Disclaimer: I do not own anything of Merlin it all belongs to the BBC all I own is the twisted plot XD

A/N: NOT AS...SOFT AS MY NORMAL STUFF SO DONT READ IF YOUR LIKE...UNDER 13 (AND IF YOU DO DO NOT TELL YOUR PARENTS!!!!!)

Warnings: Slash, some humour...uh that is about all I think. Oh and a bath... AND HINTED SEX.

AN2: Just do not ask. It is much safe to just not ask.

AN3: Dont say I didn't warn you little kiddies.

AN4: I dedicate this to FemaleSpock

AN5: Blame Lovewithoutlimits if you realise you shouldnt have read this (i'm prob over reacting but.....my stuff hasnt been like this for you lot)

The King, Queen and Knave Alternate

The Queen of Hearts she made some tarts all on a summer's day;

"DADDY!" Arthur looked up from the letter he and Merlin had been reading and Alia flew into the room with a plate in her hands, she skidded to a stop and fell down onto her bum making Merlin chuckle.

"Oh no she's only been around you a few months and she already has your clumsiness" Arthur groaned and Merlin swatted Arthur gentle and Alia giggled letting Merlin help her up "Now what have we told you about running through the castle?"

"Sowwi daddy!" she pouted "Buts I wanted to get heres as quickly as I could coz...because I made you these!" she held out the plate and he smiled taking it

"Thank you baby,"

"That's strawberry and them is cherries" Arthur took a strawberry one and Merlin went to take a cherry one but Alia slapped his hand. "They daddy's tarts"

"Well aren't I your daddy as well?"

"Nope Daddy said your more like my mummy 'coz you fuss" Arthur chocked on his bite of tart and Merlin glared at him

"Well can't I have at least one?"

"Nope daddy's only" Arthur chuckled and took another bite giving Merlin a smug grin. Merlin pouted slightly then grinned and stood up as Alia told Arthur how the cooks had helped her, mainly to avoid being told off as Arthur had had a massive go when alia had been in the kitchen and was almost burnt.

"Well seen as I'm not wanted here" he lent over the table and kissed Arthur licking the Strawberry jam off his bottom lip then before Arthur knew what was happening Merlin war out of the room and Alia was shouting after him. Looking down at the table Arthur growled.

"HEY BRING BACK MY TARTS!" he shouted running after him and Alia giggled sitting in the chair Arthur had just vacated.

The Knave of Hearts he stole the tarts and took them clean away.

Merlin laughed silently as he ran through the halls ducking around Uther who stared after him. The plate of tarts was securely in his hold as he sharply turned the corner and ducked into one of the guest rooms. A chuckle bubbled in his throat and he covered his mouth with his hand putting the plate on the table. He heard Arthur run past the door and breathed a sigh of relief.

His relief was short lived as the door flew open and Arthur stalked in closing it behind him.

"Thought you would steal now? I should put you in the stocks"

"But?"

The King of Hearts called for the tarts and beat the Knave full sore

Arthur stalked up to him so they were forehead to forehead his lips millimetres away, teasing Merlin. "Give me the tarts and I will spare you from the stocks," he said lowly and the effect on Merlin's body was instant. Merlin tilted his head up slightly and Arthur's breath skimmed his cheek making him shiver and his breathing hitch. "Well," he breathed moving his lips closer and earning a whimper. "I'm waiting Merlin." Merlin squeaked his reply

"Ok, ok" slowly pulling away, even though everything told him to go back and steal a kiss, Merlin went to the plate and picked it up turning back to Arthur. Slowly a sexy grin came over his face and he dipped his finger into the sticky sweet jam and sucked it off knowing Arthur was watching eagerly.

"Merlin," he looked up at the prince when he spoke in a husky, strained, voice and grinned slowly biting into one. Arthur's blue eyes narrowed and darkened watching Merlin moan fluttering his eyes closed and licking his lips. Arthur groaned in response and Merlin looked at him slowly squashing the others then raising a sticky hand to his mouth to lick and suck the fingers. "You did not just do that" came the low voice.

"I think I did" he smirked pulling his fingers out of his mouth with a pop. Arthur growled and stalked to him, taking the plate, and backing Merlin onto the bed. He straddled his lover putting the plate beside him and leaning down to kiss him, Arthur inwardly grinned when Merlin's body reacted even more. He easily grabbed Merlin's arms and twisted it pinned them above his head.

It was not long before both were undressed and Arthur was eating the tarts from Merlin's body.

The Knave of Hearts brought back the tarts and vowed he'd steal no more.

Alia pressed her lips together as she walked into Arthur's chambers. She had sat in the study for ages! It had even started to get dark and they did not come back. Putting her hands on her hip, she followed the sound of moving water and huffed seeing her mummy and daddy in the bath kissing each other.

"Eww" they shot apart and looked at her. Merlin's pale skin turned bright red and he buried his face in Arthur's shoulder before looking at Alia who raised an eyebrow as Merlin peeked at her. "Daddy did you get your tarts back?"

"Yes I did, but I shared them with Merlin" he smiled ignoring the way Merlin turned bright red. Alia peered at Merlin and saw the bruises covering the shoulders and chest of Merlin.

"You didn't hurt mummy did you?"

"Not much" he smiled ignoring the narrowing of Alia's eyes

"I'm fine baby"

"And he's never going to steal again. Are you Merlin?" Merlin looked up through his eyelashes and raised an eyebrow he had quite enjoyed his 'punishment'

"No. Never. Stealing is bad" Arthur's eyes narrowed and Merlin smiled innocently his hand slipping, unseen by Alia, down Arthur's body.

"Alia, baby, why don't you go to dinner, daddy and I filled up on your gorgeous tarts."

"Ok" she scowled at Merlin and walked out.

"You are such a bad influence"

"Says the one who will not keep his hands off me when our dau...Alia is in the room" Merlin chuckled and kissed him.

"Still doesn't seem to bother you" he smirked with a pointed look. Arthur smiled and pulled Merlin up to kiss him easier.

I'll love you forever if you reveiw? Oh and who shouldnt have read this? Flame LWL if you wanna flame anyone