Loss

Repton held the lock of purple hair in his three-fingered hand and stared at it, even now, three days after the funeral, it was hard to believe that she was no more. She was, had been....he took a shuddering breath and inwardly berated himself.

'No, don't think of her in the past tense.'

She was the most precious thing in his life and now she was gone. The grief was suffocating him and his vital organs felt twisted in his body.

He replaced the lock of hair in the box and removed a hospital wrist band. He held it in the palm of his hand, it was small just like she had been, the date marked just a week shy of eight years ago today.

Luegey saw her fall, had been the first to see her lying lifeless on the ground.

Repton was at the other end of Bogaton when he got the call over his personal radio. He couldn't remember what he was doing at the time, not that it mattered now. He remembered Luegey being incoherent over the radio, but he could hear the obvious distress in his younger brother's voice and he could tell that it was a lot more serious than someone playing a cruel prank on him or picking on him.

He remembered walking into the clearing, confused by the looks of concern and pity the other raptors who were present gave him, and then seeing her lying there, her eyes open but unseeing, a small trickle of red running from her mouth, her hair and the rock beside her stained with her life's blood.

He had screamed then, oh how he had screamed, a loud wail of despair and agony, he fell to his knees beside her and gathered her in his arms, holding her close to him.

Starling's family had wanted her to be buried on Terra Mesa, but ultimately her final resting place was to be on Bogaton, the choice was not really up to them.

Repton hadn't cried for her, wasn't able to in fact. Raptor tear ducts served a purely practical purpose, the clearing away of debris from the eyes, they were unable to cry as a result of emotion distress however distressed they became. He wondered what it would be like if he could cry for her, would it make him feel any better, wash away some of his grief? There were times when he wished he could cry, now was one of them.

He looked up as Spitz entered the room and wordlessly sat down on the bed beside him. He put his arm around Repton's shoulder and sighed.

"Repton, I mith her too, we all do."

It was too much for Repton. He turned to his smaller brother and pulled him close to him, holding him tight. Spitz hugged him back, resting his head on his shoulder. It reminded Repton of when they were kids, they were both quick to comfort the other when some minor calamity befell one of them, falling off their hatchling-sized Bonewings when they were first learning to ride them, an older child shoving Repton into the dirt, countless other things from a childhood long past.

"Tho,' Spitz said, after they disengaged from the hug, 'How'th Tharling holding up?"

Repton knew that Spitz meant well, but the question irritated him to no end. He favoured Spitz with an annoyed glare.

"What sort of a question is that, how do you think she's holding up?"

"Thorry," Spitz said apologetically. "It'th juth that the'th locked herthelf your room for the path two dayth, you're the only one who'th theen her."

"Starling's fine, at least as fine as she can be considering the circumstances" Repton replied.

He really did not want to discuss his wife's pain with Spitz. They sat in silence for a few more minutes until they were interrupted by a voice from the doorway.

"Repton?"

He looked up to see Starling standing in the doorway. She was wearing a stained t-shirt and pyjama bottoms, her hair was scruffy and unkempt and her eyes were red and puffy from crying. He swallowed when he saw the small hunting bow clutched in her hands.

Spitz stood up and went to stand in front of her.

"Starling, I..." he began, but broke off, a dejected look on his face.

She responded by throwing her arms around his shoulders and crushing him against her. He tentatively put his arms around her and gave her an awkward hug back. She released him, placed a hand on his shoulder and pressed her forehead to his.

"Thank you" she whispered.

Spitz then stepped back, Starling's hand falling on his arm, she squeezed it before he left the room, leaving them alone.

Her eyes fell on the hospital wrist band and she gave a strangled gasp.

"Is that...?" she asked.

At Repton's nod, she went to him and, throwing her arms around him, buried her face into his chest. He enfolded her in his arms and buried his face in her hair, inhaling her scent and sharing her sorrow.

Yes, raptors may not be able to cry, but Starling could cry for both of them and for the moment that was good enough for him.

This fan fiction is unbetaed at present. If you find any mistakes please let me know and I will rectify them.