Okay so I lied. This isn't quite the end. As I was writing this chapter I wanted to cover a little bit of what happened after Jesse's death, to afford people with closure if they wanted to. I will let everyone know that I am in the midst of the 11th chapter and then there will be an epilogue. That should be right :) so please review to let me know that someone is reading because as much as I love writing Paul, I had a pretty crazy schedule so writing this is my hope to appease you guys and to a small extent, myself. Thank you :)

Chapter 10: Amalgamation

'If you could go back in time, what would you say to younger self?' That question was common placed in society. It offered an insight into what people's values and life lessons. Of course in most people's case, the question was purely theoretical. Philosophical mumbo jumbo.

Here I was, at the threshold, I would indeed be meeting my younger self and I was at a loss of what was appropriate. Paul Slater, the suave new teen kid in Carmel was just that: a kid. I was not here to sprout some inspirational words of wisdom. This trek back was as far as my humanity could extent but of course, there would be a conversational piece. It was inevitable.

After driving Suze to the hospital, I had come back to Slaski's mansion attempting to decipher a solution to our fuckup. The next morning I learnt that the hospital had pronounced Jesse dead and that ghostly Jesse had departed into the afterlife.

A week later, Susannah had come to me. Her black dress had offered her no comfort against the cold of Carmel's wintery night. Her psyche may have been immune to the weather but her physiology wasn't. Her arms were wrapped around her as she paced by porch, shaking like a leaf.

I had sensed her presence prior to her ringing the doorbell. I certainly had not expected her visit, certainly not at the ungodly hour on a Tuesday night. And yet there she was. Her green eyes were full of steam as she looked at me. I clearly caused her distress and I felt it after I had opened the door. My cheek vibrated with the force of her slap. I licked my lips in response.

BDSM was something I enjoyed although I had always retained the role of dominatrix, yet there was a perverted part of me that enjoyed the pain she had inflicted. And that night, I had felt her potency. She had pushed me and cried. I recalled a punch too and yet, it only aroused me further. There was a fine line between pleasure and pain after all.

Eventually I soothed her. As she cried into the sofa, I held her. My hands moving slowly down her spine. My lips caressing her collarbone and despite earning the title of 'most vile human being' for the next hour I had been her guide to sensual heaven. She was one of the few women that I had gone down on and fuck it was worth it to see her squirm. She was moaner; it had almost been too much given the pre-cum that had escaped.

Given her disclosure of the fact that she and Rico Suave had not sealed the deal, I had figured she was a virgin. Despite knowing the fact, it was fucking hard to be gentle after tasting the wet heat that had coated her pussy. She was so fucking tight and when I finally dived into that wet heat, it was beyond pleasurable. She had cried out when I first entered her. At 7 inches, I was pretty big and the fact that I had girth made it an even harder task and yet despite the pain, I ensured that there was pleasure for her.

After the first three minutes, she seemed to settle down slightly. I had paced my thrusts to be slow and after I had come, I had ensured that she did too, my fingers finding her clit, carefully circling it until she came with a force so potent that the pain of her devirginization had seemed distant.

From there, it had become a vicious cycle. I fucked Suze nearly every day, often thrice a day. Eventually, I had attained a prescription of birth control for her. In the heat of the moment, I didn't want to bother with contraceptives and fuck it made the whole thing explosive. If I thought her pussy was amazing with a condom, it was fucking incredible without one. I couldn't get enough of her. We had practically tried every position from doggy style to the cowgirl - with bondage when the need called for it. The latter position was my favourite as it afforded me the view and feel of her full perky tits swaying as she thrusted down on me.

The name calling always followed but my compulsion for her, to fuck her had overtaken my sense of dignity. A few years later, a sober thought had left an imprint in a very core part of my mind and I realized that my dependency was becoming rather addictive. So I moved far away, a whole continent away. For Suze, the fucking was simply a mechanism to forgot about him and I had realized how bloody pathetic I had become, desiring something more from her.

It was not what my 18-year-old-self had intended when I had taken on the path of time travel. My trip to the 19th century was suppose to alleviate Jesse De Silva from her life completely, leaving room for me but of course, it worked out to be the complete converse of my intention.

None of that mattered now of course because for all intents and purposes, the Paul of this time zone had never experienced the whole Susannah Simon. I was unsure how much of me would be retained but undoubtedly some part of me would exist within him.

