I own nothing, and in fact I heartily apologize to Charlaine Harris for abusing the poor characters of her books, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. The devil made me do it.

MATURE CHAPTER, GO AWAY YOU LITTLE ANKLE BITERS !

The 'S' Word Second Epilogue.

Sookie finds her Inner Goddess and puts the men in her life back in their place where they belong. Sort of.

Nothing like being taken down a notch or two, is there? Ah well, all's fair in love and war in this hidden world that I inhabit.

I sighed as I turned off my computer for the day, straightened up my desk and grabbed my purse out of the desk drawer. I just had enough time to go to Monroe and visit the Wal Mart there, and then on Sunday, I'd have to listen to Eric blather on and on about his new exalted 'status' as the boyfriend of the biggest star in Soft-core reality entertainment. Me.

He'd said he'd been inundated with requests to produce a calendar featuring me in rather provocative circumstances. With his usual savvy business acumen, he'd managed to con...er seduce me into actually putting out a rather skimpier version of what I had on in that video. No blatantly revealing shots, just some rather watered-down cheesecake pics.

I was hoping for an arsonist to visit the print shop.

I wondered if the guys that burned down the old Vamps house still lived in the area.

Don't get me started on Bill. Livid is only a word I can use to describe someone actually able to speak. He might never speak to me again. Eric made damn sure that Bill had a copy of the DVD the minute it hit the bricks. He'd managed to somehow acquire the rights to the video (I'd have liked to seen that little discussion) and was steadily pulling in tons of money for me.

I guess there's a silver lining in every disastrously huge tornadic supercell black cloud, right?

Everyone in town was of one of two opinions. They loved the crap out of it..(guys) or thought it was certainly beneath a girl of my tender sensibilities to let myself become so exploited. (girls)

Then they all asked for a copy.

I was ready to hide in my bedroom closet for about a year. On top of that, I'd missed my Island boys, more than I wanted to admit. I thought of them often, mostly when my Home Vamps weren't around. Which wasn't often enough for me.

Imelda came waltzing in and tossed an envelope on my desk.

"Hey, don't you know what today is?"

"Huh ?" I'm so articulate.

"It's your 3 month anniversary, I have 3 Caribbean weekend packages, and since it's been kind of cold here, I thought.."

"St. Barts, I want to go to St. Barts again.." I blurted out and was vibrating with joy.

Imelda chuckled. " I like a woman that knows what she wants."

She could talk, she'd made a fortune booking island tours because of my little 'escapade'. Everyone from High School to grad school was looking forward to letting their hair down, ala Miss Supernatural Slut of 2008. I should have asked for commissions.

I slipped out of town unnoticed for once, since Bill and Eric were at some Vampire meeting in Dallas, something to do with voting on slot machines in the casinos, so I left a note for Pam and Sam and told them I was visiting a family member. Well, it wasn't entirely a lie, I felt like my Island boys and I had become very very very VERY close for the 36 hours I was on their little rock.

I called ahead and left a message at Murphys that I'd be returning that Friday evening and would one or both of them meet me at the airport. I was so excited to see them again, I totally forgot to pack half the clothes I wanted to bring. Oh well, I probably wouldn't see much daylight anyway..

I snorted. The flight attendant remembered me and cringed and pulled the alcohol cart back down the aisle away from me.

"One more for that one," she pointed, " she can really hold her liquor."

She didn't know how right she was.

I saw them in the welcoming crowd at the airport and I literally jumped up and down with excitement. I ran straight to them and they each picked me up and spun me around in dizzy circles, as we kissed each other rabidly.

The flight attendant passed by, noticed and caught my eye, she gave me a 'thumbs up' sign and muttered to her co-worker...

"See, that's why she's always so out of it, she's got THEM waiting for her...lucky bitch."

Needless to say, it didn't take us long to get re-acquainted, and after spending about 9 hours in a king-size bed with the two of them, a couple bottles of Cristal, and some good munchies and I was at peace with the world once again. They never even mentioned the video to me. I was sure they'd seen a whole lot worse.

I sighed as the boys mumbled in their sleep..we'd all really worn each other out what with the homecoming and everything, and I'd dozed off a couple of times. I was looking forward to waking up and having a lovely long breakfast with them, just like the last day I was on the Island..I never wanted to leave.

It was still dark though, so I guess there was plenty of time, so I cuddled against Bill's back and Eric draped his arm over me.

Wait.

They were awfully cool to the touch for some reason.. .

What. The. Fuck...?

I sat bolt upright in the bed and opened my startled eyes, and realized I was back in my Viking Eric's king-size fur-covered bed..

On either side of me, sound asleep and mumbling away, were Bill Compton and Eric Northman...

Oh HELL !