Hey all! Sorry, this has taken me wayyyyy too long to write. You would not believe the writer's block I had for this next chapter. I've started half a dozen times and I can never get the words right. Also, I would like to tell you about the reason my writer's block has gone away – for now at least – and it is MUSIC. I have found some amazing new songs that have gotten the creative juices flowing, and I thought I might share it with you. I listen to it while I'm writing, and reviewing, and it helps me get the emotions right. SO: for the first chapter, I have "Northern Lights" from the Twilight Piano Music album that can be found on iTunes. For the fourth, I have "Moonrise" also from the same album. And for future readers, I have "A Walk in the Forest" for an upcoming story that takes place right after New Moon, a very care free story, just the way I like it.

Did she really want this so much? I couldn't understand her mindset, she couldn't be that terrified of getting old. Other than that, what could possibly be tempting enough for her to destroy her soul? I took her into my arms and leapt out of the window without letting her move in the slightest. I let her loose a tiny bit, giving her space to crawl to my back,

"All right then, Up you go." Bella clambered her way up my back, needing some assistance from me, and I bolted into the familiar forest. It felt good, running with her. It wasn't care free like it was just to run, but it gave me a purpose. I was protecting her again, and it felt absolutely right.

I thought carefully as I ran, considering my plan to keep her human and safe. I was sure that Demetri would be unable to locate her, and there were billions of places in the world to hide her. I knew that Emmett would be game for this plan, because it involved a fight. When the guard came to look for her, and didn't find her, then he'd head straight for me. Not that it mattered, the sooner he came for me, the sooner we could finish him off, and then we wouldn't spend all our time thinking of new hiding places. Of course, if I was wrong, we were all doomed. If I hid Bella under the impression that Demetri couldn't find her, the Volturi would know that I had tried to deceive them, and that would be the direct result to all of our destruction.

We'd have to find some place unpredictable, and we'd have to get there without public records. It would be all too easy for them to access public records, phone bills, ticket purchases, credit card records, it was all putty in their fingers. If we couldn't buy tickets, we'd just have to buy a plane, with cash. If we used a card, they'd know. And we'd have to keep the human who sold it to us under observation too. We already had a boat, maybe I'd buy another car to help in different conditions. We'd need equipment and places to stay wherever we hid…

It would drag thousands out of the Cullen family bank accounts, but it didn't matter. I would use every penny that we had to save her, and I didn't care what it cost Rosalie's wardrobe. Bella's safety came first, and I would never, ever leave her again.

I felt her weight shift on my back, and her warm lips kiss the skin on the side of my throat. The touch of her skin on mine in the darkness was like electric fire, my dead heart was sent flying. "Thank you, does this mean you've decided you're awake?" Her fears that I would disappear were irrational and silly. How could I ever be without her? My time without her… was the worst possible part of my being. Worse than when Carlisle bit me, worse than even before I'd known she existed, and a hundred times worse than anything the Volturi could do to me.

Her chest on my back heaved a laugh, the sound was like bells chiming and the trickle of a stream. "Not really." I rolled my eyes. I would show her, I would eventually make her see what she meant to me. "More that, either way, I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight."

"I'll earn your trust back somehow, if it's my final act." I vowed.

"I trust you, it's me I don't trust." Well that didn't make sense at all. She was the most trustworthy person I'd ever met. What had she done that she couldn't rely on herself to do good? Or that involved me staying? I realized that I'd slowed in my concentration, coming gradually to a walk.

"Explain that, please."

"Well…" she paused, thinking. "I don't trust myself to be… enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could hold you." She admitted, weighing each word with difficulty. I could hear the pain in her voice. This again? Couldn't she understand that she was the most beautiful thing in my world? I reached for her and pulled her to my chest and wound my arms around her waist, securing her there, where she belonged.

"Your hold is permanent and unbreakable, never doubt that." I whispered in the dark. She looked into my eyes, searching for some false note, some hint of hesitation. She found none, because there wasn't anything there. She could look forever, but there would never be anything to find. Her dark eyes were wondering, dark chocolate with a deep caramel coating. "You never did tell me…" I whispered again, caught in the gaze of her eyes.

"What?" she blinked curiously.

"What your greatest problem is." Truthfully, I wondered what else there was to worry about. The werewolves, Victoria, the Volturi… I was pretty sure that covered it. She glanced down at her hands laid on my chest, sighed lightly, and then looked back up to me.

"I'll give you one guess," she pulled a hand from me and tapped my nose with the tiny tip of her finger. Of course it was me, after everything I'd done to her. How couldn't I have guessed that one straight away?

