Can You Love Me, Syaoran Li?
Chapter 5
--- Syaoran ---
Lately, I've been thinking…should I ask Sakura Kinomoto…well, on a date? I know, you might think I'm crazy. You're probably thinking, of course you should, stupid! You kissed her! It's SO obvious you're in love with her! Duh!
Except, well, that's the thing. I'm not sure if I'm in love with her or not. I mean, I do have some romantic feelings for her, of course. But…is it really love? See, I have had a very complex dating history ever since she left. I've had approximately three so-called "girlfriends" ever since she left. Being single now, I guess you can probably tell that none of those three relationships worked out.
Why, you ask? Simply because I realize that I'm not in love with any of those three previous girls I've dated. Sure there were little sparks of romances and a little tachycardia. But it's not…love. Every time I'm with them, I find my mind drifting back to her. And then I realize that I'm still in love with her. So then I break it off with my girlfriend. Then I'll meet a new girl, feel a little bit of romance in the air, hope that this time around I'll be able to learn to love again, ask her out, get in a relationship, only to repeat the entire stupid, idiotic cycle again.
And I guess the bottom line is…I don't want Sakura to become one of those girls. If I start a relationship with her…I want it to last. So I must know for certain whether or not I'm in love with her before I decide to pursue a relationship with her. What I feel for Sakura is ten million times stronger than what I felt for my previous three girlfriends. But does that mean it's love? There is only one girl I know for sure that I love. Yet, what I feel for Sakura is…different. Not different in a bad way, and maybe not anything less.
And yeah, alright, I'll admit things are a bit awkward between us right now because neither of us know where we stand relationship-wise with each other. I can tell she's trying to act normal around me, but it's really not easy for either of us.
I steal another glance over at her behind the counter. Damn. She caught me staring. I smile at her. She smiles back. See, it's little things like this that brightens up my long dreary work day.
A part of me really wants to ask Sakura out – really, really do. But then another part of me will feel like I've done her wrong by falling in love with someone else. Maybe it's best that I don't ask Sakura out at all. She deserves better than going out with a guy who is unsure whether or not he's in love.
--- Sakura ---
Lately, I've been thinking…should I ask Syaoran Li…well, on a date? I know, you might think I'm crazy. You're probably thinking, of course you should, stupid! You kissed him! It's SO obvious you're in love with him! Duh!
Except the thing is – okay, I'm about to share a deep dark secret with you all, and none of you better squeal! – that I never asked a guy out before in my life up to this point.
I know! Almost all the girls I know have asked a guy out or confess to someone! Heck, Minako confesses to at least two guys every six months! But the thing is, every guy I've been in a relationship with (which is not even that many – only about three in my entire life up to now) have asked me out – not the other way around.
And am I about to break this tradition just for Syaoran Li? Is he really worth all the trouble of plucking up my courage and overcoming my fear? Is he?!
Well, the thing is…I think he might like me too. I mean, I notice he keeps on looking over at me. And hello, he kissed me! THAT should mean SOMETHING right? I mean, Tomoyo and Eriol are witnesses! (Believe me, she never let me hear the end of it when we got home that night –Oh Sakura, you two were so cute! You know what? We should all get marry on the same day! Me with Eriol and you with Syaoran! Oh my God, I have to go plan this wedding!)
And besides, how can I even ask him out properly without making myself sound stupid?
Hey, you know, there's this new restaurant in town that I've always wanted to try. Do you want to come with me?
Hey yeah! That sounds good! Nice and casual and relaxing. And if he says no, I can just shrug and be all okay with it, even though I probably won't be on the inside. Yeah! I'm so going to use that line! I can totally imagine it! He'll go…
Yeah, sure. Let's go after work. What's the restaurant?
And then I'll go: The restaurant is…
Is…
Is…
Is…
Oh crap! There are no new restaurants in town! Damn! Just when I had the perfect line of asking a guy out for the first time in my life, there are no new restaurants in town! Okay, okay, new line.
I want to thank you for saving me. So how about letting me treat you to dinner?
Hmm…okay that sounds good. Except…it's not really the truth. I want to ask him out because…well, because I have feelings for him, not because I want to treat him to just a thank-you dinner. So…isn't that sort of like…lying? But then I can't exactly be THAT straightforward and say,
Listen Syaoran, I have romantic feelings for you and want to go out with you on a date. Besides, maybe after this date we can get to know each other better and talk about and figure out just where we're standing with each other relationship-wise. What do you think?