- § -

It was odd to hear your own footsteps at a distance. To be in complete comprehensiveness of the mindset of the person you were set out to meet. His cautious steps indicated that he knew. He knew that there was an entity here to greet him but despite the research of my younger days, there was no way I could have suspected a greeting from myself.

Ever since the discovery of my shifter talents as a young teen, I had invested in the notion of drawing across realms beyond the earthly plane. As a shifter, tuning in my spiritualism was the key to self-preservation.

Grandpop had asked his nurse to take him to a hotel this evening. In my American uni years, I learnt that his senses across all the dimensions spaces were overwhelming powerful. He obviously had tuned in sufficiently to his instincts.

And therefore only my younger self and I governed this house at this point. He the human embodiment of me while I was literally the ghost of my 32-year-old self. I knew that he was plotting his next actions: entrapment, Shadowland or adding to his ghostly minion count. Of course, when he actually saw me embodiment, he would pause. I would have to convince him of my intentions.

With his hands in his pocket, he had entered the room his whistle replicating Quentin Tarintino's famous opening Kill Bill scene. He wanted to appear calm and in control. The mechanism had been relatively effective against various threats that I had come across.

Of course when he faced me, his blue eyes were quizzical. All he said was 'speak' and I did. For now, he simply wanted proof that I was him and so I spoke discussing not my current predicament but that of my past when I was age. His expression had suggested that he believed I was his future and yet, I knew that I had not yet earned his trust.

"Are you dead"

I couldn't help but laugh in response. To be honest, this territory was new and not particularly thrilling for me. I vaguely understood the alchemy and yet there were questions I still had. "Not quite buddy. My corporeal form dissipated when I shifted to this time dimension. I can't exactly embody my physical body in a zone where I technically already exist."

He didn't respond. Instead he just stood there observing me. Observations afforded an insight into the individual's thought process after all. I must admit that it was peculiar to see my younger self and observe my specific mannerism. To note my younger self clench of his fist in a gesture to remain in control.

"So why are you here?" he asked, his tone rather apprehensive.

I laughed in response. I wasn't sure how to answer his question. "You fucked up…with Suze and trust me buddy, that is a mistake that will fucking haunt you – I need to rectify it."

"And how exactly would you do that?" His question was founded. I could have gone into details regarding the Jack and his journal but I figured it was better to keep that to myself.

"By making Jesse corporeal of course."

He raised his eyebrows quizzically to my answer. "So you know the remedy to death huh?"

"Jesse's body is currently as a living breathing organism. His old soul exists somewhere within it but much of it is lost to the abyss. Humans are too unaware to survive dimensional travel with their soul completely intact so the body needs a new soul if it's to survive. His 21st century soul."

"And after all my efforts to win Suze, I will be providing her Rico Suave with a fucking beating heart. What the fuck makes you think I want that?" He was simmering with anger despite his calm undertone. His displeasure was inevitable of course. I could have lied but I knew that it would be ineffective. Manipulation and lie detection was a tactic that I had invested in well before my teen years.

"Right now, you may want her but trust me, she isn't worth it." My voice crackled as I said those words. Despite everything, I wanted to possess her, to make her mine and yet, it was not a possibility without my own self-destruction and that of my brother's.

As I had ventured back into this time zone, I vaguely hoped that the change that I made into Suze's life would result in a ripple positive effect for my brother at least. One which would result in him venturing into old age with kids and the whole nine yards.

"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't my interest. Your interest." The words were delivered as effectively as my arguments in court. It was aimed at convincing and given his nod, he seemed to agree. I may have hated myself but given our self-centered nature, he knew that I could never work towards my own demise.

"Okay", he said, his tone resigned, "What's do you need from me?"

"You need to let me in, to merge with you." He did not seem shocked. It probably would have been a logical conclusion after all, given our discussion.

He let out a small laugh. "You know that this is fucked right? I always protected myself but hell you want me to give you the right to possess me."

"Yeah, it's fucked but really that's not what's in question here. It was bitch to get here and really, it's not a fucking easy trek back, so either I stay here and annoy shit out of you for eternity or you let me do what I have to do and it's won't suck. And remember I know all your tricks."

"On one condition, you can't overtake me."

"Deal."