Explanation: This little drabble is somehow connected with "Unspoken"; not only because both are technically 'outtakes' of the story I'm currently working on, but also because they are 'opposite approaches' of the same topic. While "Unspoken" is a try to describe certain feelings without the most overused sentence in the history of romance, this little scribble is about trying to say those three words… which isn't exactly easier.
Setting: Some months past the main events of "Ties of Fate" (which means some years prior to "Crisis Core"; and exactly six days after "Unspoken";), on a snowy winter's evening.
Dedication:This story is dedicated to the most important people out there – my dear readers! It's for people like you I continue to write, so if you are reading this now, it is dedicated to YOU personally. Thanks for all the support and all the comments! It means the world to me.
Warning: Let's see… does "pointless fluff, really" count as a warning? –No? Well, in that case: none at all.
Disclaimer: The usual – don't own, never will – unless I win the lottery one day. Prepare, Square Enix! (*evil Hojo-style laughter*)
Until then, characters and background are not mine, they belong to Square Enix; I just took the liberty to play around with them. My writing is purely fan-made, I get no material profit out of it whatsoever (still sad but true).
Final comment(s):
"Oh my, I can't believe I wrote this. It's so sugar-coated."
(I'm normally in the 'dark and bitter-sweet' mode. But well, it's Christmas… )
(Still, I couldn't resist... read the note in the end ;)
Just three words
---
I used to think that everything in life was assessable.
Meeting you was fate,
Becoming your friend was a choice,
But falling in love with you was beyond my control.
---
It was the last evening of their first holidays in over a year. Tomorrow, they would return to Midgar, back to business, to normal life.
Everything would be as it used to be, but at the same time, everything would be different. Almost a week ago, they had left Midgar as two individual persons, two friends, "maybe more". Now they would return together, as a couple.
Angeal just felt that he should do something to suit the occasion. He had never been the emotional type, more the guy whose calm and reserved rationality was mistaken for coldness by others. Recognizing that he had developed feelings for Genesis that were way beyond their usual friendship level had caused him to gradually show a side he did not even knew he had; however, he still preferred to prove his feelings by acting rather than talking. But maybe tonight could be an exception, just for once.
After all, it was a fair trade, like closing an open circle: on the very first evening, Genesis had told him something that was incredibly hard to admit for a person who despised showing any signs of weakness; and now, on the last evening, Angeal would say something that was unbelievably hard for someone who had brought the art of never showing any emotions to perfection. All in all, it was almost poetic.
Coming down the stairs, he found Genesis sitting next to the window, paying no attention to the report file he had been reading before, a tiny effort to catch up with the current events before returning to Midgar tomorrow. Instead, he was gazing out into the slowly darkening landscape like mesmerized. Snowflakes kept falling, covering the ground like icing sugar.
Angeal could not help but smile. Knowing Genesis as he did, he was well aware of the deep love the other had for the simply beauties of life, like the turn of the seasons. Living in Midgar after growing up in the countryside, Genesis often felt deprived, and he frequently complained that the metropolis looked equally grey in winter as it did in summer, and the only way to recognize the actual season was due to the difference between freezing cold and glaring heat.
He felt that interrupting Genesis' thoughts was an almost cruel thing to do, but he knew that if he wanted to drop those words, he had to do so right know, before losing his courage.
"Gen? Sorry to disturb you, but…" was about as far as he came.
Being addressed, Genesis turned around to face him. The look in his eyes, signifying his undivided attention focused entirely on his friend, was so intense that for one moment, Angeal literally forgot everything he wanted to say.
Damned, you should really get a weapon's licence for those eyes you have…
Genesis reacted to the slight change in his friend's expression almost immediately, shifting the content of his gaze from interest to worry. "What happened? Is something wrong?"
Angeal tried to give him a calming smile. "Don't worry, everything is perfectly fine."
If you ignore the fact that I feel like some army recruit asking a girl for a first date…
"Well, then don't look at me like that. You frightened me…" Despite the playful sound of his words, Genesis gave him another questioning look. "I can tell that there's something on your mind, anyway. If it's nothing to worry about, then there's no reason why you should not tell me."
If only it was as easy as that…
Still trying to get the words on his mind into a slightly less inappropriate order, Angeal sat down next to him.
