Christmas Pickle

Disclaimer: This is a purely fan-made piece that is using the world and characters from Masashi Kishimoto's Naruto and is made entirely for enjoyment. No financial gain has been made in the making of this piece

Summary: Iruka and Kakashi argue over a Christmas tradition

Author's Note: Written for KitatheSpaz. You know you're sick when you can corrupt even the littlest thing…and that would be me. Possible out-of characterness

Constructive Criticism is always welcomed

Published: 21 December 2008

Rating: T

Kakashi was giving him that Look again.

Iruka rolled his eyes and finally gave in. "What is it now?"

The jounin was silent for a moment, and then he reached out and snapped up something from under the tree. He waved it in Iruka's face. "What, may I ask, is this?"

Iruka suppressed an annoyed sigh. Here we go again… "It's a wooden pickle ornament, Kakashi. Moegi-chan gave it to me."

"A pickle, huh?"

"Yes."

"Why is that brat allowed to give you sex toys and I'm not?!"

"What?!" He stared at his deranged lover for a moment, trying to process what the idiot was getting at and not to kill him. "It's not a sex toy, you dolt! It's part of a Christmas tradition! It gets hung on the tree! And no! NOT that kind of tree, you perverted moron!"

"Are you sure?"

"YES!"

Kakashi studied the wooden ornament. "So why did she give it to you? How is a pickle a part of the holidays?"

"She gave it to me so I could partake in one her favourite holiday traditions." Iruka took a small sip of his tea before continuing. "The pickle is hung on the tree with the rest of the ornaments until Christmas morning, when it is hidden on the tree by 'Santa' or someone like that. The person who finds it gets an extra gift."

"Isn't she a little young to be playing 'hide the pickle'? And isn't someone worried about what message that this is sending about incest and food pl—"

Iruka punched Kakashi. "You are a sick, sick, sick bastard! There is NOTHING DIRTY about this!" He bellowed, forehead convulsing.

Kakashi had the gall to look sulky and put out. "I was just asking…there's no need to hit me…"

"You were being STUPID! STUPID and PERVERTED! YOU'RE the one who's twisting and corrupting something simple! You're making this into a big—a big sexual thing!"

Kakashi scowled at him. "I'm not the one who made the tradition up. I was just trying to understand it more fully."

"In sexual terms!"

"You know what my point of references for holidays were until you came along!"

Iruka resisted the urge to drop his head on to his hands. He had found out—not long after he had started dating the Copy Ninja—that much of Kakashi's knowledge of any holiday (from Boxing Day to Memorial Day) came from the Special Holiday Editions of Icha Icha. He thought that he'd managed to straighten the jounin out, but clearly, that wasn't the case.

He counted to ten before answering. "I know. I just…get frustrated. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to yell at you."

Mollified for the moment, Kakashi dropped the pickle back under the tree.

"Would you like to try that tradition out this year?" The teacher asked a few moments later. "It could be fun." He regretted opening his mouth the moment he saw Kakashi's face. "If you start suggesting that we edit the tradition to include nudity and semen, I'm never letting you enter my house again! Not everything has to come back to sex!"

"It could." He was pretty sure that Kakashi leered at him.

"Hatake."

"Fine, fine, not everything does," Kakashi grumbled. "It's less fun that way, but it doesn't always have to be that way." He sighed. "I guess we could give it a try."

"All right."

A few moments later, he realised that Kakashi had that Look on his face. Clenching his jaw, he finally gave in. "What is it now, Kakashi?"

Kakashi paused for only a moment before he was under the tree and out with something else. "What is this?"

Iruka let his head hit the wall behind him. And here we go AGAIN…

x Fin x