I know I really shouldn't be starting a new story when I've still got ones to finish, but I'm ill and I'm bored and I need to cheer myself up! It's too close to both my birthday and Christmas for me to be ill!!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Boosh. If I did, Party would have ended very differently…

"Fuck off, Howard." Vince snapped irritably.

"Believe me, I would love nothing better than to 'fuck off' and get the hell away from you, but I promised Naboo I'd baby-sit you whilst we were collecting new stock."

"I'm a fucking adult!"

"Act like one then."

"Twat."

"Whore."

Vince shot Howard a death-glare, and Howard smiled ironically back at him, his eyes glinting with cold resentment. It had been like this for months now. What had started off as friendly banter had mutated and become hurled insults and cheap stunts designed to humiliate the other in public. Vince honestly couldn't remember a time when he and Howard had genuinely been friends. How could he ever have actually liked the stupid old freak? The only reason they still lived together was because Howard refused to move out, and Vince didn't see why he should be the one to move. After all, Naboo and Bollo were his friends too, more so than they were Howard's actually, and he liked living with the shaman and his familiar.

"You shouldn't argue like that you know." Came a voice from one of the vendors at the market. Vince spun round.

"I don't see why that's your business!"

The old man who had spoken shrugged. "I think it is. You shouldn't be so cruel to friends."

"He is not my friend!" both replied at the same time, glaring at each other. The old man looked between the two of them and smiled.

"But you were once, yes?"

"A long time ago." Howard snorted, "Back when Vince was a human being rather than a bitch."

"Fuck off; I'm still the same person. You've just changed into some sad old freak. You don't understand me anymore, because I'm still normal!"

"Normal? You?" Howard laughed cruelly and Vince clenched his fists like he wanted to hit him.

The old man's smile grew. "Would you like a drink?"

Howard opened his mouth to say no, but then found himself suddenly incredibly thirsty, as if he'd not had a drink in days. "Thank you."

He handed them both a cup of pink liquid and they drank it quickly. It tasted like nothing Howard had ever tried before, it was sweet and tasted faintly of strawberry and strongly of something Howard couldn't identify yet at the same time tasted incredibly familiar.

"You can only understand each other again when you understand yourselves."

Vince wiped his mouth. "Whatever mate. Cheers for the drink." he turned to Howard. "Get a move on then, I've got stuff to be getting on with I can't spend all day with you."

"'Things to be getting on with'? What, like watching kids telly?"

"Even that's more interesting than your sad excuse for a life. When was the last time you spoke to a friend again Howard? Oh yeah - never."

Howard woke next morning with a blinding headache. He sat up and groaned softly, wondering what the hell he'd done yesterday which could explain this. He knew he hadn't gotten drunk so it couldn't be a hangover…he hoped he wasn't sick. Knowing Vince he'd probably assume Howard had done it on purpose to annoy him. The little poof really did think the world revolved around him, and that no-one did anything without thinking about how it would affect Vince fucking Noir. Well Howard Moon had better things to think about, yes sir! It had been a long time since he'd cared what Vince thought. Or at least since he'd cared about Vince's approval.

He climbed out of bed, only the floor seemed further away than normal and he stumbled, almost falling. Well, that wasn't normal. Maybe he really was sick. Bugger.

Howard staggered to the bathroom and turned on the shower, stripping off and standing beneath the warm water.

When had this happened? It seemed like only yesterday that Vince was a sweet kid who wanted nothing more than to care for animals and respected Howard like he was a figure of wisdom. When had he turned into this vile, shallow, evil, twisted mess of a man? Howard couldn't pinpoint the time, looking back now all he could see was who Vince was now. Even most of his memories of the zoo involved Vince being a twat - smashing up his jazz records when he'd died, coercing him into boxing that kangaroo, rubbing it in his face when he got that book deal…maybe he'd never been a sweet kid. It had just taken Howard a long time to see that his soul was as black as his name.

He set about washing his hair, closing his eyes against the shampoo dripping down his face, and noted vaguely that there seemed to be more of it than he was used to. He really needed a hair cut. Since Vince had stopped his 'midnight barber' escapades, Howard had noticed his hair getting longer. He'd book an appointment at the barbers for later that day.

Getting out of the shower, he rubbed his face with the towel to dry the water out of his eyes. Pulling it away he glanced into the bathroom mirror and froze.

He turned around slowly, as if expecting to see Vince grinning cruelly in the corner delighting in his joke, but there was no-one there. Turning back to the mirror Howard rubbed his eyes, but the reflection remained the same. He reached up a shaking hand and felt his face, fingers ghosting over the unfamiliar sharp cheekbones, the larger than normal nose.

Then Howard screamed.

Vince jolted awake, heart pounding. He was sure he'd just heard someone scream. Although now he came to think about it, that might have been a dream. After all, it had sounded sort of like him…

"What is it, what's wrong?" he heard Naboo saying. "Open the door, it can't be that bad!"

He rolled his eyes and tumbled out of bed. What the hell had Howard done this time? He wrenched open the bedroom door and stuck his head out, squinting in the sudden light.

"What the hell's going on? Some of us are trying to sleep!"

"Something's the matter with Vince. He's locked himself in the bathroom."

"Oh, right." Vince retreated back into the bedroom and closed the door, then paused. A frown appeared on his face as he processed what Naboo had just said. He went back out into the hall. "Hold on, no, you've lost me. I don't have a problem!"

Naboo looked at him like he had just drooled. "So?"

"But you said…" Vince reached up and ran a hand through his hair, then felt his heart almost stop. His hair had gone! Not completely, he wasn't bald or anything, but it felt thin and a lot shorter than he was used to.

Panic welled up inside him. What would people think? What would they say…and why hadn't Naboo said anything? A nasty thought sprang into Vince's mind, and for the first time that morning he looked down at his body. He blinked a few times, then brought a hand up to his face, feeling stubble and a moustache which was definitely too thick to account for one night's growth…and he had a northern accent, Vince realised suddenly with a jolt. He hadn't registered before, but he did. Oh shit. Oh fuck. Vince suddenly realised what had happened and felt a jolt of fear run down his spine. Pushing past Naboo he knocked loudly on the door.

"Open the door, Howard. It's me - it's Vince."

He glanced at Naboo, who was watching him like he was a crazy person. The lock clicked open and the bathroom door opened. Vince swore loudly at the sight of his own body clad in a dressing gown staring back at him. The two regarded each other with slightly frightened eyes, and then simultaneously turned to look at Naboo.

"Naboo…" Howard said, licking his lips nervously. "What the hell's going on?"

"I really wish I knew." he replied faintly, wondering if his flatmates had lost their minds and quickly drafting an advert for new ones in his head.

Just in case.

I've always thought about writing one of these and I had a dream about this last night (I cant remember it, so it was probably nothing like this story, but I have a vague recollection it was something to do with them switching places…I think…)

Reviews make me happy!