Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Title: I Think I Love Him
Author: MalachaiTheVulcan (Kai)
Rating: T is for Tribble. As in: "Chewbacca is a giant f***ing mutant Tribble."
Warning(s): slash guyxguy, language.
Genre: Drama / Romance
Character(s): Spock, Leonard "Bones" McCoy
Pairing(s): Spock/McCoy
Summary: Spock, during a fight with McCoy and Kirk, thinks about his relationship with McCoy, and makes a decision. S/Mc loveliness!
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I own nothing. Nothing, I tell you! BWAHAHA! ...But seriously, do I look like Gene Roddenberry to you?
Okay, long story short: I wrote this huge long Author's Note explaining why I wrote this fic, and when I went to save, the damn server logged me out. Pretty much, this idea was stolen from my ex-boyfriend-turned-friend David, who used to freaking love this song. For anyone who is curious, the song is "I Think I Love You" by David Cassidy (lol David likes David Cassidy). A great song, in my opinion. I had to put it on repeat in order to write this, though. But yeah, I was halfway through the fifth paragraph when the server crapped out, so I now have to start over. Damn you, FF-dot-net! But I show much appreciation to the fanfic gods for letting me start up an account on the website.
The pairing is Spock/McCoy, with a bit of thrown in. A bit of angst and fluff at the same time, but I'm sure no one will mind. I'll write the back story to the fight that Spock mentioned at some point (I actually have about half of the first chapter saved to my account, funnily enough), and this was actually supposed to come after that. The main story is in McCoy's POV, but I decided that this story would be in Spock's, as who doesn't love Spock?
Also, this is not Nimoy!Spock and Kelley!McCoy, it is the cast of the 2009 movie, meaning Quinto!Spock, and Urban!McCoy. I hate Chris Pine (the new Kirk) to no end, but I didn't mind William Shatner much in his early days, so if I make fun of Kirk a bit, that's just me. Sorry! xD
Nothing belongs to me. Star Trek belongs to the Roddenberry-meister, and the song is by David Cassidy, as previously stated.
I'm sleeping
And right in the middle of a good dream
Like all at once I wake up
From something that keeps knockin' at my brain.
Before I go insane I hold my pillow to my head
And spring up in my bed
Screaming out the words I dread:
"I think I love you!"
Spock sat up, frowning slightly. Something was wrong, and he wasn't sure what. He lay in his small bed silently, listening to the small creaks outside his door as various people on the night shift walked past his door to their respective stations, and he glanced at the small clock that Kirk had given him on their first day. 0200 hours. He had only been asleep for about three hours, and had just gotten off of a 9-hour shift, which he wasn't quite sure was legal. Spock sighed lightly, sitting up and slipping his feet over the side, rubbing his eyes to rid it of sleep, before standing and moving slowly into the WC, standing awkwardly as he studied himself in the mirror from under the bright lights.
He was young for a Starfleet member, that was sure enough. He was slightly slouched due to exhaustion, unlike his usually perfect posture, and his glossy black hair was sticking up in all directions like a bad wig. He had found, upon arriving on board the Enterprise, that the temperature settings in his quarters were temporarily out of order. Though they had offered to set him up in different quarters until it was fixed, Spock had refused, instead wearing several extra layers of clothing while in his room. In fact, he happened to be wearing a pair of old black sleep pants and a large beige sweater that his mother had given him. He detested the thing, though he'd never admit it, but it was the warmest garment he owned. He really hadn't expected his room to be so cold.
Spock ran a hairbrush through his hair quickly, smoothing it back down and splashing some water onto his face to wake himself up. It worked more than he'd expected, and next thing he knew, he was coughing and spluttering, trying to get the water out of his eyes and nose. He'd seen Amanda do it before, and it seemed to do the trick for her. But she wasn't a Vulcan, he supposed was the difference. She liked water, for whatever reason. All humans did. They swam in it, bathed in it, drank it...Sure, Spock drank water, but he hated the liquid when in excessive contact with it.