Nodding, I hung my head, "I'm worse than the Volturi, I guess I've earned that." Bella rolled her eyes at me, as if explaining something obvious to a child for the thousandth time.

"The worst the Volturi can do is kill me." She stated plainly, as if death wasn't a problem. Again, I was faced with what I'd done to her when I'd left. I waited for the rest of the explanation, to see if there was any sense to what she was saying, "You can leave me, the Volturi, Victoria… they're nothing compared to that."

Acute agony ripped across my like a wild fire. It was like she'd died all over again, not quite as bad, but it hurt. I couldn't stand what I'd done. I couldn't even remember the reason for it anymore, there was no reason, no excuse, to leave this beautiful little girl in such pain. It felt like someone was burning me, like the venom running through my veins, it was worse than Jane's sadistic gift. A strange look crossed her face, and I saw agony in her eyes, too.

"Don't, don't be sad," she whispered, bringing her hand to my face again, and touching her finger tips to my stone cheek. I leaned into her hand and smiled to her, she shouldn't worry.

"If there was only some way to make you see that I can't leave you… Time, I suppose, will be the only way to convince you." She smiled with me, and I saw a light touch her eyes.

"Okay," she nodded in agreement. After a pause, she began again, hesitating. "So – since you're staying… Can I have my stuff back?"

I laughed lightly, still trying to ward off the agony, but answered her question, "Your things were never gone. I knew it was wrong, since I promised you peace without reminders. It was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you. The CD, the pictures, the tickets – they're all under your floorboards."

Her eyes grew wide with shock, my answer seemed to please her, "Really?" she inhaled and grinned like a kid on Christmas morning, seeing the dozens of stacked surprises under the tree. Her joy turned to wonder, which melted into her critical face, the one she always had when she was thinking very hard about something.

"I think… I'm not sure… but I wonder…" she paused, not seeming sure of herself. I looked into her eyes, encouraging her to continue. "I think maybe I knew the whole time."

"What did you know?" I prodded, I hated it when I couldn't hear what she was thinking at times like this, when I could see the complicated wheels of her mind turning.

"Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared whether I lived or died." I was shocked at this revelation, realizing that she'd been under the impression that I didn't care for her at all. She'd thought I didn't care enough about her to be concerned about her well being. Even Jessica, one of the worst possible "friends" that I knew, cared about Bella's safety. She didn't seem to notice my pause, and continued, "That's probably why I was hearing the voices."

I stopped to think about this for a moment. I had done so much damage, but I already knew that. Why did it keep hitting me like a ton of bricks – as if bricks could do anything to me – should I be used to hearing how much of a miserable excuse for love I am?

"Voices?"

She started again, looking into my eyes and searching for something. She was being very cautious with what she said. "Well, just one voice. Yours… it's a long story." I stared at her for a moment. She'd been hearing my voice?

"I've got time,"

"It's pretty pathetic," Bella hung her head and looked back up at me when I didn't respond. She waited for a moment, then began again. "Do you remember what Alice said about extreme sports?" she asked carefully. I wondered if what she had to say was so bad that she would have to watch her words like this.

"You jumped off a cliff for fun," I said bluntly. Her blatant enjoyment for putting herself into dangerous situations was grating on me.

"Er… right." She said uneasily, "And before that, with the motorcycle –"

"Motorcycle?" This caught me off guard. She'd been on a motorcycle, and hurt herself no doubt. What reason could she possibly have for taking part in such dangerous pass times? Before I'd left, she would never have gotten near the things she was explaining to me.

"I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part…"

"No." I said, maybe a little too harshly because she put her head back down, staring at her hands still relaxed on my chest.

"Well, about that… see, I found that… when I was doing something dangerous or stupid," so she agreed that she was being reckless? "I could remember you more clearly. I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you were standing right there next to me. Mostly I tried not to think about you, but this didn't hurt so much – it was like you were protecting me again, like you didn't want me to be hurt.

"And well… I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because underneath it all, I always knew you hadn't stopped loving me."

I sucked in a breath, and choked on it. Her words strangled me so I couldn't get out a complete sentence, "You … were … risking your life to hear …" I could have kicked myself, I almost wanted the Volturi to kill me right then and there. The bricks hit me again.

"Shh," she placed a finger over my mouth, but looked down at the ground. "Hang on a second. I think I'm having an epiphany here." I stopped, and waited for her to think.

Jumped off a cliff, road motorcycles, and god knows what else, to hear my voice. She almost died, could have been killed, just to hear my voice again. It was a solid minute before she opened her mouth again, and snapped her head up to look at me, a triumphant look on her face.