No way, that'll just freak him out. Okay, I'll go with the thank-you dinner plan. But…oh! This is so frustrating! Why is asking a guy out so hard?!
"Miss? Miss?!"
I snap out of my daydreams, and find that a woman is waving her hand in front of my face, trying to get my attention.
"H-h-huh?!"
"My change, please," the woman said snottily.
"Oh, sorry!" I apologize quickly. Okay. I've decided. I'm going to ask him out after work. Good thing none of us has closing shift.
--- Syaoran ---
Really, I'm off work. And really, I'm going to go home soon. I just want to finish…drinking my orange juice first before I leave. No sense in wasting good juice.
I flick another glace at the doorway of the staff lounge. God. She got off work at the same time I did, which was fifteen minutes ago. So where the hell is she?!
Not that I'm waiting for her or anything. I'm just drinking my juice. See, I'm almost done this bottle. Then I'll go—
Okay. Fine. You're not believing me, are you? Well, I suppose I am sort of waiting for her…but only because I have to drink my juice. And besides, we get off work at the same time! Is it so wrong for me to want to wait for her so I can give her a ride home to ensure her safety? Maybe I should have asked her if she wanted a ride. Then maybe she won't be taking so long and I won't be here waiting around like an idiot.
Ooooh, I hear footsteps! Quickly, I whirl around in the sofa I'm sitting on. I feel my breath being caught in my throat as I see her coming into the lounge, and my heart starts to pump nervously all on its own.
"Hey," I said, somehow magically make my voice steady and casual. Wow. How did I do THAT?
"Hey," she greets back.
Silence…
Okay, I just have to say SOMETHING. The longer this silence drags on the heavier my blush is going to get. Only…what can I say?! WHAT?!
"Are you busy tonight?" we blurt out at the same time in haste. I pause. Wait a minute. Rewind. Did she just ask me…
--- Sakura --- (Earlier)
After leaving the change rooms, I walk around, trying to find Syaoran. I know he just got off work at the same time. Damn. Where did he go? Did he leave already? He better not have! I didn't spend the entire afternoon coaching myself how to ask him out for nothing!
But if he already left, then you don't to worry about asking him out.
The coward side of me finds this revelation comforting. But the part of me that was looking forward to going out with Syaoran is extremely disappointed.
I spent a good fifteen minutes looking for him before I finally give up and decide to head to the staff lounge…
Oh. He's sitting right there! Stupid Sakura! Why didn't you check this place first?!
"Hey," He says casually when he sees me walking in.
"Hey," I said in return. Okay. Now ask him out, just like how you practiced in your head all afternoon long.
I want to thank you for saving me. So how about letting me treat you to dinner?
Just SAY that! Say it! Right now! Look brain, this is not a good time to freeze out! SAY IT!!
"Are you busy tonight?" we both blurt out at the same time. Damn. How come my pre-plan speeches never goes according to plan?!
Wait. Did he just ask me…
"No, I'm not," we both said in a hurry.
"Umm…" I stutter, feeling my cheeks fire up ten times stronger than the oven in the bakery kitchen. Okay, now is a perfect time to say I want to thank you for saving me. So how about letting me treat you to dinner?
"I think we should take this time and figure out where we stand with each other relationship-wise. I mean, at first, we hated each other. Then you saved me. And then we…umm…kissed. And now I'm just really confused! I don't know what's even going on between us anymore! I just think we need to spend tonight in each other's company see how…how…comfortable we are with each other and…and…and…see where we can go from…there."
As you can see, when I'm nervous, I tend to be one hundred percent honest. How humiliating! I didn't expect to say all THAT stuff out! Now I probably freaked him out. He'll never want to see me again!
"I agree,"
Wait, what? He agrees?!
"I…was actually waiting for you to see if you want a ride tonight." He was waiting for me?! While I ran around the store like a nut looking for him?! "And I was actually going to ask you…out and see how we can know each other better. But I wasn't so sure if I…" He trails off. He wasn't so sure if he's…what?
But I didn't get a chance to ask this because he gets up from his spot and puts on his coat. "Come on. I know a great dessert place."