Grabbing a towel and drying off his face, Spock quickly bathed (or whatever they call it) and changed into his uniform, heading for the Sickbay, where he knew that McCoy was still at work. It had been three days since the fight with him and Kirk had begun, and none of the men were able to swallow their pride and apologize. He knew of the feelings that he was sure that McCoy was feeling, though he refused to let himself feel them himself: Anger, distrust, betrayal, and sadness, among many others. Spock himself felt slightly empty without being able to argue with his friend, to see him flare up in the passion of his anger, to be able to take out his anger on Spock, and actually cause the Vulcan to feel, though he didn't show it.
The truth hit Spock like a ton of bricks, causing him to stop suddenly in the hall, almost knocking down two young men carrying a large box of engineering equipment, and he leaned against the opposite wall, effectively getting out of the way. He had fallen for the doctor. It wasn't something he was proud of, but it was the truth. He was in love with the man's anger, with his personality, with his blue, blue eyes. And with McCoy himself. His own mind knew before he did, which was an odd occurrence. It had been telling him through encrypted dreams since he had met the good doctor, and he had chosen to ignore it, for that was the Vulcan way. And now, his human half was screaming at him to tell McCoy, and Spock stumbled back to his room, throwing himself down onto the bed and ignoring the biting cold around him. He would regret it in the morning, no doubt, but he needed to get out of this nightmare as soon as possible.
This morning
I woke up with this feeling
I didn't know how to deal with
And so I just decided to myself
I'd hide it to myself and never talk about it
And didn't I go and shout it
When you walked into my room.
"I think I love you!"
When Spock awoke the next morning, he found himself cold and wearing his uniform, curled up under the warm covers and shivering violently. He distinctly remembered waking up the night before, and as he felt himself return to the world of the conscious, he realized why he was in his uniform and not in his warm sleep clothes. He had made a discovery of his own that had sent everything he had learned as a child crashing into the dust. He felt...Human. It was an odd feeling, to be filled with emotion, but he found that it was hard to get back into the Vulcan mindset. He wanted to be happy, to feel McCoy nearby, to know that they were still friends. Or perhaps more, if he was lucky.
Spock sighed, forcing himself out of the emotional tyranny that he had caused himself, and back into his usual Vulcan mindset, re-brushing his hair and bathing quickly, changing into a fresh uniform and hurrying from the room, almost knocking down Scotty as he passed, and causing the Scotsman to remark loudly and indignantly. Upon arriving at the quarters of the only person he could think of to get advice from, he quickly hit the comm button, sighing in relief as the door opened immediately, revealing a tired-looking, shirt-less Captain Kirk.
"..Spock? What'choo want?"
"Captain, I regret to say this, but I need your advice on a very important matter."
"Fine...Come in, come in. I don't have all morning, Spock," Kirk said, and Spock nodded, entering the room. He raised an eyebrow as Kirk stumbled out of sight, only to return in his usual black top, running a hand through his hair and yawning widely. He gestured for the Vulcan to sit down, doing the same as he complied. "So, what can I do for you?"
"Captain, I think I have fallen for one of our fellow crewmen," said Spock distractedly, looking away from Kirk. There was a pause, and Spock could practically hear Kirk's grin through the silence. He felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked at the Captain carefully, only to prove himself correct in assessing that the man was, in fact, grinning madly, his dark eyes filled with glee.
"It's McCoy, isn't it?"
Spock froze, staring at the Captain. "How did you..?"
"Trust me, Spock. I'm more observant than I look. You may not realize it, but you always seem to be able to tell when McCoy has entered a room. And once he has, he has your undying attention. You argue with him, he jokes with you, and you tell him things you don't tell anyone else. I'm surprised that the crew hasn't come up with some hare-brained scheme to set you two up together yet. It would probably shut you two up considerably," said Kirk sagely, his grin fading to a knowing smile. Spock found himself flushing a dark green, and he looked away.
"I did not even realize that I had fallen for him until around oh-two-hundred hours this morning. I woke up, intending to go and apologize to the Doctor, only to stop halfway with the realization that I had fallen quite considerably for him," the Vulcan said, willing the color from his cheeks successfully. Damn it all. Why was he suddenly not in control of his emotions? Perhaps he should have contacted his father, Sarek, instead of Jim.