"Oh!" her eyes were wondrous again, and I worried for a moment.

"Bella?"

"Oh okay, I see," she nodded to herself, completely confident now, all hesitation gone.

"Your epiphany?" I asked patiently, hoping for something that would distract me from the awful thoughts spinning in my head. I got it.

"You love me," she beamed up at me. Had she just realized this? Had she finally understood? I smiled down at her, pulling her closer to me.

"Truly, I do." I reached for her face and cupped it in my hands, bringing her lips to mine, and almost forgetting about being careful. I kissed her like she deserved to be kissed. I breathed in her sent and let her hands roam across my face, her fingers holding onto my hair. I had to break the kiss when I could tell that she was losing it, and pressed my forehead to hers, breathing hard and letting the bliss shower over me.

"You were better at it than I was, you know,"

"Better at what?" she whispered

"Surviving. You, at least, made an effort. You got up in the morning, tried to be normal for Charlie, following the pattern of your life. When I wasn't actively tracking, I was… totally useless. I couldn't be around my family – I couldn't be around anyone. I'm embarrassed to admit that I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me. It was much more pathetic than hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that, too."

She smiled, "I only heard one voice,"

I laughed and pulled her close to my side. I began to walk her closer to the clearing where the house was, I hadn't been back in all this time, yet it seemed the same. "I'm just humoring you with this," I pointed towards the house, "It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say."

"This affects them now, too," she said matter-of-factly. I shrugged and opened the front door, flipping on lights as I stepped inside. I was glad to see my piano again. I'd missed it, and I'd missed playing. I'd missed Bella as my inspiration for more and more music.

"Carlisle? Esme? Rosalie? Emmett? Jasper? Alice?" I asked in a normal tone. Carlisle swept to Bella's side, and began walking with us deeper into the house.

"Welcome back, Bella. What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not a purely social visit?" I could see the relief in his face, but his thoughts said more.

I knew it would work out in the end for him, I knew it had to. Coming back was good, it was what needed to be done. We should not have left in the first place. For his sake, and hers.

Bella smiled at him and nodded, "I'd like to talk to everyone at once, if that's okay. About something important." She glanced at me, and Carlisle looked too.

"Of course, why don't we talk in the other room." He guided us towards the dining room, and held out a chair for Bella at the head. I took a seat on her left, and Carlisle on her right. The rest of my family filed in, Alice was already grinning like a circus clown, practically screaming.

Knew it would happen someday. How could we not take her. Told you Edward, it had to happen. One or the other. And this one is much better.

Esme, Emmet, Jasper, and Rosalie all took seats around the table, and Carlisle spoke, "The floor is yours." Bella swallowed before beginning her speech, like a well prepared politician.

"Well, I'm hoping Alice has already told you everything that happened in Volterra?" she glanced uneasily at the smallest vampire at the table.

"Everything,"

"And on the way?"

"That, too," Alice lightly reminded me of the promise she had made to Bella, to change her herself. I suppressed a tiny growl.

"Good, Then we're all on the same page. So I have a problem, Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's a bad thing – something to avoid. And now this involves you all. I'm sorry about that." She looked to me, and I frowned disapprovingly. "But, if you don't want me, then I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not."

Esme began to speak, but Bella held up a hand. "Please, let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too. I think they only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote. If you decide you don't want me… then I guess I'll go to Italy alone. I can't have them coming here."

I growled at what her plans were. Did she think I would honestly let her go? Did she see any way that I could possibly let her out of my sight if that was what she was thinking?

"Taking into account then, that I won't put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire." She gestured to Carlisle to make the first vote, but I interjected.

"Just a minute," Bella glared at me with the tiger kitten anger she seemed to think was frightening, I took her hand and squeezed it. "I have something to add before we vote," I looked at my family, taking their complete attention. "About the danger Bella's referring to, I don't think we need to be overly anxious."

Their thoughts all came at me loudly, What the hell are you thinking Edward? Were you not present in Volterra when Caius clearly said that they would kill her, and us too?

Edward, what are you thinking? You know how powerful they are, we cannot anger them, and you must not let Bella go.

Are we gonna fight? Huh? We gonna kick some Italian ass?

Edward, there's no way to go up against them. It will be so much easier to just change her, and then you can have her forever too, it's not that hard. Just do the deed, bro.

Bella didn't seem to notice the change in atmosphere, "You see, there was more than one reason why I didn't want to shaker Aro's hand there at the end. There's something they didn't think of, and I didn't want to clue them in."

"Which was?" Alice nodded in encouragement.