I smile. "Sounds perfect."
I roll my eyes and dig the plastic spoon deeper into my bowl of almond flavoured tofu dessert.
"I know a great dessert place," I said sarcastically, mimicking Syaoran's early sentence. Yeah, so much for THAT. Do YOU want to know what happened?
Well, what happened was that the great dessert place Syaoran mentioned did not even exist anymore! That's right! The whole building's torn down and they even have a sign saying that a new restaurant is being built in its place! (Which is SO unfair because if the stupid restaurant is built just a little faster, I could have used my first asking-a-guy-out-for-the-first-time-line, which was Hey, you know, there's this new restaurant in town that I've always wanted to try. Do you want to come with me?).
So then we ended up buying a bunch of random Chinese style desserts from a street vendor and are now eating them in the comfort of his silver BMW M3.
"Shut up," Syaoran scowls cutely at me, biting into a slice of white sugar cake. Oh God, I even think his scowling is cute. I must be crazy in love with him. Wait…did I just say in love—
"It's your turn to ask a question," he prompts. Oh yeah. We're also playing Truth or Dare, only without the dare part. I suggested the game because, well, I feel that we really need to get to know each other better in order to know where we can go from here. He thought it was a stupid game to play, but after he realized how he can fish out some really deep, dark, embarrassing secrets about me, he was all for it. So far, he found out that I sleep with a night light because of my fear of dark (he laughed HARD over that one), never had bully troubles in school because of my tough and protective onii-chan, and had my first childhood crush at the age of ten.
I found out he's skilled in various types of martial arts, has four older sisters, has an addiction to chocolates, excellent with a sword, and was a cry baby in preschool.
Sliding the spoon into my mouth to deliver another bite of delicious almond tofu dessert, I ponder about what I should ask him next. "How old were you when you had your first kiss on the lips and who was it with?"
"Age ten, with Aimee Chan," he smirks. "It was for a play in school. We were suppose to fake kiss, but she had a crush on me and…you know. Okay my turn. Same question."
"Age fourteen, at the Valentine's Day school dance with my date." I reply. "My turn. First time you asked a girl out."
He stay silent. It's as if his entire mood changed from joyous to grey. What did I say? I'm about to say it's okay if he doesn't want to answer, but he replies anyway.
"Um, age sixteen. Asked a girl out for a study date." He shuffles around in the driver seat uncomfortably, reaching for the bag of Chinese sugar doughnuts. After stuffing one in his mouth, he grins. "Okay, my turn."
Oh no. He's not going to ask me the same question right?! What am I suppose to say?! Noooo then he'll know he's the first guy I've ever asked out! Now that'll be an ego booster on his part. Please don't ask me the same question, please don't ask me the same question, please don't ask me the –
"First time you had sex," he grins mischievously. I choke on my tofu dessert. If I know he's going to ask that question, I never would have taken a bite. He hands me my bubble tea, and I take a few sips to wash the tofu dessert down. Okay, that's better.
"Remember, you have to answer honestly," he chides childishly.
"I know," I scowl lightly. Great. Now I'll have to tell him that… "I never had sex before."
His eyes widen. "Wow, you serious?! I guess I was a bigger hero than I thought!"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I didn't just save you from being rape that night. I saved your virginity." He grins cheekily, making me flush ten times harder at the mention of the word virginity.
"Same quest—" I pause in the middle of the sentence. I grin. "No, wait, I have a better one."
"Shoot,"
"How many times have you had sex and how old were you?" I grin.
He shrugs casually, making me slightly tick off. I thought I had asked him a sensitive question! Not fair how he made me feel embarrassed and he's getting off the hook so easily.
"Three times. First time when I was at prom with my date…it was both our first times. Second time when I was 20 at my grandparents' farm for vacation with the girl who lived next barn…she was 18 and her parents almost killed me for taking her virginity. Third time when I was 24 with my ex."
"Was she a virgin too?" I ask, even though, you know, this topic of sex is making me blush a LOT. But still…a side of me finds it oddly fascinating. Yes, I'm a sick, sick person.
"Yeah. Why?"
I roll my eyes. "Why are all the girls you slept with virgins? You player!" I punch him in the arm lightly.
"I am not!" he denies. He reaches down and swipes the last almond cookie from the tray.
"Hey! That was the last cookie!" I scold, grabbing the empty tray in despair.