"Whoa, whoa," said Kirk, getting up and moving to stand in front of Spock, his expression shocked and furious. "You were going to apologize?! Why?! You didn't do anything wrong! It was all my fault, Spock! But I'm not apologizing until he apologizes to you."
"That is not necessary, Jim. I bear some responsibility, indeed. I knew about your affair with Ms. Darnell...I apologize, her name is Mrs. McCoy now, yes? Anyway, I knew, and did not wish to tell the good doctor about it, so as to effectively shield exactly this from happening, and to keep Doctor McCoy from being forced into some kind of emotional pain," replied Spock, noting that Jim's expression had gone from shocked and furious to just shocked as he spoke.
"You...knew?"
"Indeed. Thank you for your time, Captain," said Spock, getting to his feet. "This has been...a curious conversation, at the least."
"....No problem," said Jim distractedly, sitting down on the bed. He didn't speak again until Spock was almost out the door. "Oh, and Spock?" he called, causing the Vulcan to turn. "I'd tell him, if I were you."
Spock paused, raising an eyebrow, and Jim could have sworn that he saw a flicker of a smile on the Vulcan's face just before the door closed. No, that couldn't be true, he decided nonetheless. Vulcans don't smile. Then again...Vulcans don't do a lot of things.
I think I love you.
So what am I so afraid of?
I'm afraid that I'm not sure of
A love there is no cure for.
I think I love you.
Isn't that what life is made of?
Though it worries me to say
I've never felt this way.
"Doctor?" called Spock as he entered Sickbay calmly. He noticed the young nurse, Christine Chapel, ogling him from across the Sickbay, and approached her, one pointed eyebrow raised elegantly. "Hello. Nurse Chapel, is it not? Would you happen to know the location of Doctor McCoy?"
Chapel nodded quickly, her child-like face lighting up as she pointed in the general direction of McCoy's office. Spock nodded, thanking her briefly, before entering the room, only to find McCoy drinking a glass of what looked like Romulan ale as he sat behind his desk with a somewhat confused look on his face. He looked up as Spock entered, suddenly angry.
"What do you want? Come to apologize?" he asked angrily, but Spock could hear the halfheartedness of his voice.
"Yes, actually. I realize that I should not have kept your wife's affair a secret from you. It was illogical and unkind of me. I realize now that I was only drawing out how much it would hurt you," he said sincerely, and McCoy stared at him, before nodding hesitantly. "But I was wondering if I could talk to you about something more serious, and I do hope you will not judge me for what I am about to tell you, Doctor."
McCoy scowled, leaning back in his chair as he watched Spock struggle to find the right words to use. "Well? Out with it, man!"
"I think I love you, Doctor."
I don't know what I'm up against.
I don't know what it's all about.
I got so much to think about.
Hey, I think I love you.
So what am I so afraid of?
I'm afraid that I'm not sure of
A love there is no cure for.
It took a full five minutes for Spock to get McCoy to speak, and when he did, he immediately felt the doctor's blue, blue eyes staring into his possessively, almost happily. The man stood up, a sudden grin on his face. "Alright, go on, pull the other one."
Spock blinked, confused by the doctor's reaction. "Excuse me, Doctor? I am unfamiliar with that particular phrase."
"It means to stop joking, Spock," said McCoy, downing the rest of his light blue drink and standing up, frowning at Spock, who now had adopted the look of a very sad teddy bear. With pointy ears. Speaking of teddy bears--
"I assure you that I am in no way joking, Doctor. I seem to have fallen quite in love with you. Even the crew knew about it," said Spock, his expression remaining neutral throughout the entire spiel, though his voice had a twinge of hurt and amusement in it. He couldn't help it, truthfully. He moved towards McCoy, his expression still as neutral as before. "It was suggested that I tell you of my affections, even if you did not return them, as it would ease my mind. And truth be told, it has done just that. I understand if you do not wish my to bring this up again, but I must really get to my post."
