BPOV

Monday again. I opened my eyes when I heard the phone vibrating on the table in my hotel room, even though I didn't have the desire to get up and answer it. I didn't have any desires left now, except the need to forget the pain burning in my soul, overwhelming everything in me. I knew I had to make it though the day, I knew I had to live just one more day, and I knew I will be in the same position tomorrow- trying to find some reason to get out of the bed. Just to get out of bed. But I refuse to think now-there is no point in memories and the past-every day is the same as the others-without him. the phone rang again. I had to answer it.

"Bella? Oh, god! Finally!!! You know he have appointment in 1 p.m. with the producer. He needs to hear the songs. " an enthusiastic voice. Must be Steve.

" Bella?"

"yeah, Steve, I know. Be in your place in 30 min." I sighed and hang up the phone.

At least the day won't be so dull. Since the music is the only thing that saves me now, if anything can save me. I needed to go to that meeting-but the thought of the photographers and the reporters outside the hotel brought be back to my dull existence. I loved my music and my band but the attention it brought to me is just killing me. All this shoots and magazines and the lies in the press – who knew that the girl from the little town of Forks will be a star some day. Well, not girl-vampire will describe me better now since the last time my heart has beaten was 10 years ago. Again not true, the last time my heart has beaten was 10 years and 2 months ago- the day he left me ,but I refuse to remember. I can't remember this now. I had to forget. I went to the bathroom and opened the cupboard-I knew I had to have something here- diazepam or something of the kind. Something to make my mind dull and non-responsible. I scanned the different bottles there but nothing was of any help. Then I remembered-I was in a hotel, another hotel and there is nothing mine in here except the clothes I brought. Fuck, I have to get out of here and make it to Steve's. I'm sure had has something which will make me forget.

I took a quick shower and put something on. Since the day I become vampire there is no point in spending quite a time in my appearance- I was beyond the words that describe beautiful women. My hair was sparkling and dark, in soft waves to my waist ,my eyes were enormous and topaz, my pale skin was luminous and sparkling with no flaus, my full lips were pink and savoury. As if I needed all this, since he was gone. I just looked at my reflection and the dazzling woman in the blue dress looked me back with her empty eyes. I was afraid- is that me? The emptiness just absorbed me, I felt like I was drowning in the sorrow and self-pittiness. I really needed to get out of here.

I got the keys and my phone from the table and hurried to the door. I didn't need anything else from this room. Like always I left all the clothes I have brought. In the next town I will get new ones, just like these- again to be left in some expensive hotel room, which was not home. i didn't have home, I didn't need one- my home left me and took everything with him. The day was going to be very long- I have thought of him more than I have allowed myself for the last month and I was sure it was going to reflect on me. The last time I did this I ended in a bar, unconsciously drank and with a man I didn't know. I just needed to make it to Steve's

In the moment I left the hotel a group of reporters surrounded me and the flashes of cameras blinded my eyes. I tried to get through them and put my sunglasses but there were microphones stuck in my face.

"Bella Lee, is it true that you and Steven Maoyer have a relationship beside your work?"a girl maybe in her 20's eager to get the answer of me asked in hurry running alongside with me. Must be her first job, since the look in her eyes was pure determination .

I just pushed the microphone refusing to answer. I really felt very pissed off, but there was no desire in me to contradict any of the statements that I read everyday about me and my life in the press. Why should I explain my life and my relations to people who have nothing to do with me. I hardly pay any attention to the lies they keep writing about my so-called life. If only they knew the truth about me- I just imagine the look in their eyes- and a slight smile touched my lips. The man next to the girl saw my smile and misunderstood it for confirmation.

"So, you have a relationship with him. When did you two understand that all between you is more than work?"

I hurried to the car and opened the door. As soon as I got in it I felt relief and started the engine. I loved my car, and the feeling the speed brought me-I felt free and without any boundaries. Steve made me buy it but I didn't regret my decision the moment I looked at it- bugatti veyron 16.4 grand sport – the beautiful silver body paint and the little svarovski diamonds on it he ordered. They formed my name and I really was very thrilled by this small gesture. Steve was the best friend everyone could wish to have.

In 20 min I was in front of his mansion and the door opened before I could tell my name in the speaker .i drove to the allay to his front door. He was standing there waiting for me and there was a huge smile on his face.

'Hey,Bells. I thought you get lost in the way."

"Come on, sweet. When have I ever got lost?" said I when I got out of the car. He got me in his arms and placed a kiss on my chick.

"Stunning as always . Oh,girl , spare my heart. It hurts to watch you."

"Steve,don't forget yourself. Marta will kill me if you don't stop watching me like that. You know, there is enough speculation for the connection between us." I took his hand and headed to the house. He just shrugged

"Bells, Marta will never do something like that. She loves you more than I do. Let me guess, you were caught again at the hotel."

"Yeah,they were quite eager this time and I am afraid of the news tonight."

I just didn't want to know what I would hear in the just laughed and hugged me.

"Baby, don't be so pessimistic. They can't think of nothing new."

We entered the house and I just sank in the sofa and closed my eyes. I felt Steve sitting next to me, and his arm embraced me.

"What is it? You look very down." His voice was worried.

"the usual. Please,tell me you have Diasepam or something of the kind. I just can't think ."I looked at him with pleading eyes and he sighed. Then he stood up and I felt his hesitation.

"You know ….i hate seeing you like that. Babes, just tell me it is not him again. It is been 10 years you try to move on."

I looked at him with the clear notion not to show any emotions but I knew that the pain in my eyes can't be hidden from his penetrating gaze .I was at least relieved that he never used the name of the person who brought me to this state of constant agony. Steve knew all about me, since the night he found me broken and dying. It was difficult to pull down all the walls around me but he somehow managed to and I poured all my sorrow and pain for first and last time in front of someone. He just listened and since then I have never seen anything but constant support from him. He was vampire as well and there were no secrets between us- he understood me completely and never for all the years of our friendship has he questioned my decisions.