"The Volturi are overconfident, and with good reason. When they decide to find someone, its not really a problem. Do you remember Demetri?" I turned to Bella, and she shuddered.

"He finds people – that's his talent, why they keep him. Now the whole time we were with any of them, I was picking through their brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri's talent works. He's a tracker – a tracker a thousand times more gifted than James was. His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the … flavor? I don't know how to describe it … the tenor … of someone's mind, and then he follows that. It works over immense distances. But after Aro's little experiments… well…" I grinned and shrugged.

"You think he won't be able to find me." Bella finished more me.

"I'm sure of it. He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn't work with you, they'll all be blind."

"And how does that solve anything?" she glared at me, not quite seeing what I was getting at.

"Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they're planning a visit, and I'll hide you. They'll be helpless, It will be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack!"

Good one, Eddy, I like it.

"But they can find you," Bella said, being worried for the wrong reasons again.

"And I can take care of myself." I nodded once.

Emmett leaned across the table to knuckle punch my fist "Excellent plan, my brother,"

"No," Rosalie hissed.

"Absolutely not," Bella said angrily,

"Nice," Jasper turned the word into a hiss,

"Idiots," Alice muttered under her breath. Esme gave me the most disapproving look, that it made me look down, it reminded me vaguely of what my human mother had done, when she scolded me, how she'd looked at me.

"All right then, Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider. Let's vote." She turned to me first. "Do you want me to join your family?"

"Not that way, you're staying human." I said firmly. She nodded, and turned to Alice.

"Alice?"

"Yes," I wanted to kick her.

"Jasper?"

"Yes," I wanted to hit him upside the head.

"Rosalie?"

"No." Thank you, someone who has a small bit of sense. When Bella turned to Emmett, Rosalie stopped her, afraid to offend her more than she already had. "Let me explain, I don't mean that I have any aversion to you as a sister, It's just that… this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me," Bella nodded, and turned to Emmett again.

"Hell, yes! We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri," I wanted to tackle him to the floor and smack him. Bella turned to Esme,

"Yes, of course, Bella, I already think of you as part of my family," I couldn't think negatively about Esme, but this fourth yes ground on my nerves, and I could feel the edges of my cool façade falling over.

"Thank you, Esme," Bella said and turned to Carlisle. He turned to me.

"Edward,"

"No," I growled, even though I knew I'd already lost.

"It's the only way that makes sense, you've chosen not to live without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice." I took my hand from Bella's and walked out of the room, growling and hissing I stepped into the living room. I could hear Carlisle and Bella speaking behind me, but I just turned to the glass table with books, vases, and crystal figurines on it, swiping everything off of it in one motion, then kick a whole in the wall whilst I smashed the rest of the fragile table onto the wooden floor.

I could hear them still in the next room, and caught Bella's casual "Well, Alice, where do you want to do this?"

I ran back into the room, snarls erupting from my throat and a deep rumbling in my chest. I stood over Bella and yelled angrily "No! No! NO! Are you insane? Have you utterly lost your mind?" I shouted in her ears. She tried to back away, holding her hands over her head, and I realized that I was frightening her. I tried sucking in a deep breath to calm myself,

"Um, Bella, I don't think I'm ready for that, I need to prepare…"

"You promised," Bella looked around me.

"I know, but… seriously, Bella! I don't have any idea how not to kill you.

"You can do it, I trust you." I snarled, did she want Alice to suck her dry and leave her like a plastic snack rapper on the floor? "Carlisle?" Bella turned to my father figure. I grabbed her face in my hand, forcing her to look into my eyes. I held my other hand towards Carlisle.

"I am able to do it. You would be in no danger me losing control."

"Shoundsh goud" Bella tried to talk between my hands.

"Hold. On. It doesn't have to be now." I said firmly.

"Theresh no reashon for it nod do be now."

"I can think of a few."

"Of coursh you can. Now leb go ob me." I let go, and folded my arms across my chest.

"In about two hours, Charlie will be here looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police."

"All three of them." Bella frowned, but I could see that playing the Charlie card had been a good move.

"In the interest of remaining inconspicuous, I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house."

"That's a reasonable request, Bella," Carlisle said calmly.

"I'll consider it," Bella pursed her lips. I sighed and relaxed.

"I should probably take you home now. Just in case Charlie wakes up early."

Bella turned back to Carlisle, "After graduation?"

"You have my word." He vowed.

"Okay, you can take me home," she said, a tad been sour. And with that, I pulled her from the house in the woods filled with vampires, before any more of them could promise to destroy her perfect soul any further.