanity.

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Oh wow this sucks SO BAD. D:

I have no idea how to write this anymore. DAMN!

I should be ending it soon, since it's running on for too long already.

Besides, KHR is my current obsession. /is shot

REVIEW, EVEN IF YOU HATED IT! Or if you forgot it, since it's been so long already... :\

Again I'm sorry!