"Ok, Bells. I will give you but please,please promise me to try to cope without drugs. I'm sorry I ever let you try something like that." I saw how sorry he is and how I hurt him doing this but I just couldn't help myself. I just needed to feel normal for some time.I just wanted to ran away from the pain and the sorrow which were constant partner of my day.

"Daniel and Peter are on their way and will be here in 30 min,so we can practice for some time before the meeting. Natasha also called and she will meet us in front of the producer's office so …" he was gone for what seems like 2 sec and gave me the bottle of Diasepam.

"Thank you." I took some,I didn't see how many but it never matters-they would never be enough to make me forget and I saw Steve's hand stretched towards me.

"Give me some. At least we can be two in this." I saw his faint smile and I was relieved again for his support. He was the only one who can find something good in all the bad situations of our lives. Well ,not the only one..I used to know someone like him-someone like a big teddy bear, who I used to love like brother.. Fuck, I can't think of now.

"So , when are we going to hunt? Daniel and Peter are getting very irritated lately." Steve laughed saying that and looked me with a hint of playfulness in the eyes. Peter and Daniel loved to hunt with me-they used to tell that I looked like a fluffy kitten trying to catch mouse two times bigger than it- and were very sorry when I went hunting without them.

"What about tonight?" I haven't hunt for two weeks and even though I didn't feel thirsty I couldn't deny them anything. Steve gave me a dazzling smile and looked to the music room.

"Great, they will be happy .Let's go to the room. We can have look at the new songs while they come." I stand up and felt the effect of the Diasepam. There was a faint tickle in my toes and my feelings were little dull so i didn't quite remember how I got to the music room. That was good- I could think of something different of him now, at least till the effect of the drug was still there.

"What are we going to play for the producer?"

"I talked with Natasha. She said that he wanted to hear all the songs for the album. What do you think?"

"Steve ,you know what I think. We can play all that we have now. But there are some lyrics I wrote down, but didn't have the chance to show you. We…"

He interrupted me."Great. I want to see them and we can come up with some music for them."

"Well, well.. Bella Babes,what do I hear? You didn't show me the new Lyrics?"

I turned around and saw Peter and Daniel entering the room.

"Pits, Dan. You know, I just come up with them." I laughed when Daniel lifted me form the ground and embraced me and Peter tried to get me from him to embrace me as well.

"Hey ,morron. I want to hug her as well. Let her go" Daniel gave him a dead glare and put me on the ground. Peter got me in his arms and didn't let me for some time

"So, when will we see them? I just can't wait. Tell me are they heartbreaking as always?"

"What do you think?" I smiled evily and he just sighed.

"Well, knowing you there was no point to ask. But you know, I love being heartbroken"

I just laughed and got the notebook from the desk next to my piano. The three of them just waited patiently to give it to them and for some minutes just stood speechless..

"I think I have some tunes in my head for this one." Said Daniel and for the next 3 hours we were just practicing and the end we made 2 new songs and we were all quite satisfied of the result.

"Natasha will kill us if we are late for the , it's not like she can kill us, but you got the point." said Steve and we all laughed from the thought of Natasha trying to harm us in any way. We went to the cars and in 10 min were in front of the producer's studio.

Natasha was already there,and from the look in her face I could tell she was quite pissed. there were reporters all around her and she was trying not to pay any attention to them and all the questions they were asking her. She was our manager and there was hardly a person with more patience than her but I could tell that even she was annoyed from all the nonsence they were trying to make her confirm. When she saw the cars she just came nearer and I could see the relief on the face.

"Come, this way." We run to the entrance and Steve, Daniel and Peter got me in between them so the reporters couldn't reach me .Once we got in the studio we saw the producer Greig Nori waiting in front for smiled and reached us to shake hands.

"Nice to see you. So, shall we start?'

For the rest of the day we performed all the songs several times so we could decide which will be in our album and discuss all the details for the coming tour and finally when we were done Natasha proposed we leave.

"I want to start shooting the first clip for the album." She looked at me and I knew that I wouldn't like what she was about to ask.

"Bella, I want you to be in the clip. In fact the director requested it. I know how you feel about it but you have to do it." She looked me with determination and I knew that there was nothing I can do.

"Bells,baby, that is on,you can't hide forever. Everyone will be thrilled to see you in the clip. You know you will make your fans more than happy." Peter was laughing when he said that and I just gave him a dead glare. I didn't want to be in a clip, but in fact we were supposed to be in a tour and everybody have already seen me and he was right-there was no point in hiding. There was no way they haven't seen me yet-my photos were everywhere-, and they haven't made any attempt to reach me. So, I shouldn't be afraid of finding me. They already knew.

"Ok, but I hope it is worth my effort!"

Peter, Daniel ,Steve and Natasha were staring at me with open mouths-they were expecting more resistence from me. I must smiled at their disappointed looks I loved to surprise them.

"Oh, come on. Shut your mouths. What should I do in this damn clip?

Natasha was almost bouncing from happiness and told" We will be shooting the clip tomorrow. Make sure you are here at 8 a.m" and she was gone in a second. Natasha was human and didn't know that we are vampires .We often wondered how she never found out the truth about us, because we often forgot about her presence and behave like ourselves. I am sure that she suspected something but she was quite far away from the real reason for our behavior. Peter told me that she thought we were constantly abusing drugs and that was ok with her, so I just let her think this way.

"Ok, guys. Seems we are free for the night. What about a hunt?"

I looked at them and they were all with huge grins on their faces . We directed ourselves to the cars and were gone in the blink of a eye.