The first update in years! This story was never abandoned - I kind of just forgot to upload it...It's actually finished, and there is a sequel. You can expect several more chapters left before it's finally over. I promise you it will be updated though, and then I'll mix uploading new chapters from the sequel and refining the original story.

Thanks to those of you that stuck around waiting for the new chapters :)

Nathan

The whiteness of the infirmary – it was too familiar – was it all a dream?

Is everything a dream?

The itch of sweat began to coat my skin while I fought to process my surroundings. I remembered my time captive, but I also remembered being with the Cullens. Where was I? Dream and reality were seemed intertwined before I could feel a presence in the house. Glancing beyond the stark white medical facilities there was a familiar presence, not seeing, but feeling – I knew Alice and Jasper were here. Edward's presence was…noticeably absent.

Edward had sworn that he would never leave my side again.

Broken promises.

I was able to think clearer than before, the blood was gone, the scars…disappeared. My skin was not my own, it was as if I was walking in another body. Everything felt foreign, as if I'd never experienced it before.

How long was I asleep?

My bare feet trailed against the meticulously cared-for white carpeting of the living room. There were only a couple paintings of their ever-growing art collection that I could recognize while making my way through the unfamiliar house. My eyes carried over through the Alaskan landscape and took in the beauty. I could feel the difference in my body when confronted with the earth in such a close vicinity – with each breath I took it seemed as though the trees took it with me, swaying away in a whimsical dance whilst I remained motionless.

"Goddess" I whispered.

My hand rested against the glass longingly before something made me turn around.

Even before my eyes made eye contact there was a part of me that knew it was Jasper.

My Sidhe eyes looked into his topaz. There was a tug of my emotions while experiencing that connection for the first time in years, but I was well rested for the first time in several years. I had control over my emotions now. His eyes remained mostly neutral and coolly analyzing. He was assessing whether or not I was a threat and/or stable.

"Hi Jasper." I said neutrally – trying my best to clear my voice of any magic that may have attached to it.

"How are you feeling?" Jasper looked a little pained.

My scent.

It was simple as willing my scent gone and I immediately noticed Jasper's expression became calmer.

I had been wrong...while looking into his eyes, Jasper was assessing his own control. There was a fear in him, he didn't know if he could control himself around me. The moment of silence and neither of us made a comment about the illusions that I was manifesting.

"Better" I fought to keep my voice neutral – but there was a tension that I couldn't bring myself to ignore.

Jasper merely nodded and ushered me to a dark brown leather couch in the corner of the room. "You should take a seat, you've been out for a long time. About a week."

I nodded and took the seat, not feeling the least bit tired but listened anyway. Edward wasn't in the house – he would have been here the second he realized I was awake. There were issues between the two of us. Epic issues. I still loved him and knew that he loved me just as deeply even though his actions seemed to say otherwise.

My eyes drifted of to the distance while sight of other things began to rush through me.

Edward had just fed – the blood of an elk drizzling down his jaw before running back toward us.

Alice was in her room – Maybe thirty feet away. She was listening to our conversation but didn't seem to have any intention of joining in.

Jasper continued to speak, assuming I was clueless to my surroundings. "He hadn't left you all week but it started to become too much. He's on his way back now, he stayed close by because Alice couldn't predict when you would wake up."

"He's on his way back" I smiled.

"Why didn't Alice come down too?" I asked – fighting to keep my voice neutral.

"She wasn't sure what to expect." Jasper answered honestly

"Me neither."

It wasn't more than a few seconds before Edward was there. It was as if he appeared out of thin air; at the same moment Jasper was nowhere to be seen.

Edward stood there in the middle of the room wearing nothing but a pair of black skinny jeans and a white v-neck tshirt that conformed to his adonis-like physique. There were little red dots of blood that had splattered across the white t-shirt, an indication of just how quickly Edward had rushed here. His eyes were practically glowing like mine – he had been feeding just several minutes before.

Looking down at his blood-spattered shirt he flashed me an insecure look of worry. "Sorry…I'll go change."