"Sowwy," he apologizes with his mouthful and a twinkle of laughter in his amber eyes. "I'll skip a turn and let you ask the next question to make up for being the awful last-cookie-eater."
"Fine," I huff. Hmm…what should I ask...it seems like I've already asked everything…Oh! "First love?"
I grin and look at him. Then my smile fades. There's this weird look in his eyes; all laughter and light are gone. And his expression turns incomprehensible. He grows silent again, just like when I ask him about the first time he asked a girl out earlier.
"Syaoran?" I ask when he continues to stay silent.
--- Syaoran ---
I knew it. Why did I agree to play this game? Why?! This is stupid. I'm not playing anymore.
"This is stupid," I growl, turning away from her and face the front of the car instead, looking out at the road where we are currently park at. "I'm not playing."
I can feel her tense up beside me. And well…I don't know how to say this, but even without looking at her, I can feel the sadness radiating off her being, sort of like some sort of an aura. Am I reading her mind? Is this what people say when they feel "connected"?
"Oh…alright."
Silence.
I can tell that I've hurt Sakura's feelings. I know she thinks I don't trust her, and that I'm not willing to open up. But the thing is, nobody knows about my first love. Nobody knows about her. Well, okay, except for Eriol, but that doesn't count because he only knew about it because he went to high school with me and it was sort of difficult for him not to notice what was going on at that time no matter how hard I tried to deny it. So it's not like I wanted to tell him about it.
I glance at Sakura. She's not looking over anymore She's awkwardly playing with the straw of her bubble tea, as if she's thinking of what to say to ease the uncomfortable silence between us.
She looks so beautiful right now, with the faint glow of the moonlight shining on her. I can feel my heart melt just looking at her now. And before I can stop what I'm doing…
"Her name's Selene,"
She slowly glances up at me, as if she can't believe I'm talking to her. I give her a small smile to show her there are no hard feelings.
"Selene Wong. We went to high school together." I take a deep breath, wondering how to delve into this story. What happened between me and Selene isn't a simple fairytale that ended with happily ever after.
"I remember it was in grade 11 when we first talked. She was this smart, graceful, artistic, quiet and modest girl. The subject she really excelled at was chemistry. And, coincidently, it was the subject I was failing. So one day after school, I asked her out on a study date. I fell in love with her the moment I first spoke to her." I look over at Sakura, and she looks like she wants to ask me a question, but is afraid to interrupt. I know what she wants to ask. "Yes, she's the first girl I ever asked out on a date."
"Oh," is all she said. I can tell she wants to hear more, but is afraid of asking because of my earlier snappy reaction. So she chose to take another drink from her bubble tea instead.
I smile fondly at her. "Your curiosity isn't satisfied, is it? Remember, you have to answer truthfully."
"Well," she mumbles, looking at me with a shy expression, as if she's choosing her words carefully in her head, "I would love to hear more. But only if you're comfortable with sharing."
"We started to have this…on and off relationship; somewhere between boyfriend and girlfriend and just friends. That line can be blurry. It went on like that for a whole year. We would go out on dates. We would kiss. We would talk for hours on the phone. To other people it seemed like we were dating. But yet…I made sure to keep a friendship side to our relationship as well. It was my fault. I…I wasn't sure if what I felt for her was love, and I didn't want to give her the idea that I love her when even I'm not sure about it myself. Do you get what I mean?"
She nods slowly. "I…think so."
"So finally at the end of high school, grade 12 graduation, she finally confronted me."
Flashback
"Syaoran?" Selene speaks, breaking the tranquil silence between us. We're currently sitting under the big oak tree on school grounds, our favourite spot away from everyone else in the graduation hall after the ceremony.
"Yeah?" I ask, turning to look at her.
She leans over and gently fingers the second button on my uniform. "Can I have this?"
"Selene…I thought we talked about this." I said, feeling my heart twist slowly in pain. I hate to keep saying this to her and it just about kills me whenever she ask me if I love her.
"I know Syaoran, I know!" she sighs. "I know you said you need more time to sort out your feelings. I know you said you want to be one hundred percent sure that you're actually in love before you want to start an official relationship with me. But…Syaoran, I…" she trails off. "I love you."
For the first time I feel both happiness and agony at the same time. Happy that she loves me, yet, pain that I can't say it back to her with the same self-confidence.