As the Vulcan turned to leave, he felt the man's hand grab his wrist, and he turned back slowly, one eyebrow raised, only to have his lips claimed by the other man. It was an unfamiliar gesture, and human in origin he knew for sure, but not unwelcome, he decided as he melted into the kiss, only to have the doctor's arms snake around his waist possessively, and Spock would have grinned if his heritage would have allowed it. Instead, he made a slightly purring sound, taking control by pushing the doctor back against his desk and causing the man to moan lightly as his leg brushed lightly against the growing bulge in his trousers. If anyone had walked in at that moment, Spock knew that neither man would be allowed to live this down. But strangely, he didn't care.
I think I love you.
Isn't that what life is made of?
Though it worries me to say
I've never felt this way.
"Doctor?" croaked Spock when they finally pulled away, his voice hoarse from slight disuse. He stared down into the face of the man he'd loved for so long without realizing it, trying to continue to remain neutral as his human side tried desperately to get him to kiss the other man again, while on the outside he was as stoic as possible. The doctor stared up at Spock, a look of wonder on his face, before he pulled away, pouring himself another glass of Romulan ale.
"I'm getting a divorce from Jocelyn. I just talked to her. She agreed that it was for the best..." said McCoy, trailing off. Spock approached him once more, his eyebrow raised once more. McCoy turned to look at Spock, his expression a mix of happiness and sadness. "She's pregnant, Spock."
"Is this not a good thing? You shall have a child," said Spock, head cocking slightly to the left, before he paused. "Ah. I see. You will be unable to raise the child, as it will be your wife's responsibility by this time."
"Yeah," said McCoy, downing his drink and looking up at Spock suddenly, his eyes wide. "Oh God, you don't think I'm usin' you, do you, Spock? I mean, as a way out? I know you're a green-blooded, pointy-eared hobgoblin and everything, but...I don't want you to think I don't return your feelings, Spock. I really do care for you."
Spock placed a hand on the doctor's shoulder gently, his face returning to neutrality. "I know this, Doctor--"
"Leonard."
"Excuse me?" asked Spock, raising an eyebrow once more. McCoy shook his head, laughing lightly.
"My name is Leonard, Spock. I'm pretty sure this goes with all civilizations, but you're supposed to call a person by their first name when you're involved with them. You know, romantically? Oh, wait. I forgot. You're a Vulcan, and that would be 'illogical', right?" he asked jokingly, and Spock had the sudden urge to laugh at his ability to make any situation humorous.
"Quite the opposite, actually. I am simply more used to calling you by your title," said Spock, causing McCoy to laugh again. "...Leonard. But under any circumstances, I do hope you realize what you are getting yourself into. Vulcans choose their relationships very selectively, if they are permitted to choose at all, and the fact that I am intent on choosing you is going to cause some controversy, should we decide to go public."
McCoy paused, looking away and leaning against the desk, nodding slowly. "I know that, Spock...Listen, how about we meet for dinner tonight, and discuss this further? Say, around 1900 hours? You did say you had to leave."
Spock nodded, hesitating before kissing McCoy gently on the cheek, heading for the door. "1900 hours it is, then. I look forward to it, Leonard."
Believe me,
You really don't have to worry.
I only want to make you happy
And if you say,
"Hey, go away," I will, but I think better still
I'd better stay around and love you.
Do you think I have a case?
Let me ask you to your face:
Do you think you love me?
McCoy approached Spock's door silently, frowning lightly and pulling at his collar, obviously very nervous. He pressed the comm button, and the door opened, allowing him to enter. As he did so, he felt the area around him grow considerably warmer, and he smiled. Obviously, Spock had scared Scotty into finally fixing the temperature controls in his room, as it was considerably warmer than the rest of the ship. He looked around, searching for Spock, only to see the light in the WC on, and Spock himself stepped out moments later.
"Tonk-peh," said Spock calmly, and McCoy raised an eyebrow at the Vulcan's switch to his native language. He smiled lightly, holding up the hand gesture he'd seen the Vulcans do before, which he'd been practicing to perfection all day, just in case.
"Live long and prosper, old friend," he said with a light laugh, and Spock approached him, looking strangely stunning (in McCoy's eyes) in his uniform. He silently stood, studying his new found love with a sort of awe. He stepped forward, closing the distance between himself and the Vulcan with a light kiss, pulling away slowly and smiling as Spock pulled him back in for another, letting out the same happy purr-like noise he had sworn he could have heard earlier. Reluctantly, he pulled away again, smirking at the raised eyebrow this caused from the Vulcan. "I think we agreed something about dinner?"