I stood in protest "No…"

Looking at Edward standing there, so close, was too much for me to handle. The emotion was different compared to our last encounter in the airport. Now I was more clear and aware of myself – aware of my desires. Every memory, every thought and time I wished for Edward to be right next to me rushed through me. It was such a strong and singular emotion I felt as if I was being physically choked.

I fought the back the stinging sensation of tears.

Edward must have recognized my longing, and I could see his visceral reaction to my growing tears. He came toward me monstrously fast, and within less than a second I was in his arms. The cool hardness of him engulfed me and I wrapped my hand around his chest tightly as I could. That familiar touch brought my entire body and mind to a sense of ease.

"I thought I would never see you again." I admitted while my face rested in the cool flesh of his clavicle. It was almost too difficult to finish the sentence, and could feel myself choking on my words.

Edward held me tighter after I grasped at him he whispered into my ear in a cool voice that still made me shutter "I thought I lost you…"

We stood there in silence – too overcome by emotion to utter even the simplest of words. I could feel my body physically responding to the intense feelings and close proximity to Edward. I remembered this feeling.

A heat began to trail over my skin like a warm liquid. It moved as if there was a life to it, spiraling down my body to my legs, it wasn't long before my body wasn't just warm; it was hot. In eachothers arms the heat began to cover us both as if we were a single being. Despite my eyes being closed that heat – my power – reached out like a sixth sense. I was aware of everything around me in over a mile radius, but most of all, I could feel Edward in a way I never had before. He may have been a Vampire…but there was just as much life to him as any other of the goddess' creatures.

It wasn't a physical touch – in fact it was a sensation I had never experienced before. This sixth sense grew and multiplied at a steadfast pace. Within seconds Esme, Carlisle, Jasper, Alice, and even some of the Denali clan were within my reach. Once my these metaphysical hands connected with one of the Vampires I could feel a similar sense of shock and confusion; why I had no idea. A sudden tension tremored through Edward forcing me to open my eyes.

All I could see what light.

Light at the yellowness of Edward's eyes.

"What's happening…." Edward asked in a confused but unconcerned voice.

"I want to be alone with you."

"I want nothing more…" Edward said – leaning in to kiss me for the first time since we were initially separated. Both of us pushed everything into the single kiss, the familiar sensation of his velvety, cold lips brushed against mine in a dance that made my groin and stomach twist simultaneously. And in that very moment there was only Edward and I; it could have been anywhere. Any place in the entire world could have been conjured up in my head, but it seemed natural that it was Forks.

Not just Forks.

The meadow. Where we first met.

The meadow where everything began.

There was a second when I couldn't figure out whether my eyes were open or not. All that I could see was an empty space – a pure whiteness that couldn't compare to anything I'd ever seen. Had it not been for Edward's body anchoring me it would have seemed like a celestial experience.

It was Edward who broke off the kiss. Although our bodies were still intertwined he had reverted to the unnatural stillness that immediately warned me that something was wrong. I opened my eyes and smiled at Edward despite his confused expression. He took his eyes off of my only to scan the meadow carefully, returning to look at me. I still hadn't opened my own eyes but knew exactly where we stood.

"Is this…-" Edward began to ask.

"Yes."

I let go of Edward and could immediately see the look of concern in his eyes. He was trying to formulate…to reason how we could be here.

That was the problem. Normal logic just doesn't work with the Sidhe. We have our own rules.

Alice, Jasper, Esme, and Carlisle were all panicked, gathered in the middle of the living-room. Alice dialing.

"Alice is calling you." I said – Edward's cellphone buzzing angrily moments after.

Edward nodded and shot me an encouraging smile even though I knew it was a lie. Inside Edward was going mad with confusion, he was obsessively looking for answers to the situation, and even when the phone inevitably rang and he spoke with Alice, I knew he confused.

He wasn't speaking in a hushed voice like before – in fact Edward was making no attempts to feign the truth. Different. Maybe we would have a happy ending.

Edward turned to me and asked "Will we need a flight back?"