"Selene…I do have feelings for you," I take her hand in mines, looking at her in the eye. "And I care about you. A lot. Don't doubt that. But…is that really love? I don't even know anymore. I don't even know what love is suppose to mean. The reason I can't say I love you is because I want to be very certain when I say it."
She nods. "I understand. Here." She places a letter in my hand. "I have to go." She got up and starts running off into the distance.
"Selene!" I call, but she's already long gone
"Why do you still have your second button?" Eriol questions me when I set foot into the apartment.
"Because I didn't give it to anyone," I grumble. I'm already in a bad mood.
"I can see that, dummy. Why didn't you give it to Selene? Aren't you two like, going out?"
"No," I grumble again, flopping down onto the sofa, clutching Selene's letter in my hand. I didn't even get a chance to read it yet.
"Syaoran," Eriol said sternly, like he's my dad or something, "if you keep on going like this, Selene will leave you one day. She's not going to wait forever for you to say you love her. Why's stopping you anyways?"
"I just want to be a hundred percent sure I'm in love with her when I say it. Is that so wrong? What is wrong with wanting to say I love you and mean it?" I scowl at him in frustration. Really, this is all I need: a nagger for a best friend.
"Nothing," Eriol agrees. "You're right. It's very essential that you mean those three words when you say it. But DO YOU HAVE TO TAKE SO DAMN LONG to figure out your own feelings? Why can't you just stop doubting yourself?"
"Shut up," I said, as a lack of a better response, "you didn't give away YOUR second button either."
"Because I don't have a special someone like you do. And don't deny it, you know Selene's special to you."
And with that, he strolls back into his room. Damn that guy. Why does he always get the last word in arguments?!
Whatever. Don't have time to deal with that now. I gently open the envelope Selene gave me earlier. Inside is a single letter folded into thirds. I lightly unfold it and begin to read…
…
Half a minute later I'm out the door and running down the street, flagging a taxi.
"Airport, please!"
I scan the crowds at the airport in a panic. Where is she? Where can she be? I've called her like a million times and she never answered. I think I've maxed out all the voice mail limits her inbox has. And she never called back. Well, why would she? I've been such an asshole!
This is hopeless. I'll never be able to find—
I freeze. Wait. Those…those are her parents!
Running faster than I have ever ran in my life, I manage to catch up to Mr. and Mrs. Wong.
"Where's…Selene?"
"Oh, Syaoran!" Mr. Wong said, surprise to see me. "We were wondering where you are! We kept asking Selene why her best friend didn't come bid her goodbye, but she said you were really busy. Selene…she just went through security. Her flight should be taking off now."
Selene never told her parents about our so called relationship. All along they thought we're just best friends, so it's not like they hate me for being such an idiot with my own feelings…
"And you let her went to France?! ALONE?!" I scream, startling both of them.
"No, no, dear," Mrs. Wong reassures me, "Selene didn't went alone! Why, she went with our next door neighbour! Both of them are accepted into the same university there! Such a nice boy, isn't he?" she asks her husband.
"Yes, yes! That boy has been after our little Selene for quite a while now, but she kept on rejecting him for reasons she didn't even tell us! But now…she finally accepted to go to France to study with him! We're happier than ever for her!"
I can feel my blood run cold. Selene left. For France. With another guy. I tighten my fist, which is currently holding my second button. It's too late. I'm too late. I feel warm tears forming themselves in my eyes…and I let them fall freely. I realize now that the one I love is Selene. All along. And now I'll never get to tell her.
End of flashback
I no longer cry over Selene. What's done is done. It's been nine years.
"Why didn't you try to contact her in France?" Sakura asks softly.
"No point," I shrug. "She…she's much better off with someone else."
"Do you still love her?"
I hesitate. Do I? See! This is the problem with me. I'm always self-doubting, always second guessing myself. It's like, I can't afford to be rash, so I have to think every single thing through. And sometimes too much pondering is a bad thing.
"I…I don't know. I mean, I've dated ever since then. I always thought I can learn to love again. But…I don't know, it's just not the same. I miss her, I'll admit that. But it's been nine years. Things are different now. I don't really know what I feel towards her now. I haven't seen her since…that day."