Spock could have laughed. Really, was food all that McCoy thought about? He pulled back, crossing the room and picking up a plate from the table he had Chekov set up (the young Russian was easily intimidated. Spock hadn't even had to try) in the corner, and holding it out to McCoy. McCoy laughed aloud, taking the plate and moving to sit at the table, where Spock had just moved to sit down himself. They ate in silence, neither looking away from the other for once second until Spock accidentally stabbed himself in the palm with his fork while focused on something else. Somehow, this managed to make McCoy burst out laughing, Spock fighting the urge to do the same as he inspected the wound to make sure it was not infected and wasn't too bad. Happily, it wasn't.
"Listen," gasped McCoy as his roaring laughter died down, looking back at Spock with steady blue eyes. "You wanted to talk about this, right? Explain what I am 'getting myself into', I think you said?"
Spock looked back at McCoy, his eyes steadily focusing on the electric blue irises of his intended. "Of course. Doctor, I suppose you know of the Vulcan pon farr, do you not?" This question was met with a nod from the Doctor, allowed Spock to continue. "It is considered to be a very private matter within Vulcan society, so much so that only a handful of Starfleet doctors have ever handled it. Amongst themselves, Vulcans find it inappropriate to involve themselves with another's pon farr. During pon farr, adult Vulcans undergo a neurochemical imbalance, that takes on a form of madness. A Vulcan could die within eight days if their pon farr isn't satiated. Vulcan males experience pon farr every seven years of their adult life. In rare instances, the imbalance during pon farr can be transferred to other species via a telepathic mating bond. Do you see what I am getting at, Doctor...Leonard?"
"I think so...So, if I want to be involved with you...I have to be prepared to deal with this pon farr, right?" asked McCoy, and Spock nodded. "Well...How would I do that?"
"If you must know, Leonard...Should Ambassador Sarek allow it, you would be allowed to bond your mind with mine in the before-mentioned "telepathic mating bond". It would greatly ease any doubts either of us would have, I daresay, and I believe Sarek would allow it, so as to allow him to finally have a new way to have distaste with me," he said, speaking carefully and clearly. McCoy grinned, moving closer to him.
"This mating bond...Would it technically count as marriage?"
"I suppose so. And it would anull any previous engagements, due to the new laws created after my father and mother appealed to Grand Councilwoman T'Pol about it. She apparently has a soft spot for inter-species couplings."
McCoy grinned. "Sounds perfect. Do we have to go to Vulcan, or...?"
"I am afraid so. I will speak to the Captain and my father about it, and hopefully we can be there as soon as possible," said Spock calmly, only to have McCoy lunge forward and hug him. He stiffened, raising an eyebrow. "Erm...Leonard?"
"Yes?"
"Why are you hugging me?"
"It's a silly little emotion called love, Spock. Ever head of it?" asked McCoy, pulling back and staring him in the eye, only to have Spock smile.
"I believe so, yes."
I think I love you.
Oh, I think I love you.
Oh, I think I love you.
Oh, I think I love you.
Oh, I think I love you.
Oh, I think I love you.
Oh, I think I love you.
Oh, I think I love you.
Oh, I think I love you.
Note: Oh, the AU of this story. It is fascinating, isn't it? I think Spock was a bit OOC, but it's my story. I'll do whatever I freakin' want with him. I could even have him do the Macarena on top of the warp engine. Not that Scotty would stop him. He'd be playing Naked Twister with Uhura. Long live James Doohan!
Anyway. In this universe, McCoy married Jocelyn Darnell right before Starfleet, and she cheated on him with Kirk, not that Treadway bloke. Also, T'Pol is the Grand Councilwoman of Vulcan. Because I say so... T'Pau? Who is this T'Pau of whom you speak? xD And in my universe, T'Pol was also the only reason Sarek was allowed to marry Amanda. But, yeah. Read, review, and have fun doin' it. Live long and prosper, biotches!