"No"

Edward merely smirked at my reply and listened to Alice for another second before hanging up.

"When you said alone, I didn't know you had meant isolated." Edward smiled, taking both of my hands into his and stared into my eyes.

I didn't say anything – there really was no reason to.

"How did you get us here?" Edward asked carefully.

I shrugged "It just kind of happened"

"Were you always able do to that?"

"Don't think so – a lot has changed Edward."

While we sat I felt strangely at ease for the first time in years. There were very few places on this earth that I would be more in-my-element; surrounded by nature in its purest form. When Edward and I first came here I was so blissfully unaware of what it was to be Sidhe. The connection that I felt with the earth before coming into my power seems nonexistent compared to my current circumstances.

Even just sitting in the field I was aware of every blade of grass within the meadow. Every bug, leaf, and animal within a mile's radius. We were one of the same, nature and I; it was only natural that we were connected. And as for this meadow…it was something stronger than fate that lead us here. Lead us here to a Faerie circle, without a doubt the only one in hundreds of miles.

"Did you know what this place was when you took me here?" I asked playfully; our hands entwined.

"What do you mean?"

Looking around, allowing my memory to flow freely, I smiled and looked Edward straight in the eyes. The color and eagerness of them made my heart skip a beat.

"This is a faerie circle." I said, gesturing toward our current location.

"What's that?"

"I'm not exactly sure. Places of power my ancestors created; they're rare too. I didn't understand what it was at the time…something happened – it froze this place in time."

"Purely coincidence." Edward assured me with both his words and a sly grin. He closed his eyes, I watched his stunning smile begin to slowly develop. "I missed this." Edward said in a whisper.

I sighed. I missed this too. I missed everything about being with Edward, and truthfully, it would have been far too easy to go back to the way things had been. Even now I could feel myself slowly falling back into old habits; nothing mattered to me as long as I was with Edward.

"I brought us here because we have some things to talk about." My voice sounded different even to me – it reminded me of my mother. It was a commanding aura when we spoke; giving us a sense of authority even when we had none.

Edward's smile faded away "I'm sure you have a lot you want to discuss."

Edward kept my hands in his but I couldn't help but notice his posture become more rigid while he waited in anticipation.

I nodded and began, having gone over this in my head many times, it didn't take much thought to begin my proposal.

"What do you think is going to happen from here?" I began; trying to keep my voice neutral.

Edward stayed very still, even his expression unmoving while he was carefully articulating a response. I sat there patiently – still focused on him – but was somehow at peace in my current surroundings.

"How things were." Edward said confidently, albeit carefully.

I sighed "We both know that isn't a possibility."

Edward's topaz eyes looked up at me knowingly before he asked "Then what would you have of me?"

I stood up on my knees just slightly and stared in his direction with the utmost confidence. "Change me."

"You know I can't do that."

I stood up straight, trying to channel all of my anger into a safe place that wouldn't leak onto Edward. The rage was building. So many years of frustration had been bottled up; most of that had been directed toward Edward…

"You aren't my only source. I can go to Carlisle." I said rebelliously.

Edward shook his head and shot me an arrogant grin "Carlisle won't do it

My jaw shifted "I can make any of you do it if I wanted." As I threatened him Edward glared at me – I couldn't be sure if it was anger or fear.

"But I won't, because I know someone who would revel at the opportunity to change" I whispered

"Who?"

"The Volturi."

Edward scoffed "You have no idea what you are saying right now."

I had more than enough time in captivity to develop a relatively strong understanding of the members of the Volturi and how they worked. It didn't take long before I realized Aros, one of the three brothers, was a collector of gifted vampires. If Aros were to see me – There was not a single doubt in my mind that I would be his prized jewel. Something different than the rest. Should I go to the volturi, Aros would not hesitate to add me to his collection.

"I know exactly what I am saying." I almost growled.

"You don't know what they're like Nathan" Edward scowled and stood to face me

My vision of what Edward was about to say lasted less than a second but gave me ample time to correct the situation. "I know exactly what they are like Edward. Either you will change me or you won't – But if you are going to keep on with this bullshit."