"I see…"
For the first time since I've started telling my story, I notice that Sakura's…crying. I sit up quickly in alarm and grab the Kleenex box from the backseat.
"Sakura! What's wrong?" I ask urgently. Oh God, is she hurt?! I can feel myself start to panic. "Are you okay? Do you—"
"No, I'm okay," she reassures me through her sniffles, "it's just that…your story is so…sad…"
I sigh in relief as a fresh batch of tears releases itself from her pretty green eyes.
"Well…it's in the past now. No use getting sad over it…"
Then I take out my wallet and open it. I pull out a small photo. "This is her," I said, showing her the photo. "And…this is the second button on my uniform that I wanted to give her…but never got a chance to."
I don't know why I'm showing her this. But I feel a bond with Sakura, like I can tell her anything in the world at all.
--- Sakura ---
I gently take the picture in my hand. On it, is a pretty girl, at the age of 17, with soft wavy midnight black hair and a bright pair of midnight blue eyes. Gosh, she's pretty. Really, really pretty. No wonder Syaoran loves her.
I feel a bit bad for lying to Syaoran. The reason I'm crying isn't because his story is sad (even though it totally is, don't get me wrong). No, I'm crying because I know his heart belongs to someone else. He had broken relationships ever since Selene, which means the one he truly loves is still…her. And that means he'll…he'll…he'll never be able to love me in that way. And he even keeps her picture and his second button in his wallet. Even after nine years. He's just the type of guy who can go on to love a girl forever. Which is a good thing if you ever marry him. But it's not so good when you're in love with him and you're not the one he's in love with.
And knowing that hurts. I didn't plan to cry in front of him. Usually I cry over heartbreaks in the comfort of my own room, but this time is an exception. It really does suck to both find out that you're in love with a guy and the love of that guy is another girl at the same time.
Yes, you heard me right. I'm in love with Syaoran Li. There's no denying that. I mean—
"Okay, what about you? Who was your first love?" he interrupts, trying to light up the mood as I handed back his items.
"His name was Daisuke Tanaka." I said, wiping my tears away. "Back in high school. Loved him for four years, from grade 9 to grade 12. I was about to confess to him at the graduation ceremony, but I noticed that his second button was already given away before I opened my big mouth. Needless to say, he already had a girlfriend who went to another school at that time."
"That's all?" He asks, looking shock. Well, I guess after his heart achingly painful tale, mine seems insignificant.
"Well…yeah."
"How do you know you were in love with him?"
"I just do," I said with a shrug. "I mean, it's not that hard to tell the difference between infatuation and love."
"But how can you be so sure? Weren't you afraid that you might have mistaken one for the other?"
"No," I said. "Love is love. I'm always sure when I'm in love and when I'm not When I'm in love, I just…love. Simple as that."
Just like how I know I'm in love with you.
--- Syaoran ---
"Thanks for the ride back," she smiles gratefully, unbuckling the seatbelt.
"No problem. Thanks for spending tonight with me." I grin. "I…I hope we can um…do it again some time."
I don't know what made me say that. But it's what I want to say. So I just said it. I hope she won't say no…
"I'd love to."
YES!
"I better get going now. I'll see you at work tomorrow."
Something doesn't feel right. Ever since I finish telling Sakura my story with Selene, she's been acting weird around me. It's almost like…like…
I don't know. Like she thinks my heart is already taken and doesn't have a place for her to be in it? Like she thinks all we can ever be is just friends?
Well, she's wrong. A part of me does want to be more than friends with Sakura. Really, I do. But, I just want a little more time to figure out and decode my feelings for her. But still, I don't want her to completely give up on the idea of having a relationship with me…
Oh God. What can I do? I can't exactly say Sakura, please don't think that just because I'm not sure whether or not I'm still in love with Selene, that we don't have a chance. I just need some time to figure out where we stand.
No, because that will be too honest.
"I'll walk you up." I instinctively unbuckle my seatbelt and open the car door. Maybe if I stall for more time, I can think of what to say…
--- Sakura ---
We walk up to my porch. I guess I'm feeling pretty down because I know there's no chance of Syaoran wanting to be in a relationship with me. Sure, he said he wants to spend time with me again, but spend time as what? Friends? I'm sure that's what he –
"Um, Sakura?"
I turn around to face him and stop rummaging around in my purse for the keys.
"Yeah?"