"Tomorrow at that time, we will be back in Midgar. Everything will be back to normal again. I just wanted… Well, there is something I wanted to tell you…"
Genesis changed his expression again, this time to slight frowning, obviously trying to make sense of the situation.
I can't say anything if you keep looking at me like that…
Almost involuntarily, Angeal added a thoughtless: "Sorry… You must think that I'm trying to propose to you or something weird like that…"
Although he had not intended to make a joke, this statement made Genesis giggle almost hysterically. It took Angeal exactly two minutes to figure out why.
Of course. How could I forget? This childhood story my mother told us countless times. When I was just six years old, I claimed I would marry you one day. And when my mother tried to convince me that I couldn't, cause boys are supposed to marry girls, I argued that your were half a girl anyway… And you hated me for saying that.
Minutes later, Genesis calmed enough to return a teasing: "Well, that's a terribly nice idea. Didn't you have that thought before, about ten years ago? I think I would honestly consider your proposal this time, but please don't compare me to a girl again…"
It must have been something in the way he said it, or just the fact that he looked terribly cute when he was smiling like that. Angeal could not help but laugh as well.
It took them several minutes to be able to look at each other without breaking into another fit of laughter.
When they finally succeeded, Angeal continued: "Seriously now, I just woke up this morning and realized that there was something I never really told you, at least not in the way I should have."
"I thought making confessions was my part," Genesis replied calmly, hinting on the long talk they had the very first night when they arrived. Only a week ago, and already slightly unreal.
"It's not like I ever told you anything that was untrue, is it? I don't play all these neat little games where you say something and mean the opposite. My words might appear shallow and pale compared to yours, but when I say something, I mean it."
This is getting embarrassing. If my fighting style equalled the communication skills I put on display here, I had never made it to first class… Goddess gracious, why can't I just tell it like it is?
He finally dared to look at Genesis again. Those words he intended to use were so cliché, so overused, and still so terribly difficult. For him, anyway. But he felt that right here, right now, those words where the only appropriate thing to say.
"I think certain sentences lose their meaning, if they are used too often. But just for once, I wanted you to know…"
To his surprise, Genesis interrupted him again: "It's not like you have to say it at all. I can see it every little thing you do, so there is no need."
For no evident reason, his eyes seemed even brighter than before, and his cheeks displayed a hint of colour that made him look more adorable than ever.
Why the interruption? Could it be that in the end, he is afraid to hear it; almost as much as it frightens me to make such a commitment?
"Well, you are not going to hear it every day from now on, so you better listen."
As if to underline those words, he reached out for Genesis' hand.
Looking into those still amazingly bright eyes (blue with an underlying hint of green, just fixed on him again after they had been temporally hidden by those incredibly long dark lashes), the words seemed to form on their own.
"I have no idea how or why, but… I love you, Gennie. I love you incredibly much."
For a moment, it seemed as if Genesis was tempted to lower his gaze again, but he decided to match Angeal's. With an expression of equal seriousness on his face, he tightened his grip around Angeal's hand, before he answered in an unusually low but still clear voice:
"What can I possibly say in return? I thought I knew every possible shade of emotion, but right now it's different from anything I ever felt before. I was afraid to admit it for such a long time, but in the end, I had no other choice. Angeal, I really honestly love you, too; with all my heart and all my soul."
They looked at each other for a long time, almost drowning in their opposite's eyes, and painfully aware of the fact that they were both sharing the same thought:
One should be able to enclose moments like that into a glass ball, to have them frozen in time for all eternity. Even if it seems impossible, for the sake of this very moment, I will try…
Author's note:
Did you know that is actually a very sad story, once you think about it? If you just read it like it's written here, it's perfectly sweet piece of romance, but if you consider the characters' fate, it's almost cruel (knowing that they won't be happy for too long)…
As readers of my other stories might know, I have a lyrics-quote-obsession. Sometimes it's really strange that I come across the perfect quote a long time after I actually wrote a story. Just like this time; it was about two months after I wrote that story when I found some lyrics that fit the ending and turn it a little bit into the 'darker' direction I was talking about before…
Tonight we will deny, that time is passing by
It's leaving you and I to...
Freeze
A moment, it's never been better
Freeze
All over, we won't last forever
(Jordin Sparks, "Freeze")