The rage was beginning again.

I could feel my tone and volume change, and despite my most earnest attempts to keep the magic from gathering around me, I could feel not only myself but the ground itself begin to shine.

"This bullshit that has kept us apart. Are you worried about my soul Edward? I know you saw the fucking dream! So don't feed me those excuses" I yelled.

Edward stood and watched me carefully "Why are you so eager to become a monster?"

I sighed "I already am a monster"

"That isn't-"

Edward sighed – I could see the pain so clearly in his eyes it made me want to stop asking for this. Every part of me wanted to just change the subject so we could be happy again, but I knew this needed to happen. This needed to happen for us to be together.

"Do you realize that every time you ask this of me, you are asking me to kill you?" He said it with such intensity that would have made anyone else drop the subject.

"With death comes life."

It was my voice that whispered it – but they were not my words. Edward must have noticed the sudden change of demeanor because he stood there perfectly still for a moment. I scooted closer to him and let my hand drape across his shoulder, the physical contact allowed my to think more clearly with him in such proximity. At first all I wanted to do was kiss him – but after a few seconds I could feel even more grounded. This needs to happen, I reminded myself.

Edward's anger subsided and within moments a warmth and kindness radiated off of him. Before he even spoke I knew I had won the battle.

"When?" Edward asked through clenched teeth, clearly not pleased with the decision.

"As soon as possible." I admitted.

"You're so eager to leave this life behind…" Edward sighed.

His sigh provoked my own. I glanced at my bare arms that were peaking out from my short sleeved T-Shirt. Nearly every inch of my glowing skin was decorated with dozens of tiny scars. I paid attention to the marks for the first time since receiving them. Remembering my old skin, the innocent skin, every one of those scars reminded me of my time spent in captivity. They were ugly – and covered nearly every inch of my skin. I was ugly. I had done ugly things, but the worst part about it was that I had no regrets. I was an ugly person – and my only hope was that Edward would continue to love me after I all of this…

Edward must have seen me looking at the scars, "They're nothing. You'll always be beautiful to me." He whispered gingerly, his impossibly soft hand caressing the damaged expanse of my arm.

"It isn't just about what you think." I hissed.

Edward frowned but then leaned over and kissed my before pulling me into a tight hug. Both of us made the movement look effortless; melting into each other. I let the coldness of Edward surround me and took in all of the comfort that came with it. We sat there in embrace for some time before Edward broke the silence, speaking gently despite the serious subject "Are you afraid?"

"Yes." I answered honestly.

"What is it?"

"Your decision has been made…right?"

"Yes…But I don't want you going into this afraid."

My time as a prisoner had done much to shape my opinions on humans. Over those three years I developed such a disdain, a hatred for everything human. There may be human blood running through my veins but I knew very well that I was fully Sidhe now. Human blood or not I was just as powerful as my ancestors and there was nothing human about me.

"I hate humans."

Edward was silent next to me – his hesitation made me ill at ease.

"What is the other one?"

I sighed, trying to hold back the tears. I'd seen a lot of things – I knew how this would all play out in the end. It wasn't clear whether this was a good or bad thing…but chances are all of the Cullens would not be pleased with the result.

"Aro will try to steal me away."

Edward whispered into my ear, comforting me "There's no way he will know about you"

"He already does. Demetri has felt me…" I confessed.

"What? How could that have happened?" Edward said so quickly I had to take a moment to decipher his words.

"When I was imprisoned I tried to think of every way possible to find you. Everyone one earth besides you showed up in my visions. I spent days looking through the future, present, and past of your entire family in an attempt to find you. But no matter what there was no insight…

Eventually I looked toward to the Volturi. My original plan was to trick Demetri into tracking you but it somehow went awry before I could even begin. But somehow Demetri felt me watching him.

Its only a matter of time."

Edward remained silent – only speaking after I prodded him for his thoughts.

"We should go back Nathan. I need to speak with Alice and Carlisle."

I stood up and nodded, placing the most genuine appearing smile on my face. "Lets go."