"I…" he pauses, as if he's trying to think of the right thing to say. Oh no, don't tell me he knows I love him! I'm not that obvious am I?!
"You…?" I prompt. He continues to look at me. And leans closer…and closer…and closer…until…
…
I can feel myself melting in his kiss as my eyes flutter themselves close and my arms once again wrap themselves around his neck. His strong arms tightens around the curve of my waist…
I can feel his fingers playing with the edge of my blouse…and then I can feel his fingers on the bare skin of my back. I swear little shots of tingly electricity shooting up my spine. Oh gosh…his hand is going higher...until…oh gosh, I can feel his fingers on my bra clasp…
"Oh my GOD! We're so sorry!"
AGAIN! Second time in a row!!!
Syaoran and I spring apart immediately (well, what else do you expect us to do? Continue making out?). It turns out Eriol was over at our place…probably making out with Tomoyo in her room (THEY weren't interrupted. It's just not fair!), and now they're getting ready to go out.
"We were, um, just going out for some late night coffee." Tomoyo said, uncomfortably. "But never mind us! Continue! Let's go back inside, Eriol-kun!"
Eriol, however, is more reluctant. "Why? Syaoran did say they make out all the time. I'm sure we weren't interrupting any--"
His words are cut off as Tomoyo slams the front door close again.
"Umm…" I blush, not even able to look at Syaoran in the eye anymore. Great. Now what do I say? Awkward.
Fortunately, Syaoran knew exactly what to do. He gives me a light kiss on my forehead and then ruffles my hair.
"Good night, Sakura."
Then giving me a heart melting smile, a smile that says he truly did enjoy spending time with me tonight – eating desserts in his car, talking, kissing – and is…well, genuinely happy.
"G-g-good night," I said, waving and watches as he gets in his car.
I have to admit. I'm a bit dazed from all this. Does this mean I have a chance with him after all?
Moonlight Diamond: So! Finally, we know about Syaoran's past love after five chapters!! I didn't think I'll reach my goal THAT fast (within one day!) so, as promised, I posted this chapter up! I would like to thank all of you once again for reviewing!! You made me happy hehehe. A reviewer suggested I introduce Eriol to Minako in this story...but...gomen nasai, Eriol's already taken by Tomoyo in this ficlet!
I feel like I should do a little character analysis for those who are confused. Syaoran's character is very self doubting when it comes to love. He doesn't want to make the mistake of telling a girl he loves her and then realizing that what he actually felt for her is just deep infatuation. So he's always questioning his feelings over and over again, sort of like double checking to make sure it's really love. But his problem is that he doesn't know when to stop double checking, and this is mainly the reason why he lost Selene. After she left, he realized that he did indeed love her and should have stopped questioning himself (he dated other girls after Selene left in hopes of learning to love again, but it never worked out). He does have feelings for Sakura, but from the way he was questioning himself throughout the chapter regarding his feelings for Sakura, it doesn't seem like he learned from his past mistakes...[hint, hint, possible spoiler hehehe]
Sakura is the opposite because she always has self confidence in her own feelings and trusts her own heart. She doesn't need a lot of time to distinguish between love and infatuation. For her, there is no blurry line between love and infatuation, and one is clearly distinctive from the other.
This story will start to have more romance in it as we see how Syaoran and Sakura's relationship develop. In the next chapter, their relationship will rise to another level, and then it'll fall down slightly as we watch Syaoran battle out his own feelings. I don't want to give away TOO many spoilers...but you have to stay tune! It'll be e-x-c-i-t-i-n-g!!
I also believe the rest of the story won't be quite AS humourous as the first part, because now we are delving into the serious romance between Syaoran and Sakura. But that doesn't mean you guys won't be giggling over the plot from time to time. Just that the rest of the story will focus more on the romance part, which I'm sure you'll all adore to see. And besides, I'm sure you can all tell that this chapter isn't as humourous as the first 4, since when Syaoran started talking about Selene, he got quite serious and Sakura got teary-eyed.
And lastly, THANK YOU for helping me achieve my goal of 80 reviews plus! Thank you all! I hope to get at least 110 reviews before the next chapter. I know that's aiming it a bit high...but it's really my goal. However, even if it doesn't reaches 110 on the DOT, I'll still upload! Thank you for reading! Please RR!